Australian Brothel Goes Public
- Success in the stock market is heavily rested upon choosing the right
company to invest in. In the near future, the public will be able to purchase
shares in a company that causes more that just stock to rise; an Australian
whorehouse. Marketing itself as a "very busy five-star hotel",
the Aussie bordello is hoping to become the world's first listed brothel
on the market. The reason for its listing is to pay off debts and expand
to more locations.
boy spent the evening stuck in the chimney of a home located in the San
Diego suburb San Ysidro. The boy claims he had been stargazing on the
roof and fell into the chimney. Police were called to the scene at 5 a.m.
local time and firefighters were forced to break apart the chimney to
get him out. The boy was arrested along with two of his friends, as authorities
suspect them of having motives other than stargazing.
Calif. - Some medical care specialists should be commended for going out
of their way to help patients in need. Many stay up late hours, sacrifice
free time and even climb trees to provide health care. California dentist
Dr. Ana Michel made a recent "tree call" to tree-sitter John
Quigley to place a temporary cap on a molar he broke while eating an energy
bar. Quigley has planted himself high up in the oak tree for 39 days to
prevent its removal for road expansion. Dr. Michel climbed the 46 feet
up the tree to help out the needy protestor. Luckily for Quigley, some
dentists are willing to climb the extra mile for their patients.
Student Brings Pot For Teacher
Mass. - It's always a good idea for a child to give a present to their
teacher around the holidays to show their appreciation. This year, a 4-year-old
girl brought her teacher a small bag of marijuana. When teacher Iris Galvez
asked the toddler where she got the gift from, she said it was obtained
"from her mommy." When authorities asked Shelin Colon if she
was aware of her daughter's possession of the contraband she said she
didn't have any drugs in the house and had no clue where the child got
the marijuana. A report of suspected child abuse or neglect has been filed
with Social Services.
designer Jose Monino has created a new trend in underwear fashion. After
working with hair extensions and plaiting a few strands, Monino came up
with the idea of weaving hair to create a new style of underwear. After
an extensive process of thorough cleaning and weeks of careful weaving,
Monino has created a matching bra and panty set out of human hair and
is selling them for over $3,000 per set. The undergarments are highly
priced due to the arduous process of creating each pair.
Manitoba - Canadian farmer Gus Wickstrom developed his own way of predicting
the weather for the next six months. He's calling for snowstorms, mild
spells and May rains after examining 31 pig spleens. The retired farmer
claims that the depressions and fatty deposits from a freshly slaughtered
pig's spleen can forecast the weather. Wickstrom says that the forecast
is accurate for a 200-mile radius around where the pig was slaughtered,
and has predicted correctly more than 80 percent of the time. Aside from
simply forecasting the weather, Wickstrom believes that swine spleen can
be used as a cure for baldness and arthritis.
Celebrating His Birthday at the Dump
- Most kids like to celebrate birthdays at fun-filled places like bowling
alleys, arcades and other youth-friendly environments. Not Michael Wont-Sasso.
For his seventh birthday, Sasso decided to throw a huge party for him
and his friends at the local landfill. His passionate interest in garbage
trucks and recycling gave him the urge to celebrate the day of his birth
on a pile of rotting waste. Michael and 40 of his friends had a blast
as they scurried across mounds of dirt and pushed around a wide variety
of toy dump trucks and bulldozers. Michael's parents looked on proudly
as Michael and his friends got completely trashed.
Speed Zone for the Handicapped
Calif. - In a bizarre twist of social conduct, students in wheelchairs
at a California college campus are being told to respect and be more aware
of walking pedestrians. Valley College officials recently set a speed
limit of 4 mph for the disabled, hoping to keep pedestrians from being
hurt by speeding wheelchairs. Vice President of Administration Tom Jacobsmeyer
proposed the regulation after seeing a student nearly hit by a woman "going
very fast" in a wheelchair. Disabled students compare the regulation
to a "bad joke." First time offenders will be warned, but chronic
violators could be cited, suspended or expelled.
N.J. - A disturbing ransom note was left on the doorstep of Tom and Candy
Konczos of Trenton, New Jersey. An $800 demand was made for the return
of their stolen baby. Police say that the kidnappers left a computer-generated
written note demanding $800 in "small" bills in exchange for
the plastic baby Jesus figurine stolen from the couple's front lawn. The
note was signed by "Me, him and the other kid who was really scared
and didn't want to take your baby Jesus and the whole time all he did
was say stuff like you're going to hell." Although the prank is believed
to be the work of neighborhood teens, the Konczos' and police were a little
disturbed by the note.
Marbles in Penis Provide Pleasure
FIJI - Couples
will try all sorts of new things to spice up bedroom activity. Some choose
moderate activities like role-playing, while others go to extremes and
pierce certain parts of their bodies that most wouldn't dream of. Some
go a step further. Recently, an alarming number of men on the island of
Fiji have been found with marbles sewn under the skin of their penises.
Apparently, this painful practice is performed to heighten pleasure during
sex. It seems these men have found the marbles they lost and put them
back in the wrong place.
Airport Metal Detector to the Rescue
Manitoba - People lose things all the time. Car keys, remote controls
- these kind of items get misplaced on a regular basis. But a two-inch-wide
surgical retractor? Well, after performing surgery on a woman at Regina
General Hospital, doctors failed to realize that they were missing theirs.
The item turned up eventually when the patient had a hard time getting
through an airport metal detector. Having suffered persistent stomach-aches
four months after the abdominal surgery, an x-ray revealed that surgeons
had left the long metal object inside the woman's abdominal cavity. The
woman then had immediate surgery to remove the object and all instruments
were accounted for.
California Man Wins Two Lottery Jackpots
Calif. - Everyday, people gamble a small fraction of their hard-earned
money on the lottery in hopes that they will someday strike it rich. Of
course, only an extremely small percentage of people hit it big in their
lifetime. But Angelo Gallina brought new hope to lottery players everywhere
by beating the odds and winning two jackpots... in the same day. A Stanford
University statistics professor calculated the odds of the occurrence:
One in 23.575 trillion. The 78-year-old retiree took the considerably-less
payout of $6.6 million from the $17.2 million jackpot by receiving it
all at once instead of waiting around for the 26 annual payments.
Ohio - When two young people fall madly in love with each other, there
exist no power great enough to keep them apart... not even restraining
orders. Despite having been beat, bit, choked, held hostage and threatened
to be killed, exotic dancer Kelsey McNamara plans on taking her vows someday
with the love of her life and her assailant, Thomas Lester. But that won't
happen legally until Lester gets a divorce from his current wife. Lester,
22, goes on trial next month for abduction, a charge that carries a maximum
sentence of life in prison.
Family's Doorstop Quite Valuable
checked lately to see if your doorstop was worth anything? Had the Spencer
family of Queensland, Australia done so, they would have gotten a lot
more than they could have imagined. They thought the rock was worthless
and used it as a doorstop for years. It turns out that the Black Star
of Queensland they sold is now on the market for about $90 million. The
black sapphire weighed more than 1100 carats before it was cut and polished
to reveal a brilliant six-point star sapphire weighing 733 carats. Now,
offers are pouring in from all over by heads of state, business people
and some of the wealthiest foundations in the world.
