Blonde One-Liners

Dumb Blonde One-Liners...

Yes, much of this is admittedly in bad taste - some even blatantly misogynistic - so return to the Random Silliness Page if you're in danger of being offended while you still have the chance.

She was so blonde that...

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She tripped over the cordless phone.

She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind.

She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

When she heard that 90% of all crimes happened around the home, she moved.

she studied for a blood test

she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train"

she sold the car for gas money

when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead

when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," so she turned around and went home

when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved

she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company

she thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless

she thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening

she had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front"

	Q: What does a blonde do when she wakes up in the morning? A: Picks her clothes up of my floor and calls a cab!
	Q: Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theater? A: They went to see 'Closed for Winter'.
	Q: What do you call a blonde with pigtails? A: A blowjob with handlebars.
	Q: What's the definition of eternity? A: 4 blondes at a 4-way stop.
	Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? A: "This Goes In Front."
	Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted!
	Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: Alone.
	Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant.
	Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
	Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence.
	Q: How does a blonde part her hair? A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart) A2: By doing the splits.
	Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
	Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? A: Nothing. They've never met.
	Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
	Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? A: After a dye job.
	Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? A1: She'd just dyed her hair. A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
	Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
	Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicapped zone.
	Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement? A: An IN-body experience!
	Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: Once they're on their backs, they're screwed.
	Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common? A: Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.
	Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? A: Humpme Dumpme.
	Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.
	Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them.
	Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? A: There's white-out on the screen.
	Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? A: There's writing on the white-out.
	Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common? A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
	Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer? A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
	Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
	Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
	Q: How do blondes pierce their ears? A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
	Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello? A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
	Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head? A: All you can eat, under a buck.
	Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
	Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas? A1: They can't find the zipper. A2: They cant find the pull tab.
	Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings? A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
	Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings? A: To put their feet through.
	Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles.
	Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick? A: Because red means stop.
	Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick? A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
	Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator? A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
	Q: Why do blondes wear underwear? A: They make good ankle warmers.
	Q: What do blondes do for foreplay? A: Remove their underwear.
	Q: What's the mating call of the blonde? A: "I'm sooo drunk!"
	Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde? A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
	Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing? A: She was run over by the Zamboni machine.
	Q: What's a brunette's mating call? A: Has that blonde gone yet? A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!? A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"
	Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs? A: Because they can spell it.
	Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? A: Toes Go In First.
	Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? A: Tits Go In Front.
	Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? A: An interpreter.
	Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A: A mental block.
	Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
	Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in? A: "Have another beer."
	Q: What do blondes do with their assholes in the morning? A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
	Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? A1: Introduces herself. A2: Walks home.
	Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? A: Opens the car door.
	Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex? A: Kick open the car door.
	Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering? A: More head room.
	Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? A: More leg room.
	Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde? A: Bucket seats.
	Q: What do blondes say after sex? A1: "Thanks, Guys!" A2: "Are you boys all in the same band?" A3: Do you guys all play for the <team name>? A4: Who were all those guys?
	Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob? A: Because everybody gets a turn.
	Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks? A: Because she's been laid all over the country.
	Q: What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex? A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
	Q: Why do blondes have orgasms? A: So they know when to stop having sex!
	Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? A1: She drops her nail-file! A2: Who cares? A3: She says, "Next". A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder. A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes. A6: I mean, who really cares? A7: The batteries have run out.
	Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? A: "Thanks for the refill!"
	Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? A: Data transfer.
	Q: Why do blondes use tampons with extra long strings? A: So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.
	Q: How can you tell when a blonde waitress is having a bad day? A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
	Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ? A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
	Q: Why do blondes have more fun? A1: Because they don't know any better. A2: They are easier to keep amused.
	Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? A1: "What's a lightbulb?" A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
	Q: What's a blonde's favorite wine? A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
	Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes? A: A whine cellar.
	Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes? A: Peroxide.
	Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes? A: They're doing research on black holes.
	Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common? A1: They both have a black box. A2: Both have a cockpit.
	Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747? A: Not everyone has been in a 747.
	Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine? A: Not everybody has been in a limo.
	Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth? A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
	Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? A: "Are you sure it's mine?"
	Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel.
	Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? A: A dope ring.
	Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? A1: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
	A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
	Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? A: To see what was on the other side.
	Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
	Q: Why do blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is.
	Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill? A: Because it kept falling out.
	Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first? A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
	Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease? A: Her IQ goes up!
	Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde? A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
	Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche? A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
	Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush? A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
	Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde? A: Butter is more difficult to spread.
	Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball. A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball. A3: There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke. A4: You don't eat your bowling ball
	Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common? A: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
	Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"? A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
	Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
	Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy? A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
	Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York? A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
	Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde? A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.
	Q: What do blondes and cow-patties have in common? A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
	Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
	Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up.
	Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have in common? A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
	Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common? A: They both have black roots.
	Q: How do you drown a blonde? A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. A2: Don't tell her to swallow. A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
	Q: Why do blondes have square boobs? A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
	Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies? A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties. A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit. A3: Two...one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.
	Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping? A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
	Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date? A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
	Q: What's the blonde's cheer? A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
	Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts? A: Change.
	Q: How does a blonde moonwalk? A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!
	Q: Why do blondes find it difficult to marry? A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex!
	Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla? A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.
	Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
	Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: She threw it off a cliff.
	Q: How does a blonde kill a fish? A: She drowns it.
	Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
	Q: How does a blonde high-5? A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
	Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours? A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
	Q: Why do blondes have legs? A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground. A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen. A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
	Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home? A: It took her that long to discover that a 14-inch Viking was a television.
	Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina? A1: The blonde! A2: The other guys waiting their turn.
	Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? A: Flattered.
	Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives? A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".
	Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by "the fuzz"? A: "No. But I've been swung around by the tits."
	Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? A: Frosted Flakes.
	Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9? A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
	Q: What's the difference between a blonde having her period and a terrorist? A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
	Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
	Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow? A1: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits. A2: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
	Q: Why don't blondes breast feed? A: Because they always burn their nipples when they boil them.
	Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian? A: She kept having affairs with men!
	Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails? A: To cover up the valve stem.
	Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra? A: Spot.
	Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A: A Space Invader.
	Q: What's a blondes' favorite rock group? A: Air Supply.
	Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes? A: The back of her head.
	Q: Why do blondes drive VW's? A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!
	Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings? A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!
	Q: Why did God create blondes? A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
	Q: Why did God create brunettes? A: Neither could the blondes.
	Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? A: Branch Manager.
	Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree.
	Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon. A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
	Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A1: So brunettes can remember them. A2: Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit. A3: So men can understand them.
	Q: What do you call a smart blonde? A1: A golden retriever. A2: A labrador. A3: An indicator of a really bad hangover.
	Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words? A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
	Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute? A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
	Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle? A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.
	Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period? A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?
	Q: Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"? A: She liked to be filled with cream.
	Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist? A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
	Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes? A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
	Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor? A: By the ears.
	Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
	Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy? A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.
	Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? A: Proofreading.
	Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? A: For throwing out the W's.
	Q: Why did the blonde try to steal a police car? A: She saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.
	Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet? A: Last year's hide and seek champ.
	Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies? A: One's a bunch a cunning runts.
	Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez/Panama Canal? A: One's a busy ditch.
	Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster? A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."
	Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley? A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
	Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job? A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
	Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.

Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?

	A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
	The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
	The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?: A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you?: A: "Is it mine?"
Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?: A: An air bag.
Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?: A: Cause she blows the horn!
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?: A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?: A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: What is happening when you hear varoom...screech, varoom...screech, varoom...screech.....?: A: A blonde trying to drive through an intersection with a flashing red light.
Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?: A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?: A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?: A: By the buckle print on her forehead.
Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?: A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead.
Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?: A: She can't say "No".
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?: A: A visitor.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?: A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?: A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?: A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?: A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.
Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?: A: The Air Pump!
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?: A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?: A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?: A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?: A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?; A2: I don't know.; R: Neither did she.
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?: A: She missed.
Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?: A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.
Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?: A: An air bag.
Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?: A: It's too hard to re-train them.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?: A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?: A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?: A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?: A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?: A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?: A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.; A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.
Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?: A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?: A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?: A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: How do you plant dope?: A: Bury a blonde.
Q: Why did god give blondes 2% more brains than horses?: A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?: A: Wave to her.
Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?: A: And I thought blondes were dumb!
Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?: A: A know-it-all bitch.
Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?: A: One's a phony buck.
Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?: A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?: A: One that never misses a period.
Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?: A: An Italian suppository.
Q: Why don't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?: A: Because the vacuum in her head keeps them in place.
Q: What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jell-o?: A: Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?: A1: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.; A2: Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it gets blood.
Q: Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?: A: She was having sunny periods.
Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?: A: Her feet!
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?: A: When she farts, her knees bag.
Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?: A: Marriage.
Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?: A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?: A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: How do you paralyze a blonde from the neck down?: A: Marry her.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?: A: The cow fell on her.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?: A: Bobbing for french fries.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?: A: She has a checkbook.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?: A: There is a stamp on it.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?: A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?: A: Lipstick.
Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?: A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes??: A: Because they can understand them.
Q: Why do blondes like lightning?: A: They think someone is taking their picture.
Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?: A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?: A: From eating with forks.
Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?: A: From dating blonde men.
Q: Why do blondes wear tampons?: A: Because crabs like Bungee Jumping too.
Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ?: A: Wishful Thinking.
Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?: A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?: A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?: A1: They can't remember the number.; A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?: A: Reservations.
Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?: A: Air bubbles.
Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?: A: An air mattress.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blonde in a BMW?: A: Divorcee'
Q: What do you call a hooker and four blondes?: A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?: A: What, what?
Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?: A: A brain tumor.
Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?: A: Two brunettes.

