A client, after cruelly firing his faithful lawyer, is defending himself at trial having been caught by a game warden just as he blew a Spotted Owl into a flurry of feathers. After reading the charges, the judge -- well known for his environmental sympathies -- gravely announced that since the species concerned is in danger of imminent extinction, he would have to make an example out of the defendant. The client, waxing eloquent, said he was very sorry for what he'd done, but that he was totally destitute and needed the bird to feed his hungry children. All he had to his name, he said, his voice cracking with emotion, was the little bit of bird shot he had left in his gun. The judge took off his glasses to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye, and after regaining his composure, told the defendant he would let him go with a warning this time. The client beamed with pride as he started out of the courtroom. Just then, the judge called out, "Oh, by the way, what does a Spotted Owl taste like?" The man's face came
alive as he turned around and said, "Your honor, it's hard to describe.
Sort of a cross between a Bald Eagle, a Whooping Crane and a California
Condor." Two boys are playing football in Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. The reporter starts writing "Young Forty Niners' Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal." Then the boy replies, "I'm not a Forty Niners fan." "Sorry, since we are in San Francisco I just assumed you were," said the reporter and starts again. "Little Oakland Raiders' Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he continued writing in his notebook. "I'm not a Raiders Fan either," said the boy. "I assumed everyone in the Bay Area was either for the Niners or Raiders. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked. "I'm a Cowboys fan." The boy replied. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Redneck
Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet." Why Don't You Take the Dogs... A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with. Finally, the uncle had an idea. "There's no one around for miles, why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and off he went, dogs in trail. That afternoon, the nephew returned. "How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle. "It was great!"
exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?" A huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, and knocked it completely over. "Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?" "Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and in just over nine seconds, ran a hundred yard dash. "Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?" The freshman hesitated
for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow
it, I can probably pass it." The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question always asked, "If our chute doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have till we hit the ground?" The jump instructor
answered, "The rest of your life." I'm the greatest hitter in the world A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat. "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced. Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed. "Strike One!" he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down, he swung again and missed. "Strike two!" he cried. The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" Again, he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. "Strike three!" "Wow!" he
exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!" A lady in Dallas calls 911. Hysterically, she says, "someone's just broken into my house, and I think he's going to rape me!" The police officer says, "I'm sorry, we're really busy at the moment. Just get the guy's jersey number and we'll get back to you."
Tobacco spitting is the name of the game at the annual CALICO TOBACCO CHEWING AND SPITTING CHAMPIONSHIPS near Barstow, California. The BEER CAN REGATTA is raced each June off Mindil Beach at Darwin in Australia. All of the craft are made from beer and soft drink cans. Bed-pushers from all over Britain converge on North Yorkshire each year for the grueling two-mile KNARESBOROUGH BED RACE. The first WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP WORM-CHARMING took place at Wollaston, Cheshire, in 1980. The winner charmed 511 worms out of his three-meter-square plot in half an hour. The highlight of the VANCOUVER SEA FESTIVAL each July is the Nanaimo to Vancouver bathtub race across the choppy waters of the Strait of Georgia. Tejo - A Colombian game where players toss stones to try and set off blasting caps placed on a hard surface atop a mound of earth or sand Competetive Kite Flying - In Southeast Asia kites are labeled "male" or "female". The object is for the male kites, adorned with sharp edges, to shed and crash female kites which are to fly in a designated zone for a certain amount of time. Fish Fighting - A Thai sport in which fish are raised to fight and then thrown into a tank together to see which one survives. Buzkashi - An Afghan sport in which a player attempts to pick up a headless goat or calf carcass while riding on horseback and then break free from his opponents. Wife Carrying - Men in America carry their wives or other women over an obstacle course in the annual North American Wife Carrying Championships held in Maine. An international brick-throwing contest is held every July at Stroud, New South Wales with teams representing the Australian, English, American and Canadian towns named Stroud. The Beer Can Regatta is held every June at Darwin in Australia's Northern Territory where craft assembled from beer and soft drink cans is raced. Bed-pushers from all parts of Britain converge on North Yorkshire each year for the Knaresborough Bed Race where the main obstacle on the two-mile course is the River Nidd. A bathtub race from Nanaimo to Vancouver across the Strait of Georgia is held each July at the Vancouver Sea Festival. Near Barstow, California, the annual Calico Tobacco Chewing and Spitting Championships are held. Twenty-two
outhouses and portable toilets competed last weekend in the annual Outhouse
Races to win the Royal Flush Trophy. With such names as "Pee II"
and the "Urinator," they catapulted down the main drag of town
before cheering fans. The races started in 1999 and are inspired from
the time when Storey County banned outhouses and citizens protested by
placing their outhouses on wheels and rolling them down Main Street. In
