Rampant Rabbit Sex Toy Recalled The Rampant
Rabbit, made famous when mentioned by the women of the hit HBO series
"Sex in the City," is being recalled. Sex toy retailer Ann Summers
in Britain is issuing a world-wide recall of its hottest-selling vibrator
out of concern the shaft is defective. The company Web site says the recall
is a precautionary measure because "a component may fail which may
cause discomfort to the customer." Discomfort being a generally broad
term. The rabbit-eared devices were sold between May and September. BELGIUM -
A 42-year-old Belgian man has turned his schoolboy dream into a reality.
After having a crush on his grade school teacher when he was six years
old, Minne Herv has reunited with his former teacher, Daniella Waltens.
He first fell in love with her as she stood in front of the blackboard
when she was 18. Decades later, the two met again and Herv said that when
he saw her he "got the same goose bumps as I did when I was six."
Waltens didn't feel the same way about him at first, but after a romantic
getaway to the south of France, she fell in love with him as well. This
story teaches us all that dreams can come true. Soap Opera Employed to Educate Nurses Recruited
nurses from the Philippines will be shown Britain's longest running soap
opera, "Coronation Street," as part of their training for their
new jobs in northern England's Macclasfield, Cheshire. Although the nurses
all speak English, their vocabulary is more American that British. Therefore,
viewing the soap opera will familiarize them with local customs and accents.
"If a patient whispered 'I want to spend a penny' I doubt whether
a Filipino nurse would know what it meant," said James Middleton
of the East Cheshire NHS Trust. The phrase is slang for wanting to go
to the bathroom. A district
court found a Swedish woman suspected of tax fraud not guilty after it
proved impossible to provide evidence against her. The woman told the
court rats had eaten up the cashier records she stashed in her attic after
her restaurant went bankrupt. The restaurant was under investigation for
tax fraud at the time of its bankruptcy. DALLAS, Texas
- a Sweeny, Texas man who disciplined his 8-year-old son for missing the
school bus by zapping him with a stun gun. Theodore E. Moody defended
his actions by explaining that he tested the device, for which he traded
a pack of cigarettes, on himself, a neighbor and his wife before using
it on his son. Moody said he told his son if he continued to miss the
school bus, he would have to walk to school."So we went for a walk
and every time he slowed down, I hit him (with the stun gun)," the
father said.Child welfare workers said they removed Moody's stepson and
three other children after learning he had used the battery-powered device
to discipline the boy for missing the school bus. Alien Abductions Not to be Feared CANADA -
According to a Canadian anthropologist, people who experience alien abduction
can be positively affected. Krista Henriksen says that her study of people
who say they have been abducted at some point suggest that aliens are
quite congenial. She claims that horrifying alien encounters are "by
far the minority." According to her research, "Most often extraterrestrials
were bringing messages of goodwill." Abductees report that aliens
are telling earthlings they are special and are not alone in the universe.
So next time an alien brings you aboard their spacecraft, leave the probe-protector
underwear at home. Fadia Hoffman,
33, gave birth to her son Breden Edward in five minutes while she was
standing in her kitchen talking on the phone. The baby wasn't due for
another three weeks. That morning Hoffman woke up feeling funny, but not
having any contractions. She called the hospital, but within a few minutes
her water broke. "It popped out like an alien," she said. "It
just flew on the floor." The baby is safe and healthy. You, Too Can Smell Like Oktoberfest MUNICH, Germany
- A German perfume creator has managed to capture the essence of Munich's
famous Oktoberfest, an annual homage to beer. Inventor Peter Inselkammer
is the mastermind behind the new fragrance that reeks of rancid beer and
cigarette butts. Festival-goers can purchase the pungent aroma, 'Armbrustschuetzenselt'
Crossbow Tent, for around 95 pounds. So, if you're looking to repel beautiful
women and smell like a tavern floor, just look for the pen-shaped bottle
at this year's Oktoberfest. Stefan Szekesy,
48, returned to Avrig, Romania after working in Hungary and Germany for
eight years to find that his wife had declared him dead so she could inherit
his estate. Valerica Szekesy, 37, had declared her husband dead one year
after he left claiming she hadn't heard from him in a few months and she
was sure he was dead. Stefan said he will launch legal action against
his wife, who was living in his home with another man, to regain his f20,000
estate. He said, "I've not been dead ever, not even for a second." As science
continues to find ways to enhance physical beauty, creatures from all
walks of life are beginning to use it to their advantage. In this case,
breeders are giving cows "boob jobs" to help them win bovine
beauty pageants. Several owners have been caught trying to place gas or
liquid into cows' udders to make them bigger and less wrinkled. One outraged
farmer, Elmo Wendorf, is upset by the cheating techniques, saying, "It's
kind of like women having a breast implant. People really hate it when
I compare cows to humans, but it's kind of the same." Several cows
also found the comment insulting. Sailors Charging Sex to the Navy Navy personnel
were found to have been using government credit cards to hire prostitutes
at brothels, gamble, buy jewelry and attend professional sporting events.
Congress-ional investigators have found evidence of fraudulent purchases
exceeding $200,000. The Navy is taking responsibility for failure to monitor
the travel card program. The Pentagon has stepped up its efforts to control
use of the cards. Siobhan Cowtan
was getting into her family's car outside her home in North Yorkshire,
England when a stone, believed to be a meteorite, fell from the sky and
hit her on the foot. She noticed it was hot and showed it to her father.
The family now plans to have it analyzed by scientists at Durham University.
