Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

ARKANSAS: It seems one customer couldn't wait to buy some beer. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab the booze, and run. So he lifted the block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

In order not to be identified by his clothing, a North Carolina bank robber stripped to his underwear and shoved a large wad of cash inside them. He was later "debriefed" when someone reported a man with strangely bulging underwear running down the street.

A man with dreams of being a pizza delivery boy was arrested after going knocking on the doors of an apartment complex wearing nothing but a baseball hat. The man was caught while trying to jump over a fence and was booked in thirty minutes or less.

Louis Abright had the bright idea of robbing a branch of a local bank in Lafayette, Louisiana with his head covered in whipped cream. By the time he demanded the money from the teller, his mask had melted and the police arrived lickity split.

An immigration officer stopped a truck filled with illegal aliens and asked if anyone spoke English. When they all said no, he told them he was going to shoot them all, starting with the ones with brown shoes. As he drew his pistol, three men stepped forward and took the role of translator for the group.

A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her.

Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles an hour. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her.

Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out.

DAVENPORT - Fortunately for Deputy Elbert Austin the bite of the North American Iowa Speeder is not poisonous - but they can be vicious when cornered. He found that out when he pulled over Leslie Hebeler to give her a $54 traffic ticket.

She refused to sign the ticket and became belligerent, and when he tried to arrest her she sank her incisors into his arm. That happened last June. The courts didn't support her claim of harassment, however, and recently handed her a 60-day jail sentence and $1,000 fine, plus court costs.
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An excerpt from our idiot files: A Southern California man called the police claiming that he was robbed by a prostitute and her pimp. When the police asked for details he told them that he ordered a prostitute through an escort agency and when she came to the door, he decided she was too ugly to pay for and told her to forget it. Her pimp then apparently broke the door down and stole his money.
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Two undercover policewomen running a prostitution sting in Dothan, Ala., in October declined to arrest a pickup-truck-driving john, around age 70, despite his three attempts to procure their services. He first offered to give the women the three squirrels he had just shot, but they ignored him (too much trouble to store the evidence). A few minutes later, he added to the offer the used refrigerator in his truck, but the officers again declined (same reason). On the third trip, he finally offered cash: $6, but without the squirrels and refrigerator. The officers again declined but said they resolved to arrest him if he returned, but he did not.
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In November, a patrol officer in San Antonio confiscated two live bombs and nonchalantly took them across town in his squad car to the drug property room, having mistakenly identified them as elaborate marijuana bongs. Two weeks later, police in Cedar Park (near Austin), responding to a check-cashing store's report of a "pipe bomb," sent only an animal control officer to the scene because the 911 operator had instead understood "python."
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After shopping a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I'm sorry for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks."

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. All the valuables disappeared from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my kid through college somehow, don't I?"
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PHILADELPHIA - Officer Margo Grady was on her way to deliver a rape victim from a downtown hospital to a police station a few miles away when her car disappeared into the Philadelphia night. After a couple hours city police began a search for the missing officer, even enlisting the help of a police helicopter, but to no avail. It wasn't until seventy miles later that Officer Grady flagged down a trooper in New Jersey to ask for directions.
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TEXAS - Currently serving 16 years for stealing a Snickers candy bar, inmate Kenneth Payne III will be retried due to jury misconduct. Payne was caught swiping the Snickers while he was already on parole for Oreo theft. This harsh sentence was handed down after prosecutors tried him as a habitual offender which increased his misdemeanor charge to a felony charge. The judge ruled for a retrial when it was discovered that one juror was found encouraging the other jurors for a harsher sentence.
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A rookie police officer was out for his first ride with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.

The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner people."

A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner... NOW!"

Intimidated, the people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.

Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"

Pretty good," chuckled the vet, "especially since this is a bus stop."
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A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet!" snapped the officer. "or I'm going to let you cool off in jail until the chief gets back."

"But officer, all I wanted to say...."

"You just don't listen, do you? Well, you're going to jail!"

A few hours later, the officer checks up on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," said the man in the cell. "I'm the groom."
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A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. "What are those for?" she asked suspiciously.

"I'm a juggler," the man replied. "I use those in my act."

