Actual Headlines...


bullet Big Ugly Woman Wins Beauty Pageant
-Newspaper headline from Big Ugly, WV
bullet Infertility unlikely to be passed on
-Montgomery Advertiser
bullet Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men
-The Sunday Oregonian
bullet Man shoots neighbor with machete
-The Miami Herald
bullet Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear
-Journal of Commerce
bullet Some phone psychics provide useless, erroneous information
-Staten Island Sunday Advance
bullet Iowa moves back to Pittsburgh
-The Flint Journal
bullet Chick Accuses Some of Her Male Colleagues of Sexism
-The Los Angeles Times
bullet Cicero Officials Reassure YTK bug is 'no problem'.
bullet Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25
bullet Tampax Aims to Stop Flow of Criticism
bullet Teen charged in Pooh theft
bullet Fresno council to talk about talking less at meetings
bullet Police car crashes into doughnut delivery van
bullet March Planned For Next August
bullet Lingerie Shipment Hijacked--Thief Gives Police The Slip
bullet Croupiers On Strike-Management: "No Big Deal"
bullet Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
bullet Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
bullet Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice
bullet Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy
bullet 20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar
bullet Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation
bullet Fertile Woman Killed In Climax
bullet Convicted murderer wins stay in Jamaica
bullet Make a blood sacrifice at the coven of your choice
bullet Apartment Manager Cooked for Missionaries, Sick Friends
bullet President has affair with Intern (followed immediately by):
bullet Government launches full blown investigation
bullet Crimestoppers aid police in murder
bullet Two Waterproof Teens Drown (in Waterproof, LA)
bullet No one killed in fatal car crash
bullet Miami police officer kills man with toy gun
bullet Include Your Children when Baking Cookies
bullet Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
bullet Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
bullet Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
bullet Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
bullet Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
bullet Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
bullet Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
bullet Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
bullet Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
bullet British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
bullet Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
bullet Eye Drops Off Shelf
bullet Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
bullet Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
bullet Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
bullet Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
bullet Miners Refuse to Work after Death
bullet Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
bullet Stolen Painting Found by Tree
bullet Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
bullet Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Times in 10 Years
bullet Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
bullet War Dims Hope for Peace
bullet If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
bullet Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
bullet Deer Kill 17,000
bullet Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
bullet Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
bullet Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
bullet Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
bullet New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
bullet Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
bullet Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
bullet Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
bullet Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire
bullet Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
bullet Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
bullet New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
bullet Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
bullet Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
bullet Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
bullet House passes gas tax onto senate
bullet Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
bullet Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
bullet William Kelly was fed secretary
bullet Milk drinkers are turning to powder
bullet Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
bullet Farmer bill dies in house
bullet Squad helps dog bite victim
bullet Dealers will hear car talk at noon
bullet Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
bullet Two Soviet ships collide - one dies
bullet Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
bullet Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984
bullet Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better
bullet Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
bullet Child's death ruins couple's holiday
bullet Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
bullet Man is fatally slain
bullet Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation
bullet Stud Tires Out
bullet Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
bullet Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
bullet Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
bullet British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
bullet Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
bullet Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
bullet Air Head Fired
bullet Steals Clock, Faces Time
bullet Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
bullet Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
bullet Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
bullet Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
bullet Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
bullet Lawyer Says Client is Not That Guilty
bullet Legislator Wants Tougher Death Penalty
bullet Man Jumps Off Bridge.  Neither Jumper nor Body Found
bullet After Detour to California Shuttle Returns to Earth
bullet Woman Improving After Fatal Crash
bullet Publicize Your Business Absolutely Free!  Just send $6.00.
bullet Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again.'

a Marin County, Calif., newspaper's TV listing for 'The Wizard of Oz'