According to Cowtan's father they will have the stone mounted so she can
have it for the rest of her life. He said, "After all, it is not
every day you get hit by a meteorite." Germans Publishing on Toilet Paper FRANKFURT
- Germans will no longer have to bring reading material into the bathroom
while they do their business because German publisher Klo-Verlag is going
to print poems and novels on toilet paper. "We want our books to
be used. That's our philosophy," said Georges Hemmerstoffer, head
of the Klo-Verlag. Each text will be printed several times on each roll,
so as to equally distribute the opportunity for entertainment to all bathroom
visitors. Employee Fired for Not Smoking A Dutchman
lost his job because he broke the company's smoking rules. The strange
part? The man was dismissed for NOT smoking. Jan Elzenga stepped outside
for a breath of fresh air with his colleagues who were enjoying a smoke
break. Unfortunately, the Steeg Packaging company has a policy that only
allows smokers to leave the building. Having been previously warned, Elzenga
was let go. When asked to comment, Elzenga said, "I was sacked for
not wanting to smoke. Could you believe this?" Elzenga thought about
taking action against the company, but decided not to waste his breath. Romanian Sex Park Quite Successful HOREA, Romania
- Corneliu Olar, mayor of Horea, Romania, has managed to successfully
double the birth rate in his village. During his six-year tenure, Olar
has been efficacious in the instatement of his sex theme park. The park
is intended to be an attraction for couples who wish to make love in a
special environment. The site for Olar's Valley of Happiness was chosen
for its reputation as a location where lovers frequented. With facilities
suited for romantic dinners, soothing music and phones for erotic calls,
the park offers a variety of methods to get couples in the mood. Court Says No to Porn Film Childbirth Scene Some time
ago there was a story about a New Zealand woman named Nikki who wanted
to give birth to her child as the climax of a pornographic film entitled
"Ripe." The Department of Child and Family services filed an
injunction against her to stop the film. After a lengthy court battle
the court ruled against Nikki in a landmark decision. A Child and Family
services spokeswoman said, "It is an unnecessary impediment to put
on a child growing up, knowing it has been in a porn movie. The baby is
likely to be harmed merely by association with this film." There
is no information on what the title of the film will be changed to. CHINA - When
arriving at the bottom of a tequila bottle after a long night with the
guys, someone is always dared to take down the worm. However, very rarely,
if ever, does the worm fight back. In China, alcoholic drinks such as
rice wine contain preserved snakes or other creatures in place of the
ever-popular worm. As a man named Li cracked open a bottle during his
lunch break, the pickled snake lunged out of the bottle and bit him in
the neck. The victim was taken to a hospital where he was not believed
to be in any danger. According to the Xin Bao newspaper, the bottle's
stopper was made from wood or cork and allowed air in the vessel, helping
the snake to survive in the bottle for a year. Shisha Smoking Outlawed in Cairo CAIRO - Governor
Adel Labib of Quena, Egypt has banned shisha waterpipe smoking in coffee
shops after he started noticing people who should have been working were
instead sitting in cafes and smoking "hubble-bubbly" pipes.
Shisha smoking is popular among men and women in Egypt, with coffe shops
selling apple, strawberry and rose flavored tobacco. Labib hopes the ban
will stop employees from skipping work. Cafes which violate the ban will
be fined $108 and will be closed down. Smokers will also be fined. Indian Man Bleeds For Art INDIA - A
radical peace campaigner has come up with his own creative way of getting
his message across. In order to gain the attention of world leaders and
citizens concerned with peace, Mahesh Yadav has drawn portraits of world
leaders, not by using paint, chalk or any common artistic supplies, but
his own blood. With the use of a syringe, the 30-year-old Indian doctor
claims he needs five ml of blood to do a 14X22 inch portrait. Yadav has
done 70 'blood' paintings alone of the Dalai Lama. He says he prefers
this method of expression because "blood gets attention." NICOSIA -
Police in Cyprus have hunted down a man who has been spending a little
too much time at weddings recently. The alleged serial groom has been
brought up on polygamy charges after being supposedly married to at least
three women at the same time. The 27-year-old man told police he was only
helping the women to obtain residency permits. Police rejected this claim.
Reports show the man married a Romanian woman in 1997 and two Ukrainian
women within the last six months. Authorities believe that the man may
have more brides residing in Cyprus. Many are curious to find out who
his one phone call went to. Cow Dung Results in Impounded Cattle BOVILL, Idaho
- Bovill bovines are causing quite an uproar among local residents for
their choice of location to leave their waste. About 50 local townspeople
marched into city hall to complain that Lloyd Hall's cows are leaving
a mess on their streets and lawns. Taking matters into their own hands,
several neighbors corralled seven cattle, loaded five of them onto a truck
and took them to a livestock pen as strays. In order to get his livestock
back, Hall must pay $20 per cow plus impoundment costs. CHICAGO,
Illinois - Is there any job that duct tape cannot do? U.S. Army researchers
have found yet another use for this legendary aid. If you've got a pesky
wart that you'd like to remove, waltz on over to the tool shed and find
yourself a nice roll of duct tape. Taking about a month to work, taping
over the wart will suffocate the growth, and the resulting dead tissue
can then be gradually rubbed off with an emery board or pumice stone.
Now, those suffering from unsightly growths can head to the hardware store
instead of the doctor's office to rid themselves of the common wart. Brits Need Moisturizer in Prison ENGLAND -
Along with rape, fighting and rioting, another problem has risen within
the department of corrections: dry skin. Anne Owers, Chief Inspector of
Prisons in England, feels that detainees in a youth jail should have moisturizer
provided for them. In the last six months, there have been five cases
of scabies, while many others suffer from very dry skin. Owers blames
the poor skin conditions on a lack of staff support. Although many agree
that the issue should be addressed, the idea of bringing a moisturizing
lubricant into a youth prison may not be the most intelligent of choices. Boy OK After Being Left at Crack House GRAND RAPIDS,
Michigan - In a panic, a Michigan man called the police to help him locate
his lost son. Fortunately, the crack house where he left him kept the
child out of harm's way. James Jackson told police he left his three-year-old
son at the drug den where he went to get his cocaine, but forgot which
one it was. The toddler spent the night in the confines of the crack house
and was then found, unhurt, at a church where a man and woman had dropped
him off. Foot Fetish Trips up Co-Worker TEL AVIV
- A 33-year-old man has been arrested by Israeli police after they found
205 pairs of ladies shoes, as well as socks and undergarments, in his
attic. Apparently, the man got his kicks stealing and sniffing the shoes
and socks of his female colleagues. He would take the keys of his co-workers,
make copies of them and then go to their houses when they weren't home.
