Strange News XII

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I'll Have a Latte and a Wedding
School Prank Glues Doors Shut
Dog Summoned for Jury Duty
Tinker the Cat Hits the Jackpot
Russian Official Gives Police Officer a Beating
Groper on the Go
Taxi Karaoke
Prostitutes Going Behind the Camera
Story of the Deaf Pianist
Goats Keep Airport Trimmed
Prehistoric Prom Theme
Making Meat Grow on Trees
Flasher Hounded by Pugs
$116 Fine for Not Saying 'Ah'
Sick Dolls Coming to a Store Near You
Terrier Raids Convenience Store
Free Sex for Returning Troops
A Big Buck in the Kitchen
Some Art is Just Shit
Slipped Disk Ends Tryst in Sports Car
9-Year-Old Girl Wed to Dog
Foam Dancing the Newest Craze
Sexomnia Keeping You Up at Night?
Ultra-Miniature Bible Produced
Pet Bird Repeatedly Dialing 911
Anatomically Correct Hulk Doll
Kids Spanked for Abusing Parrot
Getting Married at the Town Dump
Doctor Amputates Own Hand
A Butt Bra for Your Sagging Behind
Hunting for Bambi (hoax)
Mouse Pelts Make Miniature Rugs
New York Man Stabbed Over Parking
Texas Woman Stunned by Nude Inmates
Blue Ice Hurtles Through the Skylight
A Gator Bite Doesn't Slow Her Down
Weird Amphibians Found in New York
Bringing Cows to School
Would You Like a Radio in Your Tooth?
Female Cashiers to Wear Diapers
Man Uses Sword on Wife's Hair
California Man's House Stolen
Using Embarrassment as a Teaching Aid
Cosmonaut to be Wed
A Bus Driver in a Skirt…
Inflatable Bride Has to Go
Couple Has Wedding Reception at McDonalds
Whale Attacks Boat
Grab the Cash on I-80
Other Worldly Orgasms
Parrot Screaming for Help
Man Survives Skull Drilling
Man Trapped in Women's Toilet
Courtship and Wedding by Phone
C-Section With No Baby
Boy Injects Himself With Atropine
When Your Ex-Husband is Your Daddy
Angle Grinder Man to the Rescue
Woman Finds Human Tooth in her Soup
I.D. Required for Junk Food
British Cops Are Standing Tall
Horny Housewives Strip Cop
Indians Getting High on Scorpions
Strange Junk
Brits 'Doing It' in Cars
Festival of the Pit
Devine Pastabilities
Boy Named Saddam Sars
Ticketed for Illegal Squatting
Golfer Struck Twice by Lightning
Carnies Getting Laid Regularly
Fake Nun Busted in Smuggling Scheme
Asthmatic Sails Into the Sunset
Nursing Someone Else's Child a No-No
If You Think it's a Fart - Ask
Park Spanking Arrest
Man / Woman Missing Over 50 Years
No More Cell Phones at the Y
When You Start Pissing Beetles
Lassoing Gators Can Get You in Trouble
Chicken Sent Aloft by Prankster
Is That You, Mummy?
A Genuine Joy Ride
Runaway Monkey Trashes Pizzeria
Beer Flavored Ice Cream
Sumo Preschoolers
The World's Biggest Condom
Flatulence Can Be Fatal
Donut Bribe Fails
Wrong House Leveled
Naked Celeb Files
New Delicacies for Fido
Do-It-Yourself Cruise Missle
Three Peeping Toms Get Zapped
Are Those Really Wax?
Duct Tape Prom Outfits
Breast Milk Squirted in Patron's Eye
Vegetarian Changes Her Name
Homosexual High School
Off-Duty Steward Runs Naked Through Plane
Keep Those Crop Circles to Yourself
Basenji Survives Gassing
Naked Traveler Encounters Difficulty
Chinese Domino Effect
Gorilla Prank Fails
Meteorite Makes Quite a Dent
New Use for Car Wash
Teacher Arrested for Prostitution
What?
Impersonator Perv Arrested
A Worm a Day…
Kama Sutra Via Cell Phone
Wedding Guest Bites Off Finger
Italian Church Used in Porn Film
Viagra, Oklahoma
Exes Spying on Each Other
Trash Bag Couture

I'll Have a Latte and a Wedding

COEUR D'ALENE, ID. - If you find yourself cruising around Idaho and have a sudden urge for a latte and a marriage, be sure to stop in and see Reverend Al Holm at his Sacred Grounds caffeine-and-commitment emporium. What used to be a pizza counter in the back of the A-n-D Mini Mart is now the location for Holm's pulpit where he legally binds a man and woman into holy matrimony. For a simple $50 donation, Holm will perform the ceremony, return the marriage license to the courthouse, making the union legal, and you'll be saying "I do" before your cappuccino gets cold.
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I.D. Required for Junk Food

NEW ZEALAND - In the United States, people must be 18 years of age to purchase tobacco products, and 21 to consume alcoholic beverages. The country of New Zealand is considering putting an age limit on how old you must be to purchase junk food. Local health officials want the ban written into a new health law to meet concerns of child obesity. Perhaps feeling that parents aren't doing enough to keep their kids off of unhealthy foods, the government wants to step in and make it illegal for a youngster to purchase a hamburger. So if you happen to visit New Zealand, make sure you have your I.D. with you, in case you have a hankering for a Snickers.
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School Prank Glues Doors Shut

JACKSONVILLE, FL - Students at First Coast High found themselves attending classes in the schools auditorium last week after the doors to their classrooms were found super-glued shut. Locksmiths are now at the school working to replace the glued locks with new ones. According to one official, "More than 120 doors were glued. They [the vandals] not only did the classroom doors, of which there are at least 85, but they did every door in the building." School officials say they hope that whoever is responsible for the damage will brag to their friends with word eventually getting to them so they can apprehend the vandals.
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British Cops Are Standing Tall

ENGLAND - Police officers in England are standing tall, still and flat in the fight against crime. In order to scare away potential criminals, several cops have acted as models to provide their community with a batch of cardboard "cut out" police officers. Police feel the scheme will provide local community reassurance and improve police visibility. The phony figurines will be placed in crime hotspots throughout English neighborhoods.
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Dog Summoned for Jury Duty

SACRAMENTO, Calif. - The Sacramento jury commissioner's office warned that if Lucille Marie Gordon did not show up to her allotted jury duty date, there would a bench warrant out for her arrest. Caryn Gordon thought this was hilarious. Why? Because Lucille, or Lucy, is her dog. Last year, the chocolate Labrador retriever received a summons for jury duty in Sacramento Superior Court. Caryn read the summons and sent the form back in, writing where it reads, "affidavit for disqualification," she put, "Lucy is a dog" and sent it in. Earlier this month, Lucy got another summons. When Caryn called the office, the employee claimed they had heard every excuse imaginable. Caryn ended up having to show proof that Lucy might not serve too well on the jury, especially if a cat was the defendant.
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Horny Housewives Strip Cop

JERUSALEM - A case of mistaken identity had a flock of horny ladies tearing the clothes off of a police officer in Israel. The officer responded to neighbors' complaints about a rowdy group of women next door. Coincidentally, the young women had been awaiting the arrival of a male stripper, specifically told to come in police attire. As the officer tried to explain who he really was, revelers thought it was all part of the act and began to take off his clothes and 'stroke' him. He was finally torn away from the clasps of the young women after his partner showed up and vouched for his identity.
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Tinker the Cat Hits the Jackpot

LONDON - Stories of crazy old women living alone with their cats are not scarce. Tinker the cat hit the jackpot when he befriended Margaret Layne, 89, of London. The widow passed away and left her $562,000 house and a trust fund of $160,000 to Tinker. Her will states that if Tinker, who has lifelong residency at the house, should stray again the trustees will be entitled to bring the trust to an end. When Tinker dies the estate will pass to the trustees who are former neighbors of Layne's. Tinker is about eight. Layne has no children.