Bosnian Pig Born With Two Penises
Every once in a while a story comes out about a person or animal born
with extra or less body parts than usual. Some extras that have appeared
include toes, fingers and nipples. A report from Bosnia says that a newborn
pig is causing quite a ruckus after entering the world with, not only
two extra legs, but an extra penis as well. The seventy-year-old farmer
who is raising the young piglet has received a lot of interest from people
who want to either raise him or put him on display. Local vets claim the
case is rare but not unheard of. A few months earlier a Croatian goat
was born with eight legs, two tails and two penises. Thinking of an appropriate
name for the pig, the farmer went with the obvious: Lucky.
Villager Stoned - Mistaken for Ghost
- Imagine returning home after being gone for a couple of days and instead
of being met with the love of your friends and neighbors you are repeatedly
pelted by large rocks thrown by those friends and neighbors. That's what
happened to Ravindran. He went back home several days after his village
thought he was dead. Thinking he had hung himself days earlier, startled
villagers couldn't believe their eyes and thought the man they saw was
not Ravindran but his ghost. Police say the man who hung himself was mistakenly
identified as Ravindran before the body was handed over to the family
to be cremated.
For those who enjoy gambling, it's always a good idea to check out what
the odds are. So, in case you planned on betting that Michael Jackson
will have a full head transplant next year, just know that the odds are
500/1 against you. Bookmakers William Hill are taking bets now, and feel
pretty confident, that Jackson's transplant is about as likely to occur
as someone finding Elvis Presley alive. Some other unique bets being offered
include 10/1 that Britney Spears will become pregnant, 14/1 that England
will win the Cricket World Cup and 7/2 that Elizabeth Hurley and Hugh
Grant will wed.
17-Year-Old Girl Hogties Trespassers
OHIO - 17-year-old
Melissa Alexander sprinted outdoors barefoot after seeing three men running
from her home in the wee morning hours. Clad in pajamas, she outran one
of the trespassers, tackled him like a calf in a rodeo, then hogtied him
with a rope until police arrived minutes later. Melissa Alexander, a junior
at Valley View High School in Ohio, said her training in track and running
bases for the varsity softball team came in handy, as did her ability
to handle horses, which she cares for at her family's property. As a result
all three of the suspects, two 18-year-olds and a 17-year-old, have been
caught and charged with theft and criminal trespassing.
Students Forced to Eat Milk Container
While some teachers believe in timeouts or verbal reprimanding, one educator
in Taiwan felt it necessary to enforce a much harsher punishment. After
one student failed to follow orders and crush an empty milk container
before throwing it away, the teacher cut it into 35 pieces and ordered
each student to eat one piece of the aluminum foil container. The students,
aged 11 and 12, were stunned and most just put the foil in their mouths
without swallowing it. An official in the city's Education Department
said the teacher was demoted but not dismissed because she showed remorse
over her conduct.
Singing to Avoid Traffic Tickets in Tennessee
Tenn. - Nobody likes getting pulled over by the police for speeding. Most
people will do just about anything to get themselves out of a hefty fine
and a mark on their driving record. This holiday season, authorities in
Tennessee are giving speeding motorists the chance to sing their way out
of trouble. The town judge continues to follow a three-year tradition
on the last court date before Christmas by letting speed violators off
the hook if they pipe-out various Christmas carols. Those who sang and
donated five canned goods to the Harvest Food Share had their tickets
dismissed with no points put on their driving record. No report was released
on other ways to get out of traffic tickets.
Wal-Mart Pulls the Plug on Pregnant Doll
PA - Wal-Mart is continuing efforts to keep their store wholesome and
respectable by removing inappropriate items from their shelves. While
some of the new Barbie dolls may be becoming a little too racy for children,
the national retail store feels that Barbie's oldest friend, Midge, is
sending the wrong message to children. The pregnant version of the doll
has some parents concerned that the toy promotes teen pregnancy. The pregnant
Midge, who wears a tiny white wedding ring, has a detachable magnetic
stomach that allows for easy "delivery" of the baby. Others
feel that the doll poses no threat and would be a lot better than divorced
and bitter Midge.
Drunk Walking Hazardous in South Africa
S. Africa - Mixing alcohol and any kind of complicated process that involves
coordination of some level makes for an extremely difficult situation.
For this reason, laws were created to keep people from consuming alcohol
and driving a car or operating heavy machinery. To be extra careful, South
Africa is now warning its citizens to not drink and walk. Some 839 pedestrians
were killed, in the month of December alone, by strolling drunk onto unlit
roads at night. Thus, the call has been made by their transport minister
for citizens to not try and walk anywhere after drinking. If you absolutely
must drink while visiting South Africa, make sure to get yourself a designated
Chinese Artist Biting into Babies
China - In some instances, the line between bizarre and downright distasteful
can become blurred. However, due to the substance of Chinese artist Zhu
Yu's demonstration, the story must be told, regardless of audience perception.
Yu is attempting to convey some sort of artistic expression in a documentary
in which he bites into the body of a stillborn human infant. In his own
defense, Yu says, "No religion forbids cannibalism. Nor can I find
any law which prevents us from eating people." In case this spectacle
doesn't catch your attention, the program will feature another man drinking
wine that has been marinating an amputated penis. Bizarrely enough, a
station has actually agreed to show portions of the gruesome event.
Engine Compartment Cooks a Great Turkey
to a report made Christmas Day, one man has found a fast, new and efficient
way to cook a turkey if you're running late. Josh Harper overslept on
the holiday and was in charge of cooking the Christmas bird. Pressed for
time, Harper decided to wrap his turkey up, along with some vegetables,
in silver foil and place it on the engine of his car as he drove the 90
miles to his girlfriend's house. What seemed like a far-fetched idea turned
into a piping hot meal that was ready to eat when he arrived. Harper commented,
"I couldn't believe how well it worked. The spuds were a little firm,
but the turkey was done to a treat."
Boy Wants to Wear Skirts in Foster Care
- The Atlantic Transitional Foster Facility has been reprimanded for prohibiting
a 17-year-old male from wearing dresses and skirts. A court ruled the
city violated the rights of the foster-care teen. The teen, whose name
was withheld because of his age, identifies himself as a female. He has
been diagnosed with a gender identity disorder and is considered legally
disabled. Representatives of the foster-care facility had argued the teen
wore sexually provocative women's clothing in an all-male home. A spokeswoman
for the Administration for Children's Services told The New York Times
it had not yet received the decision but had moved the youth to a home
where he can wear what he wants.
In a state
of sheer terror, an English woman was trapped inside her own home for
24 hours as a dark, shadowy figure lingered outside her front door. Fearing
that the sinister creature was the Beast of Bodmin, a huge, black mythical
creature, probably of the cat family, having the usual refinements of
burning eyes and fiery breath, the woman remained a prisoner of fear.
Eventually, she gathered up the courage to call the RSPCA, whose officers
rushed to the scene to confront the snarling beast. They came to her rescue
and were able to subdue the black plastic bag that was filled with a number
of telephone directories that had kept the frightened woman tucked away
in her home for an entire day.
