Man Perfects Bear-Proof Suit - Maybe Troy Hurtubise
of North Bay, Ontario has invested fifteen years of tinkering and nearly
$100,000 in what he hopes is a bear-proof suit. The design, which incorporates
rubber, chainmail, galvanized steel, titanium - and thousands of feet
of duct tape, has so far proven itself to be virtually indestructible.
An overly-confident Hurtubise has survived two strikes with a tree trunk,
18 collisions with a 3-ton truck at 40 mph, numerous strikes by arrows,
axes and even bullets. "I've never had a bruise," he commented.
The final test, however, will be against a nine foot Kodiak bear. Hurtubise
is banking on the titanium layers around the chest, head and lower body
t protect him. If there's a weakness, he says, it's the chainmail
joints. Nigerians Resort to Selling Body Parts NIGERIA -
Many of us are strapped for cash during the holiday season, and Nigerian
mortuary and cemetery workers know this all too well. While some may take
a second job, these workers took advantage of an opportunity right at
their fingertips. They are selling human body parts at markets to earn
some extra money. Research reflects that the demand for human parts is
increasing, so the workers can fulfill this need. While dry human parts,
like a skull, sell well, a fresh one sells for quite a bit more. In fact,
Herbalists are specifically interested in heads, genitalia, eyes, breasts,
kidneys, hearts, fingers, hair, blood and toes. Police are beginning to
crack down on such markets. Capitalism at its best. Girl Narrowly Escapes Death by Train LONDON, England
- A young girl, around six years old, was playing at a train station when
her doll fell into the train tracks. What's a girl to do? She jumped into
the tracks to save her friend. No train was originally scheduled to pass
through that station, but one going 60mph made an unexpected visit. As
the train approached the girl, passengers yelled at her to lie flat between
the tracks. A First Great Eastern spokesperson said, "The train was
about to go straight through the station. The passengers screamed at her
to lie flat. Thank god she followed their instructions." That particular
train model is the only one with enough space for someone to lie under
it. Otherwise, the spokesperson said, "She would have been killed."
The little girl is safe and sound, though, and officials are trying to
locate her parents. PFUNGSTADT,
Germany - We know who will be getting coal in his stocking this year.
A 55-ish man dressed as Santa Claus has been accused of slapping a nine-year-old
boy and locking him in a broom cupboard. While the Santa was working in
a Christmas market, a group of children wanted to know what he had on
under his red, festive outfit and taunted him. One boy claims Mr. Claus
slapped him, and his parents have filed a legal complaint against the
man. Police did not keep the Santa and said, "He vehemently denies
having done that." Argentine Man Accidentally Shoots Mother With Pen An Argentine
man accidentally shot and killed his mother while trying to get a pen
to write. You see the pen turned out to be a disguised miniature pistol.
The 29-year old man was sitting in the kitchen of his Buenos Aires home
trying to work out why the weapon would not write when it went off and
killed his mother. The news agency Telam reports that the man's step-brother
had found the pen-shaped gun, a model illegal in Argentina, lying in the
street. Mexican Bus Riders Kill Would-Be Robber MEXICO CITY
- Passengers on a Mexico City bus rallied together against their would-be
robber, and killed him with his own ice pick. The robber/victim boarded
a downtown bus, took out his weapon, and demanded cash from the other
20 passengers. They quickly obliged his request by taking his ice pick
away; then they stabbed him to death ending his crime spree. Mexico City
has a reputation for rampant street crimes where the victims take justice
into their own hands. Swedish Sperm Donor Responsible for Child Support STOCKHOLM
- A court in Sweden has ruled that a man who donated sperm for artificial
insemination must pay child support. The ruling came after the unhappy
couple, a pair of Swedish lesbians, ended their ten-year relationship
leaving the care of their three children in question. Normally, sperm
donors are strictly anonymous and not liable for children conceived with
their semen, while in this case the man was a friend of the couple and
his identity as the father is in no doubt. Jail Sentence for Erotic Play About Christ SANTIAGO
- In an effort to illustrate to people how "worthless" their
lives are, Maria Barrios, 21, and Luis Guzman, 26, were arrested for public
indecency. The couple performed an erotic play about Christ just outside
a Santiago cathedral. Wearing a see-through dress, Barrios began seducing
Guzman as he was acting Christ's role on the cross. According to Guzman,
he was so aroused that he dropped his pants to reveal his manhood
to the audience. He told a newspaper that "Dropping my trousers isn't
in the script. It was a moment of pure inspiration." The police didn't
see it that way, however, and the couple faces prison time for their acts
of indecency. Guzman explained the performances as a "form of protest.