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Indians Getting High on Scorpions

INDIA - Tired of your average, every day recreational drugs? Why not get your fix with a hit of scorpion. No, it's not the name of a new mind altering pill; we're talking about the clawed arachnid with that creepy stinging tail. The trendy and elite in India's wealthy western state of Gujarat are turning to the sting of a scorpion to get their kicks. They drive to the coastal town of Bharuch where locals have put up stalls under trees and keep a number of the creatures in tin cans with perforated lids. For about $3, thrill-seekers can obtain a scorpion, which is placed on the customer and viciously stings them. Users say after the initial pain the venom produces an illusionary, floating feeling. Vendors say the poison will not kill you.
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Russian Official Gives Police Officer a Beating

MOSCOW - Russian Parliament Member Vladislav Dyomin and two of his aides were stopped on the street in the early morning last week for erratic behavior. As soon as the first officer stepped out of his car Dyomin screamed, "Beat the cops!" and punched him in the face with his fist. The three then stole golf clubs from a nearby sport-utility vehicle and set to on the officers with gusto. The altercation didn't break up until another police car arrived on the scene. Dyomin then produced his Duma documents -- which give him immunity from prosecution -- and walked away free. One of his aides fled while the other was detained. Not surprisingly, the trio had been drinking.
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Strange Junk

VANCOUVER, B.C. - Can you believe someone got rid of 1900 pounds of frozen animal carcasses? And who in their right mind would dump a hefty collection of Braille "Playboy" magazines? These items are just a couple of the bizarre things that the junk toters at 1-800-GOT-JUNK? have hauled away. Other bizarre loads include one ton of expired sardines from a Mexican grocery store, 1200 pounds of concrete animal lawn ornaments, half a truck-full of herbal breast enlargement pills and a bunch of prosthetic legs. Though most items end up getting pitched, some are donated to the needy, such as the butt massager that was given to a charity house.
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Groper on the Go

A heavy-set man on a 10-speed bike rides up to women walking on Philadelphia streets, stops, gropes them, and then pedals off. The Philadelphia Inquirer says it happened four times one morning this week and the man is still on the loose. "I was just walking up the street... and all of a sudden this man that I didn't know came up on the left side of me and grabbed my chest," one woman told the paper. "I was just shocked. I stood there for, like, five seconds, and he just calmly rode away and turned on Spruce." In another instance, police said the guy rode up behind a woman, grabbed her buttocks, and rode away.
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Brits 'Doing It' in Cars

LONDON - For those of you who think that the majority of Britons are prudish and conservative, a recent survey might have you thinking again. The study showed that two-thirds of English residents have had sex in a car. The website safeoutdoorsex.com polled 1,500 people and found that most Britons are quite uninhibited when it comes to fooling around. The study also showed that 94 percent of respondents thought outdoor sex was a good way to maintain an exciting relationship. Almost half of those surveyed admitted to have done the wild thing in a random field.
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Taxi Karaoke

BANGKOK - When competing with other cabs for passengers, it can be difficult for drivers to gain an edge. However, one cabbie has found a way to spruce up his passengers' taxi ride while making himself some good cash. Vichian Simma installed a karaoke system in his cab when Bangkok's streets became too dull. The former audio equipment salesman quit his day job, bought himself a cab and now enjoys a much more profitable occupation. According to the innovative cabbie, "Some can't get enough, especially if they've just left the bar. Others tell me to drive around for a bit so they can sing." Though he makes decent money from the idea, one can only imagine the headache Simma has at the end of the night.
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Festival of the Pit

BATTLE MOUNTAIN, NV. - An article featured in the Washington Post Magazine last year has Old Spice sponsoring a festival in a small Nevada town. After the author of the article, Gene Weingarten, referred to Battle Mountain, Nevada as the armpit of the U.S., Old Spice became the principle sponsor of the "Festival of the Pit" in August. The author chose the town for its "lack of character and charm," claiming the city was filled with unsightly buildings and nasty people. The festival will feature events such as an armpit beauty pageant, a sweat t-shirt contest and a "quick-draw" antiperspirant contest.
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Prostitutes Going Behind the Camera

SAN FRANCISCO - Some prostitutes are tired of continually being negatively portrayed in movies. So, several have decided to get off their backs and on their feet to create a film festival of their own. The 3rd San Francisco Sex Worker Film and Video Festival takes place May 23-26 and features close to 50 films that are either about the sex industry or made by prostitutes themselves. One example includes a documentary about transgendered immigrant prostitutes in Italy. Another serves as an educational tool about the proper techniques for vulva massage. Though the festival's organizer admits much of the sex worker cinema is highly arousing, she stands by her claim that the festival's real mission is to bring light to the connection between prostitution and the arts.
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Devine Pastabilities

SAN DIEGO - Tired of the mess that accompanies a typical spaghetti dinner, one man has invented a meal that brings it all together in one easy-to-eat sandwich. Entrepreneur Damien Devine has turned his favorite fourth grade lunch into a catering business called Devine Pastabilities. Devine has created a spread of traditional dinners and jammed them into sandwich form. Some include subs stuffed with lasagna, fettucine alfredo and meatless "veggie balls." While sales have been good, Devine has branched out farther and created a delight that is sure to like hot cakes come November. His turkey dinner sub comes equipped with mashed potatoes, turkey, cranberry and gravy all stuffed into a torpedo roll.
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Story of the Deaf Pianist

AUSTRALIA - James Kearney defied all odds by earning himself a Bachelor of Music from the Australian National University. In what could be a world first, Kearney is the only known graduate to receive a music degree who has been deaf since birth. He was born with hearing loss of 90 decibels out of 120, and the sounds he hears are distorted. Even so, he remains an enthusiastic and competent pianist.
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Boy Named Saddam Sars

HONG KONG - Some people name their children after great ancestors, others go with significant meanings and a few parents go so far as to name their children after important current events during the birth. A couple in China have named their baby son Saddam Sars to mark the two important events taking place during his arrival into the world. The boy was born on March 20, the day the Iraq war broke out and at the time when alarm over the Sars outbreak was spreading across Asia.
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Goats Keep Airport Trimmed

SAN FRANCISCO - One of the most technologically advanced areas in the world is going back to the old way of doing the landscaping. San Francisco International Airport has enlisted the services of Goats-R-Us to clear grass on the land. High grass can be a potential fire hazard, so the airport brought in the goats to chomp on the vegetation. For a period of two weeks, a shepherd will keep an eye on the goats as they graze the land. The area, safe from landing and departing planes, is about a mile from the tarmac and separated by a highway.
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Ticketed for Illegal Squatting

BRONX, N.Y. - If you think you've received a dumb citation from a police officer for a pointless violation, chances are Jesse Taveras has you beat. The 19-year-old man was issued a ticket for simply sitting on a milk crate in front of the hair-braiding salon where he works. In complete bewilderment, Taveras read the summons that cited him for "unauthorized use of a milk crate." Though it may seem like a foolish punishment, the crate clearly stated: "Use by anyone but registered owner is liable to prosecution, article 17A, General Business Law." Because of his illegal squatting, Taveras will have to miss his trip to the Dominican Republic, forfeiting a $700 plane ticket, so he can make his appearance in court.
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Prehistoric Prom Theme

PENNSBURY, Pa. - One of the most memorable experiences in a high school student's career is their senior prom. The students at one Pennsylvania school make their night one they'll never forget by coming up with creative ways to make a grand entrance into the milestone ball. This year's eye-catcher came in prehistoric fashion as Shannon Horn and her date rode in atop a mechanical dinosaur. The clever Promasaurus was accompanied by other modes of transportation that included shopping carts, ice cream trucks, Barbie Corvettes and even a helicopter landing. Though the dinosaur was impressive, my praise would have gone towards the senior who arrived with her date on a rented dog sled pulled by five Huskies.
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Golfer Struck Twice by Lightning

A person's chances of being struck by lightning are about 2 million-to-one - about the same as winning a $1 million lottery. The chances of being struck twice are about three million-to-one. The chances of getting struck twice in half an hour? No clue. Unfortunately, pub manager Vincenzo Frascella, 50, knows exactly what it feels like. While playing a round of golf, he was struck on the 14th and 17th holes of the Orton Meadows Golf Course in Peterborough, Cambridgeshire. Both times bolts struck the tip of his umbrella as he sheltered during storms. Frascella felt the first hit go down his arm, while the second went through his shoulder blade. He described the sensation as being pricked by needles.
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Making Meat Grow on Trees

MANCHESTER, England - Though scientists still haven't found a way to make money grow on trees, they have managed to genetically engineer fruit trees that bear fresh meat. Appropriately named Meat Trees, these plants give birth to fruit that closely resemble ordinary grapefruit. However, once the peel is removed, fresh beef is unveiled. After 12 years of hard work and research, the reportedly "simple" concept has become a reality. Now scientists claim that vegetarians can have their steak and eat it too as no animals are harmed during the process that splices key proteins from cattle genes into the reproductive cells of grapefruit trees.
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Carnies Getting Laid Regularly

FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. - If you're looking for a job that will give you an opportunity to see the world and have anonymous sex with lusty women, try working at a carnival. Brett Witter, author of a new book, "Carnival Undercover," claims that an amazing percentage of women have the hots for men who work at carnivals. The women who carnies affectionately call "lot lizards" are primarily interested in having meaningless sex with a stranger, particularly one who's on his way out of town shortly. However, not all carnies get the amorous treatment. Those who run the ball-tossing games and shooting galleries are more likely to hook-up than the poor saps who run the food booths or take tickets for the Ferris wheel.
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Flasher Hounded by Pugs

BERLIN - A German flasher exposing himself to a woman in a forest was forced to run for cover when she set her three small pug dogs on him, police said on Friday. The man, who was about 30, was naked when he surprised the 55-year-old woman with the dogs. "He had Bermuda shorts and a T-shirt in one hand and his private parts in the other," said a police spokesman. The woman prompted the lap dogs into action, one of which bit the man on the calf before he fled through the trees. "The dog was too small to bite him anywhere else," the spokesman said. The man is still on the loose.
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Fake Nun Busted in Smuggling Scheme

