Faulty Vibrator Prompts Call to Police ENGLAND
- A middle-aged woman was frightened by things that went bump in the night
and called the police. However, her face later turned red in embarrassment
when police discovered that the menacing sound was coming from the woman's
sex toy going off in her bedside cabinet. According to a police spokesperson,
the woman was genuinely frightened and it was hard for the officers to
keep a straight face when they realized what the sound was. It's
Raining Rats in Sicily
SICILY, Italy - Horrified
citizens of Sicily had enough of one overly enthusiastic animal lover
and called city officials to exterminate a dwelling filled with-rats.
It seems that an elderly woman was fond of rats and bred them for pleasure,
feeding them until they could barely walk. Exterminators called in said
that there were thousands of rats in one apartment and when they began
the extermination, rats fled in droves, jumping out of the sixth story
window and landing on people taking a mid afternoon stroll. Drive-Thru Peep Show Opens in Pennsylvania SALEM TOWNSHIP, Pennsylvania - For the person that is always on the go, the Climax Gentleman's Club in Salem Township, near Pittsburgh, has been providing a drive thru peep show service since April. Drivers can pull up to a window at the back of the club and show proof that they are 18 or older and pay $5 per minute. Then they pull up to a second window and watch a nude dancer for the amount of time they paid for. According to Barbie, a stripper at the club, most customers pay for two to three minutes, but one man paid $100 for 20 minutes. Township supervisor
Ed Gieselman helped write a 1998 ordinance to regulate strip clubs. He
called the drive-through an advertising gimmick designed to generate publicity. Russian Fugitive Falls From Plane AMSTERDAM - A Russian
fugitive tried to hide in "plane sight" and was thrown from
a height of around 1,950 feet into a water-filled ditch in the Netherlands.
The man, wanted by Russian police on suspicion of rape, stowed away in
the landing gear compartment of a KLM Boeing 737 with another fugitive.
According to police officials, the man was already dead when his body
fell from the plane's landing gear. A few days later a Russian passport
was found a few miles away from where the body had landed. The body of
the other fugitive, who was also wanted by Russian police on suspicion
of rape, was found in the wheel well of the same aircraft. Alternative health
care continues on a path toward wackiness. Now comes the book, The Golden
Fountain that advocates drinking your own urine to heal what ails you.
The premise of *urine therapy* is that your own urine contains hormones
and enzymes unique to you and that ingesting the yellow cocktail stimulates
the production of antibodies. Directions are careful to warn that you
should not drink anyone else's urine. UN Interpreter Injects Obscenity UNITED NATIONS - In
an act of frustration, a United Nations interpreter uttered an obscenity
heard by assembled heads of state at the U.N. Millennium Summit. The embarrassing
error occurred after the interpreter paused for a long moment during a
speech in Arabic by Sudanese President Omar Hassan al-Bashir. He reported
stated, "We in Sudan shall spare no effort to achieve these noble
goals and to cooperate with all member states on the basis of the principles
of ..... oh f---." He then tried to continue hastily, but the obscenity
had clearly been heard by all persons in attendance. Nude
Man Falls From Wall in Photo Shoot DETROIT,
Michigan - Many people yell at their television sets like they have some
bizarre notion that the actors on a show can really hear them. But what
would happen if the television started yelling back? Charlotte and Judge
Smith of Michigan claimed their television started hurling racial abuse
at them and even knew their names. The Smiths told police it began in
August when they came home to find their alarm system was dismantled and
there were no signs of forced entry. They also said that channels changed
without warning or came on in the middle of the night. A spokesman for
the couple's satellite TV company said that he believes someone is playing
an ugly prank and using a radio-frequency remote control from outside
the building. Woman Reports Numerous Alien Abductions/Rapes MURFREESBORO,
Tennessee - Jeanne Robinson wants the world to know that she has been
traumatized by aliens. According to her new book, A Quest to Understand
Contact, she has undergone being raped by an aliens at least twenty times.
Each of these violent incursions resulted in a hybrid child. The alien
rapist was the same gray "thing" named Queetzal. All of these
abductions/rapes happened when she lived in Missouri's Ozark Mountains.
(she should read the next article) Advice to Avoid Alien Abductions CHICAGO,
Illinois - What should you do to avoid being abducted by aliens? The Center
For UFO Studies (CUFOS) has issued a report suggesting that sleeping on
your stomach is the most effective thing you can do. No reason was given
why this position is most effective. A 41-year-old
German woman, who was arrested for shoplifting, told a judge that she
only did it for sexual kicks. "I have an orgasm whenever a department
store detective discovers me stealing and grabs my shoulder from behind,"
the woman named only as Baerbel B. told a court in Neustadt am Ruebenberge.
The arousal was so addictive that she would steal dog food, shoes, anything
that would get her caught. She was allowed to walk three years ago for
a similar offense, but this time Judge Harald Zimbehl decided enough was
enough and sentenced her to 14 months. She was caught stealing a hammer
drill worth around $120. Realtors Caught Fooling Around in Open House It
seems that realtors are showing more than just property assets these days.
Wendi Kennedy got a bit of a shock when she went to the home of her late
father and found two real estate agents in the upstairs bathroom. According
to Kennedy, she heard noise coming from the room and knocked on the door.
She then heard the sound of pants being pulled up and a belt buckle jingling.