"Well, show me," the officer requested.

So he got out the machetes and started juggling them, first three, then more, finally seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show and amazing the officer.

Another car passed by. The driver did a double take, and said, "My God. I've got to give up drinking! Look at the test they're giving now."
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Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police department that contained another picture - of handcuffs.

True story from Orange County:

A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no - he only lives a mile away.

About five blocks from the party the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they will be right back - and they run down the street to the robbery. The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.

A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. X lives there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day. The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they find: the police car, lights still flashing.

A police officer had a perfect hiding place for watching for speeders. But one day, everyone was under the speed limit, the officer found the problem:

a 10 year old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said "RADAR TRAP AHEAD."

A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy's accomplice, another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket at his feet, full of change.
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SAN DIEGO - A man was arrested on suspicion of assaulting his girlfriend in a supermarket parking lot with a 10-pound tuna. Nicholas Anthony Vitalich, 24, could be charged with assault with a deadly weapon, police said. He was arrested Tuesday.
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Hong Kong - High roller, Frederick Beacham took the life of blackjack dealer Anna Chong after he lost 46 straight hands. According to police, Beacham said, "I was betting fairly heavy... no matter what I did she found a way to beat me. I'd get a 19 and she'd get a 20. I'd get a 20, she'd get a 21. It was totally unreal... Finally I just went crazy and blew that smile right off of her face... The next thing I knew, the police were hauling me to jail. I guess it just wasn't my lucky day."
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An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop....Acts 2:38!" (turn from your sin).

The burglar stopped dead in his tracks.

The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All she did was yell a scripture to you."

"Scripture?", replied the burglar. "She said she had an AXE and two 38's!"
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MUNICH - A judge in Munich sentenced a 62-year-old German woman to six and a half years in jail on Wednesday for strangling her abusive husband to death with a pair of long johns. The woman reportedly clubbed her 70-year-old partner to the floor with an ashtray before choking him to death with the underwear.

The judge took into account that the defendant had suffered more than 20 years of drink-related violence and abuse. However, her plea of self-defense was rejected after the court found that the woman faced no serious threat of physical harm from her inebriated husband.
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BOLOGNA, Italy - Stefano Spaghetti made Wednesday his own Prince Spaghetti day, and it landed him in jail. Spaghetti, 38, was arrested after police found him helping himself to a free pasta bin from a Bologna tortellini shop while the store was closed for lunch.

It was reported that as the pasta thief was being led into the back of the police car, he mumbled to reporters, "And to think I don't even like tortellini."
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HORNWOOD, NY - An argument between two pizza chefs about the best way to make a pie ended when one stabbed the other in the chest, police said. Fausto Pazmino, 44, was charged with assault and weapon possession. He and Gaetano Vitole, 34, were working Saturday night at Silvio's Ristorante in Thornwood, north of New York City, when they started arguing about how to make pizza, police said. The argument went on for several hours until Pazmino lunged at Vitole with a knife, police said.
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A Marshfield, Wisconsin, man will spend 20 days in jail... for urinating on an ATM machine. Police say James Turley became frustrated last April when the machine wouldn't give him any money. A security camera caught Hurley in the act. This week, a judge placed him on probation for three years

...and ordered him not to carry an ATM card.
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WAUKESHA, Wisconsin - A man walking his dog in a residential area took a gunshot wound when he didn't "duck" for cover. Gary V. Strasburg was struck in the left thigh and the right ankle by a stray bullet when a police offer was trying to shoot a skunk. As if being shot was not bad enough, the officer told Strasburg to wait a minute while he put the skunk in a bag. "Who's more important, a dead skunk or me?" Strasburg screamed at the officer. Strasburg was treated at Waukesha Memorial Hospital and released.
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DALLAS - An argument between two nursing home residents ended in fatality when one of the men assaulted the other with a dresser drawer and a cane. According to homicide Sgt. Gary Kirkpatrick Jose Amador, 45, is accused of murdering 54-year-old Elzie Callahan on Saturday in their room at the Professional Care Center in northwest Dallas.