SAN DIEGO - Maribel Carreon Sanchez disguised herself as a nun and attempted to smuggle an immigrant at the San Ysidro Port of Entry between San Diego and Tijuana. She now faces charges after U.S. inspectors found an adult woman hidden in a secret compartment of her vehicle. Sanchez was wearing a black and white nun's habit and presented a visa issued to someone else. Agents found a Mexican woman hidden in a 3-foot-long customized compartment that was equipped with an electronically controlled latch and hydraulic lifts.
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$116 Fine for Not Saying 'Ah'

BERLIN - A common frustrating scenario for parents is when their children won't cooperate in public. A mother in Germany ran into this problem when her 8-year-old daughter was seated in front of the school dentist. Afraid to open her mouth, the young girl refused to let the dentist check her teeth. Since the child would not comply with the dentist's requests, the child's mother was subsequently fined $116. Local authorities imposed the fine and the court upheld the decision. As ridiculous as it may sound, the mother has no choice but to pay the fine.
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Asthmatic Sails Into the Sunset

CREMONA, Italy - Six-year-old Niky Frascisco suffers from an acute type of asthma that often sentences him to vast amounts of time in bed and has him popping pills like a junky. To improve their son's condition, and way of life, Niky's parents have decided the only thing to do is to live at sea where the clean air can infest his lungs. They built an 85 foot boat and took off down the River Po from the northern Italian city of Cremona. When the reach the sea they will make for the waters near Sicily where they plan to stay. The Frascisco's plan on making a living by taking tourists our on their homemade boat for short trips. Niky will attend school using a Webcam that will allow him to see a classroom in an elementary school in Liapari, a small island near Sicily.
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Sick Dolls Coming to a Store Near You

CHICAGO, IL - There's a new toy on the market for those of you out there with a sick sense of humor. Giantmicrobes, Inc. is set to release toys mimicking the common cold, flu, sore throat and stomach aches and will soon release microbe dolls for athlete's foot and bad breath. The new line of fuzzy plush dolls were originally expected to be used for educational purposes by doctors and teachers, but a large part of interest has come from the general public. CEO Drew Oliver has been receiving lots of inquiries on whether or not he plans to create a SARS doll. Due to its current controversial nature, Oliver plans on steering clear of that one.
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Nursing Someone Else's Child a No-No

OKLAHOMA - Breast-feeding an infant in the middle of a day care center is one thing. Breast-feeding someone else's infant in the middle of a day care center is a completely different story. Shannon Denny, a 32-year-old lawyer, was charged with an outraging public decency count, a misdemeanor. Denney, whose own daughter attended the day care facility, tried to comfort the crying baby. After several methods proved no good, she whipped out her boob and let the little one go to town. With her own daughter present, she looked over to her child and told her the feeding was "our little secret."
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Terrier Raids Convenience Store

NORWAY - If you walk into a convenience store and start eating food without paying for it, you're going to get busted for theft, no matter what species you happen to be. A hungry Staffordshire bull terrier with a sweet tooth ended up behind bars after a night raid on a gas station. Security cameras recorded the dog, Conan, sifting through various brands of chocolate in search of his favorite, chocolate covered rice crisp. Once he found what he was looking for, Conan devoured the contents of the container. The night employee tried to chase the dog out but was met with a fierce growl. Police were called onto the scene to take the dog away.
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If You Think it's a Fart - Ask

NORWAY - Had the crew of an air ambulance spoken up, they would have found out earlier that the foul smell wasn't coming from the patient they were transporting. Noticing a distinct stench that resembled cabbage, crew members thought the odor was coming from their gassy patient. Only later did they realize that the scent was actually melting wire insulation that resulted in flames flickering up from the front window. After an emergency landing, everyone was able to breathe a deep sigh of relief.
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Free Sex for Returning Troops

If you thought our troops were fast in Iraq, you should witnessthe flood of soldiers rushing their way to Carson City, Nevada, where prostitution is legal. The first 50 soldiers to arrive at the Moonlight Bunnyranch will receive a free session of hot sex. Instead of a compass, toothbrush and soap, the pack handed to soldiers includes condoms, lubricant and a free sex session - with a value of up to $1,000. However, not all hope is lost for those who don't get there first. The brothel is offering a 50 percent discount on all its services to servicemen and women for 50 days after the first offer expires.
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Park Spanking Arrest

KENTUCKY - Yes, folks, the Bluegrass State, home to Loretta Lynn, the Kentucky Wildcats and naked boat oar spanking. At least according to Prestonsburg police. They found Melissa Coleman and Anthony Scott Ward in a compromising position last week in Archer Park and arrested them for disorderly conduct. Police say Coleman was bound to a picnic table with leather straps and was being spanked by Ward with a boat oar. Coleman is denying the charges and says the incident has been blown out of proportion. A park representative says, "They were about 1,000 feet from the playground and the softball fields were not in use. You know we hate that this happened but we can't always stop these kinds of things."
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A Big Buck in the Kitchen

Imagine having a relaxing morning reading the newspaper at your kitchen table when you look up to see a 200-pound buck just inches from your face. This was the case for Northbrook woman Julie Ann Somenek on Monday morning when a deer crashed through her living room window to escape the pursuit of a neighbor's dog. After the deer knocked a shocked Somenek right off her chair, it headed for the laundry room. Thinking fast, Somenek was able to lock the buck in the room and call the police who arrived and devised a clever plan. Leaving the back door open, a courageous soul opened the laundry room door and quickly moved aside to allow the buck to run out the open door. The plan worked, however, the laundry room was left in disarray.
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Man / Woman Missing Over 50 Years

CALGARY, Alberta -- The family of a 76-year-old woman who left her Calgary home in 1950 and began living as a man is looking for answers Monday. After a story about the missing woman in the Calgary Sun Sunday, calls came in to the newspaper from the neighboring province of Saskatchewan identifying the woman who has lived as a man for most of her life. Siblings confirmed "Michael" was in fact their sister, Mary Schnaider. The woman left the family farm when she was 24 for a restaurant job, and was never heard from again. A rooming house landlord reported Michael missing after his tenant of eight years failed to return last Tuesday and police found Michael wandering the streets last week. Michael apparently suffers from increasing dementia.
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Some Art is Just Shit

OTTAWA - A Canadian art show that features excrement on a gallery wall has created controversy over funding, the Ottawa Sun reported Friday. On June 19, Ottawa's SAW Gallery will open Scatalogue: 30 Years of Crap in Contemporary Art. The five-week show is a multimedia interactive exhibition dedicated to excrement. That's raised the ire of Member of Parliament Chuck Strahl, disturbed the gallery receives $50,000 in federal funding every two years from the Canada Council for the Arts. The city also provides the gallery with $26,500 annually in operating funds. Curator Stefan St-Laurent, who runs the gallery with his twin brother Jason, thought things might eventually hit the fan. "At least people are talking about art," he said.
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No More Cell Phones at the Y

AUSTRALIA - Aren't those new cell phones, with the attachable camera, totally awesome? The YMCAs of Australia don't think so. Cell phones are being banned from swimming pools and locker rooms amid fears that camera phones are being misused. The ban will affect more than 300 gyms, pools and sports centers across the country. People using changing rooms will no longer be able to take their mobile phones with them. There have been cases reported around the world of people using camera phones to take illicit photographs. So, ladies, before you disrobe in the locker room, make sure that creepy person at the next locker doesn't have a cell phone on her.
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Slipped Disk Ends Tryst in Sports Car

LONDON - Two lovers discovered a tiny sports car leaves a lot to be desired as a midnight trysting spot. Wedged into a two-seater, a near-naked man was suddenly immobilized by a slipped disk, trapping his woman companion beneath him, according to a doctor writing in a medical journal here. The desperate woman attempted to summon help by honking the horn with her foot. A doctor-ambulanceman, fireman and a group of passers-by quickly surrounded the car in Regent's Park. "The lady found herself trapped beneath 200 pounds of pain-wracked immoblile man." said Dr. Brian Richards. "To free the couple, firemen had to cut away the car frame," he added. The distraught woman, helped out of the car and into a coat sobbed, "How am I going to explain to my husband what has happened to his car?"
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When You Start Pissing Beetles...