order to compete in the race, the outhouses had to be at least 6 feet
tall and weigh 200 pounds, have a toilet and toilet paper and have a maximum
of three people pushing it. The Royal Flush Trophy is a glass outhouse,
but participants can also win other prizes such as a toilet seat and bedpan. Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?" "Why do you want me to throw them at you?" "Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them." "Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy." "But why?" "Because your
wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell
you to get the orange roughy." A schoolteacher took her fifth-grade charges on a field trip to a country fair. There was a race track on the grounds and she asked them whether they would enjoy seeing the horses. The children enthusiastically exclaimed they would, but as soon as she got them inside the gate, they all requested to be taken to the lavatory. She accompanied the little girls, but sent the boys to the men's room alone. They trooped out almost immediately and announced that the facilities were too high for them to reach. The situation was an awkward one, but after looking about to make sure she was unobserved, the teacher ushered the boys back in. She lined them up before the plumbing and moved methodically down the line. After lifting several, she came to one who was unusually heavy. "Goodness," she exclaimed, "are you in the fifth?" "Hell no, lady,"
came the startled reply. "I'm riding Blue Grass in the third." Private Lessons at the Health Club For Christmas this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of private lessons at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my high school softball team, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Tawny, who identified herself as a 26-year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. Monday: Tuesday: Wednesday: Thursday: Friday: Saturday: Sunday: Getting a Personal Trainer for Her Birthday For anyone who has
attempted to start an exercise program... Negotiating for a Baseball Glove A mother takes her 5 year old kid to the sporting goods store and says to the man working there, "I want to buy a baseball mitt for my son. How much does it cost?" The clerk says, "$50." "That's way to much. How much for that bat?" "$5," says the clerk. "I'll take it," the mother replies. As he's wrapping it up he says, "How about a ball for the bat?" "No thanks,"
says the mother, "But I'll go down on you for the mitt." Mama Bear and Papa Bear were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Bear a choice of which parent to live with. JUDGE: "Do you want to live with your mother?" BABY BEAR: "No! She beats me." JUDGE: "OK, then you can live with your father." BABY BEAR: "No! He beats me too!" JUDGE: "Well you have to live with someone. Who do you want to live with?" BABY BEAR: "I want to live with my Aunt Bertha in Chicago." JUDGE: "Is there any chance she'll beat you also?" BABY
BEAR: "No sir. The Chicago Bears don't beat anybody." Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground." After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah,"
the other added, "but we're getting farther away from the truck...." Notre Dame Chaplain Hears Confession Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsman-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents." "Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat. "That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents." "Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark. "There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the in a sensitive area." "Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playing when you did these awful things?" "Southern Methodist." "Ah, well,"
said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be boys." A Jockey's Strange Instructions A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, "All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine." The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump. They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers 'Aleeee ooop' in the horse's ear. The same thing happens--the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump. At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It's no good, I'll have to do it," and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third. The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, "Nothing is wrong with me--it's this bloody horse. What is he--deaf or something?" The trainer replies,
"Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf--he's BLIND!" It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice and dropped in his fishing line. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not far from him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm." "What was that?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm." "Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying." The boy spit the bait
into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!" 1. It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at 95 years old, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5,000 per month. 2. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where the hell she is. 3. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. 4. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up. 5. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. 6. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body. 7. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. 8. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. 9. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier. 10. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country. 11. And,
last but not least -- I don't jog, it makes the ice jump right out
of my glass. Explaining the Rules in Little League At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. "Good,"
said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to your mother." Great White Hunter Comes to Kill a Lion An African village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to Marriott-Smalley, the great white hunter, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never showed up. Finally, he told the tribal chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, Marriott-Smalley went to the pasture to wait for the lion. In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw Marriot-Smalley lying there, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion. "What happened? Where is the lion? asked the chief. "Forget the lion!"