Amador is also charged with assaulting a nurse's aide who went to help Callahan. She was hit over the head with Amador's cane, but was not seriously injured. Amador was finally subdued and is being held on $150,000 bond at the Lew Sterrett Justice Center.
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After becoming lost in the Cape Cod town of Barnstable, MA, two auto thieves asked an officer for directions. The police officer became suspicious because the pair was so young. He ran a check on the license plate and...sure enough...he found the vehicle had been stolen recently in Brockton.
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FORDYCE, Arkansas - One day will get you twenty, or it could for an inmate that decided to flee from jail the same day that a judge ordered his release. Sherman Lee Parks, 50, had served nine months in the Dallas County Jail. According to Dallas County Sheriff Donny Ford, "The judge ruled that since they had been locked up for nine months to let them out."

Parks, now wanted for an escape attempt was re-arrested and sent back to the Dallas County Jail the next day.
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Bartlett, New Hampshire - Falling asleep on the job couldn't have come at a worse time for Daniel Wootton, 21, of Bridgton, Maine. Wootton was arrested this weekend on account of felony burglary charges after entering and raiding a home Saturday afternoon. After turning the house upside down, Wootton placed his heap of stolen goods by the door, and then decided to take a nap.

"He said he was real tired and so he was just going to take a quick nap," said police Chief Bob Snow. "Unfortunately his internal alarm clock just didn't buzz." A neighbor first sighted the intruder's car in the driveway, and when the police arrived they arrested Wootton after waking him from his slumber.
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Those Lishui County police are clever. In order to generate a little extra cash deputy chief Gao Mingliang and his subordinates set up a brothel disguised as a restaurant in May of last year. When the girls lured customers into the back room the police would bust in and drag the unhappy John to the station where he would be "fined." The girls would even get performance bonuses depending on how well they did. The scam fell apart when the brothel owner was arrested by an officer from a neighboring department, but not before deputy chief Gao Mingliang and his boys racked up over 80,000 yuan.
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PURBACH, Austria - A thief bit off more than he could chew when he removed his false teeth to taste some goodies during a raid on a supermarket, then forgot to put them back in when he left. The man fled when he saw the security guard shine his torch into the shop, and left his dentures on the cold meat counter. They were still there when police arrived. According to a police spokesman, "We don't know who he is yet but the dental records will be a big help."
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An investigation by the Illinois secretary of state's office uncovered a river of bribes being paid to drivers license examiners to pass unqualified drivers. Of the 158 drivers recalled in the first wave of tests only 24 passed while 80 others didn't even bother to show up. Some of the retested drivers blew stop signs, drove up onto curbs, turned into oncoming traffic, one even stopped at a green light, then drove through the intersection when the light turned red. Convicted former examiner Dina Bartucci-Miller testified that she accepted as many as 5,000 to 10,000 bribes. That's a lot of intersections blown through.
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SUDBURY, Ont. - Lawrence Chan, 48, was recently found guilty of sexually assaulting patients during acupuncture sessions. On two separate occasions Chan touched his patients' private parts during the course of his supposed treatment. He pleaded guilty to one of the counts in which he tried to insert his fingers into the vagina of a woman seeking treatment for a neck problem, but of the second count Chan said he was only trying to massage the woman's energy points, which run through her nipples. The jury didn't buy it.
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WADESVILLE, South Africa - A 30-year-old woman took a bite out of crime when she bit off the tongue of her potential rapist as he tried to force it into her mouth. She then ran to the nearest police station with the tongue in her mouth. The suspect arrived a few moments later with blood pouring from his mouth, hoping to receive medical attention and was arrested immediately. He received medical attention but it was not possible to have his tongue sewn back on. Police said the tongue would be kept and used as evidence.
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PAWTUCKET, Rhode Island - It was a case of the blind leading the blind when Kenneth Bartelson used his legally blind brother, Eugene Allen, as a lookout man during an attempted robbery. Allen, who can only see shadows and black and white, reportedly came out of the apartment he and his brother were robbing and stood next to the neighbor who had seen them and called 911. "When he saw the second-floor neighbor, he thought it was his brother," Detective Raymond Johnston said. Bartelson saw the officers and tried to flee, leaving his brother behind. However, his car was boxed in, so he took off running and was apprehended by two officers on a nearby street.