NEW DELHI, India - If you're going to the bathroom and you begin to urinate blood, there is an understandable cause for concern. However, if your pee produces winged beetles, get to the hospital immediately. A 13-year-old boy has begun producing the insects after hatching the eggs in his body. After an examination, doctors found eggs of the beetle in a fistula in his body. The beetles -- more than half a centimeter in length -- belong to the Staphylinidae rove beetle family of insects. An expert in urology, Doctor N. Subramanian, said that in theory it was possible for insects to hatch in the body and come out in urine but said he had not heard of such a case.
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9-Year-Old Girl Wed to Dog

NEW DELHI, India - Arranged marriages can be so unfair, especially if you're only a nine-year-old girl. Perhaps the only thing worse than being married to someone you hardly know at the age of 9 is the fact that your hubby is a dog. The young girl was married off to a dog in the presence of more than 100 people in eastern India under a tribal custom to protect the child from evil. According to Santhal belief, if a child's first tooth appears on the upper gum he or she is in grave danger that can only be warded off by a marriage with a canine. Fortunately, the child can remarry a human after growing up.
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Lassoing Gators Can Get You in Trouble

FLORIDA - A Lake County man learned the hard way that it is illegal to save a woman and four children from a threatening alligator by lassoing it, cowboy-style. Michael McCormick said that he was driving when he saw the reptile crossing the road toward a woman holding two infants and had two children at her side. McCormick pulled over, made a loop out of some rope and tossed it over the gator. He then dragged the gator to the edge of a chain-link fence surrounding a retention pond. He told a friend to call the police while he kept the creature corralled. When the police arrived, he released the gator and it crawled back under the fence and into the pond. Much to his surprise McCormick was issued a $180 citation by a state game official for possession of a gator. He argued that he would not have called police if he thought what he was doing was against the law. While the citation was later thrown out, he is certain of one thing: If he was put in the same situation again, he would exactly the same thing.
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Chicken Sent Aloft by Prankster

SAN FRANCISCO - An unsuspecting chicken named Amelia was harnessed to 100 helium balloons and sent aloft last Saturday in San Francisco by an anonymous prankster. Amelia wafted into a tangle of power lines and was rescued by a police marksman, who shot pellets at the balloons and brought her down. She was taken to the nearby animal shelter to be adopted. Kat Brown, deputy director of the shelter, remarked, "This is a great chicken, a friendly chicken, a chicken that is ready for a relationship
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Foam Dancing the Newest Craze

Foam dancing, the newest craze as seen on MTV and at the trendiest clubs, is the 21st century version of break dancing. The foam, which is trucked in and fills the dance floor to more than 3 feet high, envelops the dancers' bodies as they gyrate to the top music on the charts. When the dancing is over, the foam simply drips dry. Although the foam makes the dancers a little damp, the real fun is in moving it around, according to The Great Escape, in Lake George, N.Y. The theme park is planning to host Foam Dance parties every Friday in July and every Thursday in August. Children under 48 inches must be accompanied by an adult.
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Sexomnia Keeping You Up at Night?

If you wake up in the middle of the night to discover that your partner is trying to have sex with you, this may be a good thing. However, if your partner is doing this while sound asleep, it might not be so good. He or she may suffer from sexsomnia, a disorder that causes people to engage in sexual behavior while asleep. The cause of this disorder is at the time unknown, but may be due to stress, chronic sleepiness, or alcohol or drug abuse. Although this nocturnal sex is considered odd, it is still within present social norms, especially if the partner is a willing participant. Apparently, some sexsomniacs are better lovers unconscious then they are awake.
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Is That You, Mummy?

A Utah man is signing up people to be made into mummies when they die. Corky Ra tells The Los Angeles Times 1,400 people have agreed to sign over their life insurance policies, worth at least $74,000 each, to be mummified by his patented Permanent Body Preservation System. Summum Mummification has a guarantee. "You will stay like this for eternity," Ra promises. "There will be no decomposition." So far, he says, he's received requests from football players looking to be preserved in athletic poses, military men wanting to be mummified in uniform and a radio talk show host hoping to grasp a microphone for eternity.
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Ultra-Miniature Bible Produced

To the naked eye, it looks like a fleck of tile decorated with the Greek letters alpha and omega. But magnified by a factor of 600 it the world's most portable copy of the New Testament. According to the latest version of Guinness Book of World Records, the 5-millimeter-square tablet is the smallest reproduction yet of a printed book. It was created in 2001 by two scientists in the field of object recognition, Pawan Sinha and Pamela R. Lipson of Cambridge, Mass., who call it a tool for archiving and authentication, The New York Times reports. They developed software that allowed them to write in gold on a crystalline silicon chip, using a font with letters each 4 microns high... about the height of a red blood cell.
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A Genuine Joy Ride

A man in Cologne admitted to having sex with a blonde hitchhiker sitting astride him when he drove his car into a road sign. He was only fined because he fled the scene of the incident with his naked passenger. Court spokesman Juergen Mannebeck remarked, "It's hard to believe but in fact no law was broken with the intercourse on the motorcourse. It's a situation lawmakers never thought about." The man was also ordered to pay 400 euros to fix the sign he damaged. He had no clue when asked the name of his naked accomplice who left her clothes behind in the car.
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Pet Bird Repeatedly Dialing 911

A lonely 22-year-old man from Palm Beach was arrested for calling 911 over 900 times since May, taxing dispatchers and police. Howard V. Hill Jr. would call and claim that an officer had been shot, indicated that he wanted to shoot an officer with a bow and arrow or just made animal noises into the phone. When questioned about the calls, Hill told police that the culprit was his friend "Jimmy" and he would make sure the calls would stop. However, the calls kept on coming, and Hill later admitted that "Jimmy" was his pet bird.
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Runaway Monkey Trashes Pizzeria

BERLIN, Germany - The owner of a pizzeria tried to pacify an escaped circus monkey with salad and rolls, but to no avail. The one and a half foot tall Rhesus monkey entered through the front door and was lured into the woman's bathroom by the owner and a cook. However, once Lala was locked inside, she managed to break a vase on the window, toss all the paper towels into the sink and turned on the tap, flooded both toilets, the kitchen and part of the dining room. Lala had escaped from its cage five days earlier at a circus near Braunschweig, six miles away.
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Anatomically Correct Hulk Doll

A little girl received quite a shock when she removed the purple shorts of her Incredible Hulk doll and discovered that the green monster was very anatomically correct. Six-year-old Leah Lowland noticed a lump on the stuffed monster she won, catchphrase "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry," at a seaside fair. After discovering the Hulk's two-inch manhood, the horrified girl immediately ran to her mother Kim to report the find. Kim called to put a ban on the saucy toy claiming that kids should not be exposed to this kind of thing.
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Beer Flavored Ice Cream

Maybe Baskin Robbins can use this as their flavor of the month...ice cream mixed with a subtle taste of Newcastle Brown Ale. The dessert, created by the Doddington Dairy in Northumberland, is currently only available in England on a limited release. If the public reacts favorably to the beer flavored treat, it could be headed for the export market in the near future. For those worried about eating and driving, only about one percent alcohol is left after processing..
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Kids Spanked for Abusing Parrot

It was a bad day over at Soper's Clock World in North Carolina when William Soper's beloved parrot suddenly squawked the "F" word while two boys were talking to it. An angry Soper went up to one of the boys, Matthew Bustle, smacked his bottom and told them to leave if they couldn't behave. Soper believed that the boy taught the parrot to curse because it had never uttered an expletive before. He said that the boys were also spitting on Sparky, which in itself justifies the spanking because he had to protect his $13, 000 parrot. Soper now faces a misdemeanor assault charge for spanking Bustle and will face up to 60 days in jail if convicted.
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Sumo Preschoolers

When wrestlers Georgy Bibilauri and Dzhambulat Khotokhov took to the mat Wednesday, they both hoped for a victory. However, when the match ended in a tie, they settled for ice cream instead. Since the pair are only 4 years old, they're fairly easy to please, especially when it involves food. Khotokhov from Russia and Tbilisi native Bibilauri are the world's largest preschoolers. Khotokhov weighs 123 pounds at a height of 3 feet 11 inches and Bibilauri weighs 112 pounds at a height of 4 feet. According to wrestling champion Levan Tediashvili, who refereed the match, the two boys give off positive vibes and show great sportsmanship.
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Getting Married at the Town Dump

Most people get married in a church or a backyard, but for Rockie Graham and Dave Hart, it's all about the town dump. Since the couple met at the town of Bethel, Maine's transfer station, they figure they might as well tie the knot there. They plan to be transported in a bucket loader driven by an attendant at the station. To prepare for the big day, people have been donating returnable containers for the couple's honeymoon fund. Graham plans to don a conservative dress for the wedding and Hart will wear a tuxedo, but they are also seeking ways to incorporate recycled items into their wedding apparel. Although the pair haven't set a date yet, regulars to the transfer station are already making suggestions for the perfect dump wedding.
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The World's Biggest Condom

A phallic-shaped hotel in the city of Guilin in China was adorned with a bright yellow condom to celebrate U.N. World Population Day in the most populated nation in the world. The Guilin Latex Company applied to the publishers of the Guinness Book of World Records for recognition of their giant rubber, measuring 80 meters in length and almost 100 meters around, as the world's biggest. The condom cost more than 200,000 yuan ($24,000) to display and carried the message: "Control population growth, pay attention to sexual health, prevent AIDS."
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Doctor Amputates Own Hand

INDIA - While trimming plants in his back garden, a doctor accidentally cut a hidden cobra in two... but not before the venomous serpent sank his fangs into the man's palm. After attempting to shake off the severed snake, the doctor panicked and proceeded to chop off his the hand that the cobra had latched on to. Though his hand could not be saved, the doctor's bizarre reaction may have saved his life.
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Flatulence Can Be Fatal

When someone cuts a good one in a crowded elevator or bus, the waft can be almost suffocating. For hundreds of cattle on long voyages across the globe, such gassy emissions have been lethal. Cows fart themselves to death by emitting fatally high levels of ammonia during the lengthy trips. In the cramped, hot and poorly ventilated cattle holds, the ammonia-rich gas can quickly cause respiratory problems and death. A cause for concern was raised last year when one voyage found fatalities to 900 cows.
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A Butt Bra for Your Sagging Behind