We try and show people that life is worthless. That's the most pure art." Romanian Students Overrun By Cockroaches ROMANIA -
The students at Bacau University should have cooperated when specialists
wanted to disinfect their dorm rooms during the summer. Instead, they
refused to let them into their quarters, and some are now paying the price.
One 20-year-old student named Maria P couldn't get rid of a bad headache
and went to the doctor for advice. The doctor discovered a cockroach had
crawled into her ear and died. For this, the student should be thankful
according to the doctor. Dr. Zenovia Dumbrava said, "The girl was
lucky it died otherwise she could have lost her hearing." In a similar
situation, a student named Ana N. thought she had a common cold. She said,
"I thought I'd caught a cold. When I blew my nose a cockroach came
out. It was awful." U.S. Security Guards on Strike LAS VEGAS
- 70 security guards known as the "camo dudes" walked off their
jobs Monday in Las Vegas and at the covert base known as Area 51 where,
rumor has it, the military keeps all of the flying saucers that crash
across the country. When asked if he worked at Area 51, union President
Vernell Hall said he can't talk about it. "Use your imagination,"
was his only comment. Hall said the association's members decided to go
on strike after three months of negotiations for a new contract. They
want $16 instead of $15 per hour to guard the nations secrets. Goner Virus Authors Arrested in Israel Those insidious
computer viruses that paralyze computers and ruin lives have to be written
by someone, but the shadowy villains are rarely, if ever, even identified,
much less prosecuted. That changed earlier this week when Israeli police
arrested the creators of the "Goner" worm which wreaked havoc
on tens of thousands of personal computers and communications networks
around the world. And the identity of the evil geniuses behind the worm?
Four snot-nosed teenagers who wrote the virus as a game to disable each
others computers. If convicted, the teens could face a jail sentence of
up to five years. Baker Arrested for Hashish in Dessert AVILA, Spain
- A baker and habitual drug user threw a dinner party for friends and
surprised them with a special dessert. The 29-year-old baker put hashish
in the cake and gave it to his guests without telling them about the secret
ingredient. The friends soon began feeling sick and had to be taken to
the hospital. In the meantime, the baker was detained by the police and
later released. According to police, he will be officially charged with
harming public health. Michigan Dentist Holds Woman as Sex Slave A 26-year-old
woman from Farmington Hills, MI got more than a cleaning when she went
to her dentist back in November. After the appointment the dentist charmed
her into having dinner with him, but once he got her into his apartment
he allegedly drugged her and held her captive from November 1 to December
10. Police found the dazed woman after she made a 911 call from the apartment.
Detectives searched the dentist's apartment, office and car. They confiscated
about a dozen videotapes, including videos of the 44-year-old man engaging
in sex acts with the victim who is described as appearing drugged. "Society
is safe again," announced police officer William Foster, following
the capture of a pet rabbit that had terrorized the town of Ashland, Massachusetts.
AP reports that "Snowball", who is described as being "about
the size of a big kitten," had attacked three adults and a child
in the past two weeks. TV News Anchor Slapped by Co-Anchor LONDON -
TV newsreader Frank Partridge bruised the cheek of his co-presenter Kay
Burley when he slapped her just minutes after the pair finished an afternoon
bulletin. Partridge was said to have been angry that Burley only let him
get a few words in as they signed off from the satellite channel. A source
within the station said, "Frank was getting more and more cheesed
off because he felt he wasn't getting a fair slice of the action. It sounds
petty, but these people have huge egos." It is rumored that the two
once had a relation- ship. Partridge was hauled before Sky News bosses
and could face disciplinary action. Later he was seen in tears as he left
the studios in Isleworth, West London. Unexpected Python Upsets Nuptials KENYA - Alice
Chesang and Benjamin Rotich were tentatively about to be married when
a nine-foot python slithered into the church, almost ruining the ceremony.