Q: What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common?; A: They both got fucked by 10 men while on holiday.
Q2: What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?; A: He knows who the ten men were.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?: A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?: A: Too many blondes were drowning.
Q: Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?: A: They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?: A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?: A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?: A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?: A: Because she loved children.
Q: If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, who would die first?: A: The brunette -- because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?: A: Grade 4.
Q: What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?: A: Third Grade.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?: A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?: A: 144 blondes.
Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blondes?: A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...
Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?:
"Fun fun fun worry worry worry": A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?: A: It swells at night.
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?": A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.: A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?: A: Locking the car door.
Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?: A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?: A: She moved.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?: A: A blonde parade.
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?: A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?: A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?: A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?: A: Blow in her ear.
Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?: A: To keep her ankles warm.; A2: To keep her neck warm
Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?: A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.
Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?: A: Way to go team!
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?: A: By the chipped tooth.
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?: A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?: A: To keep from bruising their ears.
Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?: A: So guys will talk to them at parties.
Q: What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle?: A: Rebel without a clue.
Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE WITH A RUNNY NOSE?: A: Full.

Q: WHY DON'T BLONDES BREASTFEED THEIR BABIES?: A: It hurts too much when they boil their nipples.
Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?": A: "No, I just lie there."
Q: What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?: A: "Thanks, guys..."
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?: A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: What did Jimmy Swaggart pay for his prostitute and her four blonde friends?: A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?: A: "Space. The final frontier......"
Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team?: A: Just One... Boomer Esiason.
Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?: A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
Q: What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?: A: You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?: A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?: A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?: A: A thought.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?: A: One.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?

A: She didn't know what ONE came first...

Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?

A1: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
A2: Their mothers told them not with their mouths full.

Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?: A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp?: A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.
Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?: A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.

Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes with yeast infections?: A: A whine and cheese party!
Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers license ?: A: She wasn't used to the front seat!
(Visual Joke)
Q: What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time?: A: "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions)
Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?: A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?: A: The vegetable garden.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?: A: One.
Q: What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde and a Schwinn at the side of the road?: A: One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . .
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?: A: She liked kids...
Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagen?: A: Far-from-thinkin
Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?: A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing school?: A: She was doing great until she found out she would have to perform the Hymenlick Maneuver.
Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?: A: She missed the Earth!
Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?: A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant?: A: She sneezes.
Q: What did the dumb blonde say when told that "Scheherezade" was composed by Rimsky-Korsakov ?: A: "Why'd his mom choose to call him Rimsky of all names ?!!?"
Q: What did the Blonde get on her A.C.T.?: A: Nail polish!
Q: What's the fastest way to get a blonde pregnant?: A: Take her to the petting zoo.
Q: How do you get a blonde to climb on the roof?: A: Tell her that the drinks are on the house
Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?: A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?: A: A vacant possession.
Q: What did the blonde's dentist find?: A: Teeth in the cavity.
Q: What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?: A: She's trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: What does a car fatality and a blonde have in common?: A: Put either in a car and their fucked.
Q: What is a blonde's idea of safe sex?: A: A padded dash.
Q: Why do blondes use white-out on their computer screens?: A: They couldn't find their eraser.
Q: What is the most difficult thing to teach a blonde?: A: To count to twenty-eight. (Cycle of a period).
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?: A: Run like hell...she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?: A: She wanted to see the geese because she heard honking!
Q: Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?: A: She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.

Q: How do you know whether or not the blonde you slept with last night gave you a good blow-job?: A: The sheets are sucked up your ass.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?: A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children? A: Because she read that one child out of every four born was Chinese. Q: Why was the blonde angry after she finally got her license? A: Because she got an 'F' in sex! Q: Why do blondes stand under light bulbs. A: It's the closest they'll come to a bright idea. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her.

Do you know why the blonde in California quit being Catholic?
She went to Mass every Sunday, but eventually the airfares to Boston caused her to go bankrupt.

Q: What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
A: The 1994 hide n go seek champion!