the hunter howled. "Which of you morons let the bull loose?" My friend Don, a minor-league umpire, is used to being heckled by fans. But imagine his surprise when he was rushing to umpire an exhibition game at Coors Field in Denver. After a long search for a place to change clothes, Don finally located a room with a neatly lettered sign: "Dressing Room, Umpires Only." As he was about to
go in, however, he inspected the sign more closely. Below the printed
legend was the same message ... written in Braille. After beating 1000
rivals in a 500-mile race, Percy the racing pigeon flopped down exhausted
in a Sheffield loft and was promptly eaten by a cat. On the first day of
Spring Training, a baseball scout brings a race horse with him to add
to the starting lineup. The coach asks, "What the heck did you bring
that horse here for?" After a
day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying
two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks
him for his fishing license. Having arrived
at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten
to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing
by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed
him of his worm. Two Hunters Overload Their Plane With Elk Two hunters
got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were
quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot
came back, as arranged, to pick them up. Al Davis
had finally put together the perfect Raiders team for '00. The only thing
he was missing was a good quarterback. Escaping the Dreaded Pretzel Hold Our story
begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed
down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal. Before the final
match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now
don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost
a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you
do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!" A couple
of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track.
All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes. A man came
into a gun shop and asked to see a shotgun. Are There Any Gators Around Here? While sports
fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim,
but his fear of alligators kept him University of Miami Entrance Exam- Football Player Version Time Limit:
3 WKS Walter Payton Dies and Goes to Heaven Walter Payton,
after living a full life, died. Two Guys from Michigan in Hell Two guys
from Detroit, Michigan die and wake up in hell. The next day, the devil
stops to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber
hats, warming themselves around the fire. Q: How do
you keep the Detroit Lions out of your yard? Q: Why do
abused children prefer to live with the Detroit Lions? Q. What
do the Chicago Bears & Billy Graham have in common? Q: What
do you call a 300-pound female Packer fan? Q: What's
the difference between a pumpkin on Halloween and a female Packer fan? Q: Did you
hear that the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers were going
to merge? Q: What do
the Red Sox and lawn furniture have in common? Q: What is
the difference between a Fenway Frank and a Yankee Frank? Q: What do
Alex Rodriguez and Michael Jackson have in common?