This was not the only bad sign for the nuptials. Alice almost called off
the wedding when her honey bought her a "cheap" wedding dress,
and she almost refused to accept the transportation he arranged to go
to the ceremony, calling it "junk". They had finally decided
to proceed with the union when the python appeared. Many guests fled the
scene, and one person broke his collar bone when he tried to hurt the
python but missed. The couple only still married at the insistence of
the priest. Immediately after saying "I do", the couple removed
their wedding bands and discarded them. That marriage lasted longer than
most Hollywood nuptials. Georgia Inmates Riot Over Food PELHAM, Georgia
- At Autry State Prison, one inmate was enraged when he thought his chicken
dinner was underdone. And a mass riot ensued. The prison staff put the
facility on lock down for two hours and kept the irate inmates on one
floor. In the short riot, inmates broke lights, damaged sprinkler heads,
set fire to mattresses, and broke windows. It took 36 tactical squad members
to force the inmates back into their cells, but no injuries were reported.
Scott Stallings, a spokesman for the Georgia Department of Corrections
said, "It appears it was just his complaint about the chicken. But
you'd be surprised how things we might consider insignificant on the outside
can be a real problem in a prison setting. These are tough people. They're
not in prison for making rational and evenhanded decisions." An investigation
is underway. School Weapon Alert Blamed on Policeman QUEBEC -
A police officer who went to an elementary school to talk to children
may need a lesson on firearm safety. The Quebec City police officer visited
the school's washroom and put his loaded revolver on the back of the toilet.
He then forgot it and left. A seven-year-old boy found the weapon, and
had the good sense to notify a teacher. The school has criticized the
police for bringing weapons into the classrooms, but a police spokesman
said, "A gun is an obligatory tool of the trade," and went on
to comment that he himself was once criticized for entering a church funeral
service with his gun in a holster. He said there's a good side to the
mislaid-gun story: the seven-year-old didn't pick it up. Florida Woman Arrested for Having Cats on Ice FLORIDA -
Neighbors couldn't walk past Audrey Weed's house without almost gagging.
Finally the smell became too much, and they called the police. After searching
the woman's home, police found dozens of dead cats in her freezer. They
found 31 kittens and 36 cats in her refrigerator and freezer and 24 cats
and one dog were alive, but neglected. Weed has been charged with 92 counts
of animal neglect. This came as a surprise because Weed herself is a volunteer
for a local animal rescue group and was formerly a police animal control
officer. According to neighbors, she kept rescuing more and more abandoned
animals, but could not cope. A fellow volunteer with Pets in Distress
said, "Her heart got too big. Audrey has done this on her own. She
picked up a lot of pets on her own. She was trying to do the right thing." Magic Mushrooms Responsible for Santa EDINBURGH,
Scotland - Dr. Ian Edwards, head of education at the Royal Botanic Gardens
in Edinburgh claims magic mushrooms may help Santa Claus fly. He told
The Daily Telegraph about the story originating from Lapland where the
people used to feed the hallucinogenic fungi to their herd of reindeer.
Edwards said, "They used to feed red and white fly-agaric mushrooms
to their reindeer, then drink the animals' urine. Drinking the urine would
give them a high similar to taking LSD. One of the results was that they
thought they and their reindeer were flying through space, looking down
on the world." Additionally, the doctor claims that Santa's traditional
red coat may have been inspired by the bright color of the mushroom. Groom Unexpectedly Swallows Ring OSLO, Norway
- Custom dictates that the man generally proposes to the woman when they
are ready to marry, but one Norwegian woman took matters into her own
hands with unexpected results. Janne Grim wanted to surprise her boyfriend
by proposing at a Christmas party, so she put his wedding ring in a bowl
of porridge. After Svein Froeytland, her beloved, ate the porridge with
no reply, Janne sadly figured his answer was no. But he had actually swallowed
the ring without realizing it. "Now I am 24 carats heavier,"
he said. He accepted the proposal, and the couple borrowed a ring from
one of the guests for the interim. Svein will use the ring from his bride-to-be
when it reappears naturally. Spending Christmas in a Bunker Sounds Good LONDON, England - Colin Wood is sick of Christmas and the stress of dealing with his family during the holidays, so he spent $430 to reserve a two-week stay by himself in a decommissioned bunker in Essex. Tired of holiday cooking, he is shunning the traditional ham and potatoes for a delicious meal of Spam, baked beans, and tap water. Bunker owner Michael Parrish said, "I gather it's like being in prison without the exercise hour or worse because you can't look out of the prison bars at the sun or the moon." Wood was one of 50 people to bid on an Internet auction site for the chance to live in a bunker for two weeks. The bunker is complete with blast-proof doors and 10-foot thick concrete. No chance Santa will get through these barriers. And thank goodness. And the follow-up: LONDON -
30-year-old Colin Wood paid $430 for a two-week stay in the bunker, but
the first week was too much for him. It wasn't the quiet or the solitude
that brought the scrooge back to the surface a week early. What he really
wanted was a beer. "It was great," he said, "but I was
dying for a pint and the idea of a spending another week was too much."