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FRAMINGHAM, Massachusetts - Patience was definitely not a virtue for a burglar in Massachusetts. A security tape at a convenience store reveals that the suspect first broke into the store, returned to his truck to retrieve something and let the door close behind him so he had to force his way back in. Next, he pushed and pulled on the cash machine but couldn't break in, so he got back in his truck and rammed the store and the ATM. When he still couldn't get in, he threw his arms up and walked out empty-handed.
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Andrew Gardner, admitted to a jury recently that he tricked his ex-girlfriend, Nina Longe, into drinking sulphuric acid then callously watched as she died screaming in agony. According to the prosecution, Longe had suffered the "torments of hell" as the acid burned its way through her stomach. Attorney's produced a tape of Gardner's four-and-a-half minute conversation with an ambulance service operator where you could hear Longe coughing in the background and her screams becoming continually louder. Gardner had reportedly called the plumbers and hardware stores for advice on what to do for someone who had swallowed drain cleaner before he called the ambulance. Doctor Collins, who performed emergency surgery on Longe, discovered that her stomach had blackened and perforated and there was extensive damage and discoloration to almost all of her internal and vital organs. "I felt without a shadow of doubt that she had no prospect of survival," he added.
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A Coos Bay, Oregon man was guilty of bad judgment as well as assault when he attempted to abduct a 15-year-old girl. After wrestling her into his truck and driving off, the tough teen knocked him unconscious against the steering wheel. She then rolled the truck off a 20-foot embankment, crashing it on the rocky beach below. The girl told police she has taken several self-defense classes.
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A Jacksonville Sheriff's department officer has been placed on desk duty for strip-searching a teenage girl in the back of his squad car. Officer Bruce Van Nelson reported that he saw what he thought was a rock of crack cocaine in the car when he stopped the girl outside of the community pool. He took her to his vehicle and ordered her to remove her bikini top several times in order to search her. The incident was witnessed by neighbors in a nearby apartment complex.
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PEORIA, Illinois - Prisoners can never get a "leg up" in jail. At least not 21-year old Derrick Echols, who had his false leg confiscated when he assaulted fellow inmate Rick Grant with it. According to Peoria County Sheriff Chuck Schofield, Echols's false leg fell off during the struggle so he grabbed it and tried to hit Grant. Because the limb was used as a weapon, the sheriff's office is treating it like a home-made knife or any other instrument that a prisoner might use to harm someone. No new charges have been filed stemming from the courthouse assault, but the matter will be referred to the Peoria County State Attorney's office for review.
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MADRID, Spain Corpulent would be thief, Pedro Cardona attempted to enter a house to ply his trade by "squeezing" through a doggie door. It was a lot like putting two pounds of bologna in a one pound bag as Cardona became wedged halfway through. Rescuers were forced to chop the door down with axes to free the thief.
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DENVER, Colorado - A brilliant parolee put herself back on the hot seat after posing naked for websites wearing only an electronic ankle monitoring bracelet and brandishing guns. The nude photographs led authorities to search 32-year-old's Katica Crippen's home in Denver, Colorado where they found seven firearms. Crippen, who had been on parole for 1997 convictions in Colorado Springs for selling drugs and theft, now faces additional charges of parole violation and felony firearm possession.
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TURTLE LAKE, Wisconsin - Most people may beat themselves verbally after losing all of their money in a gambling casino. However, John Robert Broos took it to the extreme when he roughed himself up in the parking lot, then called police to report that he was robbed. The 57-year-old Minnesota man had the bumps and bruises to prove the alleged attack, however, didn't have the proper vision to see that he was being video-taped the whole time. Broos was arrested and now faces charges of misdemeanor obstruction. Now the real kick in the head is that in addition to the money he lost at the casino, Broos may have to pay $10,000 in fines and could serve up to nine months in jail.