Moments later, a man and woman walked out, muttering apologizes. When
questioned by Kennedy about who they were, they sheepishly admitted they
were real estate agents and obtained the key to the house through the
lockbox. Woman Caught Driving With Her Pants Down WAUKESHA,
Wisconsin - An elected official of the Portage County Board is being charged
with attempting to elude and obstruct an officer and faces up to three
years in prison. Selma Troyanoski, 53, was reportedly driving without
pants or underwear to a Wisconsin County Association convention in Lake
Geneva when she pulled over in an abandoned parking lot to rest. An officer
saw her slumped over in the car and went to investigate when suddenly
Troyanoski sped off. The officer chased her, and reported that at times
the speeds escalated up to 110 mph. The chase ended when police blocked
her into a residential street. When she refused to get out of the vehicle,
police smashed the windows and pulled her out after they saw her leaning
over to pick up her clothes. Troyanoski said she typically drives long
distances without pants and underwear on because she gets very sweaty." Arrested for Drunk Driving (Wheelchair) MUNICH,
Germany - A man was arrested for being caught intoxicated behind the wheel.
His wheelchair that is. The man was caught using his electric wheelchair
while three times over the legal blood-alcohol limit. The court rejected
the defense's plea that the motorized wheelchair did not qualify as a
vehicle in a legal sense. The court has imposed a three-month driving
ban to both his wheelchair and any other vehicle and has also given the
defendant a two-month suspended jail sentence. The
Riverside Country Hotel in Derbyshire is receiving cleaning services from
beyond the grave. The spring-cleaning ghost, who is thought to be a former
housekeeper called Ella, makes beds, sweeps the floor and works the trouser
press. The owners of the hotel discovered that the establishment was haunted
when guests complained about maids walking through their bathrooms while
they were soaking in the bathtub. Hotel manager James Lamb added: "The
girls kept coming downstairs and asking who'd cleaned room four, when
none of them had been in there." Man Arrested for Soliciting Sex - From Horses Tucson,
Ariz. - Police arrested a 41-year-old man who a witness said appeared
to be trying to coax horses from the University of Arizona Agricultural
Center toward him with food... Sounds harmless enough, but in reality
the food was strategically placed near his exposed penis as if to invite
oral sex. Police had warned the man previously against similar behavior. SINGAPORE
- If the car's a rockin' don't come knockin' could become the new motto
of Singapore. Officials have started a campaign encouraging Singapore
citizens to have sex in their cars to help reverse declining birth rates.
It was reported that the state-linked Straits Times newspaper carried
an unprecedented feature full of advice on procreating outside claustrophobic
flats, where young couples often live with their parents or in-laws. The
campaign includes the jingle: "Just think you're smooching under
the stars, but in the cool, air-conditioned comfort of your cars." Annual Testicle Festival Recap MONTANA
- It's time once again for Montana's famous Testicle Festival. About 15,000
people had a "ball" at the annual five-day event featuring such
events as a nude co-ed pool tournament, a nude bull-riding tournament,
wet-T shirt and hairy-chest contests, nude body painting and the "Bite-the-Ball
Bike Ride," where naked women on motorcycles have to catch suspended
Rocky Mountain oysters in their mouths. The festival is said to draw everyone
from wild horse riders to miners to stock-brokers. This year, plenty of
booze and an estimated 5,000 lbs. of bull testicles, which are marinated
in beer, breaded, dipped and deep fried were supplied. Kissogram Results in Trip to Burn Unit Birthday
boy Daniel Price was literally in the hot seat after a kissogram smothered
his groin in baby oil and then set it on fire. The 17-year-old's party
turned into a flaming nightmare when kissogram Rachel Prendergast, alias
WPc Piddly, pulled down his trousers, then doused his privates in oil.
Cheered on by guests she then whipped out a lighter and set fire to the
oil as her party piece. According to Prendergast, the oil is only supposed
to "give the punter a bit of a shock" with a warming sensation.
But in this case, the flames ignited Daniel's boxer shorts and he started
to burn out of control. A quick-thinking pal threw beer between his legs
and he was rushed from his home in Stroud, Gloucestershire to a burn unit
in Bristol. Romanian Prostitute Retains Her Virginity BARLAND,
Romania - Even prostitutes have their virtues. "Alicia", a working
girl from Barland, Romania, is refusing to have full sexual intercourse
because she wants to keep her virginity. Instead, she offers a whole range
of sexual services to customers to pay for tuition at the University of
Bucharest. The 24-year-old says she does not feel guilty about what she
does. "It's a game and I have the right to a double life and as long
as I remain a virgin I feel I can still get married with a clear conscience,"
she said. Czechoslovakian Lovers Crushed by Tractor BRNICKO,
Czechoslovakia - A Czech couple definitely picked the wrong place for
a roll in the hay when they were run over by a tractor. The lovers were
locked in a passionate embrace in a meadow in the rustic village of Brnicko,
and did not see or hear a farmer taking a short cut with his tractor across
the field. He ran over them causing severe injuries to the woman's chest
and the man's buttocks. The unmarried couple tried to keep the accident
secret until doctors and insurers investigated the origins of the couple's
injuries. Nude Woman Annoying Transylvanian Neighbors CLUJ,
Transylvania - Some people may leave the toilet seat up to annoy their
spouse, while others may crack their knuckles. In an effort to annoy her
husband, Maria Muresan decided to run naked around a block of flats while
singing at the top of her voice. Oddly enough, neighbors were not bothered
by the nudity, but by her terrible voice, and called the police. A police
spokesman said, "When we pointed out to her neighbors that we could
do nothing about the terrible singing, but that the nudity was an offence,
they decided to complain about that instead. Muresan was ordered to do
20 days community service. SAN
FRANCISCO - The "wood" was surely flying when a California performance
artist decided to bare her soul, and her breasts, to get a lumberjack
crew's attention. Dona Nieto, who goes by the name "La Tigresa,"
reportedly bared her breasts and recited poetry to stunned timber crews.