Of all the
groups that might have a Web site with the URL nice-tits.org - bird watchers
probably are the last to come to mind. They must be a fun bunch, though,
if their tongue-in-cheek home page - the official site of the Royal Tit-Watching
Society of Britain - is any indication. "We hope you enjoy viewing
our splendid collection of tits," it invites, providing links to
pictures - of birds - and to an online store where shoppers can purchase
clothing bearing the provocative logo. This is the oldest British tit-watching
society, formed in 1824 by Lord Roylott of Stoke Moran, who was an ornithologist
and author of "A Comparison Of The Short-Distance Migratory Patterns
of the Blue, Long-Tailed and Bearded Tits."
Ball Buster Goes for Guinness Record
INDIA - If
you take a look at the latest edition of the Guinness Book of World Records,
you will find that some people have performed extremely weird and painful
acts just to get their names in the book. Bibhuti Bhushan Nayak is no
exception. The 34-year-old fitness expert claimed to have made his mark
after three concrete blocks were smashed on his groin, defeating the previous
record of two. His inspiration came from a karate expert he met in Japan
who used his mind to perform extraordinary physical feats by numbing his
nerves to any kind of pain. For his next feat, Nayak plans to break 50
baseball bats with his knee. His record would be a great story for his
grandchildren, but he may have already eliminated any possibility of that
- "We have been taken hostage by two children. Hurry. Help us after
the beep. Now!" This is the message a Danish family left on their
answering machine - all in good fun, of course. But friends and family
didn't get the joke. Instead they alerted authorities that the family
was in trouble. In turn, an anti-terrorism squad raided the family's home.
Police blocked off the area, bombarded the house and soon found it was
a false alarm. Apparently the confusion was caused by misinterpretation
of the message. Friends thought the message said, "We have been taken
hostage WITH two children."
Tossing Cell Phones for Fun and Profit
The Latvian capital of Riga has helped some 300 of its citizens vent their
frustrations by allowing them to physically take out their anger for cash.
For those perturbed with the performance of their mobile phones, a $1,000
first prize was up for grabs in the country's first national "Flying
mobile" championship. Those flustered with poor reception, flat batteries,
or even technology passing them by, got their chance to cast their rage
as far as they could throw their phones. The contestant who launched his/her
phone the farthest received a vacation to any chosen destination valued
at $1,000 and the possibility of participating in the fourth world championships
in Finland this August.
who wish to become members of the "mile-high club" will have
an easier time maneuvering around in the bathroom. On May 3, a flight
from Miami to Cancun, Mexico will allow passengers to take off more than
just their seatbelts once the captain turns the sign on. On Naked-Air,
travelers will be able to drop their pants, take off their bras and underwear
and roam the cabin in their birthday suits. Castaways Travel, a Houston-area
travel agency, is offering the world's first all-nude flight for $499
round-trip. However, those thinking about engaging in any lewd behavior
are warned: "Inappropriate behavior is not condoned for this nude
Bible College Wants 666 Prefix Changed
Ky. -- Catchy phone numbers are often used by businesses to promote themselves.
This was not the intent of a small, Appalachian bible college who is fighting
to change its telephone number, which begins with the numbers 666. To
Christians, this is the biblical mark of the beast, the devil. For understandable
reasons, the college would like to rid itself of any possible connections
with Satanic attributes. Perhaps a 463 prefix would be a little more fitting.
BEACH, Calif. - A toy company in California is set to release a line of
action figures that smell like turds, B.O., rotten tuna and bad cheddar.
Under the name Stink Blasters, the three-inch-tall dolls will be for sale
featuring such characters as Dog Breath Danny, Tony Anchovy and Silent
Gasser. And how do these foul-smelling heroes get around? Why, in their
S.U.V. (Stinky Utility Vehicle), of course. While all the figures reek
of something awful, one which parents may want to keep their kids from
buying is Skunk Punk; a punk rocker that leads a band called the Screaming
Handed Out to Losers
Fire Department Lingerie Shop Rescue
While browsing around an erotic lingerie store one woman and her two friends
decided to try on some sexy handcuffs. Unfortunately, the cuffs jammed
and she could not remove them. Store owners called the fire department
to come and help. A crowd gathered to watch the fire crew saw her out
of the cuffs. The West Midlands Fire Service said it sent out an entire
crew to deal with the emergency. The store owner said there were about
six firemen in the shop. The woman left free of the cuffs...and with six
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping, and upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"
The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and then drove to the police station.
The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
Choose Death License Plate Tags
S.C. - Some people like to make political statements by using specially
tagged license plates for their car. Now, one lawmaker said he has a compromise
for the debate over "Choose Life" license plates for South Carolina.
His idea is for people to have the opportunity to have their plates read
"Choose Death." According to State Rep. John Graham Altman,
the proposed bill is simply a reaction to the abortionists. "They're
pro-choice. Well, they've got a choice - whether to buy (the tag) or not."
However, members of Planned Parenthood say that Altman is missing the
point; the debate is over the first amendment, not abortion.
A mentally disturbed 21-year-old man has finally been taken off the streets
after he dropped a club he was juggling and threw it into a passing woman's
head. The victim claimed that the attacker threw the blunt object as hard
as he could, which landed her a trip to the hospital. Before this bizarre
incident, others have been spit on, cursed at and club-targeted as they
passed this man who believes his hands are under the control of masked
Conn. - Every now and again, people will have their prayers answered.
Some people receive blessings they didn't even ask for. When Diane Kurtz
couldn't find her car keys, she prayed to the patron saint of lost articles,
St. Anthony, to return them to her. Not only did she get the keys back
that day, but also a 1 carat diamond wedding ring she had lost 15 years
ago. It was found in the muck at the bottom of a wastewater drainage pool
by a Hartford sewage treatment worker. The man who found it had to do
some in-depth detective work checking state public records to find the
right Kurtz family. The family believes the ring accidentally fell down
the sink in a bathroom.
If You Have the Balls, We've Got the Party
If you're a ram in Iceland, than thousands of people are lusting for your
balls. The Icelandic delicacy known as ram's testicles has become so popular
that meat packers are suffering a shortage of these tasty treats. Reports
say that the shortage comes at a bad time, as the country prepares to
celebrate a four-week long Viking festival known as "Thorria,"
when citizens feast on lots of testicles. Not just a treat for adults,
kindergarten students are nuts for the balls and enjoy pickling them in
a salty brine and eating them with toothpicks. If meat packers can get
their hands on a few more ram nuts, the festival will be a success and
everyone will have a ball.
INDIA - An
Indian man was arrested after authorities discovered he was carrying over
100 human skulls in a duffle bag. Police said he claimed the remains were
to be used by Buddhist monks in religious ceremonies. The 25-year-old
man had collected the skulls from burning pyres in the city of Gaya in
the neighboring state of Bihar. Many believe that carrying skulls is hardly
an offense and should be considered nothing to lose your head over.
Liver Transplant Produces Allergy
- When you receive an organ transplant, you get everything that comes
along with it. A man who underwent a liver transplant developed a life-threatening
allergy to nuts from his new organ. Doctors say the liver had come from
a 15-year-old boy who died of an anaphylactic reaction to peanuts. Since
doctors failed to inform the 60-year-old man, a handful of cashews almost
killed him after severe vomiting, dizziness, blurred vision and a tightened
throat overwhelmed him.