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NEWCASTLE, England - A British woman admitted in court that she bit off more than she could chew, literally, when she aided a friend in a domestic dispute. Denise Carr, 32, leapt to the defense of her friend Shelley Hutchinson when her husband Neil began attacking her. He then began fighting with Carr, and sat on top of her. Carr told the court she defended herself by biting her attacker in the groin, but hadn't realized that in doing so, she bit off his testicle. It was only after the police arrived that the missing testicle was discovered under a picture frame in the sitting room. Carr was originally charged with wounding with intent but that was reduced to affray, which she admitted.
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LITTLE ROCK, AR - It may sound like a Paul Newman movie, but this daring escape actually took place when a convicted killer was delivered from an Arkansas prison by hiding in a barrel of hog slop. 20-year-old Kenneth D. Williams' prison escape began when he climbed through an 18-by-16-inch opening into a 500-gallon barrel full of water, vegetables and table scraps. The slop was later moved to a prison farm where Williams cut across a field and made it to the highway. He was captured shortly thereafter and has since been returned to Arkansas.
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SAO PAULO - In order to "bring himself closer to God," a A 23-year-old convicted Brazilian rapist sliced off his own penis and flushed it down the toilet. Flavio dos Santos Cruz was found by prison guards screaming and bleeding in his cell. "It is written in Bible that if a part of your body distances you from God, and makes you commit a sin, you should cut it off," Cruz told reporters. According to urologist Aerton Barbosa Neves, who operated on Cruz, he will now have to urinate through a tube, but can still impregnate someone, "albeit only with medical assistance."
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MEMPHIS, Tennessee - It's the stuff country song lyrics are made of. Apartment complex owner Ricky Kees was sentenced to nearly a year in jail for shooting a tenant's alarm clock with a .22-caliber revolver while he was drunk. After it had been shot, the General Electric clock kept on ticking, and buzzing, prompting Kees to return and take a second shot at it. Criminal Court Judge W. Otis Higgs Jr. sentenced Kees to 11 months and 29 days in jail and to an additional 90 days for drunk-driving offenses.
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Police are anxiously awaiting the arrival of a "shipment" of stolen jewelry from the thief that stole it. The suspect was found lying injured in the street with a broken hip after jumping from a window with a bag of jewelry. In a fit of panic, he to swallowed the evidence. An x-ray of the man's hip revealed the stolen merchandise nestled away in his stomach. Police are now guarding him around the clock to make sure they can retrieve the jewelry as soon as "nature takes its course."
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A pair of burglars would have gotten away with their haul of televisions if it wasn't for one factor. As the pair were about to speed off, they realized they had forgotten the remote controls, so they returned to get them. By then, a resident had already alerted police after she'd spotted the two men outside her neighbor's house Sunday loading a television into a sport utility vehicle. Police said they found Jaron Grosby, 20, behind the wheel of the SUV, and Wesley Jackson, 20, hiding behind the vehicle. Jackson reportedly confessed to the officers that he and Grosby stole the televisions after breaking a window to get into the house.
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SAN FRANCISCO - Authorities have arrested two teenagers for stealing a pair of koalas from the San Francisco Zoo. What would a couple of young kids want with the expensive, exotic and hard-to-care-for animals? Not to sell them for a profit, but to show off to their girlfriends. Zoo officials said the thieves appeared to have broken through a skylight and slipped into the koala exhibit. It was unreported whether the stunt had the desired effect on the girlfriends. The teens, however, were much impressed with the charges of burglary, possession of stolen property and grand theft.
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VINITA, OK - Two friends could be looking at more jail time after one allegedly tried to serve a weekend stint in the county lockup for his buddy. Russell Maurer, 30, was charged with false impersonation after he allegedly tried to serve time in place of Ryan Miller, 27. Ordered to serve five weekends in the county jail, Miller planned the switch so he could work the weekend (as a car salesman) of Sept. 25 to avoid a foreclosure on his home. What Miller didn't count on is the guards remembering what he looked like from the previous week. Miller now could face life in prison. Maurer, who is on probation after a previous conviction on a drug charges, could also face prison time if convicted of impersonation, Ward said.