La Tigresa has brought what she calls "Goddess-based, nude Buddhist
guerrilla poetry" to timber and logging sites in an area some 120
miles north of San Francisco that is one of the main battlegrounds in
the fight between environmentalists and timber companies. According to
Nieto, "I've changed some of these guys' lives. But I'd like to change
the laws, and I'd like to change history." WATERLOO,
Iowa - Robert A. Broderson, 45, was found naked and hiding in a hayloft
at the Hawkeye Community College farm with a ewe tied up in the corner.
According to police, the farm manager examined the ewe and determined
it had been sexually assaulted. It was also mentioned that a blue nightie
was found next to the ewe, but police refused to comment whether it was
for Broderson or the sheep. Broderson is being held on $75,000 bond on
charges of animal abuse, a misdemeanor punishable by up to two years in
prison, and criminal trespassing, a misdemeanor carrying a maximum 30-day
jail sentence. AKRON,
Ohio - John Wadsworth, 10, picked a bad place to play hide and go seek.
The youngster was hiding in a pile of leaves in the back yard of a home
his family was renovating, when his mother drove their minivan across
the yard. One of the tires rolled over the boy's face, causing his face
to swell. Officials said that luckily the ground underneath his head was
soft, giving way when the van ran over him, preventing more serious injury.
Traffic officer Jeffrey Ross said if the van had been a few inches over
either way, the boy's windpipe or sternum could have been crushed. Mating Goats in Classroom Create Uproar SWAZILAND,
South Africa - A classroom full of students got a quick lesson about the
birds and the bees after two goats invaded their classroom at Timphisini
Central High School in Swaziland. As the classroom erupted into catcalls
and applause, an angry teacher tried to cane the pupils into silence resulting
in a class-wide boycott. The students reportedly told officials they would
call off their boycott once the school erects a fence to keep amorous
animals off of the property. Junk Food Diet Lands Lebanese Man in Hospital BEKAA
VALLEY, Lebanon - A 30-year-old man took eating junk food to the extreme
when he swallowed 39 metal and plastic knives, forks, spoons and even
lighters during the course of a year. The man was rushed to Bekaa
hospital in a state of suffocation after swallowing a piece of water pipe.
According to Doctor Jihad Disouqi, "The weight of the metal and other
things he swallowed was heavy, but it did not tear the stomach. He also
did not suffer any serious illness before and no one discovered what he
had been doing." The man, who obviously suffers from a psychological
problem, is reported to be in stable condition. Dancing Bangkok Police Curb Road Rage BANGKOK,
Thailand - City officials have come up with a way to lessen the tension
caused by traffic jams and the gridlock created by it. Enter the singing
and dancing police force that performs for stranded motorists. Since hiring
this special entertaining police force, road rage in Thailand has been
reduced by 42%. Assault and Battery With a Tuna SAN
DIEGO, California - A man was arrested for assaulting his mate with a
15 pound tuna after an argument ensued. After purchasing the fish, an
enraged tuna wielding suspect chased his victim to the parking lot and
proceeded to flail away until police were called onto the scene. He has
pleaded not guilty to battery. GERMANY
- The term "chill out" can soon become a scientific term. Researchers
have found that sitting naked in a freezer can be a cure for stress. Tests
in Germany showed that spending three minutes in a freezing room makes
stress levels plummet. Scientists reportedly stated that the sub-zero
temperatures increase the brain's serotonin levels, making their freezing
volunteers feel much calmer. B.Y.O.B. to this Transylvanian Hospital TRANSYLVANIA
- The letters B.Y.O.B. stand for Bring Your Own Blood at a hospital in
Transylvania. The staff at the hospital has been instructed to treat patients
from outside its area only if they bring their own supply of blood for
transfusions. Dorin Florea, the nationalist mayor of Targu Mures, has
told staff at the general hospital they should save blood for residents
of the Romanian town and its surrounding county, and not give it to anyone
from outside. Patients are reportedly being told to phone first and ask
how much blood they need to bring for their operations. Stripper Sets Her Assets On Fire SCRANTON,
Pennsylvania - Patricia Ryan, a stripper at the Cabaret Nightclub, had
a routine that kept audiences riveted. During her performance she would
"breathe fire" using 151-proof rum. Unfortunately, during one
performance, some of the alcohol dribbled onto her breasts and ignited,
giving her second degree burns. Ryan subsequently sued the club, claiming
they didn't have the proper safety equipment and that fellow employees
didn't act quickly enough to help her. The now ex-stripper was awarded
$360,000. That's comes to about 180 thousand per breast. School Official's Assets Seized MIAMI,
Florida - Miami police sought to "get to the bottom" of a case
where a 16-year-old student accused a US school official of having sexual
relations with her in his apartment after school. The girl reportedly
told police that she could prove it happened by disclosing the fact that
the dean had a distinguishing birthmark on his buttocks. So the police,
armed with a search warrant, ordered the dean to drop 'em. Whereupon they
found the exact birthmark described by the girl. The dean claims the girl
made up the story about having sex with him after he rejected her advances.