The man was caught after 14 women reported missing shoes, and a private
investigation agency planted one of their female detectives as a new employee
at the high-tech company where he worked. Police say the man would get
sexually aroused by smelling the shoes, and then he would swap stories
and shoes with men who have the same fetish over the Internet. Owl on Ice Pet shop
supervisor Jamie Ansley, 25, of Canterbury, England was beside himself
when his pet owl Olly died 18 months ago. So Ansley now keeps him in a
plastic shroud at the bottom of his freezer cabinet, with instructions
in his will that the bird must be buried beside him when he dies. He is
aware he has a few good years to go yet, but insists that wherever they
put him to rest will be Olly's final resting place too. Not all who knew
Olly are as attached to the bird as Ansley is. He reports that his, "mates
think I'm bonkers." The Instant-Nap Desk Arrives German engineer
Matthias Knigge has designed a desk that converts into a giant pillow
for all the hard-working (or hard-slacking) office workers of the world
that need a quick snooze in the middle of their work day. A prototype
of the desk, made out of walnut, looks ordinary until a small button is
pressed underneath that activates a fan that inflates a bright orange
airbag which unfolds through an opened panel on the desktop. Knigge hopes
his "airbag table" doesn't inspire people to work longer hours.
He thinks it's good for people to get out of the office after a while
and get a life. CALGARY,
Canada - Like most major sporting event streakers, a hockey fan in Calgary
was unable to slip past security. However, he did manage to slip on the
ice and knock himself unconscious. Wearing nothing but a pair of red socks,
the fan hopped the boards and landed on the frozen rink. Once his feet
touched the ice, he fell backwards and subsequently cracked his head.
The bold buff in his birthday best was removed on a stretcher to a loud
ovation from the crowd of 15,000. Norway -
One Norwegian man has had enough of all the beautiful people he sees portrayed
in the media. Trond Andresen of the Norwegian Institute of Technology
claims the media is discriminating against ugly people. Reports from the
Bergens Tidende quote Andresen as saying that "Ugly people should
be spotlighted in the same way that the media wishes to emphasize persons
from ethnic minorities." Andresen's sentiments are supported by Wencke
Muhleisen at the Centre for Women and Gender Research who says that the
media should be giving ugly people more exposure. Bird-Brained Psychiatry in Britain Businessmen
in Britain are paying to lie on a couch for half an hour and pour their
hears out to a parrot named Jessie. Despite the fact that Jessie doesn't
talk, those who have tried it claim it helps enormously. The pet's owner,
hypnotherapist Raymond Roberts, said that by talking to the parrot, your
blood pressure lowers resulting in a general feel good factor. Roberts
first used budgies and then cockatiels before realizing Jessie worked
the best. The sessions have now taken off - and Raymond is planning to
take on more birds. Whole New Meaning to the Term Love Bite CALIFORNIA
- Some people are so adorable that you could just eat 'em up. Unfortunately
for a 65-year-old California man, his sex-starved wife took the cliche
a little too seriously. After Arthur Pratt had denied his wife's request
to make love, Kelli attacked her husband with teeth of fury. During her
assault, Kelli managed to tear out two huge chunks of flesh from her elderly
husband's chest. When police arrived on the scene after Arthur's frantic
911 call, Kelli was found "with blood all over her mouth from the
bites." Six days after the ravenous onslaught, Arthurpassed away
from a heart attack. Police may prosecute Kelli on a homicide charge,
pending a coroner's investigation. Italian Man Arrested for Impersonating Priest GALLARATE,
Italy - A 23-year-old Italian man is going to have a tough time getting
through the pearly gates when his time comes. The unnamed man has been
arrested after being charged for pretending to be the substitute of a
priest who was on a pilgrimage. The former cook held mass for an entire
week in the absence of the parish priest of village Gallarate. Daily masses
were held by the Christian con before fleeing with over $1,200 of parishioners'
donations. Serbian Brides Undergo Witch Tests SERBIA -
Superstitious grooms in Serbia are using broomsticks to check whether
their brides are witches. The test conducted at Djundjerski Castle in
Kulpin involves weighing women and then weighing them again sitting on
a broomstick. If they weigh more the second time around, they are not
being supported by the broomstick and "certainly not a witch."
To make it official, certificates are issued to non-witches. However,
many men claim they don't need any test to tell them that their wife is
a real witch. Libertarian Candidate Quite Blue GREAT FALLS,
Montana - Although it may appear to be the case, Stan Jones is not representing
the Blue Party in his run for Senate. The 63-year-old Libertarian has
managed to turn his skin permanently blue in an effort to ward off disease.
Jones started taking colloidal silver in 1999 for fear that Y2K disruptions
could possibly lead to an antibiotic shortage. He made the concoction
himself by electrically charging a couple of silver wires in a glass of
water. Jones says that because of his condition, termed argyria, "People
ask me if it's permanent and if I'm dead." Grandma Bears Her Own Grandchildren RAPID CITY,
South Dakota - What sounds like a story of twisted incest at first actually
turns out to be a very heartwarming story. Sharon Dunn, 48, has given
birth to twin girls, Kaitlyn and Shelby, whom she is proud to call her
granddaughters. This tale of motherly love occurred after Dunn agreed
to be a surrogate mother to help her 25-year-old daughter, Trish, who
was born without a uterus. The girls were delivered by Caesarean section
and have remained in the neonatal intensive-care unit. Hitler's Bookmark Stolen in Spain MADRID, SPAIN
- An 18-karat gold bookmark believed to have been given to Adolf Hitler
by his mistress, Eva Braun, was stolen from a Madrid auction house in
the middle of the day. Three thieves took the bookmark in addition to
several pieces of jewelry from a glass showcase during working hours.