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JASPER, Indiana - In an incredible coincidence of timing, a fleeing burglar  landed right in the long arms of the law, literally. Trent Carie, 21, was inside the Main Street Restaurant & Bar when a passing police officer spotted him and suspected a robbery was underway. According to Sgt. Mike Fowler, Carie ran from the store and jumped over a tall fence only to land in the arms of another officer and a trooper who had just arrived at the scene. Carie is believed to be the culprit of at least a dozen burglaries of several businesses in the area in recent weeks.
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COLOMBIA - A wad of dough was obviously not too hard for a Colombian man to swallow. Alejandro Londono, 25, was arrested for money laundering at an airport in the western city of Pereira after allegedly swallowing $40,000 and trying to smuggle it into the country. Apparently Londono packed the cash inside fingers cut from latex surgical gloves, each of which contained notes of eight denominations, and swallowed them.
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STOCTON-ON-TEES, England - A burglar with a sweet tooth may receive his just desserts after he took a bite out of a chocolate penis in his victim's home. The woman homeowner reportedly bought the naughty novelty at an Ann Summers sex shop. Forensics experts in Stockton-on-Tees are in the process of examining the teeth imprints and saliva traces left on the cream-filled creation.
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MIAMI, Fla. - O.J. Simpson, the sports and movie celebrity found innocent of stabbing his wife to death in 1994, was arrested last week for battery and burglary in Miami. He supposedly reached into a man's car during a road-rage argument in December. Motorist Jeffrey Pattinson told police that he slammed on his brakes and honked at a sport-utility vehicle after he saw the SUV drive past a stop sign. Simpson stopped, got out, and walked toward Pattinson's car, where he accosted him. This is not a unique incident, says Olympic cyclist Thurlow Rogers. He told UPI the confrontation was similar to a situation in 1994 when Simpson almost hit him with his Bentley and then pounded his finger into Rogers' chest while he yelled at him. If Simpson is convicted he may face up to 16 years behind bars.
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A 91-year-old Utah man, who authorities said drew free electricity from a nearby power line for decades, finally faces theft charges. Clarence Stucki is charged with stealing about $82,000 worth of power -- but officials from Logan Light and Power said Stucki admitted tapping into the line as early as World War II, so the total is likely much higher. The statute of limitations, however, prevents Stucki from being charged what the power company considers the full amount. The old crook would still be getting away with it if he hadn't called his local utility to complain about an outage. Crews correcting the problem discovered the diverted connection on the roof.
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DEVIZES, England - What seemed like a lucky break proved to be detrimental to Erlestoke prisoners Robert Denvey, Frank Riorden and Samuel Kerrigan. The trio escaped the penitentiary via a ladder they found conveniently propped against a prison wall and a car they found on the other side with its engine running. However, the eyes of fate were not smiling upon them and the trio crashed the car into a ditch in thick fog just a few miles from the prison. Too embarrassed to turn back, they handed themselves over to a woman out walking and asked her to call the police. This little excursion has added an extra 15 months jail time to each man's sentence.
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INDIANA - An Indiana Man's plan to smuggle tobacco into prison by hiding it inside cow's rectums went up in smoke. Former warden John Hester, 51, had the responsibility of bringing the cows to the Pendleton prison and killing them for regular consumption within the compound. Hester was trying to trade the tobacco for money orders obtained for him by an inmate's mother. Now out on bail, Hester faces seven charges of bribery and is awaiting trial. In an attempt to explain the complicated smuggling process, Indiana State Police Detective Gregory Belt stated, "It was stuffed into the cow, and then the cow was brought onto the floor and it was removed."
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BOSTON - They were supposed to be looking for a WHITE man named James M. Parker who was 30 YEARS OLD (they had a sketch) but instead found themselves a 55 YEAR OLD BLACK man named James E. Parker and this, apparently, was close enough.  Parker says they wouldn't listen when he tried telling them they had the wrong man.
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HAMBURG, New York - It is generally not a good idea to call a fire chief if you're an arsonist and have just started a fire. Nichols Breidenstein did just that after allegedly setting fire to a shop in Hamburg, New York. After the deed he tried to call a friend to boast about it, but accidentally dialed local fire chief Michael Guadango instead. According to Guadango he heard Breidenstein say, "Dude, it's lit. The whole corner's going." It wasn't until then that he realized had just incriminated himself and is now facing arson charges.