TX. - Imagine a giant package comes to your door, and you're expecting
a gourmet gift inside, but instead you find your dead dad's leg. Such
was the case for a terrified Alaskan woman who was expecting a "LobsterGram,"
not a limb of her deceased father. LaMara Lane is suing Identigene Inc.
for $1 million for breach of contract and mental anguish. The DNA testing
facility claims it was only following orders from a North Dakota judge
when it shipped the leg to Lane. The whole mix-up started when DNA testing
was done to determine if Lane was the daughter of the deceased.
Telemarketing Call Reunites Family
- Don't you hate when those annoying telemarketers call your home? Well,
one California man received the phone call of his life from one of those
pesky salesmen who turned out to be his long-lost father. A bizarre twist
of fate reunited the two when Al Kinkade made a phone call to solicit
a donation to a police and sheriff's Explorer Scout program. After brief
small talk with the telemarketer who shared the same last name, Kellie
Kinkade realized that the man she was talking to was her husband Dan's
father. After asking each other a series of personal questions, the two
men were convinced that their search was over.
Rampaging Bull Hotline Established
Turkey - Veterinarians in Turkey say they are launching a hotline and
a special bull-catching unit to round up rampaging animals during the
Muslim Festival of Sacrifice. As the creatures are rounded up to be slaughtered,
some become fearful and enraged, causing them to flee and lead villagers
on dangerous chases across the city. Now, Turkish citizens won't be hindered
with scrounging through the Yellow Pages the next time a raging bull comes
storming into the living room.
Penguins Burying Historical Structure
- The oldest building on the continent of Antarctica is being ruined by
heaping mounds of penguin crap. The wooden hut, built back in 1899 by
Norwegian explorer Carsten Borchgrevnik, is literally being buried by
steaming piles of guano. The stack of penguin poop is said to already
be up to three feet deep, left by some 100,000 Adelie penguins that have
been hanging around the hut. The rickety wooden structure and an accompanying
roofless storage hut are the only example of the first human habitation
on the continent. The Antarctic Heritage Trust is doing what it can to
restore the hut.
crisis has ensued in rural parts of India. It is affecting thousands of
men who can't find a bride due to the lack of, well, women. Apparently
people in the country have been abusing the use of modern pre-natal scans
by using them to determine the sex of their baby and then terminating
the pregnancy if it is female. In India, there is a traditional preference
to bear boys instead of girls. The illegality of this practice doesn't
seem to stop it - the number of baby girls being born is still dropping,
causing one of the most skewed sex ratios in the world.
A man has
appeared in an Indian court for allegedly smuggling toasters and ovens
40 years ago. The customs department had accused the man of illegally
importing the goods from Poland in 1963. The 84-year-old man says he has
pleaded guilty to put an end to countless visits to various courts. He
faces a fine of around £1,300 or six months jail. The judge has
launched a drive to find the 88 original witnesses, many of who are thought
to be dead.
England - All too often a referee is verbally assaulted for the calls
he makes during a game. After having reached the end of his wits, one
soccer official decided to fight back. Having taken abuse for disallowing
a goal, a referee threatened players with an axe, screaming: "Who
f***ing wants it?" He stormed onto the field with no shirt on and
waved the long axe around his head while shouting obscenities at those
who had criticized him moments ago. One witness had this to say: "He
looked mental. Everyone ran to the far corners of the ground to get away
from him." Then the ref got in his car and drove off. After the incident,
the referee was cut from the league.
- Many will agree that the punishment should always fit the crime. However,
it's a nice consolation when the name fits instead. Shuo-Shan Wang is
heading to court after he botched a voluntary castration on his kitchen
table. Wang performed the procedure on a 48-year-old man who requested
the services of the unlicensed surgeon. Police said the castrated man
began bleeding uncontrollably, his jeans completely soaked as he sat on
a curb. They later found the man's testicles in a jar in Wang's refrigerator.
Mich. - He only goes by his vampire name, Lunadam, but he tells the Grand
Rapids Press he's the real thing and there are many more like him -- unfortunately
not in Grand Rapids. "It's not something that you go, 'Hey, by the
way, I'm a vampire,'" says the 34-year-old divorced father. For most
vampires, it's difficult to meet up with other vampires and juggle jobs,
families and responsibilities. The Vampire Research Center in Babylon,
N.Y., believes there up to 1,200 real, blood-sucking vampires worldwide,
some 300 in North America and 10 or 12 in Michigan, the paper reported.
Spokesman Joel Martin says: "I'm not saying Grand Rapids is a hick
town, but it's small enough that it's hard to find other members of this
subculture. (But) if you can't find a vampire in Los Angeles, my God,
something's wrong with you."
- It's official -- "Star Wars" has created almost 400,000 Jedis
1,800 Gallons of Tequila Spilled
Ky. - It figures that you never have a saltshaker and a lime handy when
you need them most. During a routine unloading procedure, 1,800 gallons
of tequila were spilled out into the streets of Louisville at the Brown-Forman
Distillery. As the tanker truck of Pepe Lopez Tequila was being emptied,
an employee tried to unload it into a tank that was already full. To the
dismay of nearby college students, the liquor poured into the city's sewer
system, causing the fire department to respond due to the flammability
of the 80 proof Tequila.
Self-Immolation to Avoid Trial
A man who
was called to court for a trolley violation is currently hospitalized
for treatment of burns after he set himself on fire. After receiving his
trial date the man walked into the lobby, drenched himself in gasoline
and lit himself on fire. He then tried to run out of the building and
was forced to the ground by two officers who wrapped him in a floor mat
to put out the fire. In addition to treatment for the burns the man will
receive a psychiatric evaluation. There was no damage to the courthouse.
Enraged Roommate Tears Off Beard
England - When some people become angry or frustrated with themselves,
they have the urge to pull out their hair. So, naturally, when they become
angry with someone else, it's only fitting that they pull out that person's
hair. In an instance of messy housekeeping, a man ripped off the beard
of one of his flatmates and punched another in the nose. After a night
out on the town and a few too many alcoholic beverages, Henry Willsher
went nuts when he came back home and found his pad a mess. His rage caused
him to punch his female roommate in the face and yank the beard off his
buddy's visage. Not a surprise, Willsher moved out the next day.
Canada - In a turning of the tides, an accused rapist has his penis to
thank for getting his case dropped. The alleged victim testified that
she believed her assailant's penis was circumcised. To prove his innocence,
the defendant had his wife take pictures of his pecker to show the jury
that he, in fact, was not circumcised. After the jury had seen the pictures,
the prosecution no longer felt confident it could persuade a jury to convict
Vandals Leave Porn in Classroom
Wash. - A man who broke into a Washington state elementary school left
more than just incriminating evidence behind. Parents were outraged and
disgusted to learn that someone had illegally entered a classroom, posted
sexually graphic pictures on one wall, cut suggestive holes in a four-foot
doll, and left a condom in the refrigerator. Although detectives say a
man who appeared to be around 20years of age was seen in the area, no
arrests have been made. Community members couldn't believe someone spread
porn where children might see.
- A suspect has been arrested in connection with the death of an 85-year-old
man in Taiwan. After being admitted to a local hospital for treatment
from a dog bite on his leg, the man fell off his bed and died. As a result,
police tracked down the perpetrator who caused the man's hospitalization
in the first place. The family of the old man claimed that if it were
not for the dog bite, the victim would not have checked into the facility
and fallen off the bed. However, since the dog was a stray and had no
owner, an officer said they finally decided to arrest the dog pending
further investigations before deciding what to do with it.