One thief was caught, but the bookmark has not been recovered. The bookmark
features an engraving of Hitler's face at the top, under an imperial eagle
perched on a swastika. The inscription read, "My Adolf, do not worry
because the Paulus incident, this unworthy event, was only a setback that
cannot weaken your certainty of victory. My love for you will be eternal,
as our Reich will be eternal. Always yours, Eva. 3-2-43," referring
to the ending of the siege of Stalingrad. The bookmark was to have been
offered for auction Tuesday with a starting price of $4,900. Customer Locked in Bank Vault BUENOS AIRES,
Argentina - One man's trip to the bank turned into a very long weekend.
Roberto Lifsitz spent 66 hours in a bank vault after staff forgot about
him while he attempted to retrieve money from his safety deposit box.
He was trapped from 4 pm on Friday until 10 am on Monday, when he was
found by a security guard. With only a pack of biscuits to tide him over,
Lifsitz was forced to urinate in plastic bags in case extreme thirst overcame
him. "Luckily it didn't," he added. Although the bank's employees
are to blame for his horrifying ordeal, Lifsitz will not be suing the
bank. Housecat Starts Fire, Wakes Up Family BERLIN, Germany
- In the northwest town of Luedenhausen, a family pet managed to endanger
its family and save their lives all in one night. A black-and-white cat
named Mimi was playing in the family kitchen when it accidentally switched
on an electric oven, igniting a stack of papers. Fortunately, the clever
feline was able to awaken the family by meowing loudly and pushing heavy
objects on the floor. A police spokesman quoted, "Mimi saved the
family. There would have been a major fire had she not raised the alarm."
GRONINGEN,
Netherlands - An overabundance of clients is putting a beauty salon in
jeopardy. The Dutch salon for homeless people and tramps is facing closure,
as it struggles to find enough companies to donate the necessary products
it needs. The lack of shampoos, hair creams and other beauty supplies
may put the place under. One spokesperson added, "We especially need
razor blades, clippers and socks. Especially socks because we need them
for tramps to wear after having a foot care session." With at least
five clients each day, the salon needs help. Kanchana
Ketkaew, 30, of Thailand, is the Guinness Book of World Records' new "Scorpion
Queen" after she endured 32 days - two days longer than the previous
record holder - in a glass room with 3,000 live scorpions. Ketkaew, who
has immunity to the scorpion venom after performing with them at a snake
farm tourist attraction, suffered more than 10 searing stings. More than
400 scorpions were added to replace those that were killed. According
to Ketkaew, the worst part is the smell of the live scorpion's waste.
She also said that over 500 baby scorpions were born and that all the
scorpions go into a frenzy late at night. Students Signing Up for Condom Tests LONDON -
One hundred to 150 students are being recruited to test condoms - and
get paid for it. Students will rate the pleasure, comfort and performance
qualities of a range of condoms from German manufacturer Condomi. Successful
applicants will be paid 100 pounds per academic term. Would-be testers
will be asked to fill in an application available online. Among the voluntary
questions asked of candidates will be: how many partners they have had,
how often they have sex and how long it lasts, with the option to click
various boxes marked from "under one minute" to one marked "1.5-two
hours." VANDENBERG
AIR FORCE BASE, California - One little hot dog in California is stirring
up a lot of controversy among the animal rights community. Brutus the
Skydiving Dog is a parachuting Dachshund who performs at air and space
shows. A previous misconception was that the dog jumped solo, however,
the pooch is actually tucked into a special pouch affixed to his partner
and owner, Ron Sirull during his plummet to the earth. While activist
Shirley Cram feels it "is cruelty to animals", the dog's veterinarian
and the Arizona Humane Society have signed off the activity as being safe
for the pup. Brutus has logged 100 jumps so far in his career.. Viagra a Boon to Animals Everywhere The medical
wonder Viagra is saving more than the sex drive of impotent men. Many
cultures believe that certain exotic animal body parts can cure the problem
of sexual difficulty in men. However, since the drug's introduction in
1998, the worldwide demand for these strange animal aphrodisiacs has dropped
by more than 70%. Seeing as how the drug is cheaper than seal penis or
reindeer antler moss, Viagra is helping to save the world's wildlife.
Russian Soldiers Beaten With Dildo A Russian
company commander has admitted beating his soldiers with a dildo. Captain
Damir Ilyasov received a two-year suspended sentence for hitting his subordinates
with a black latex object. Soldiers who were not looking after their uniforms
properly were beaten with the dildo, which Ilyasov had bought in a sex
shop. Laundromat Bar a Hot Item in Germany OTTENSEN,
Germany - One Laundromat in Germany is scrubbing out the boredom of the
typical laundry scene and turning it into a place for social entertainment.
The disco launderette is equipped with not only a row of washer-dryers
but also a fully licensed bar and DJ booth. Local students are seizing
the opportunity to indulge themselves and their clothes in some suds at
the same time. In a clever attempt at cross-promoting, cocktails such
as 'Fast Spin' and 'Fabric Softener' are popular menu items. Car Radio Not Worth Stealing DIEZ, Germany
- Sometimes it pays to own poor quality products. A disappointed thief
in Germany changed his mind after he broke into a man's car with thoughts
of stealing the stereo. When the owner returned to his vehicle, he found
two things: his car had been broken into and a note on the driver's seat.
The badly spelled note read: "Your radio's s*&@! Not worth stealing!"