If your derriere has gotten a little droopy, then the "butt bra" is for you. This device will hoist a sagging rear to perkier, more glorious heights and is called the Biniki (not to be confused with a bikini). It is made of nylon and elastic straps and lingerie hooks. The creator of this butt booster, Karin Hart, became obsessed with helping her bottom fight gravity after she lost 15 pounds in a month and looked like she had "elephant legs." Originally, she used tape to hold up her tush, but that was not comfortable, so she moved to a system of ribbons and wires that evolved into the Biniki. Now you can raise your rump by going on the Internet and purchasing your own butt bra for only $29.95.
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Donut Bribe Fails

A 23-year-old Florida man now knows police officers don't necessarily love donuts -- at least not when they're offered as a bribe. Michael Matakaetis was arrested last week for driving while intoxicated and having an open bottle of rum in his car. But according to the Martin County sheriff's office, Matakaetis offered the arresting deputy a stack of Dunkin' Donuts coupons, if the officer would allow him to park his car and walk home. The cop rejected the bribe and Matakaetis was taken to jail. Once there, he threatened the officer saying, "You're gonna get a bullet...You should've let me go."
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Hunting for Bambi (turns out this is a hoax)

Just when you think exotic dancing or prostitution is as bad as it gets, an activity like "Hunting for Bambi" comes along. Michael Burdick is the mastermind behind the new sport that combines sexual fantasy with violent aggression. With the establishment set up appropriately enough in the sin capital of Las Vegas, men are arriving from all parts of the world to shoot naked women with paintball guns. For the price of a few thousand bucks, men are taking aim at willing, albeit frightened young females dressed only in tennis shoes. So what's in it for the women? About $2,500 if they can grab four strategically placed flags inside the game zone without being shot. Should they end up getting tagged, they receive the consolation prize of $1000. If you've ever played paintball, you know how bad a paint-filled plastic ball traveling at 200 m.p.h. can sting. When one hits bare flesh, it's powerful enough to draw blood.
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Wrong House Leveled

A construction crew in Phoenix sent to tear down a house demolished the home of Jenny Lopez (not J. Lo) across the street by mistake. The Arizona Republic writes Lopez had owned the home for 30 years -- raised her kids there -- and was about to remodel it until a wrecking ball turned it into a pile of plywood and tar paper. The wrecking crew even did a number on the carefully tended trees and shrubs in her yard, Lopez told the paper. The house that was supposed to be torn down was boarded up and fenced in. It belongs to Foresight Investment Group of Phoenix, which had purchased it on speculation.
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Mouse Pelts Make Miniature Rugs

A New Zealand woman who makes miniature houses has come up with a novel way to dispose of dead mice -- she uses their dried pelts. College English teacher Jeanette Dungan has been making miniature houses and has always wanted to use dried mouse skins in her houses to depict miniature goat skin rugs. She was unable to find anyone to skin and dry the pelts, but recently two teenage girls have helped with the task and now she is even getting donations of dead mice, The Nelson Mail reports. She says the mice are skinned, the pelts are pinned out and sprinkled with baking soda. They are then soaked with kerosene and left to dry for about eight days and then washed with detergent.
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Naked Celeb Files

When the thermometer goes up, some celebrities like to get naked. Jennifer Lopez says the weirdest thing about her is she likes to walk around naked, the New York Daily News reports. "I grew up walking around naked in my house. My Mom was like that, and my sisters ... Now, I'll be sitting at the breakfast table and everyone's dressed except me," she says. Colin Farrell admits, "I can be found in my apartment dancing naked. I like '80s disco." Beverly Hills 213 Magazine reports Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt like to have their Sunday evening meal "au naturel."
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New York Man Stabbed Over Parking

Two men were stabbed, another is in jail and his boss was slapped with a $20 million lawsuit -- all over a New York City parking space. Eric Pinzon, 23, on probation for attempted robbery, had just gotten a job at a Brooklyn moving company and mistakenly parked his Jeep in a spot assigned to another company. At the end of his shift the garage was locked so he left his vehicle parked. Employees at the other company were ticked off at the space being taken, called to have the Jeep moved, and when Pinzon arrived, he found his tires slashed. A confrontation ensued, and two men at the other company allege Pinzon stabbed them, while Pinzon alleges five men attacked him, the New York Post reports. Pinzon's employer is being sued for hiring an ex-convict, the Post says.
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New Delicacies for Fido

Customers at Jean Bowyer's bakery in South Carolina enjoy chicken-and-dumpling popsicles, beef liver, and turkey and cheese flavored cookies. Bower is the owner of K-9 Union Hall & Bakery, which caters to dogs and the owners that love them. Other menu items include turkey muffins and canine sushi. Bower also creates three layered birthday cakes for Fido, baked from corn and flour meal mixed with liver, and smeared with icing appropriate for canines. The Union Hall also offers dogs a better social life with birthday parties complete with dog guests and treat-filled pinatas.
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Texas Woman Stunned by Nude Inmates

A mother and her two daughters in Plainview, TX received quite a shock while driving near a prison facility and saw three inmates being strip-searched. The horrified mother said that the naked trio was out there for everyone to see. According to the assistant warden, the strip search is routine at the jail for new inmates and was only visible to the public because a section of partition had fallen. The mother felt that the searches could have been conducted elsewhere, away from the public eye. She commented, "If I look at a naked man, I want it to be of my own accord."
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Do-It-Yourself Cruise Missle

A New Zealand man is building a cruise missile in his garage, just to prove to defense officials he can. Bruce Simpson runs a Web site, not to provide terrorists with the plans for a working cruise missile, but to prove the point that nations need to be better prepared. "I myself knew it would be easy, but I was stunned at just how easy it was," he tells the Australian Broadcasting Corp. He hopes to build the cruise missile with legal, off-the-shelf equipment for less than $5,000. His last project involved building a jet engine in his backyard and using it to cool his beer. His Web site said at the time, "The risks should be obvious."
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Blue Ice Hurtles Through the Skylight

Isn't that a load of crap? Ray Erickson of Santa Cruz sued American Airlines when one of the company's planes allegedly released two chunks of toilet waste, which landed, bizarrely enough, exactly on the skylight of his boat. The two chunks, euphemistically referred to as "blue ice," damaged his boat when they came crashing down. Erickson tracked down the of- fending plane and sued in small claims court. He won the suit and will receive $3,236 from the airline.
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Three Peeping Toms Get Zapped

TAIPEI - As if by divine retribution, three peeping toms were punished from above for spying on a pair of passionate lovers having sex in a car. Hiding out in a broken hut, the three men used high-powered telescopes to watch the couple from afar. They were so oblivious as they spied that they did not notice the bolts of lightning flashing in the sky. In an instant, a bolt struck the hut and sent a super-high voltage current through each man. All three were hit at the same time, but only survived by equally sharing the impact. Had there been only one man present, he would have died instantly. As both the group of men and the young couple realized, there is always someone watching.
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A Gator Bite Doesn't Slow Her Down

Though she may have lost her arm, Helen Couto isn't about to lose her lust for life along with it. Four months after an alligator chomped off her right arm, the 72-year-old is thankful to be alive and is living life to the fullest. Doctors were unable to reattach the severed limb, so Couto has been learning to carry on with a prosthesis. In addition to bowling and golfing, she's managed household challenges like cutting an onion for chicken soup a month ago. She tried out a new prosthetic arm designed for golfing at a fund-raiser and managed to make solid contact with the ball.
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Are Those Really Wax?

LONDON - If you think Britney Spears' breasts look fake now, you should see how they heave in England. The star's waxwork model at Madame Tussauds in London will feature a pair of pump-up breasts that will throb in time with her breathing. A group of lucky experts are fixing attachments to the singer to make her pole-dancing poses more raunchy. Her breasts will then hang provocatively out of a skimpy top, inflating rhythmically to make it look like the singer is breathing heavily. Britney will be the centerpiece of the museum's new 2m (British) interactive room. It will also feature a blushing J-Lo and a Brad Pitt with a squeezable butt.
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Weird Amphibians Found in New York

Two months after a turtle with two heads was discovered in New York's Rensselaer County, three young girls have now found a frog with no eyes in the same county. Ashley, Cierra and Taylor Sweet discovered the eyeless amphibian in a pond and brought it home with them. They put it in an aquarium and note that it doesn't seem to have a problem finding mosquitoes to eat. State Wildlife pathologist Ward Stone said that the frog's condition seems to be developmental rather than the result of trauma or attack and feels it's unlikely that the damage was caused by chemical pollution.
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Duct Tape Prom Outfits

Teenagers Meg Roberts and Tyler Mickley stick together -- literally. The Virginia high school students just won a contest for making the best prom attire using duct tape. The dress and tuxedo, made with white duct tape, are adorned with black, yellow and red duct tape rays to form a sunburst pattern when the pair stands together. They also created duct tape wigs to complete their outfits. After a month and nine rolls of duct tape, the stylish outfits were finished. The couple agreed that the outfits made for a sweaty night. However, all the toil and sweat was worth it -- the students both won $2500 scholarships from the makers of Duck brand duct tape and also the admiration of their townsfolk.
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Bringing Cows to School

Usually when parents are concerned about their child's poor grades, they schedule a parent-teacher conference. When parents of girls at an Indian village school in Calcutta found out their daughters failed their college entrance exams, they stormed into the school followed by a herd of cows. The eight cows, meant to symbolize the low-performing teachers, were brought into the first floor of the school with signs hanging from their necks reading "This is a cowshed" and "We will teach here." Surrounded by cows, school administrators admitted the school did not have the required number of teachers. The parents responded to this confession with some hearty mooing.
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Breast Milk Squirted in Patron's Eye

MICHIGAN -- A dancer at The School House nightclub in Jackson squirted breast milk into the eyes of a man while she was giving him a lap dance. The woman had just had a baby and was still lactating. Police investigators planned to talk to the dancer about the incident. The squirted man was concerned about getting some type of disease, but since he most likely blinked when the milk came his way, he doesn't have to worry too much. The club had opened just a week ago after a long dispute with city officials that ended with a settlement allowing the club to operate at its present location for 15 months but not serve alcohol.
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Would You Like a Radio in Your Tooth?