Alberta - A Canadian couple's fantasy went a completely out of control
after local police got involved in the charade. It started when a man
called 911 and claimed he had been talking to the female half of the couple
on the phone when she said someone had broken into her house and then
the line went dead. Police went on a mad search and found the woman bound
and naked in the back of a car with her alleged abductor outside. The
police would soon find out they had busted up the couple as they were
in the midst of playing out their sexual fantasy. A total of 10 police
units were involved. The couple was released from custody with a stern
warning to "be more careful." Obviously, they guy who called
911 didn't know what was going on.
Sci-Fi Channel Sued Over New Show
TV to the twilight zone, the Sci-Fi Channel's new "Scare Tactics"
uses hidden cameras to film reactions of unsuspecting witnesses to horror
and science fiction scenarios, the Los Angeles Times reports. It's not
on the air yet but already the show has caused controversy. A lawsuit
filed in Los Angeles Superior Court claims Kara Blanc suffered real-life
trauma and was hospitalized from being exposed to a prank involving an
"extraterrestrial murderer." The lawsuit claims Blanc suffered
emotional and physical trauma when show and co-conspirators allegedly
abducted her and forced her to witness a staged homicide by an "alien"
she thought was real.
Valentine's Day at a Sewage Treatment Plant
It was a
dream Valentine's Day weekend for a South Yorkshire, England couple who
won the local competition looking for the region's "Dirtiest Lovers."
The British Broadcasting Corp. says Wayne and Nikki Beazley started out
with a Valentine's Day champagne lunch at one of Europe's largest sewage
works. The couple, together for 15 years and married for four, won the
contest after taking a quiz about each other's toilet habits. Nikki Beazley,
29, a radiographer, said before lunch: "While many people dream of
a romantic weekend overlooking the Seine in Paris, or a visit to Rome,
I'll be spending Valentine's Day having a romantic drink next to a river
31, of New Athens, Ill. has just launched a new business that he claims
will allow the living to send messages to the afterworld. How? He is lining
up terminally ill volunteers who will memorize messages given by the living
and then deliver them to the dead once they pass over. And he's only charging
$5 a word, although, he claims he is giving it all to charity. So far
Kinsella only has one volunteer - and no customers.
Turn Your Woman Into Furniture
WA artist known only as "Gord" turns women into furniture. Gord
uses a specially-designed latex body mold that can keep someone contorted
as a lamp, desk, you name it, for long periods of time. Gord says a lot
of women "love being objectified" as human furniture. He also
says the physical and emotional stress requires a woman who is flexible
in more ways that one. Currently he is trying to make three women into
a computer work station.
Painting Toilets for Water Awareness
New Mexico - Several cities across America have decorated their streets
with painted objects. Polyurethane cows and ponies have been adorned with
unique decor from different artists and paraded through major towns. With
the idea of raising water awareness among citizens of the often drought-plagued
state of New Mexico, a Santa Fe civic group is sponsoring "The Trail
of the Painted Potties." Artists will use their talents to turn ordinary
toilets into works of art. This summer, the decorated dumpers will be
judged at the Potty Pageant, with the winner receiving a water-conserving
Junk Food Centarian Bites the Dust
Fla. - The oldest living American man died Monday from heart failure at
the age of 113. During his life, John McMorran considered coffee his elixir
and quit cigars at the age of 97. Although his eyesight and hearing had
failed in his final years, he was still kicking much longer than most
senior citizens. McMorran lived for over a century and a decade on a diet
of beer, greasy food and cigars.
Sri Lanka - Two men in Sri Lanka have been arrested by customs officials
at an airport after attempting to smuggle precious gems by placing the
stones in condoms and swallowing them. Acting on a tip-off, the customs
department escorted the 25 and 35-year-old men, who didn't claim anything
as baggage, to the hospital where X-rays found 10 condoms full of goodies.
The rocks are estimated at around $6,000 total, possibly more.
Bar Owner Charged in Computer Shooting
A bar owner in Colorado has been charged with unlawfully discharging a
firearm after shooting his laptop computer. George Doughty is said to
have fired four bullets into his Dell computer in the middle of his bar
and restaurant in Lafayette, Colorado. He then hung the destroyed machine
on the wall like a hunting trophy.
Nipple Enhancement All The Rage
- You've had your breasts enhanced and now you have that Jayne Mansfield
look. But something's still missing. Your nipples just don't have that
perk. Enter one of the fastest growing cosmetic surgeries in the United
States... nipple enlargement. New York-based nipple surgeon Bruce Nadler
performs the procedure on half a dozen people a year and says most do
it because they want the "teasing look" of an erect nipple all
the time. Still others - mostly men - are nipple fetishists who want their
nipples to be the biggest, most desirable nipples possible. The "super-sizing"
is done with injections of collagen or cartilage taken from the patient's
ear. Dr. Nadler says another popular procedure is nipple reduction surgery,
which is done mostly by women who are self conscious about looking nipply
in cold weather.
'Flying' Moose Destroys Car
After an accident that causes severe damage to your car, the next step
is to inform your insurance agency of the incident. However, the situation
was a little harder for a couple who had their vehicle wrecked when a
moose fell on the roof of their Mazda. Leo Henriksen and his wife were
enjoying a leisurely Sunday drive when a 770-pound moose fell off a cliff
and landed on the couple's tiny red vehicle. Adding insult to injury,
on top of losing their car, the couple had just lost their home in a fire
Clever Name for Mexican Restaurant
- In order to attract customers, some restaurants and other public establishments
come up with catchy names for their places of business. However, local
Hartford officials told Bob Potter to change the name of his mexican restaurant
from C.O. Jones to something else. For those who don't speak Spanish,
this name looks just like any other normal name. However, if you do speak
the language, you're checking out the restaurant named "Testicles".
Mr. Potter thought it was a clever play on words. Local officials didn't.
He has since changed the name to the Mexican Restaurant, a little less
Phone Company is Incredibly Tenacious
- There are some things that people will take with them to their graves.
However, it's highly unlikely that one of those things will be a person's
phone bill. A local cemetary received a phone bill last week for David
Towles at his current address: Hillside Cemetary, Evergreen Section, Auburn,
Mass. Plot 01501. It seems that companies will hassle you about bills
even after you're dead. The cemetary's superintendent Wayne Bloomquist
was surprised to see the Sprint bill for 12 cents, including 10 cents
for a call placed on February 16th, five years after Towles died. Bloomquist
sums up the incident perfectly: "Our clients here don't usually get
N.C. - Don't you just hate it when neighborhood kids sneak into your backyard
and dive into your swimming pool without asking? You can imagine how annoying
it must have been for Paul and Virginia Rhyne when they discovered their
neighbor's horse in their swimming pool. As the couple was preparing breakfast
on Sunday morning, their grandson and his friends found Hickory, a 10-year-old
Tennessee Walking Horse, in the cold water. With firemen and about 50
volunteer rescuers from the neighborhood, Hickory was lifted out of the
pool. The latest news on the wandering horse is that she is doing well
and in 'stable' condition.