The dean has been charged with two counts of familial custodial sexual
battery and has been placed on administrative leave by his school. His
lawyer has told reporters that he maintains his innocence. IOC Nixes Olympic Handgun Proposal SALT
LAKE CITY, Utah - The Olympic games are big business, and any product
with an Olympic endorsement, be it condoms, beer or life insurance (yes,
Olympic life insurance) stands to make a fortune. But the International
Olympic Committee has drawn the line at an official Olympic handgun. Salt
Lake County Sheriff Aaron Kennard spent two years lining up Swiss gun
maker SIG Sauer and the Salt Lake Organizing Committee to provide the
commemorative side arms. The company made two prototypes, a pair of .40-caliber
semiautomatics engraved with the Olympic rings and gold script. But the
head of the IOC stopped the whole deal when he saw a sample. IOC spokesman
Franklin Servan-Schreiber says guns and world peace don't mix. "The
rest of the world would not understand, nor accept, the idea of a firearm
with the Olympic rings on it," he said. Bangkok Beauty Queen Overendowed... BANGKOK
- Kesaraporn Duangsawan had all the makings of a beauty queen. She had
style, grace and poise. However, she had one too many things...a penis.
Duangsawan won $138 dollars in a Thai beauty contest, until organizers
discovered the beauty queen was a man. The disgraced 22-year-old handed
back the prize money five days after the annual Loy Krathong festival
beauty pageant in the central Thai province of Ratchaburi. According to
officials, she only asked to keep the Miss Media runner-up sash as a memento. Family Dog Pins Master With Car KALAMAZOO,
Michigan - Frank S. is the proud owner of a 1958 Edsel Corsair, which
he has spent years restoring himself. However, this automobile's most
unique feature, the rare teletouch transmission, is also it's most dangerous.
Frank was about to take his dog, Buddy, to the store with him when he
jumped out of the car to get something from the house. As he walked around
the front the dog stood up against the dashboard and hit the push button
transmission, putting the car in drive and pinning Frank's legs between
the bumper and garage door. He was trapped for at least twenty minutes
until his wife came home and heard him yelling for help. Since the car
was idling Frank was not seriously hurt, but the length of time he was
trapped caused severe bruising on both legs. The dog is no longer allowed
in the car. Fecal Transfusions Studied in Australia SYDNEY,
Australia - Fecal Transfusion studies are not just a "waste"
of time. In Sydney, a paper on the subject is being published this week
in a leading US gastroenterology journal. The theory is that the complex
"zoo" of bacteria that inhabit the gut can be permanently disrupted,
probably by the use of antibiotics. This delicate balance of healthy bacteria
can be restored by introducing a healthy stool sample into the colon.
According to director of the Center for Digestive Diseases at Five Dock
in Sydney, Dr. Tom Borody, "Where people had long-term, otherwise
incurable bowel conditions, they were generally happy to accept a stool
donation, usually from a spouse or close family member." Many bowel
diseases could have a bacterial component, though irritable bowel syndrome
could often be improved by lifestyle changes, Dr. Watson added. Suicide Victim Dials 911 - Twice TOPEKA,
Kansas - A woman in Kansas was having a really bad day after she botched
her suicide attempt and was then ignored by emergency medical technicians.
The 53-year-old woman reportedly shot herself in the head and then called
911 for help. Firefighters found her unconscious and assumed she was dead,
without checking for a pulse. An ambulance was canceled, and firefighters
and deputies waited outside the home to protect it as a crime scene. Meanwhile,
the woman regained consciousness and called 911 again. Firefighters outside
the home were told of the call and rushed inside to provide medical care. Hamster Rescued After Being Swallowed By Dog MOSCOW
- A hamster should be renamed Jonah after surviving being swallowed whole
by a dog. The hamster had jumped off the knee of the little girl who owned
it, directly into the path of the family dog, which swallowed it in one
gulp. The girl's parents heard the animal squeaking inside the dog and
rushed it to the animal hospital. The hamster was reportedly unconscious
when it was recovered by vets, however, they were able to resuscitate
it. It was not mentioned exactly what method was used to retrieve the
hamster. Russian Man Serves Friend to Friends A
50-year-old Russian man was sentenced to 24 years in jail after he killed
one of his friends and gave the victim's flesh away as 'veal' at a New
Year's banquet in 1999. The flesh was eaten by the guests, who only discovered
the true nature of their feast when the man was arrested for murder a
month later. 15-Year-Old Suspended for Witchcraft BROKEN
ARROW, Oklahoma - We thought we'd never see another student witch story,
but recently 15-year-old Union High School student Brandi Blackbear has
been interrogated and suspended for just that. When one of her teachers
became mysteriously ill, suspicion immediately fell on Brandi who has
made no secret about reading books from the school library about Wicca.