It was unclear whether the car owner was offended by, or gracious towards,
the criminal. Tree-House Dweller Given the Boot CALIFORNIA
- After 12 long years of living in his beloved California home, a 58-year-old
man is being forced out. In order to fulfill his self-entitled duties
as guardian of the San Mateo County mountain's lupines, owls and mission
blue butterflies, Besh Serdahely built his carefully-crafted home in the
niche of a huge coastal oak for himself and his wife. Unbeknownst to him,
Serdahely's tree house was located on county, not state, property, as
previously believed. Unfortunately, it is illegal to live in a county
park in California. OSLO - The
hunt is on for the cousin of the world's most notorious monster. An international
team of monster hunters unveiled a giant trap to capture a fabled serpent,
described as the cousin of Scotland's Loch Ness monster, in a lake in
south Norway. The trap is an 18-foot-long, tube-shape, comprised of a
metal frame with nylon netting. The team plans to dangle the cage in the
lake over a two week period. Once the creature is captured, they will
"take a DNA sample, document the serpent and then release it into
the lake." The beast has been described as a serpent with the head
of an elk or a horse. The only thing scarier than the serpent is the idea
that men from all over the world are patiently waiting with their giant
trap to capture a "monster." Pig Brain Extract Delays Aging The Russians
have developed a formula extracted from pig brains that is said to delay
aging and improve brain power. When Thailand's Prime Minister, Thanksim
Shinawatra, found out about the elixir on a recent trip to Russia, he
was so excited about it he instructed the Ministry of Science and Technology
to create a Thai version of it. He believes the successful production
of it could boost tourism in the country. An interesting approach none
the less. Vanilla Extract a Little Too Popular Grocery stores
in Pennsylvania are taking vanilla extract off their shelves after owners
found thieves were stealing it to get drunk. Apparently, Bill Jones, manager
of Boyer's Food Market kept finding empty boxes and bottles in the parking
lot. At first he thought they had been previously purchased, but later
discovered they were being stolen for their high alcohol content. The
owners of the store were forced to keep the vanilla extract behind the
customer service counter. Elizabeth Peroni, spokeswoman for the Pennsylvania
Food Merchants Association said, "I'd heard of people stealing baby
formula to get money for drugs," she said. "But this is a new
one." Chicago Bears Game Delayed by Anthrax Scare CHICAGO (AP)
-- Chicago Bears football practice was delayed nearly two hours today
after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on
the practice field. Head coach Dick Jauron immediately suspended practice
while police and federal investigators were called to investigate. After
a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance
unknown to players was the goal line. Practice was resumed after special
agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again. MANCHESTER,
England - Tired of eating the same old whipped cream and chocolate syrup
off of naked bodies? The Samsi Japanese restaurant in Manchester, England
is offering its guests a delectable Asian cuisine served on the bodies
of two nude women. Angel Tan, 22, and Kit-Ying Ross, 25, have volunteered
to act as human tables for "nyataimori" nights on Fridays at
the restaurant. The Japanese word translates as "adorned body of
a woman." Some dinner choices include lobster, smoked salmon sushi
and garlic udon noodles. The guests may only touch the women in appropriate
ways with the chopsticks. A 100-year-old
man may have discovered the fountain of youth, as he credits his lengthy
life-span to one particular elixir: Beer. Edgar Moore claims he has downed
two pints a day since he left school at the age of 14. Adding up the years
and pints, his grand total brings him just under 63,000 pints of beer.
The cost of such a regimen at today's prices would bring Moore's bar tab
up to over $135,500. The retired farm worker told a local tabloid, "I've
enjoyed a couple of pints of mild every single day since I started work,
and I think its kept me young." Mr. Moore was bought his first beer
by fellow farmhands in 1916 and didn't miss a day for 61 years at the
Mill Road club in Scunthorpe, Lincolnshire, England. Bus Driver Gives Wheel to 14-Year-Old HAMILTON,
New Jersey - Perhaps bus driver John Stephens, 34, should have heeded
this advice in light of his arrest for endangering the welfare of two
students. On the way home from school, Stephens allowed a 14-year-old
student to get behind the wheel. The only other student on the bus was
left with cuts and bruises after the young driver braked too hard. When
Stephens was forced to apologize to reporters, he was quoted, "What
was I thinking? I obviously wasn't thinking too clearly to let a child
get behind the wheel of a bus." Even though his boss took Stephens
off driving duties, he remains reluctant to fire him because he is a "model
employee with personal integrity." Defendant Challenges Magistrate to Combat An unemployed
mechanic from Suffolk in the United Kingdom wants to fight to the death
with a government-selected champion over charges he failed to notify the
motor vehicle department his motorbike was off the road. The online Mirror
newspaper reports 60-year-old Leon Humphreys shocked magistrates by demanding
the medieval right to trial by combat. Humphreys says the request meant
he did not have to enter a plea, but a local magistrate decided it translated
into a plea of innocent and adjourned the case. Trial by combat, the Mirror
reports, was started by the Normans, who believed God would only back
the victor, so whoever was left standing was declared in the right. Ballistic Squirrel Terrorizes Neighborhood KNUTSFORD,
England - An English town can now breathe easy after one of its brave
citizens hunted down a vicious animal that had been terrorizing innocent
passer-by's. The final straw for Geoff Horth was when the crazed gray
squirrel attacked his two-year-old granddaughter. The young girl was taking
a walk with her mother when she stopped to admire the squirrel before
it pounced on her face and sank its teeth into her forehead. After her
mother pried the varmint off her face, young Kelsi Morley bled heavily
from the deep gash she received. Horth hunted down the animal and disposed
of it with extreme prejudice by way of an air rifle. Several other victims
were relieved to know that the critter was laid to rest. French Prostitutes Protest Ruling A government
plan in Paris to create the crime of "passive soliciting" was
met with great protest. Hundreds of masked prostitutes marched on the
French Senate to show their disapproval of this law that would have them
jailed simply for standing in the street and would allow authorities to
confiscate the residence permits of foreign prostitutes. The bill does
promise leniency to those who denounce or testify against their pimps.