- It's not uncommon to find a road closed due to construction, flooding
or if a bridge is out. However, five miles of road will be closed in Pennsylvania
for quite a different reason: procreation. The paved path that passes
through the Delaware Water Gap National Recreation Area will be blocked
off so salamanders, frogs and other amphibians can get it on without being
run over. The park service says it will periodically close River Road
when it rains at night so the creatures can slither their way across the
road to wetlands where they mate.
of you readers who expect to be around in the next 60 years or so, get
ready to see one of the greatest endings in history: ours. At least, that's
according to one of Britain's great dead scientists, Sir Isaac Newton.
His Armageddon prognostication has been dug-up from little-known manuscripts
in a Jerusalem library. Thousands of pages contain Newton's attempts to
decode the Bible, which he believed contained God's secret laws for the
universe. The scientist believed Christ's second coming would follow plagues
and war and would precede a 1,000-year reign by the saints on earth. Newton's
predicted date for the end was scribbled on a scrap of paper: 2060.
Hooters for a Graduation Present
Ca. - What is rare is for a student to receive his own Hooters restaurant
as a graduation present. Shirley and Nick Trani were so proud of their
son John, who graduated at the age of 24, that they gave him the most
wonderful, inspiring, thoughtful gift a Southern California frat guy could
ever ask for. John's father, owner of several Carl's Jr. restaurants on
the West Coast, put down a reported quarter-million dollars to help his
pride and joy realize his San Francisco dream - to own his own Hooters.
Lenin Theme Park Slated for Germany
- A Berlin company is planning to build a theme park that revives life
behind the Iron Curtain for Communist East Germany. The communist theme
park would be a 107,600-square foot replica of East Germany, complete
with surly border guards, rigorous customs inspections, authentic East
German mark notes, and restaurants with regulation bland East German food.
Spokespersons for the park feel the communist regime was an important
part of Germany's history and it should be recreated as accurately as
Australia - Having a funny name can bring about ridicule and snickers
from just about every direction, especially for school children. However,
most would think that once a man has grown up into his late 50s and has
his name on valid banking and medical records, as well as his drivers
license, nomenclature problems would subside. Unfortunately for Prime
Minister John Piss The Family Court and Legal Aid, this is not the case.
Prime Minister Piss ran into trouble when he decided to go international
with his unique moniker. He was denied by the Melbourne office of Passports
Australia, who claimed the name could reasonably be considered to be offensive
because it contained an expletive and a title not legitimately acquired.
Iraqi Ships Impounded in Italy
Italy - Twelve years ago, under an arms embargo imposed by the United
Nations, Italy impounded two of Iraq's most modern warships. Today, those
warships sit docked at La Spezia's naval base, and the Iraqi sailors sent
to man them sit docked at the local cafe, sipping espresso. "They
started the engines once for about 15 minutes about 12 years ago. Until
the embargo is lifted they are not leaving," said La Spezia spokesman
Francesco Pilato. At the time of the embargo (following the Gulf war),
an Italian firm had finished building the ships but did not get them delivered
before the embargo came into force. Iraq's navy sends 12 sailors a year
to sit in the waterfront cafes...er, man the vessels.
JAPAN - If
deer could talk, they'd probably raise a fuss over how many of them are
getting hit by trains in western Japan. Lucky for them, the Japanese were
smart enough to realize the problem and come up with the perfect solution:
lion dung. Deer, like most semi-intelligent beings on the planet, don't
really care for the smell of the king of the jungle's feces. After several
other failed attempts with different options, railway officials decided
to mix up a lion dung paste and smear it along the tracks where most of
the accidents were occurring. In the last five months since the deterrent
was put into use, not a single deer has been killed by a train.
- Canadian police have to lay down the law when it comes to any monkey
business on the streets. So, when they saw a gorilla strolling down the
street on rollerblades, naturally they had to fine the perpetrator. The
teenager inside the monkey suit was only doing his job for his employer,
Hillbilly Vac Shack, working as the store's cavorting gorilla mascot.
Still, authorities felt it necessary to slap a $130 fine on him for "stunting,"
defined as an activity likely to distract or startle drivers.
Trained Hawk Returns With Toupee
Harry is a 16-year-old performing hawk who performs stunts at local displays
and events. However, the bird managed to get himself in a heap of trouble
after retrieving the wrong object during a countryside show. Harry was
supposed to be chasing a dummy rabbit made out of wool, but instead came
back with an audience member's toupee. Thinking the rug was dangerous
to more than just its owner's image, the hawk immediately began attacking
it with his beak. The crowd roared with laughter, but the wig's red-faced
owner wasn't all too pleased. As a result, Harry has been grounded and
retired from public events. He will now spend a year on a breeding program.
Giant Rubber Ball Fails to Bounce
you do with a 2,600-pound giant rubber ball? Why, throw it off the back
of a plane, of course. The world's biggest rubber band ball has been dropped
from an airplane at one mile high. A U.S. television company offered to
give the ball a spectacular send-off by filming the event and airing it
on their television show, Ripley's Believe It or Not. The producers spent
an estimated $4 million on the episode to film it during its descent and
capture the action as it bounces to unknown heights. However, there was
a problem: instead of bouncing, the ball created a massive crater in the
sun-baked earth of the Mojave Desert in Arizona at 400 mph. Prior to its
crash and burn plummet, the ball had been the 14-foot 8-inch circumference
creation by Tony Evans, comprised of six million elastic bands.
For about 50 bucks, you can go to the nearest shopping mall and pick up
a nice wall clock made out of some kind of cheap metal or wood that will
serve its purpose and look nice. If you feel like getting a little extravagant,
German artist Bernd Eilts will sculpt you one, by hand, from the finest
cow crap he can find. All for a mere $140. While walking through a dung-filled
field a decade ago, Eilts got the idea of using dried-out cowpats for
his timepieces. The artist found so many similarities between the consistency
of poop to his paints that he fell in love with the material. Having conquered
the field of poo sculptures and wall clocks, Eilts is looking to expand
his repertory to include cow dung wrist watches.
ROME - For
young lovers, finding a quiet place to partake in romantic endeavors can
be difficult, especially if you still live with your parents. However,
this is not the case for residents of Vinci, Italy, whose officials have
renovated a car park complete with soft lighting and special trash bins
for condoms. The "Love Car Park" will be the premier destination
for young Italians looking to get hot and heavy with their significant
others. According to law, car sex is not illegal as long as the windows
are covered up. The back seat often acts as a substitute bed for those
Italians who live with their parents well into their 30s. As a reminder,
those engaging in auto-erotica should always practice safe sex: wear your
Concentration Camps For Car Thieves
- The main reason why some crimes carry extremely severe punishments is
so that people are deterred from committing those kinds of acts. If this
holds true, not too many people are going to be losing their cars in Colombia.
The country's auto industry wants to build a "concentration camp"
for car thieves, complete with wooden shacks and barbed-wire fences. The
idea would be to isolate these individuals and force them to grow their
own food in order to survive. Though the term "concentration camp"
might be misused in this instance, the harsh conditions might cause potential
carjackers to find a new hobby.