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Grand Rapids, MI - Four teenage girls face charges that they allegedly sold a 14-year-old acquaintance to four men for $80. The four girls range in age from 15 to 17. Three of them attended school with the victim. They're facing possible life in prison if convicted. Police Detective Karl Holzhueter said he was "shocked" by the crime. In his words - "You look at these girls, the suspects, and they are all so young looking. It just doesn't seem possible that they could have done this." The suspects allegedly picked up the victim at her home Sept. 29th and told her they'd received letters from a friend in jail who claimed the girl owed a drug debt. They threatened to beat her unless she sold her body to work off the debt.
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DES MOINES, IA - After being struck repeatedly with a sharp object, probably an axe, the Connett family's dog is recovering at home, and a neighbor is accused of hiring a canine killer. Louie, a cocker spaniel mix, returned home Tuesday, two days after being hacked in the face, shoulders, hip and legs, police say. Roberta Ficek, Louie's neighbor, was arrested Tuesday night in an alleged plot to pay 29 year-old Denny Brown to hurt the dog. She has been charged with solicitation to commit animal abuse.
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The Wisconsin Supreme Court will hear arguments this week on whether a deadbeat dad's constitutional rights were violated by a judge's order prohibiting him from fathering any more children until he can prove he's supporting the nine he already has. David Oakley, 34, was sentenced to three years in prison for failing to pay $25,000 in child support, and the judge also imposed a five year probation during which he cannot father any more children. Oakley's ex-wife and mother of four has little sympathy for him. "All he does is get women pregnant all the time and then not pay child support."
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Independence, IA - What do you do with a group of felons who grow accustomed to the *conveniences* of jail? Well four Amish men jailed for vandalism were growing too comfortable with the TV, electricity, telephone and running water so Russell West, Buchanan County Jail Administrator, wants their release ASAP. When interviewed, West said, "I thought we'd better get them out of here because they were getting too used to it."
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HELSINGBORG, Sweden - A 20-year-old man developed what he thought to be a fool-proof robbery plan. He would wait for the home and garden store employees to leave for the night and take merchandise. All was going according to plan as he stuffed items in a duvet cover, when he realized he had no way out of the store. He tried opening the front door with a crowbar and attempted to break through a wall in the restrooms. Both efforts were to no avail. He finally gave up and called the police for help. The authorities were too happy to bail him out and promptly arrest him.
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MAY 19, 2001 - Juan Gutierrez, 24, was reportedly shot and killed by police in Angleton, Texas after trying to scalp his 3-year-old daughter with a steak knife. Angleton police chief David Ashburn told reporters that the child's scalp had actually been cut 4 to 6 inches and Gutierrez was peeling the hair and the scalp back. The girl's mother, who was separated from Gutierrez, said he had never been violent and that she did not know what provoked the attack. He reportedly had come from Houston to celebrate the girl's birthday. When Gutierrez started scalping the girl, the woman ran screaming to neighbors who tried to help, but had to back away when he threatened them with the knife. When police arrived, he refused to stop and he was killed with a single shot. The girl is expected to make a full recovery.
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In 1872, veteran prospectors Philip Arnold and John Slack bought $35,000 worth of diamonds in Europe and scattered them on land in Wyoming. They managed to convince the Bank of San Francisco they had discovered a diamond field and made $700,000.

Starting in 1921, Oscar Merril Hartzell began a scam selling fake shares in the estate of Sir Francis Drake. He contacted as many families as he could find with the surname Drake and was eventually accused of defrauding 270,000 people. The hoax netted him over $2,000,000.

When J. Bam Morrison arrived at Wetumka, Oklahoma in 1950, he claimed to be the advance publicity man for Bohn's United Circus, which, he maintained, was due to hit town in three weeks. He allegedly sold advertising space to local traders... for a circus that didn't exist.

By forging signatures, James Addison Reavis was able to claim he was the legal owner of 17,000 square miles of Arizona. The enterprise raked in $300,000 a year until he was arrested in 1895 and he was sentenced to six years in prison.

Joseph Weill, who inspired the movie "The Sting," rented abandoned banks and convinced businessmen that he had set up a genuine bank. He waited for them to deposit large sums of money before shutting down and moving on to the next town. This, plus some of his other scams, earned him over $6,000,000.