Corinne Monnet, of the Lyon-based association Cabiria, which defends the
interests of prostitutes, said "How can you expect prostitutes to
denounce people who threaten their families? If they are made into criminals,
they'll need their pimps more than ever." The bill has yet to be
examined by parliament. Wife-Swapping Legalized in Germany BERLIN, Germany
- The top court of Germany has finally put its foot down on the concept
of wife-swapping in the conservative southern state of Bavaria. They've
ruled that "swinger clubs, "social meeting places where couples
meet other couples and swap partners, are not immoral. The decision marks
a huge victory for one Bavarian man who has been fighting to keep the
swinging ideal alive for several years. "This is very positive for
all German swingers," said Volker Erhardt, owner of Club Carat in
Wuerzburg. Child Nursing From Cow Quite a Spectacle INDIA - While
public breast-feeding is generally frowned upon in today's society, hundreds
of people are rushing to a village in eastern India to watch one particular
nursing take place. They flock to watch a thirteen-month-old infant suckle,
not from its mother, but from a neighbor's cow. The infant refuses to
take milk from its mother and instead crawls next door where it feeds
from the udder of a cow. As cows are deemed sacred by Hindus, which make
up 85 percent of India's population, scores of worshippers are queuing
up to worship the child and the cow. Australian Woman Held, Tortured for 3 Years AUSTRALIA
- After three years of torture and abuse, a woman is finally free from
her tormenting partner. The unidentified woman was held captive in a garage
by 41-year-old Graeme John Slattery. Slattery faces 210 charges against
him for incidents such as forcing the woman to eat feces, piercing her
nipple with a sewing needle, and forcing her to bang her head against
a brick wall. In sum, the woman was treated as a slave and forced to live
in squalor for a three year period, until she finally escaped and reported
the story. The man's possible sentencing was not disclosed. Fat-Dissolving Clothing on the Market JAPAN - Forget
about those crazy diets, pills and exercise routines for losing weight.
Fuji Spinning Company has created the ultimate solution for weight loss
in a fashionable manner. The Wonderslim attire they've invented is comprised
of knee-high sports pants, two types of girdle and close-fitting men's
boxer shorts. Each fat-trimming garment has a seaweed and caffeine mixture
which is massaged into the skin by the movements of the wearer. The combination
is said to interact with natural chemicals in the body and cause fat from
around the clothed area to dissolve. Spokesman Makoto Suzuki explains,
"Our products give people a helping hand where it is most needed."
Zurich Hotel's Red Carpet Stolen ZURICH -
Brash thieves rolled up the red carpet outside a swank Zurich hotel on
Friday, making off with an expensive wool rug in the dead of night even
though it was screwed down. Zurich police asked anyone stepping across
a red carpet with "Welcome to Atlantis Hotel Zurich" in blue
letters to call. Police Car Joyride Ends in Crash FORT LAUDERDALE,
Florida - A police car crashed and caused at least two collisions that
injured three people in a Florida city on Monday. The 15-year-old criminal
behind the wheel had crawled from the back seat after he was arrested
and took the car on a 10-minute joyride that ended with the crash. After
being thrown into the back of the police car as a result of a three-minute
foot chase with the cops, Herbert Marlin Johnson managed to maneuver his
restrained hands and hop into the driver's seat. Deputies say they don't
know how Johnson was able to free himself, but the experience has made
them feel better about 16 years being the legal driving age. Man Shackles Daughter to Prevent Truancy SANTA FE
- Ronnie Eugene Robbins, 33, said he shackled his daughter's ankles because
a judge threatened him and his wife with arrest if they failed to prevent
the girl's chronic runaway and truancy problems. He is now facing criminal
charges of injury to a child and endangering a child. The man was reported
to police after a witness reported seeing the girl in ankle chains at
a local convenience store with her father. According to Robbins, this
was only the second time his daughter, Heaven Robbins, had actually been
restrained by the shackles. He also said his daughter chose ankle chains
over having her wrist tethered to his wrist with a nylon strap. Restaurant Washes Toilet Seats in Dishwasher STOCKHOLM
- An international hamburger chain in western Sweden made one customer
lose his appetite. As the man entered the men's room of the restaurant,
he noticed that all the toilet seats were missing. As he asked the staff
where they had disappeared to, an employee took them out of the dishwasher
where they were being cleaned along side numerous trays and kitchen utensils.
Trying to comfort the disgusted customer, the employee assured him that
a freshly washed toilet seat would be warm and pleasant to sit on. After
alarming the city's environmental and health inspector, the restaurant
decided to can that idea. Woman Impregnated With Wrong Sperm A High Court
judge in England says it was the Leeds General Infirmary that mixed up
fertility treatments resulting in a white woman with a white husband giving
birth to black twins. The British Broadcasting Corp. says genetic tests
show the woman was the biological mother of the twins, but she was impregnated
with the wrong sperm. The BBC reports that experts say such a mix-up is
very rare -- never more than a couple of times a year out of thousands
of fertilization procedures. The black couple involved still is trying
to have a child, but there will be a hearing to establish legal parentage
of the twins. When the Heat's On, Fruit Flies Turn Gay BERLIN, Germany
- When the heat is on, some have no choice but to come out of the closet
and expose their true selves. A German magazine has reported that researchers
have found that the fruit fly, or "drosophilae melanogaster",
can show homosexual tendencies when temperatures are increased above 86
degrees Fahrenheit. During testing, the flies displayed normal heterosexual
behavior when the temperature was below 86. However, once the heat got
turned up, the male flies got turned on to the other males and chased
after them. A woman in
Santa Monica, California, is attempting to lose weight in a manner others
may not be able to stomach--an all-semen diet. Porn star named Kim Kelly
hopes to lose between 10 and 20 pounds by spending 30 days on a diet consisting
largely of semen -- or as she prefers, "man juice." So far,
more than 800 men have offered to help Kelly with her diet. Man Finds Insect Gestating in His Back You can imagine
how surprised Kevin Gilvary was when he noticed a living creature coming
out of his back. While changing the dressings on what he thought was a
mosquito bite, he looked in the mirror and saw a "yellowish head
sticking out and wiggling." With one squeeze, the larva popped out
on to a tissue and was sealed in a jar for Gilvary to examine. Amazingly,
the inch-long bug had been nesting inside the man's back for three months,
after he was "bitten" while trekking through the South American
jungle. Kevin and his partner Christine have already booked their next
trip to Cuba and will most likely bring plenty of bug spray. 75-Year-Old Man Survives 3 Days in Outhouse VIRGINIA
- A 75-year-old retired janitor found himself trapped in one of the worst
places on Earth. The World War II veteran described the setting as "The
Bible's hell." Coolidge Winesett was imprisoned at the bottom of
an outhouse for almost three days. With no one around to help him, Winesett
endured hellish elements like maggots, snakes, spiders, rats and the unholy
smell. All he kept thinking was, "God, don't let me die like this."