Assistant principal Charlie Bushyhead suspended Blackbear for 15 days
as "an immediate threat to the school," seized her notebooks,
and barred her from drawing or wearing any Wiccan signs. A federal lawsuit
is pending. "It's hard for me to believe that in the year 2000 I
am walking into court to defend my daughter against charges of witchcraft,"
her father said. Electrocuted Thief Attends His Own Funeral ALMATY,
Kazakhstan A Kazakh man who was electrocuted and buried has shocked
his friends and family by turning up for his own funeral feast. The man
was wrapped in a cloth shroud according to Muslim tradition and buried
in a shallow grave after apparently dying while trying to steal power
cables in eastern Kazakhstan, local media reported Wednesday. But two
days later he regained consciousness and rose naked from the ground, Express
K daily said. The paper said he had difficulty flagging down a vehicle
to take him home. Japanese Getting Grabby on the Trains In
a crowded city like Tokyo public transportation is a way of life. But
for thousands of female passengers it can become a real nuisance, especially
when thousands of male passengers have been hitting the holiday bottle.
With inhibitions lowered the incidence of groping has gone up dramatically.
So much so that the Japanese rail company Keio Electric will be adding
special female-only carriages on its trains. December is filled with "Forget-the-Year"
parties, the Japanese equivalent of Christmas parties, and late-night
trains are crammed with drunk and boisterous male passengers, increasing
the potential for trouble. Breastfeeding 6-year-old Removed From Mom's Custody A
judge in Champaign, IL, has refused to return a 6-year-old boy to the
custody of his mother who was breastfeeding him. Following a hearing Monday,
Circuit Judge Ann Einhorn ruled against the mother - saying her habit
of nursing the child is not appropriate. Illinois child welfare officials
argued that the child was being abused by being forced to breastfeed,
even though he no longer wishes to do so. The mother denies the boy wanted
to quit nursing. "I've been nominated to join that exclusive sorority
of breast-feeding mothers who are accused of abusing their child by practicing
a nurturant behavior," she told the Chicago Tribune. Witchcraft Blamed for Nigerian Penis Theft LAGOS,
Nigeria - A witch "spelled" big trouble for a man when she allegedly
stole his penis. It is widely believed in Nigeria that witches have the
power to steal men's sexual organs by an incantation or a handshake. The
woman had been stripped and beaten by a mob before being dragged down
a busy road half-naked, although witnesses admitted to police that they
did not see the actual theft take place. They reported that they just
took the man's word as he "held tightly on to his trousers."
The Cock, Ball, Nipple and Touchhole Club
CHRISTCHURCH
PARK, Ipswich - Apparently being hit by "fowls" does not only
happen at baseball stadiums anymore. A 47-year old woman had her tongue
knocked down her throat when a flying goose hit her in the face as it
took off from a pond. Luckily, a trained first-aider was near by and raced
to help the injured woman as she lay on the ground. She had swallowed
her tongue and stopped breathing, but he managed to revive her as another
passer by called an ambulance and is now reportedly recovering at her
home. Dominos Driver Bitten and Groped in Michigan MUSKEGON
HEIGHTS, Michigan - Apparently Domino's Pizza delivery drivers don't deliver
everything. The driver told police he went to apartment building, not
realizing the food order was for the rear apartment and knocked on the
door of the front apartment. A woman who appeared to be intoxicated or
high on drugs reportedly came out of the apartment and offered to perform
a sex act for the food. As he tried to pull away to get back to his car,
the woman bit him on the arm, then climbed through his window and allegedly
grabbed his crotch several times. Somehow, the woman wound up with the
food and 20-ounce pop that had been on the car's front seat. The delivery
driver later went to a local hospital for a tetanus shot. Barber Bites off Customer's Thumb LAKELAND,
Florida - Getting a nick or a scratch at the barber is a risk everybody
faces, but Charles Gibson was not expecting to have his thumb bitten off
when he sat down to have his hair cut by Charles Smith. "He looked
all hyped up like he was high," said Gibson, "I told him, 'That's
OK, I'll get my hair cut by somebody else.' That's when he revolted."
When Gibson refused to pay $5 for the haircut Smith attacked him with
a razor and then chewed his thumb off. Doctors were unable to reattach
Gibson's right thumb. Swazi King Mooned by Local Women SWAZILAND
- An unusual "astral" event occurred in Swaziland when a group
of 50 women tried to 'moon' Prince Maguga, King Mswati III's brother.
The women were attempting to rally fellow countrymen to protest against
what they claimed was a brutal and autocratic government. The King and
Prince's uncle, Ncutfu Mongomezulu, said that their bare bottoms is a
potent curse on his nephews, adding that they would need to cleanse them
using an African root to remove the magic. He also threatened to use a
potion to send the women into a deep sleep. Sleeping Motorist Awakened by Car Fire AMAGASAKI,
Tokyo - It took a car fire to wake up a sleeping motorist after he fell
asleep with his foot on the accelerator of his vehicle. Tetsuya Yamada
was in a parking lot when he fell asleep with his car in drive. During
his slumber, Yamada accidentally put his foot on the accelerator and his
car hit another vehicle parked close by. The jolt failed to waken the
sleepy motorist and his foot continued to rest on the accelerator. Approximately
two hours later, the rubber from the tires had completely worn away and
the metal rims grating against the concrete caused the undercarriage to
ignite. Yamada finally woke up when the interior of his car was in flames
and managed to crawl out of the car unharmed. Leech Removed from 10-Year-Old Boy's Nostril INDIA
- Here's a shuddering thought. An Indian doctor has removed a four-inch
leech that had been inside a schoolboy's nostril for three days. The 10-year-old
boy, Akhil, thinks the leech may have climbed up his nose while he was
drinking water from a tap. He said it made him feel dizzy and made his
nose bleed. According to Dr. Sukhdev Singh, of the Chandigarh General
Hospital, it was the first time he had seen a leech up a patient's nostril
during his 15-year career. When Akhil splashed water on his face, the
leech appeared and Singh pulled it out with a pair of forceps. USAF Deserter Survives 16 days in Oregon Wilderness OREGON
- An airman who allegedly deserted Ellsworth Air Force Base where he was
stationed, survived in his car for 16 days under four feet of snow. Thomas
Truett, 29, left his post in South Dakota on December 3rd and drove West,
through North California, until his 1982 Mazda sports car became stuck
in the wilderness of Oregon. He attempted to walk out of the woods, but
weather conditions were too severe. He survived in his automobile for
16 days with only a bottle of orange juice and a package of M&Ms.