- A German was trapped for hours in his folding sofa bed after it sprang
shut on him when he tried to get something out of it, police in the western
town of Kenzingen said. "Unfortunately, he was so stuck that he couldn't
move," a police spokesman said. It was only after he had been knocking
and shouting for several hours that neighbors in his apartment block alerted
police and he was taken to hospital.
Chinese Man Moves Into Restroom
CHINA - When
you're down in the dumps, sometimes you're just better off packing up
your things and moving into the crapper. That's what Liu did after he
complained that the flat he rented from the Xicheng District Government
was too small to live in. So, he gathered up his belongings and took over
a public bathroom in the courtyard, which was supposed to be shared by
all the neighbors. With a few homey touches, and probably a few air fresheners,
he turned the restroom into a kitchen. However, he was flushed from the
facility after being sued in the Xicheng District People's Court.
Man Finds Bale of Pot on Beach
A man was
strolling along Delray Beach when he came upon a large bale of pot. Perhaps
resisting the urge to indulge, he notified authorities. In all, about
500 pounds of marijuana, wrapped in burlap sacks, washed ashore on several
south Florida beaches. This prompted a late-night search for potential
drug smugglers. The weed had a street value of $1.5 million. A police
spokesman said this was an unusual circumstance. He added, "Every
once in a while we get refugees washing up on shore, every once in a while
we get dope washing up on shore."
Herald says a dominatrix wearing thigh-high leather boots and carrying
a whip presided over the Crunch Fitness Whipped class -- the ultimate
spectator sport this past weekend at the annual Miami Beach Fitness Festival.
Her sidekick, Miss Kitty, the legendary 89-year-old South Beach Party
Princess, dressed in gold pants and sunglasses, whipped the behinds of
aerobicisers who were taking orders from an S&M fitness instructor.
Donna Cyrus, Crunch's national group fitness director, told the paper:
"When you know someone is going to hit you with a whip if you don't
keep up, you exercise a little faster."
no need to leave Fido and Fluffy in the kennel next time you head for
a Las Vegas get-away. The Las Vegas Review Journal reports the America
Dog and Cat Hotel is open and ready to pamper your pooch and cater to
the whims of your finicky feline. It's carpeted with Oriental rugs, hung
with animal-themed paintings and fragrant with scented potpourri, the
paper notes. Dogs frolic in a 5,000-square-foot free-range area; there
are toys, TVs -- "The Fox and the Hound" is a favorite. Visiting
cats can happily ignore the world in three-story kitty condos, whose top-floor
"penthouses" feature beds, 5-inch televisions and Tiffany lamps.
A single-night dog-suite rate is $79.
IL. - Some expecting moms and dads choose to attend Lamaze classes to
help during the process of childbirth. It seems that Illinois Gov. Rod
Blagojevich and wife Patti found a method that some classes might want
to consider teaching as a way to speed along the delivery: Mexican Food.
Already ten days overdue, the couple went out for dinner Friday night
and at 5 a.m. Saturday became the proud parents of a baby girl. Six years
ago, the Blagojevichs had eaten at a Mexican restaurant just before their
first daughter was born. This time, though, the couple had to leave the
restaurant before they finished eating.
Student Discounts Offered by Prostitutes
S. Africa - College students have their own ways of dealing with the stresses
that accompany hours of studying and late-night cramming. Some will head
out for a cigarette break or take a nap, or watch some television to take
their mind off class material. Others, specifically in South Africa, will
head on over to the local brothel for a quick fling with a prostitute.
The local City Press witnessed a large group of students flocking to a
local hotel, with books in hand, as early as 1 p.m. Sympathizing with
students' lack of funds, many prostitutes are cutting their prices by
almost 75 percent for students. The generosity of these women is allowing
male test-takers to free more than just their minds before exams.
Calif. - If you thought that Bill and Ted were the weirdest things to
come out of San Dimas, California, think again. During a festival in the
city located 30 miles east of downtown Los Angeles, Bert The Camel was
sworn-in as an official Los Angeles County Sheriff's deputy. The 1,700-pound,
six-year-old camel got his sheriff's ID card and is now a member of the
Sheriff's Posse. Bert's job is not to fight crime, but to visit area schools
as part of a presentation on California history. He joins other members
of the sheriff's four-footed force that includes dogs and horses as well.
Finally a camel that doesn't cause cancer will have an influence on the
Alberta, Canada - As are the one million others of his kind, Leo McGrath
is proud to be an Old Bastard. The 67-year-old man from Edmonton is a
member of the International Order of Old Bastards, a social club comprised
of men between the ages of 50 and 84. More than just a group of old farts
that sit around guzzling beer and swapping old war stories, the non-profit
organization has helped out the needy by raising more than $60,000 for
registered charities in the past four years. What started as a small group
in Australia back in 1945, when the phrase "old bastard" was
used as a term of endearment, has spread across the world, surpassing
one million members and more than 4,300 chapters. So, the next time someone
calls you an old bastard, take it as a compliment.
INDIA - Scams
always tend to work out great until you get caught. An Indian man found
this out the hard way after he was arrested for fraudulent spiritual therapy.
Kuchamardhana Swamy, alias Gottimukkala Babu Rao, ran a so-called blessing
ritual that would aid childless women in getting pregnant by massaging
their breasts. Hundreds of women had been visiting him two days per week
to have their bosoms rubbed by the man who claimed he had the blessings
of Hindu god Lord Shiva to 'treat' the women. Ironically enough, the former
teacher turned into a swami when his wife left him because the couple
could not have children.
Man Gets Off With $9,000 Worth of Sex
A German court has ordered a brothel to reimburse a man charged for sex
he could not remember having, after the establishment failed to provide
an itemized receipt for services rendered. The brothel charged him $9,000
on his credit card. The man told the court he had been too drunk to remember
what services he received and, therefore, wanted his money back. According
to the owner of the brothel, the man ordered the "full program."
A court spokesman said a receipt in the form of, "two sexual intercourse
sessions at $600, oral sex at $300 or anal sex at $400 a go," should
have been issued. All that, and he can't remember?
For some couples, love knows no age. This has to be the case for Daina
Sancho and Irwin Vincent O'Rourke III of Alabama. 42-year-old Sancho,
mother of two, married 14-year-old O'Rourke in Mobile County Probate Court
on his 14th birthday. Though it may sound illegal, the state only requires
a minor be at least 14 years old and that both parents sign a consent,
which O'Rourke's parents were willing to do. Now the young husband will
have to do his best to be a father figure to Sancho's oldest daughter,
who happens to be only five years younger than him.
Celebrity Worship Syndrome Diagnosed
have recurrent and intrusive thoughts, followed by recurrent patterns
of behavior, are diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Those who
have recurrent thoughts about what Brad Pitt is doing right now, followed
by the need to buy his used napkin on Ebay, are now being diagnosed with
Celebrity Worship Syndrome. Psychologists have come up with a newly-identified
psychological condition that one in three people in Britain suffer from.
While some suffer mildly, by moderately idolizing their favorite star,
others would go so far as to die for their modern-day hero. So if you're
thinking about what Lewis is doing more often than you think about the
need to breathe, you might want to seek professional help.