Finally, a mail carrier found Winesett doubled over and hallucinating
in the pit. After the horrific ordeal, Winesett decided, "I'm going
to have me a bathroom put in." Indian Man Smokes Cigarettes Through Ears BIKANER,
India - Cigarette smoking can bring major damage to the mouth, throat,
lungs and heart. But has there ever been a case where a person's ears
were harmed? An Indian man has reportedly become famous for his ability
to chain-smoke through his ears. Dharmendra Singh has been seen smoking
up to 20 cigarettes in a row through his ears. He says, "Since childhood
I wanted to do something different and new. For the past one or one-and-a-half
years I have tried to smoke through my ears." His talents also include
the ability to whistle through his nose. Healer Exposed in Nude Ritual Scam HARARE, Zimbabwe
- A traditional healer in Zimbabwe is on trial after telling a woman that
she would gain her entry into Britain if she paraded naked around him
in a spiritualistic ritual. After she paid him the Z$23,000 fee, he ordered
the woman to strip naked and walk around him while he sprinkled her with
water to cleanse evil spirits. The healer is being tried on criminal injury
charges for allegedly coercing the woman to go through the humiliating
ordeal. After exposing herself, the woman was able to expose the healer
for the fraud that he is. Looking for
some fun to spice up your experience in the men's room? The Prostate Cancer
Charity has introduced a biodegradable powderball that gradually disintegrates
on contact with liquid, appropriately named Peeball. Researchers in Europe
have found that Peeball has been quite a success, with 10,000 already
sold before advertising has begun. Producers of Peeball claim that to
play peeball once is to be hooked for life. The object of the game is
to dissolve the ball as quickly as possible, either by a direct stream
or an intermittent assault on the target. There is no word on any possible
Peeball tournaments in the near future, but that's no reason to not start
training. Man Attempts to Exchange His Infant Daughter ROMANIA -
There are just some things in life that you get and cannot exchange for
a different item. As a Romanian man learned, one of these items is a child.
The disappointed father tried to bribe maternity nurses to swap his newborn
daughter for a boy. He claimed that he always wanted a boy and that "girls
are more expensive." Upset that the nurses wouldn't comply with his
request, the man refused to take his wife and daughter home. Perhaps he'll
remember to get his receipt at the next delivery. Man Finds 10 Pounds of Cocaine in New Car Some cars
come equipped with standard features like power locks, power windows,
airbags, etc. A New Mexico man received an added feature that isn't found
too often in a newly purchased vehicle. As he was repairing the emergency
brake on his recent acquisition, he discovered almost 10 pounds of cocaine
under the vehicle's console. Where did the man get the car from? He bought
it at a police auction a week earlier. The authorities were immediately
contacted to handle the situation. The Las Cruces-Dona Ana County Metro
Narcotics Agency was the department that seized the vehicle in June of
2001. They'll look harder next time. It's Raining Shit in Pennsylvania FREEPORT,
Pa. - A couple in western Pennsylvania was forced to stay in their home
to avoid being hit by falling debris. The woman resident said she found
purple, black and blue ice clumps on her house, sidewalk, swimming-pool
cover and her mother-in-law's car. The strange matter apparently fell
from out of the sky. What those clumps contained was human waste from
an airplane bathroom that had been released at high altitudes. Although
it is illegal for planes to dump lavatory waste in flight, the FAA says
it's quite possible for what's known as "blue ice" to break
away from planes as they descend to warmer altitudes. Such an occurrence
is unlikely to be predicted on The Weather Channel. LINCOLN,
Neb. - According to the Chinese zodiac, 2002 is the year of the horse.
However, in Lincoln, Nebraska, it seems the year belongs to the rat. The
Lincoln campus of Nebraska Wesleyan is set to host the return of the Rat
Olympics. Several students have been training hard with their rats for
the stiff competition in events like track, weight lifting and long jump.
School psychology Professor Spencer Morrison claims that training rats
provides a great way for students to examine animal behavior. Unlike the
human version of the Olympics, there will be no testing for steroids.
When a Cemetery Comes Through Your Wall RIO DE JANEIRO,
Brazil - Imagine having a dinner party crashed by a bunch of uninvited
dead people. A Brazilian home encountered the eerie situation as bones,
coffins and crosses crashed through its kitchen wall after a torrential
rain washed out part of a neighboring cemetery. Pouring into the home
was a lovely mixture of earth, body parts, coffins and pieces of tombstones.
The remnants of the dead were left in the kitchen for an entire weekend
before funeral home employees were expected to clean it up the following
Monday. Needless to say, the residents have a bone to pick with cemetery
officials. Police Officer Attacked by Sheep NEW ZEALAND
- A police officer finally got his suspect in cuffs after an attack on
one of his colleagues. It wasn't easy, but the New Zealand constable was
able to wrestle the fugitive sheep to the ground and handcuff its legs
together. The two officers were sent to round up the loose sheep that
panicked and ran into a garage. Frightened, the ewe attacked one of the
constables who had followed it and left the peacekeeper limping with torn
trousers. Police spokesman Sergeant Andrew Bardsley joked that the sheep
was "facing charges of assaulting a police officer and unlawfully
entering a building." It is unclear whether or not the injured officer
found the joke funny. Beer Baths All the Rage in Berlin BERLIN -
People have come up with some pretty interesting ways of enjoying food
and drink other than simply consuming it. From fun with Jell-O Wrestling
to removing skunk odors with tomato baths, people have put their food
to good use. Thanks to a brewery in Germany, a beer has been developed
that you can use to wash down food or wash down your body. Neuzelle, the
Leipzig brewery, says that the dark brown brew has restorative powers
for the mind and body to improve the skin and pep up the spirits. Contrary
to popular belief, "When you get to work, you won't smell like you've
just emerged from the corner bar." While it is also an enjoyable
beverage, brewers advise against drinking the beer once it has been mixed
with bathwater. You'd expect
airport security to react if you were carrying a box cutter or a sack
of mysterious powder, the Philadelphia CityPaper says, but one man was
detained at Philly International because of a book he was carrying. Neil
Godfrey, 22, of Phoenix was told at the United Airlines ticket counter
he had been selected for a random baggage search. The paper says that,
as he passed through the metal detector, an airport security guard frowned
at Godfrey's reading selections as they disappeared through the conveyor
belt. On the cover of one book, "Hayduke Lives!" by Edward Abbey,
was an illustration of a man's hand holding several sticks of dynamite.