When he was finally found Truett had lost more than 20 pounds. Upon release
from the hospital he is to be turned over to the Air Force where he will
face federal desertion charges. Son Assaulted over Bestiality Problem MAINE
- A father in Maine tried to kill his son for his emotional "attachment"
to animals. Frank Buble, 71, pleaded guilty in a Maine court to attempted
murder and assault after he tried to kill 44-year-old Philip Buble, because
of his sexual preference for animals. Frank Buble gave his son a broken
arm and cuts with a crowbar before turning himself in to the Piscataquis
County Sheriff's Department. Philip Buble says he didn't want his father,
who awaits sentencing, to be jailed but says "he needs serious therapy." Widow of Sex Freak Denied Insurance Money KARLSHUHE,
Germany - A German widow was denied compensation by her insurance company
after her husband strangled himself to death in a bizarre sex ritual.
The widow reportedly demanded $15,220 from an insurance policy her husband
arranged before he strangled himself while hanging from a door handle
during an autoerotic experience. The court rejected an appeal by the widow
who had sued an insurance company for refusing the payout, upholding the
company's argument that it was not liable for self-inflicted injuries. Self-Circumcision Results in Trip to Hospital TAIWAN
- A Taiwanese man got himself all choked up when the specially made ring
he was using to circumcise himself turned his penis black. He reportedly
attached the ring because he was told it would make his foreskin wither
and die. However, when the man had an erection, his penis turned black
and he was rushed to the hospital. He is now recovering and doctors say
he is not expected to suffer permanent damage. Ticketless 12-Year-Old Boards Flight to St. Louis FAIRFAX,
Va. - A 12-year-old boy sent to the principal's office for misbehaving
walked out of the school and made his way to the airport where he boarded
a plane without a ticket and flew to St. Louis. No one knew where Christopher
Peregory had gone until he called his mother from the St. Louis airport
later that day. "He was practically hysterical," said his mother,
Renee. She said he had never run away before. "He's a very good child.
It was just an adventure." Peregory walked out of Belle View Elementary
School Wednesday, hopped a Metro train to Reagan National Airport and
picked the Trans World Airlines flight to St. Louis at random. How he
boarded without a ticket or boarding pass has not yet been satisfactorily
explained. CHICAGO,
Illinois - Portia, a 5-year-old black Labrador retriever, was in for quite
a "shock" during her walk with owner Kerry Sorvino. As the 70-pound
canine stepped onto a metal plate covering an electrical vault on the
sidewalk, she began to convulse uncontrollably as a bolt of electricity
surged through her body. Sorvino, not knowing what was wrong, bent over
to calm the squealing pooch and was bitten on the hand. A passerby summoned
a veterinarian from an animal hospital, who attempted mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation. However, he kept getting a shock from her lips and was
unable to save her. City officials said a frayed wire apparently contacted
the cover plate set into the sidewalk on Wrightwood near Lincoln and Sheffield.
An investigation is being launched as to whether other city electrical
vaults should be checked. WASHINGTON
- A house was being moved across a set of railroad tracks on the back
of a truck when it was plowed into by an Amtrak train packed with sports
fans. Police say the building was smashed to pieces, but nobody was hurt.
Moments earlier, two men had been on the roof lifting overhead wires out
of the way so they could move it across the tracks. Egyptian Killed by Sacrificial Lamb ALEXANDRIA,
Egypt - Waheeb Hamoudah plummeted to his death when the sheep that he
had been fattening up for the past six weeks on his rooftop butted him
off. The 56-year-old worked in the police tax evasion department and planned
to kill the lamb for Eid al-Adha, the Muslim feast of sacrifice, in early
March. Neighbors found Hamoudah lying bleeding on the ground below, with
several broken bones, Monday. He died soon after reaching hospital. How About a Topless Doughnut Shop? PORTLAND,
Maine - Nightclub owner Mark Deane believes Portland residents will enjoy
their morning coffee more if served by a topless waitress. Deane plans
to open a topless doughnut shop in his topless nightclub where dancers
will double as waitresses. "They'll have to ID people at the door
to serve doughnuts," said City Councilman Charles Harlow, a longtime
opponent of topless dancing. This isn't the first instance of a topless
coffee house. Previous endeavors having gone out of business, but Deane
remains confident. Seattle
residents enjoyed a chuckle Tuesday as they wondered who - or what - planted
a rectangular black monolith in a popular park on the first day of 2001. Penis Ice Sculpture Offends Residents COLUMBIA,
Connecticut - A six-foot snow and ice sculpture depicting a penis got
a rise out of residents in the town of Columbia, Connecticut. Police have
been asked to destroy the erected sculpture and one politician stated
she would have knocked it over herself but it was bigger than her. A shocked
worker at a nearby nursery school told reporters, "It was so perfect.