The Lions Recruit a Northern Alliance Soldier Detroit
Lions coach Marty Mornhinweg is looking for a new quarterback. But after
scouting all the colleges, he hasn't found his man. Say this
out loud: Q: What did
Tyson say to Van Gogh? Q: What does
Tyson call Ross Perot? Q: What has
four legs and no ears? Q: What kind
of cereal does Mike Tyson eat? Mike Tyson
made it known he wants to fight Mr. Spock as next his opponent. Tyson is
putting out his own line of computers. Sam's Successful Fishing Technique A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam consistently caught more fish than anyone else. Whereas the other guys would only catch three or four fish a day, Sam would come in from the lake with a boat full of fish. Stringer after stringer was packed with freshly caught trout. The warden, curious, asked Sam his secret. The successful fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him and observe. So the next morning, the two met at the dock and took off in Sam's boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see how it was done. Sam's approach was simple: He took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it into the air. The explosion rocked the lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up. Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began yelling at Sam, "You can't do this! I'll put you in jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is!" Sam, meanwhile,
set his net down and took out another stick of dynamite. He lit it and
tossed it in the lap of the game warden, "Are you going to sit there
all day complaining, or are you going to fish?" A Fisherman, a Snake and a Worm Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat and went about his fishing. An hour or
so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw
the same snake with three more worms. What's the
difference between the Nebraska Cornhuskers and the Taliban? Q. What do
the Nebraska Cornhuskers and Billy Graham have in common? Q. How do
you keep a Nebraska Cornhusker player out of your yard? Q. Where
do you go in Lincoln in case of a tornado? Q. Why doesn't
Omaha have a Div 1A football team . Q. Why was
Frank Solich upset when the Cornhusker playbook was stolen? Q. What's
the difference between the Nebraska Cornhuskers and a dollar bill? Q. What do
you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the College Championships? Q. What do
the Nebraska Cornhuskers and possums have in common? Q. How can
you tell when the Nebraska Cornhuskers are going to run the football? Q. Why does
Lincoln have artificial turf? Q. What do
the Nebraska football players think the "N" stands for on their
helmet? Q. How do
you get a Nebraska cheerleader in an elevator? Soccer Commentators Actual Quotes Stupid Things Actually Said By Commentators In The World Of Soccer... 1. Well, it's Liverpool two, Ipswich nil, and if the score stays this way, I've got to fancy Liverpool for the win. 2. He had an eternity to play that ball, but took too long. 3. And so they have not been able to improve on their 100% record. 4. With the last kick of the game, he scored with a header. 5. Well, it's a fabulous kaleidoscope of colour: almost all the Brazilians are wearing yellow shirts. 6. If that had gone on, it would definitely have been a goal. 7. Their manager, Howard Wilkinson, isn't here today, which strongly suggests that he may be elsewhere. 8. I am a firm believer that if one team scores a goal, the other need to score two to win. 9. If a team scores early on, it often takes an early lead. 10. You cannot
possibly have counted the number of passes made, but there were eight. The Florida State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishers, and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for alligators while in Osceola, Polk, Manatee, Orange and Dade Counties. They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the alligators unexpectedly. They also advise the carrying of pepper spray in case of an encounter with an alligator. It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of alligator activity. People should recognize the difference between small young alligator and large adult alligator droppings. Young alligator droppings are smaller and contain fish bones and possibly bird feathers. Adult alligators
droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray. At Jack Russell Stadium in Clearwater, Florida, on June 26, 1985, organist Wilbur Snapp played "Three Blind Mice" following a call by umpire Keith O'Connor. The umpire was not amused, and saw to it that Mr. Snapp was ejected from the game. Baseball rules were codified in 1846 by Alexander Cartwright of the Knickerbocker Baseball Club. Golfers use an estimated $800 million worth of golf balls annually. In 1905, 18 men died from injuries sustained on the football field. President Theodore Roosevelt stepped in and instituted safety measures to make the game safer. The 'huddle' in football was formed due to a deaf football player who used sign language to communicate and his team didn't want the opposition to see the signals he used and in turn huddled around him. The high jump method of jumping head first and landing on the back is called the Fosbury Flop. Until the
1870s, baseball was played without the use of gloves. What's the origin of the hand signals used in baseball today? In the early 1900s, the New York Giants baseball team had a pitcher named Luther H. Taylor. He was a deaf mute who was, in an era of insensitivity, nicknamed "Dummy." Taylor lost a lot of games due to his inability to communicate with his teammates. John McGraw, the manager of the Giants, was under enormous pressure from the team's owner, the fans and the sportswriters to trade Taylor. Instead, McGraw (who seems to have been a Giant of a man) required the entire Giant team to learn American Sign Language. Once that was accomplished, McGraw used hand signals to lead his team. That's the