Medical science takes another leap forward with an invention by Detroit dentist and amateur electronics wizard Arthur Vandross. Dr. Vandross has built, inside a false tooth, a receiver similar to a wireless headphone. The receiver, which Vandross calls a 'Toothman' uses micro-vibrations to turn the wearer's skull into an internalized speaker. "It's like having Britney Spears performing inside your skull." said Vandross. The 'Toothman' will occasionally pick up police frequencies and nearby cell phone conversations, but Vandross hopes to have these problems worked out eventually. He has patented his device but has not yet found a patient willing to have his invention implanted in their mouth.
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Vegetarian Changes Her Name

A woman with an extreme love of vegetarianism is legally changing her name to GoVeg.com. The woman formerly known as Karin Robertson is now named after a vegetarian information website to encourage carnivores to give up their meat-eating ways and become vegetarians. The 23-year-old GoVeg.com is a Youth Project Specialist for the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals and says her new name is a great conversation starter. However, she has had a little trouble at airports trying to get security guards to believe her when she shows them her drivers license. She also had her mother worried about what to do if she got married, but GoVeg.com says her parents understand how much animal rights activism means to her. She couldn't imagine changing her name back. "To be named after the number one website for vegetarian information -- what could be better?"
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Female Cashiers to Wear Diapers

BUENOS AIRES -- According to a union, cashiers at a supermarket in Argentina are being forced to wear diapers while they work so they don't have to take bathroom breaks. Female cashiers must wear adult diapers in case "cold, nerves, pressure or stress" cause incontinence, union official Jorge Cordova told local news agency Diarios y Noticias. Cordova would not name the supermarket, but said the chain is backed by foreign capital. Mendoza's labor subsecretary, Sandra Varela commented, "The truth is, it's difficult to imagine a line of 20 adult cashiers wearing diapers for eight hours. I've never heard anything like this before."
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Homosexual High School

NEW YORK - Though many private schools exist across the United States, a new facility in the Big Apple is the first of its kind. The city is opening a full-fledged high school for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender students. Named after the slain gay San Francisco politician, Harvey Milk High School "will be a model for the country and possibly the world," according to Principal William Salzman. The school is undergoing a $3.2 million in city-funded renovations approved by the old Board of Education in June of last year. It will eventually take in 170 students by September 2004.
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Man Uses Sword on Wife's Hair

A 26-year-old Fort Worth, Texas, man allegedly assaulted his wife and cut off her waist-length hair with a sword. Police say Charley Doyal McAdoo IV and his wife had an argument, prompting the man to kick her out of their apartment. A neighbor allowed the woman to stay the night in his apartment. The next day, police say, McAdoo learned where his wife had stayed, and after finding her at a relative's house, took her to their home where he allegedly sexually assaulted her, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reports. McAdoo shocked the woman multiple times with a stun gun, cut her hair into a "sideways Mohawk," and then told the her to tell police the neighbor raped and assaulted her, according to police. She later told investigators the truth when McAdoo was not around, according to police.
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Off-Duty Steward Runs Naked Through Plane

An off-duty steward for Singapore Airlines gave passengers more than they bargained for when he stripped naked and frolicked around the aircraft. After throwing the contents of his wallet around, he spilled a glass of wine over passengers seated near him and started shouting as he made his way to the bathroom in the middle of the plane. Crew members could not reach him at first because they were stuck behind meal trolleys. Once they got to him, they covered him with blankets and took him to the toilet, where he finally put his clothes back on. After the plane landed, he was taken to a hospital and has since been placed on medical leave.
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California Man's House Stolen

San Francisco resident J. Miller is offering a $2,000 reward for the return of his house. Miller bought 40 acres deep in the El Dorado County wilderness in California and erected a prefabricated house on the property. Sometime in the past two months, somebody stole everything inside Miller's house -- and then stole the house -- the San Francisco Chronicle reports. Thieves deconstructed his 10-by-20-foot prefab structure, yanked a well pump from 625 feet below ground, ripped off his 600-pound generator and hauled away his 2,600-gallon water tank. Miller's financial loss is $20,000, but mainly he wants his wife's antique furniture back.
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Keep Those Crop Circles to Yourself

DETROIT - A Michigan farmer is wishing he'd kept quiet about the crop circles that appeared in his wheat field two weeks ago. Mike Esper discovered three of the circles on his land outside Detroit and wasted no time in alerting the media. He discovered the three circles -- 51 feet, 10 feet and 8 feet in diameter -- as he drove his combine around the wheat field. Not wanting to destroy the evidence, he left a 3- to 4-foot perimeter of wheat intact around the largest circle. "It's an array of humanity out here," Wilson said. "You get everything from scientific interest to those who meditate with crystals," he said of his visitors. Among those interested is Jeffrey Wilson, a crop circle researcher who said the circles were not man-made. Wilson cited NASA reports, allegedly describing "sprites and jets," which are red and blue atmospheric flashes as a possible cause for the circles.
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Using Embarrassment as a Teaching Aid

MICHIGAN - A St. Clair County minister who persuaded a 16-year-old boy to strip down to his underwear claims he did it to discourage him from engaging in premarital sex. He told investigators he was making a program designed to keep teens from having sex before marriage. He asked the boy to remove a piece of clothing after each question he asked him about premarital sex. The boy eventually ended up in his underwear but refused to take that off and refused the minister's request to take pictures of him. Two other accusers have also come forward. The minister says his intent was to embarrass teens while they were naked so they would remember that embarrassment and refrain from having sex.
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Basenji Survives Gassing

ST. LOUIS -- A Missouri dog that doesn't bark apparently doesn't care to die either since he survived the St. Louis pound's gas chamber. The dog is believed to be a Basenji, a breed that doesn't bark. He was dropped at the pound last week. His owners were moving to a "no-pets" facility, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported. The pound keeps dogs only five days before gassing them. Tuesday morning, the Basenji and seven other dogs were sedated, then placed in the gas chamber to breathe carbon monoxide for 15 minutes. Animal Control workers were stunned to see the dog staring back at them. The seven other dogs were dead. Workers renamed the dog Quentin -- for the famous prison -- and are determined to find a family for him no matter what. Quentin mysteriously shows no ill effects.
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Cosmonaut to be Wed

HOUSTON -- Many a bridegroom has been warned to keep his feet on the ground but there's no way Yuri Malenchenko can this weekend. The orbiting Russian cosmonaut will exchange marriage vows with Ekaterina Dmitriev, who will be 240 miles below on Earth, the Christian Science Monitor said Friday. Col. Malenchenko proposed before leaving for the International Space Station in April. The couple initially wanted to marry when he returned to Earth in late October but the Columbia tragedy made them rethink their plans. "Columbia reminded them that life happens, and it doesn't wait for us or our plans," says Jo Ann Schwartz Woodward, the couple's Houston-based wedding planner. Russian authorities are not impressed. The future Mrs. Malenchenko became a U.S. citizen in 1995. The occasional fluke of a groom catching his bride's bouquet is not expected to happen.
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Naked Traveler Encounters Difficulty

Although he has been deterred by eight arrests, a naked traveler continues walking the length of Britain wearing nothing but socks, boots, sunscreen and a smile. Steve Gough has been walking in the buff to celebrate the joys of nudity. Throughout his journey, he has undergone an examination at a psychiatric hospital and many nights in prison. This week, he had to start over at the beginning after being shipped back to his starting point by Scottish police after a court appearance in Cornwall. However, he is determined to carry on his celebration of himself as a human being. Aside from being beaten up in St. Ives and told by a farmer to "put on your trousers," Gough said that the public's reaction has been mostly positive. "Some people have been really enthusiastic," he remarked.
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A Bus Driver in a Skirt…