It was like artwork. It was so real." Elephant Retains Corpse of Trampled Villager GUWAHATI,
India - Elephants are said not to forget, and evidently are not much for
letting things go either. According to police in northeast India, a wild
elephant pulled a man down from a tree, trampled him to death and has
refused to part with the corpse for two weeks. The man climbed the tree
to escape a herd of wild elephants rampaging through his village about
80 miles from Guwahati, the largest city in Assam. One elephant grabbed
the man, pulled him to the ground and broke his legs. It then trampled
him and took the body along with him. It has not been determined as to
how authorities plan to get the corpse away from the protective pachyderm. Father of 42 to Wed for Third Time BEIRUT
- After exhausting three wives and fathering 42 children, a love crazed
Lebanese farmer will take another wife in a few weeks to keep up with
his insatiable sexual appetite. The 47-year-old Lebanese farmer got married
for the first time in his 20s. A few years and a dozen children later,
his wife felt he was getting bored with her so she set him up with a second
woman. The second wife then bore Abdel-Al at least a dozen more babies,
and then she told him to marry a third woman. According to Abdel-Al, "Allah
ordered us to love each other and I love women. I can't live without love,
or at least without women." Islam allows men to take up to four wives. British Couple Plan Satanic Wedding GILLINGHAM,
UK - Some marriages just go to hell in a hand basket. Paul Sainsbury and
Lynda Eastwood are petitioning authorities for permission to have a satanic
wedding to ensure theirs does, literally. The pair have been told by their
local council that it has "in principle, no objection" to the
wedding - even though it involves the drinking of "blood" red
wine while those present lift their arms to the sky saying: "Bless
you, father Satan, I will always love you". The damned couple met
last year at an Iron Maiden concert and say they are looking forward to
their midnight union in August. SOUTH
AFRICA - Here is one to make your skin crawl. A South African couple has
been using their home to breed hundreds of rats and are now being ordered
to destroy them. One officer reported "There were holes in the floor
and rats everywhere. We thought there was a person under the duvet but
it turned out to be more rats. They'd even eaten the bed." Environmental
health officers have ordered the couple to kill the rats or find them
a proper home. PRETORIA,
South Africa - Here's a switch. A deadly rock python died after a 57-year-old
man bit him it in the neck. Council worker Lucas Sibanda was walking to
his Pretoria home when the snake slithered from some shrubs and began
wrapping itself around him. Deciding retaliation was his only chance of
survival, he sunk his teeth into the python's neck, then kicked and punched
it until the snake finally untangled itself. After the snake let go, Sibanda
said he hit it with a stick before it could attack him again. He has reportedly
skinned the python and says he will leave it outside his house as proof
for people who might not believe his story.
This Lifesaving Technique Really Sucks Police Seek Fake Plastic Surgeon Miami
Beach, FL - Police are looking for a "butcher" with no medical
training who, while posing as a plastic surgeon, mutilated at least three
people, including a former male champion bodybuilder who received women's
breasts instead of pectoral implants. The imposter, Reinaldo Silvestre,
and two accomplices used an animal tranquilizer in botched operations
including the one preformed on bodybuilder, Mr. Mexico of 1975. The case
came to light last month when a videotape was brought to police showing
the surgery on the bodybuilder. Miami Beach police Capt. Charles Press
spoke about the videotape "... it was obscene. I've been [a police
officer] for almost 25 years, and I was repulsed. The guy kept waking
up. They told him to lie down and not worry about it. He was in obvious
pain." The videotape showed that Silvestre used an instrument that
resembled a spatula during the surgery. It also showed him jamming the
implants into the man's chest with his fingers. Employee Dead Six Days Before Anyone Notices Birmingham,
Al - In the Birmingham Sunday Mercury (Jan, 7) George Turklebaum,
51, who had been employed at a New York firm for 30 years, had a heart
attack in the office he shared with 23 other workers. He passed away on
Monday, but nobody noticed until Saturday morning when an office cleaner
asked why he was still working on the weekend. Owner Puts Chastity Belt on Dog ROMANIA
- A fed up pet owner from Cluj has fastened a chastity belt around his
dog because he grew tired of her having puppies. Mihai Bulba, 53, evidently
could not afford to have her spayed, so he welded the belt together. According
to Bulba, "I was so fed up with my little baby getting pregnant all
the time. Now it is really funny to watch as the male dogs try to remove
it with their teeth." ILLINOIS
- Tom and Cindy Sanocki from Illinois, are using part of the multi-million
dollar lottery winnings her father gave them to have a replica of Graceland
built. The couple met at an Elvis fan club and Tom proposed to Cindy while
they were visiting Elvis' Memphis home. Cindy's father Alex Snelius said:
"They are big into Elvis. So if they want Graceland, it's fine with
me. But I tell them 'Hey, I pay for the house, you take care of everything
after that.'" Construction began on Monday and builders hope to finish
in August, which is the anniversary of The King's death. Puppies Legs Amputated in Japanese Scam OSAKA,
Japan - A 63-year-old Japanese man was arrested for operating a scam that
literally cost puppies a paw and a leg. The man is alleged to have sawed
off the right front leg of a three-month-old female Dalmatian in late
November and the legs of more than ten other puppies since December 1999.