The 1991 novel is about a radical environmentalist who blows up bridges
and sabotages projects he believes are destroying the Southwest landscape.
After going through hours of questioning by police and even the National
Guard, with more than a dozen people looking at that book -- and his Harry
Potter book -- and taking notes, Godfrey ultimately was told he would
not be able to fly on United Airlines. LONDON -
Sid Hibbit, 54, booked his burial plot in a county churchyard in 1989
in hopes of being laid to rest next to a woman who took care of him when
he was young. But while he was attending a funeral a few weeks ago he
noticed the grave had been taken. There is no headstone on the grave.
Church officials said they have no records of anyone being buried there.
Police said they planned on investigating. Hibbitt said he still hopes
to be buried there but, "If anything sinister has been going on I'm
not going in there." BERLIN, Germany
- Many children have aspire to one day venture into outer space, but only
a select few are ultimately given the opportunity. After waiting a lifetime
to blast off into space, Heinz Mueller will finally launch into orbit
this January, though perhaps not under the circumstances he would have
imagined as a child. Mueller's ashes will be sent up in a Russian rocket
as his dying wish to his wife Urte. The widow has paid an American company
almost $11,000 to arrange for her husband's ashes to be taken into orbit.
His remains will circle the earth for about five to six years before dispersing
and disintegrating. Cheating is Good for a Marriage TURIN, Italy
- Dr. Lucielle Ostertag from the Italian Institute of Social Sciences
has conducted a study that found extramarital affairs to be healthy for
marriages. According to the scientific study, the more extramarital flings
a couple enjoys, the more likely they are to remain together and the happier
they will be. Ostertag has created guidelines for those who want to try
cheating as a way of strengthening their marriage. The steps include the
Long Distance Rule: any time you are out of your own area code it doesn't
count as cheating, don't ask/don't tell, live guilt-free and don't keep
in touch with the people you cheat with. She also notes that out of state
affairs are best because you are less likely to be caught. Road Kill Center of Controversy ACTON, Maine
- A woman in Maine is upset after not being paidfor the road kill she
created. After Lisa Pierce's car struck and killed a moose, she felt it
was within her legal right to claim monetary restitution for the meat
that was given away by police after the incident. According to Pierce,
"I want to be compensated for the meat." A butchered or dressed
moose, which can't be bought or sold anywhere in Maine, can produce hundreds
of pounds of food. Police say she will not be given a cash payment for
her slaughter, but instead will be given the next moose struck in York
County. Playboy Wants to be Loved to Death BERLIN, Germany
- Many people would hop on the chance to be able to decide how they die.
A German playboy has decided how he will meet his maker, and is offering
a $125,000 reward to the woman who can kill him during sex. According
to Berlin property tycoon Rolf Eden, "My real desire is to die on
a lady, while making love." A lawyer has possession of his will which
clearly states the details of who will retain the $125,000 after his death.
Besides the contestants possessing certain physical qualities, the only
stipulation lies in the fact that his death must be from sex and not from
poison or a knife during the encounters. The 72-year-old will be flying
in women from all over the world to give them a shot at helping him leave
this world with a smile on his face. Prison Sperm Smugglers Shut Down WILLIAMSPORT,
Penn. - A New York mobster landed himself in more trouble while serving
his stint in prison. Kevin Granato is one of five organized crime men
indicted on charges of criminal conspiracy for smuggling their sperm out
of a Pennsylvania prison. Authorities became suspicious of the activity
after Granato was seen in the visitation room showing off a toddler he
called his child, even though he had been in prison for the previous ten
years. Granato's wife Regina has been charged with providing a prohibited
object to an inmate: A cryogenic sperm kit. Authorities will do their
best to make sure no more illegal DNA leaves the prison. Naked Man Clings to Roof of Car DELAWARE
- A woman was idly driving her car down the road when she spotted a naked
man clinging to the roof of a passing Volkswagen Jetta. The swerving car
was crossing left to right across the median and ended up slammed into
a concrete barrier. In an attempt to stop his intoxicated wife, Lori Ann,
from hijacking his car from his driveway, Michael Becker ran outside in
his birthday suit and hung onto its side before climbing up to the top.
After the car crashed, the "extremely cold" husband pushed his
wife back into the vehicle, held her down and punctured her thigh 17 times
with a small tool dangling from the rearview mirror. Both were arrested.
Lori Ann received several charges against her, including attempted homicide. NORWAY -
Many women in the country of Norway are making Tupperware parties look
about as old fashioned as the phonograph. These days, women are gathering
in each other's households to pass around and chat about different sex
toys, contraceptives and lubricants. The Condomery is a company fully
run by women and stocks more than an inventive range of sex-related products.
At the moment, the 65 consultants employed by the company have their hands
full with a waiting list of women who are eager for a visit from the sex
gadget supplier. The founders of the Condomery feel their venture might
give women an edge in the male-dominated sex industry. There is no word
on whether or not demonstrations are given. A Clever Solution to Swallowing a Transponder A one-year-old
boy swallowed a radio transponder from his mother's car keys but she managed
to start her vehicle by sitting him on the steering wheel, the British
Broadcasting Corp. reports. The idea came from a patrol officer after
little Oscar Webster ate the critical component, which must be close to
the steering column when the driver starts the car or nothing happens.
The BBC reports the tiny part - the size of an aspirin -- managed to make
contact with the car's immobilizer even though it was passing through
the tot's stomach at the time. The transponder naturally re-emerged later
and Oscar suffered no harm.
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