Swedish bus driver Mats Lundgren got in touch with his feminine side in order to keep his legs cool during the warm weather. Since the company wouldn't allow him to wear shorts, he slipped on a skirt instead. As he took his place in the driver's seat, the dark blue skirt went up his thighs just above his bony knees to reveal a pair of hairy white legs. Lundgren was very pleased with the way the skirt kept him cool, claiming that it was even better than shorts. The director of the transport authority was a little surprised to see him dressed this way, but could do nothing since regulations made no mention of rules about men wearing skirts.
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Chinese Domino Effect

BEIJING -- Imagine you've spent the last six weeks painstakingly stacking dominos in preparation for the world's longest solo domino topple. You've finally placed the last domino and breathe a sigh of relief. Then out of nowhere some cockroaches come along and knock a bunch of tiles over. Poor Ma Lihua had this happen to her, and she is obviously greatly distressed. She said one bug managed to knock down 10,000 tiles -- a day's work. Organizers have put pungent leaves, thought to repel the insects, around the Singapore Expo hall where Ma's dominos are stacked. Ma has been putting in 13-hour days, breaking only for meals and the occasional badminton games to help relieve stress. She hopes to topple 350,000 tiles in the contest to be held on Monday.
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Inflatable Bride Has to Go

A Brazilian man killed his parents because they demanded he divorce his inflatable "bride." He believed a blow-up doll was a human being, considered it his wife and talked to her. His religious parents demanded he separate from the doll, but he would not listen. When his mother took the doll and cut holes in it with scissors, the man strangled and stabbed both his mother, age 71, and father, age 70. The 44-year-old unemployed man confessed to the crime after an interrogation by police. "My parents didn't love me and didn't understand me," he was quoted as saying.
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Gorilla Prank Fails

After a man wearing a gorilla costume stole a bunch of bananas from an elderly woman's shop in downtown Hong Kong, the woman chased him with a broom, thinking at first that he was a ghost. Eighty-year-old Tse Lai slipped and fell during the pursuit. The man in the gorilla suit, who was not identified, was hired by a film company to stage the prank. "I didn't realize that it was a gorilla at first. All I saw was something big and black with a lot of hair. I thought I saw a ghost so I tried to drive it away with a broom," said Lai. The belief in ghosts is common among many Chinese people in Hong Kong.
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Couple Has Wedding Reception at McDonalds

If you want to get married, but don't have a lot of money to spend on a reception, you can always do what newlyweds Simon and Paula Hand did -- they held their wedding reception at McDonalds. The pair ditched the traditional wedding dinner for Big Macs and fries on their big day. The fast food restaurant decorated an area upstairs for the wedding party, however, the love-birds were disappointed that Ronald McDonald didn't make an appearance. According to Paula, the staff was pleasant and customers offered their congratulations. The couple had such a good time that they are already planning to have their first anniversary there next year.
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Meteorite Makes Quite a Dent

Whatever it was that slammed into a Michigan Road Commission parking lot, it left a fine crater. "It happened sometime on Sunday when the yard was locked up and no one was working," road commission spokesman Craig Bryson commented. "Two workers came in Monday morning and found an impact crater outside the main garage near the employee parking lot." Bryson said the object left a 12-inch-by-18-inch-by-3-inch crater in the lot, which may not seem impressive until one learns that the crater is in 6 inches of asphalt. "The edges of the crater are seared black, and there's a fan-shaped debris field spread out all around the site," Bryson said. David Batch, director of the Abrams Planetarium at Michigan State University said: "If this was a meteorite, it was probably about the size of a fist or larger."
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New Use for Car Wash

BERLIN -- A man was detained by police after he attempted to shower naked in a car wash in the German town of Fuerth. A police spokesman said that the man stripped off his clothes and said he was going to take a shower, but he couldn't start the machine. If he had succeeded, he could have been smeared in car wax, scalded by steamy water and rubbed raw by brushes. The owner of the car wash called police after noticing the man gearing up for his shower near the brushes and hoses. Police said the man had been searching for a place to bathe since losing his home at the beginning of the month.
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Whale Attacks Boat

SYDNEY -- A British family sailing off Australia won't be reading "Moby Dick" anytime soon after a close encounter of their own. Trevor Johnson and his family feared for their lives when a 30-foot humpback whale leapt from the sea onto their boat and slid back into the water with a groan. Johnson, 61, said he was amazed that no one was killed when the whale flung itself at them, wrecking the 40-foot boat's mast, sails and rigging. The family spent two nervous hours drifting towards rocks in force five winds before being picked up by police. Johnson said the only explanation the authorities could offer was that they may have inadvertently sailed between a mother and its calf returning from the Antarctic.
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Teacher Arrested for Prostitution

Teacher Shannon Williams is due in court after a misdemeanor charge of soliciting prostitution while on summer break. She learned her lesson when she agreed to have sex with a man, not knowing he was an undercover cop, and was arrested. Berkeley school officials confirm she is a teacher in the district. Williams told the police she is only a hooker during the summer to make some extra money. She says it is all a big misunderstanding and vows to fight the charges in court. However, it would definitely make for some interesting conversation if a student asks her what she did during her summer vacation.
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Grab the Cash on I-80

A swirling blizzard on Interstate 80 in Iowa had cars coming to a hasty halt. However, it wasn't snow that was causing drivers to stop. It was a blizzard of cash. Money was flying through the air after an armored truck somehow lost its load on Tuesday night. Vehicles in both lanes stopped and people scurried to recover the money. Once the truck crew realized the money was gone, they immediately stopped to try and retrieve it. Three vehicles east of the cash spill were stopped by police and authorities were checking to see if the occupants had taken money. Rob Hansen, a spokesman for the Iowa State Patrol, was not certain whether the money loss was part of a robbery or some other attempt to steal money from the truck.
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What?

A Brazilian man went to a clinic to have an ear ache checked.. and ended up having a vasectomy. After mistakenly believing that the doctor called his name, Valdemar Lopes de Moraes entered the vasectomy room when Aldemar Aparecido Rodrigues name was called. He didn't ask any questions when the doctor began preparations in the area which had nothing to do with his ear. He later said that he thought the ear inflammation had spread to his testicles. De Moraes did not want to reverse the operation and went back for his ear exam at the same clinic.
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Other Worldly Orgasms

Ex-policewoman Stephany Cohen says that she has been chosen by an alien race from a faraway planet to help the human race increase their knowledge. The aliens contacted her and she says they give her orgasms at any moment. Cohen says "Grays" from the planet Cirus D have been assisting humans for thousands of years but are now ready to take the final step of spiritual and intellectual fulfillment. She says that Grays communicate through telepathy and can take the form of humans. The aliens send raptures like strong orgasms, which are actually energies being passed down to their children on earth. Apparently, Grays reproduce without intercourse but the sexual energy they produce is 10 times greater than humans.
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Impersonator Perv Arrested

A 26-year-old Spanish man has been arrested and charged with impersonating a police officer after repeatedly interrupting couples in a lovers' lane. Malaga's SUR Online reported Tuesday the man made a major blunder last week when he interrupted an off-duty policeman and his girlfriend. A man approached their vehicle shouting "Police, get out of the vehicle." The man wore no uniform and a radio could be heard sounding from his pocket. After failing to fool that couple, the imposter moved on to another couple ordering them to place all their belongings on the car's hood before frisking them. At that point, the real police officer decided it was time to intervene and asked the suspect officer for identification. The man fled in a car, whose license plates were traced. The unidentified man is charged with impersonating a law officer, and possession of illegal radio equipment he used to monitor police frequencies.
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Parrot Screaming for Help

TUCSON, Ariz. - Police officers and firefighters busted down the front door of a home after hearing a woman's screams coming from inside. However, once they entered the home, they realized the sounds weren't coming from a woman, but rather from a parrot's imitation of a damsel in distress. Oscar, the two-year-old Amazon parrot, was found by police making laughing and screaming sounds as he sat in his cage. The confusion began after a 911-hang up call was made from the house and police arrived to find the home locked with bars on the windows. Crews used a pry bar and a battering ram to get through the door after hearing what they thought was a woman's voice. Although it is still a mystery who made the call, the parrot is off the hook since he doesn't know how to use the phone.
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A Worm a Day…

What is a firefighter's secret to good health? Well, for Paisit Chanta, a firefighter in central Thailand, keeping the doctor away involves eating a worm a day. He has consumed one live worm every day for almost three decades and feels this is what has kept him in good health. Paisit's strange eating habit began when he was fishing in his native village. "One day, I was sitting there waiting for a fish to eat my bait for hours and was starving. Suddenly, I realized fish don't die from eating worms so I shouldn't either. I ate them until I was full," he said. Now, he loves the wriggly creatures and even chews them instead of swallowing them whole. He often digs for his lunch in the area near the fire station where he works, despite the fact his co-workers find his habit strange and disgusting.
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Man Survives Skull Drilling