After the mutilation takes place, he is said to have begged for donations
from the public in Osaka for the dogs treatment, using a sign reading:
"Please donate money because my dog was hit by a car." The man
reportedly faces charges for violating the Law Concerning the Protection
and Control of Animals and may be sentenced for one year in prison or
a large monetary fine. Jelly Tits on Display in London EAST
LONDON - Artist Sally Barker is trying to lick gender discrimination by
exhibiting jelly sculptures of her friends' breasts. A total of six pairs
of breasts, ranging from a size 32A to a 38DD, are to be shown at East
London's Institute of Contemporary Art, and come in orange, lime, strawberry,
raspberry, lemon and blackcurrant flavors. Barker, 38, has titled the
work "Jelly Tits" because she claimed she was bored of using
traditional bronze or stone. Gallery boss Matthew Higgs described Barker's
display as being "a simple and playful theme which shows how women
continue to be objectified for how they look rather than what they do." His Smelly Feet Get Him the Boot BIRMINGHAM,
Alabama - The smell of "de feet" was obviously too much for
18-year-old Kelly Green to bare. Green has thrown boyfriend Matt Hassett
out of their Birmingham home because the odor of his feet is intolerable.
"I love Matt but the smell is just too much. At first I placed a
bedroom ban on him but it got to the stage where I couldn't stand him
in the same house," Green stated. Hassett, completely devastated,
has tried to fix the problem by changing his socks and washing his feet
twice a day, but to no avail. According to Chiropodist David Elliot, "This
can be caused by various things, from over-active glands to foot fungus.
I advise Matt to seek professional advice." 14-Foot Shark Gobbling Up Australian Boats A
14-foot shark attacked a pleasure craft off the coast of Australia this
past weekend. The animal chomped at the out-board motor and for a time
held the boat's anchor chain in its teeth. The Sydney Times say the skipper
and his six passengers hung on for dear life as the shark manhandled the
boat for more than two hours. In a scene reminiscent of "Jaws,"
the shark - identified as the same one that attacked two other boats in
recent months - kept pushing and tugging the craft. Rescue vessels scared
it away. The boat was damaged but, unlike the one in "Jaws,"
stayed afloat. Man Strangles Wife Over 'Infidelity' With Vibrator RIO
DE JANEIRO, Brazil - Alexandro Orozco, 48, came home one evening after
a night out and caught his wife *cheating* on him. But instead of finding
her in the passionate embrace of another man, his wife was moaning to
the self imposed pleasure of a recently purchased vibrator. Orozco became
enraged and strangled his wife. He is seeking leniency for the murder
because of her 'infidelity.' When Is a Corpse Not a Corpse? ASHLAND,
Massachusetts - When emergency technicians found the the body of a 39-year-old
woman slumped in a bathtub next to an empty bottle of sleeping pills,
they assumed she was dead. So did funeral director John Matarese to whom
the apparent corpse was delivered in a body bag. He revised his assessment
when he heard gurgling noises coming from the bag. "It scared me
half to death," he said. "The girl was alive." Police and
emergency technicians were unable to detect any signs of life when they
found the woman three and a half hours earlier. She apparently overdosed
on pills, police said. The state Department of Public Health is investigating
to determine whether emergency workers acted properly. GM and Hormel Create New Adhesive AUSTIN,
Minn. - In addition to factory air and leather bucket seats, your new
GM automobile will also likely include pork shoulders. This is the result
of a recent partnership between General Motors Corp. and Hormel, the company
that makes Spam. The glue that holds this partnership together is a miracle
binding agent made from pork and turkey byproducts. The animal protein
collagen extracted from these byproducts is ideal for creating the sand
molds used to caste metal parts. In the past, said Hormel president Joel
Johnson, toxic chemicals have been used to bind sand to create molds.
The sand they bind is not recyclable, and this presents a "severe
pollution problem." The new GMBond is an alternative to those chemicals. Canadian Shriners in Hot Water WINNIPEG,
Manitoba - A group of Shriners has sparked a major uproar in Winnipeg
after it was reported the fez-festooned members held a men-only fundraiser
for sick children that featured nude dancers and public sex acts. The
controversy erupted following newspaper reports that a "Gentlemen's
Dinner" fundraiser, organized by the Shriners' motor patrol unit,
included two nude dancers who climbed on top of a banquet table where
several men touched and engaged in oral sex with them in front of hundreds
of male guests. Man Wants Severed Arm to Stay That Way A
man who severed his left arm at the elbow with a guillotine he constructed
from plans found on the Internet has refused to have the limb reattached,
police said on Thursday. "Doctors were going to reattach the
arm but he refused and told them if they did, he would cut it off again
and sue them," Milwaukee Police spokeswoman Karen Pride Garvin said.
Thomas Rollo, 53, appeared calm when police arrived on Tuesday as he received
treatment from paramedics. He initially told officers he accidentally
severed his left arm with tools while working in his garage. But police
found the guillotine along with Rollo's severed left arm in a plastic
bag in a refrigerator, and he admitted to building the homemade amputation
device from plans he found on the Internet. Police said Rollo is
undergoing psychological testing. |