origin of the hand signals that are used in baseball today. The
Black Sox
They were the best team of their day and had won the 1917 World Series in convincing fashion. Led by, "Shoeless" Joe Jackson, Eddie Collins, Eddie Schalk and Ed Ciccote, the White Sox were the heavy betting favorites for the 1919 World Series. The war was over and 1919 had been one of the most turbulent years in American history. Strikes and race riots were commonplace that year, so Americans were looking forward to the World Series. Baseball, at that time, was the American game and fans looked forward to the series as a diversion from the realities of 1919. While the White Sox were the best team of their day, they were also the worst paid. Charles Comiskey treated the press well so they liked him. His pressroom had food and drink to spare but, toward his players, Comiskey was not so generous. He was so cheap that his Sox did not get enough money for three square meals a day and the team was often ridiculed for their dirty uniforms. Once, when
star pitcher Ed Ciccote approached the thirty game mark, for which he
was to receive a salary bonus, Comiskey sat him down so he wouldn't have
to pay the bonus. His players, with the exemption of second baseman Eddie
Collins, were paid about half of what they were worth. But what could
the players do? They were bound to their teams for life and had no recourse
but to except the conditions of servitude. Arnold was called the big bankroll and Attel had presented him with the idea, which he turned down. Attel figured he would use Rothstein's name and reputation, and went back to Burns and told him that Arnold was in on the plan. Burns went to the players and the fix was in. The players openly joked about it, all except third baseman Buck Weaver, who would not squeal but intended to play the game as best he could. Weaver could play no other way. Since Jackson and Ciccote were the stars of team, they needed to be paid first. All the others would have to wait. Rothstein demanded that Ciccote hit the first batter to indicate the fix was in. Arnold did not like to take chances. The Sox lost the first two games as planned but then a young left-hander named Dickie Kerr threw a wrench into the works by winning the third game. Ciccote and
"Lefty" William's lost the next two and the nation looked on
in disbelief. It must be remembered this was a nine game series and the
mighty White Sox were on the verge of losing to a weaker Cincinnati Redlegs
Team. To the gamblers dismay, Kerr beat the Reds again. The players were
now stiffed by the gamblers, who refused to give them any more money,
so the Sox decided to play the next game straight and under Ed Ciccotte
were victorious in the next game. Now, Rothstein began to worry and sent
one of his thugs to warn William's that, unless he lost the next game,
something could happen to his family. So, the Sox lost. How did the confessions disappear? Well, there were rumors all along that Comiskey knew about the fix and was trying to save his ballclub. So it appears that someone, most likely connected to Comiskey, took the confessions and misplaced them. The new Comiskey park is now named Cellular Field. Some in Chicago say that the Sox are doing an injustice to their heritage. Hello, the owner was a cheapskate who most likely tampered with evidence and the team has only returned to the series once since 1919. So what kind of heritage is that? We Sox fans have had an unsuccessful 83 years since the fix but hey, now it is a new century, and perhaps the gods of baseball can finally forgive us. U.S. Cellular Field might not have a lot a charm but nobody is perfect! Sources:
The Last Carousel, Nelson Algren Bob was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He travels up to Alaska, spots a small brown bear and shoots it. Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake...that was my cousin and I'm going to give you two choices..."Either I maul you to death or we have sex." After considering briefly, Bob decided to accede to the latter alternative. So the black bear has his way with Bob. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Bob soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed back to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. THEN .... there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Bob. That was my cousin and you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex." Again, Bob thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly has his way with Bob. Although he survived, it took several months before Bob fully recovered. Completely outraged, he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down that grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked down at him very sadly and said: "Admit
it Bob, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?" A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with. Finally, the uncle had an idea. "There's no one around for miles, why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and off he went, dogs in trail. That afternoon, the nephew returned. "How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle. "It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?"
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