A California man is being called "Miracle Man" after being drilled through the head. Truckee resident Ron Hunt was using a drill over his head when his ladder started to wobble. He dropped the 18-inch long drill -- with a 1.5-inch bit -- on the floor and then fell head first onto the drill, the Nevada City Union reports. The drill went through his right eye and out his skull. Hunt had surgery to remove the drill. He lost his eye but does not seem to have suffered any brain damage from the impaling. Hunt says the most difficult part of the whole episode was not being insured -- he was a subcontractor -- but family and friends have been holding fundraisers.
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Kama Sutra Via Cell Phone

Latin lovers who are bored with the same old sexual positions can now receive a helping hand. A Brazilian telephone company is sending animations of sexual positions based on the Kama Sutra directly to customers' mobile phones. For only 99 Brazilian centavos (21 pence), customers of Tele Norte Leste Participacoes' wireless arm Oi are able to download one of 40 different animations along with a brief explanation and level of difficulty. If demand warranted, Oi believes it could double the number of animated positions available. Each graphic comes with the warning that the content is for adults over the age of 18. Not surprisingly, The Rio de Janeiro-based company is one of Brazil's fastest growing cellular phone operators.
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Man Trapped in Women's Toilet

WELLINGTON, New Zealand -- Some of life's experiences are best not talked about -- such as a man being trapped for 18 hours inside a women's toilet. The Wellington Dominion Post reported the unidentified man answered "nature's call" Saturday evening but found the men's public toilet near the Petone Public Library was locked. So he used the women's toilet. The problem arose when a night watchman locked the toilet door, unaware the man was inside. It wasn't until the next afternoon -- 18 hours later -- that passersby heard his cries for help and bolt-cutters were used to release him. A police official told the Post the man was quite "relieved" to get out but not too keen about discussing his experience.
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Wedding Guest Bites Off Finger

An unruly wedding guest bit off part of a man's finger during a reception in Corunna, Michigan last Friday. Michael VanStrate, an invited guest, caused altercations and arguments with several of the guests. Although he was asked to leave several times, he kept coming back. After smearing cake on a 9-year-old boy's face, the boy's father came to his rescue and had his finger bitten off during the struggle. The bridgroom then intervened. Police said that VanStrate later elbowed a 49-year-old woman, temporarily knocking her out. He was arraigned Monday on two counts of assault, one count of aggravated assault and one count of simple assault. He remained in custody after District Judge Ward Clarkson set bond at $25,000. Doctors were able to reattach the guest's finger that was bitten off in the scuffle.
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Courtship and Wedding by Phone

OSLO, Norway - A man and woman met by cell phone text messaging, fell in love over long telephone conversations and picked out their wedding rings while conversing with each other long-distance from jewelry shops in two cities. What's the next step for Grete Irene Myrslett and Frode Tangedahl Stroemsoe? Naturally, getting married in a phone booth. That's exactly what they did last weekend in a ceremony and honeymoon cruise sponsored by Norway's state-run telecom, Telenor ASA. Myrslett and Stroemsoe began communicating last year through SMS Flirt, a mobile telephone messaging service for singles. They ran up $1,481 in cell phone bills within one month. To save money, Stroemsoe, with no regular telephone, waited outside a phone booth every night at 11 p.m. to talk to Myrslett. They planned to wed and even picked out their rings before they even met in person. Wedding invitations were via SMS, and drew about 100 guests to Saturday's ceremony.
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C-Section With No Baby

AUSTRALIA - A woman was given a caesarean section at Royal Darwin Hospital after suffering stomach pains. The only problem? She wasn't pregnant. Doctors performed the emergency procedure only to discover that there was no baby. They stitched the woman up and she was discharged several days later. Hospital superintendent Len Notaras said the woman told ambulance officers she was 38 weeks pregnant. She was given an ultrasound to confirm if she was pregnant and it was then she went into cardiac arrest. After she was resuscitated, the doctors decided to go ahead with the C-section to "save the baby." The doctors believed that the woman had a "pregnancy-related hypertensive" disorder because of her high blood pressure.
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Italian Church Used in Porn Film

ROME - A church in central Italy might have to be reconsecrated now that police have discovered it had once been the location for a pornographic film. A resident had watched 'Il Confessionale" ("The Confessional Box"), and recognized the setting as the church of San Vicenzo's. He called the police who, on closer study of the film, confirmed his suspicions. The local priest said the film crew told him that they were using the church to shoot a wedding scene. The actual scene incolved a man dressed as a priest having sex with a woman playing the bride. A priest from the nearby Gioia dei Marsi said that under church law, all the services held in San Vicenzo since the film was shot in 1998, would have to be re-blessed.
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Boy Injects Himself With Atropine

HONOLULU - Seventh-grader Trendon Amuzie was hospitalized Monday after he accidentally injected his thumb with the nerve-gas antidote atropine. The gas is used by the military to protect soldiers from chemical nerve agents. "It made me jittery, my heart was beating faster and I was very nervous," Amuzie said. The Health Department doesn't know where the vial of atropine came from. Officals found several medical syringes, medicinal vials, and children playing among the dangerous waste in the area. The Army National Guard said it is not possible that the military would have accidentally dumped the waste in the backyard of a Waipahu apartment complex. The Health Department is contacting the city to clean the dump area.
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Viagra, Oklahoma

OKLAHOMA - It all began with a challenge from a country radio station. Free concert tickets were offered to the town of Agra if it renamed the city to Viagra. Last Friday, it did. The city council voted unanimously for the change and a sign bearing the new name was erected early Friday morning. Resident David Watkins thinks that it is an appropriate change: "Yes, people are horny here, they really are," he commented with a chuckle. However, like the pill, the name change will not last for long. The Viagra police will once again be the Agra police on Saturday. Since the town lived up to the challenge, all of the Viagra residents are getting a ticket to Saturday's country music concert in Tulsa. The mayor hopes the publicity will increase attendance at the town's 100-year celebration next spring.
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When Your Ex-Husband is Your Daddy

LONDON - In a bizarre tale of twisted love, a Scottish woman has become her ex-husband's step-daughter, the London Mirror reported Tuesday. The newspaper reported how Alison Smith served as a bridesmaid as her ex-husband married the woman who ruined her marriage -- none other than her mother. Smith said she gave her blessing to cheating George Greenhowe, 21, and his 44-year-old lover, Pat, even though she caught them in bed together just 10 days after her own wedding in November 2001. "At first I was disgusted," 20-year-old Alison admitted after the ceremony Monday. "But I gradually fell out of love with George and realized how happy he and Mum were. On the morning of the big day, Alison -- who says she has already started calling her ex-husband "Dad" -- helped Pat get ready. Alison added: "Mum makes George happier than I did."
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Exes Spying on Each Other

MELBOURNE - Estranged Australian couples are giving one another the evil eye electronically with spy cameras hidden in toys. As an increasing number of couples split and have visitation rights with their children, a growing number are electronically monitoring those visits, the Melbourne Herald Sun said. The teddy bear cams feature a pen-sized camera that peeks through the nose, eyes or a button, although not just bears are capable of snooping. Victorian Detective Service general manager Mark Grover said the soft-toy spy cams are custom-made and cost up to $600. Couples are also hiring private detectives to watch each other during custody visits. "Often they want you to follow a person the night before access starts to check if they've gone to the boozer or are using marijuana," Grover said.
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Angle Grinder Man to the Rescue

When in London, if you find your vehicle in a clamp, do not fear. Just pick up the phone and call the Angle Grinder Man. Wearing a baby-blue spandex jumpuit, shiny gold panties, gloves, cape, boots and googles, the Angle Grinder Man comes to the rescue with a huge, metal-cutting power saw that will cut through the wheel clamps that are used to immobilize illegally parked cars. All clamped motorists must do is call AGM's hotline and out comes the superhero to saw through the brace and release the car. He offers his "free clamp-removal service" to "all good, decent law-unabiding people" who wish to fight back rather than pay to get their car released. His hotline is advertised on his Web site, and his voicemail box has been full since the press learned about him.
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Trash Bag Couture

When two Bronx girls came to school in jeans rather than their uniforms, principal Marina Bernard Damiba made them wear trash bags to class. Damiba called the garbage-bag skirts she made the sixth-graders wear "Damiba fashions" and said they weren't meant to be embarrassing. "It was more of a fun way to say, 'Listen, guys, wear the uniforms.'" The mother of 12-year-old Christina Zuniga, one of the girls who wore the skirts, at first felt the punishment was "really wrong." However, after she talked with the principal, she said that her daughter "got a lesson out of it." The school's uniforms consist of a polo shirt with the school's logo, and khaki, black, gray or navy blue pants or skirts that are at least knee-length.
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Woman Finds Human Tooth in her Soup

A Utah woman found something that didn't belong in a bowl of Campbell's chicken soup: a human tooth. She discovered the tooth when she gave the soup to her 13-month-old son last year and is now afraid to eat soup. Tina Keeney contacted Campbell last summer to report the tooth, but did not send it in case it got lost in transit. Keeney and her attorney, Daniel Irvin, took the tooth to a dentist who specializes in identifying teeth. After taking a look at it, the dentist identified it as a molar that came from a teenager. Irvin said, "We're seeking unspecified damages. My client is worried about blood-borne disease, and also for shock. Now she's afraid to eat soup."

 

 


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