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Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or
fattening.
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It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their
money.
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The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp
of an on coming train.
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Celibacy is not hereditary
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Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
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Beauty is only skin deep; ugly goes to the bone.
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Never play leapfrog with a Unicorn.
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A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
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If everything seems to be going well, you obviously
don't know what the hell is going on.
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Never argue with a fool, people might not know the
difference.
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A short cut is the longest distance between two points.
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Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
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Murphy's golden rule: Whoever has the gold, makes the
rules.
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The race is not always to the swift or the battle to
the strong, but that's the way to bet.
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Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more
than you thought.
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The repairman will never have seen a model quite like
yours.
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In order to get a loan, you have to prove that you
don't need it.
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No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after
you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere else cheaper.
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The chance of a piece of bread falling with the jelly
side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
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