Ind. - If you think human puke is disgusting, wait until you get a load
of paranormal barf. There has re-portedly been a ghost who goes by the
name of "Barfing Barb" Barb haunts a college dormitory at Indiana
State University. According to folklore professor Nan McEntire, Barfing
Barb has been haunting Burford Hall for generations. Those who have seen
the ghost first hand describe it as a female who spews paranormal puke
all over the place. She is believed by many to be the spirit of a co-ed
who barfed herself to death after one too many frat parties.
Another Wrestler Running for Office
TOKYO - Did
you think the U.S. was the only country that could possibly elect a former
professional wrestler to political office? Please. The Japanese have empowered
"The Great Sasuke" to hold a position in a local assembly. However,
unlike most other wrestlers, this one doesn't take off his mask when he's
out of the ring. The 33-year-old wrestler who fought his way to victory
under his ring name, and wearing his mask during his campaign, has vowed
that the mask will not leave his face even after he enters the staid halls
of Japanese politics.
Methanol Found in London Vodka
Police are warning London vodka drinkers not to consume a potentially
deadly type of vodka that contains dangerous amounts of methanol. Apparently
the authorities found 480 litres of the contaminated liquor, called "Original
Russia Export Quality," during raids on commercial premises. If consumed,
methanol can lead to abdominal pain, drowsiness, blurred vision, blindness
and breathing difficulties.
N.Y. -- Eight people are seeking $600,000 apiece in damages in a lawsuit
involving a woman convicted of repeatedly urinating into an office coffee
pot. State police said the woman urinated on several occasions into a
glass coffee pot used by other airport personnel and pilots. She was reportedly
mad about being passed over for a promotion. State police became involved
after the tower manager reported a strong odor emanating from the coffee
machine. A sample of a yellowish liquid was taken from the machine and
sent to a lab for testing. It was found to be urine. The wives of four
of the plaintiffs are seeking an additional $200,000 apiece because they
say their husbands "would not freely mingle in society with others
because of the derision and jokes" made in public.
Priests Resort to Blessing Brothels
Romania -- Romania's Orthodox Church suspended 10 Bucharest priests who
were filmed blessing brothels, porn shops and a weapons store in exchange
for money and goods. It is traditional for Orthodox priests to bless homes,
offices, cars and gardens to ward off the devil. But priests are not allowed
to bless places deemed unholy, such as brothels and abortion clinics.
- When you have a young child in your home, a couple of domestic pets
can be fun for the little one. However, having close to 150 sick and neglected
animals strewn about the house is just nasty. A husband and his wife were
charged with child endangerment after SPCA officials confiscated 66 cats,
22 dogs, 22 birds, nine hamsters, three ferrets, four each of lizards,
rabbits, rats and hybrid gerbils, eight chinchillas, one turtle and a
couple of fish. Eleven animals, including a cat, were dead. A warrant
was issued after an animal control officer came by the house and caught
a strong whiff of urine emanating from the house. The couple was operating
their own rescue team as they took the stray animals into their home.
Japanese Hooked on Golden Crap
economy shows no sign of improving, but customers are going potty over
a piece of golden excreta. After four years, 2 million of the 1.9-gram
real-gold enameled swirled-up turd charms, that sell for about $2, have
been sold, The Gulf Daily News reports. Playing on the Japanese words
for feces, "unko," and good fortune, "koun," the Kyoto-based
company says the charms are good luck. The company president Koji Fujii
says, "I don't think there is anyone who would get angry at receiving
a piece of crap as a gift, people appreciate products that have humor
and are cute."
Farting Stunt Gets Officers Suspended
Calif. - Four police officers have been suspended after they gave one
woman a face full of hot fart. The officers had been called to the woman's
house after she apparently had attempted to commit suicide. Thinking she
was unconscious, one officer propped his ass up next to the woman's face
and gave the old - "this oughta wake her up" - bit. He wasn't
aware that the woman was actually awake. A second officer climbed on the
bed and pretended to lick her, acting like a cat licking milk. Those two
officers were given 60-hour suspensions without pay, while the other two
were cut 12 1/2 hours each for failing to stop the misconduct.
WI. - A suspect on the loose in Wisconsin is considered to be dark, dangerous
and extremely hairy. Police are on the lookout for a monkey named Jasper,
who they say isn't armed but might be threatening. They say the critter
got loose after he dashed out the back door of a tavern where he and his
owner are regulars. Though the little fella might seem cute and cuddly,
police warn citizens that Jasper may try to harm people if he's scared
and advised anyone who sees him to use caution.
have allowed many participants to attempt certain activities in some of
the world's most dangerous places. For one pair of radical athletes, their
sport has taken them part-way up the world's tallest mountain. John Roberts
and Ben Gibbons, both from England, broke the previous extreme ironing
altitude record of 4,100 meters, set by a Swiss man in the Alps in 2002.
Extreme ironing combines the domestic chore with dangerous sports, like
scuba diving and rock-climbing. Starting as a dare from a friend, the
two stormed his house, took his ironing board and headed off to Nepal.
Not only will they be among the few people privileged enough to have climbed
(not all the way) Mt. Everest, but they'll be the only ones coming back
with wrinkle-free pants.
Easter egg hunts, it always ends when the neighbor's cow sets itself on
fire. The near-disaster happened when Lucky the bull wandered too close
to a burn pile. The next thing they knew, neighbors were watching the
bull run around the pasture with his head ablaze. According to eyewitnesses,
fire was actually shooting out of Lucky's mouth. Fortunately for Lucky,
the fire burned itself out and the only harm done was the singeing off
of his hair.
- What better way to spice up an exhibition of plumbing hardware than
to entertain people with a circus sideshow full of freaks? That's what
Corporate Theater Productions manager Geoffrey Swan had in mind when he
put an ad in the paper seeking human "freaks." The spot asked
specifically for albinos, fat people, unusual appendages, a bearded woman,
a rubber person, unusual exhibitionists and people with severe mutilations.
The ad has upset human rights campaigners in Australia who claim the public
inquiry is degrading to those with disabilities. Plus, they bring up a
good point: "I can't really see what this has to do with a plumbing
AK - The folks who run the Katmai Lodge in Anchorage have been making
several trips back and forth to Home Depot and Lowe's, buying every door
they have in the place. Five hungry bears destroyed 53 doors this winter
at the luxury fishing resort on the Alagnak River. Due to the crazy weather
up there, the bears were confused and thought it was still fall when it
was actually winter. The food-seeking animals raided a pantry filled with
dry goods before literally eating the kitchen floor. Management believes
there was likely some grease on the floor, thus tempting the bears to
take a bite out of the flooring. In addition to the doors and floors,
they destroyed incinerators, deck railings, four windows and a popcorn
machine. As for the lodge's smokehouse, "It's gone," said lodge
owner Tony Sarp.
- If one man deserves those paper crowns you get at Burger King, it's
Thomas Ray. For 27 years straight, Ray has eaten lunch at the same Burger
King in Muncie, Indiana every weekday at approximately 11 a.m. Year after
year, the man would walk up to the counter and order the usual: a cheeseburger,
small fries, coffee and a fruit pie. Along with the same meal, Ray tried
to sit at the same table each day. He never finishes his fries, but always
gets a refill on the coffee. Unfortunately, his tradition came to an end
when Muncie's first Burger King closed its doors on Friday. The facility's
lease is up, and the store and parking lot no longer measure up to franchise
requirements for seating and parking spaces.