He said he took such extreme action because he abhorred Christmas and
all its trimmings. New York's Mystery Santa Reappears This Year NEW YORK,
New York - A man wearing a red Santa hat passed out $25,000 in $100 bills
to strangers over the course of three days. The anonymous giver has been
sharing his contagious holiday spirit with strangers for the past 22 years.
The charitable man said he used to be destitute when the owner of a diner
in Mississippi gave him a $20 bill. The restaurant owner gave him money
"in a way that didn't embarrass me," he said. Hundreds benefited
from the secret Santa's generosity. Macy's security guard James Frazier
said, "I was standing on 34th street doing my job and a big guy came
up to me and said 'Hi.' I said 'Hi,' and he gave me a $100 bill."
The 19-year-old guard plans on using the money for his newborn son and
asked the man "Are you Santa Claus?" To Frazier, he's the real
thing. Cop's Penis Accidentally Blown Off by Partner PERU - Police
Officers Siloe Espinoza and Baiver Ruelas were in the station locker room
changing clothes when a horrible penile accident occurred. Espinoza checked
to see if his revolver was loaded and accidentally shot Ruelas in the
genitals. Espinoza gave his fellow officer first aid before panicking,
and doctors say the victim is in stable condition. Reconstructive surgery
is being considered. Though it was an accident, an investigation is underway,
and Espinoza's gun is being checked for defects. He is being held in custody
until the investigation is complete. A colleague said, "He is absolutely
distraught. It was a million-to-one accident that ended up with a man
losing his penis." Animal Rights Activists Trampled by Pigs MUNICH,
Germany - The city has been abuzz about a neighboring town's pig incident.
It seems that two animal rights protesters broke into a slaughterhouse
to free thousands of pigs before they met their fate. Armed with bolt
cutters, they managed to clear the way for the soon to be liberated pigs.
As the doors opened, a stampede of pork rushed through the opening, trampling
the crusading protesters and crushing them to death. Pilotless Plane on the Loose in California SAN RAFAEL,
California - Amateur pilot Paul Clary was working on his plane, the "1946
Aeronca Champion" when it broke free from its blocks. With the throttle
up, the plane taxied down the runway and took off without anyone at the
controls. He described the incident as a "nightmare." He was
trying to drain a flooded engine when he turned the propeller and the
engine started. He and his son chased the plane in a van for almost 10
minutes until they lost sight of it. Emergency broadcasts alerted local
radio of the potential danger, and a helicopter was sent to locate the
plane. Authorities estimate that the plane crashed because it only had
two hours worth of fuel. The helicopter ceased it's mission after a four-hour
search. Walt Smith, regional coordinator for the Federal Aviation Administration
said, "This will be in the aviation history books. It's pretty wild.
We thought we'd heard everything." Motorcyclist Survives Being Run Over GHENT, Belgium
- A motorcyclist was minding his own business, waiting at a crossroads,
when a Mercedes in front of him was struck by another car, causing it
to back up and run over him. Though the car temporarily rested on his
chest, the driver hurriedly restarted the car and pulled off of the victim.
Renaud Ghequiere described the tale he is fortunate enough to live to
tell: "I felt an enormous pressure on my chest. I managed to move
slightly but felt all the oxygen was pressed out of my lungs. My head
was just in front of the wheel." Had the car moved ever so slightly,
Ghequiere might have been killed. His ribs and heart were bruised, but
he is reportedly doing well. IOWA - December
17, 2001, was a historic day. Naturist Dave Wolz notified the Des Moines
Iowa Register that he had officially driven 15,000 in the nude. In his
letter he stated, "On Monday, December 17, 2001, at about 9:50 am,
just north of mile marker 98 on Interstate 39 in Illinois, I reached my
goal of 15,000 miles driving naked." Several motorists noticed his
nudity and called the police, but Wolz put on shorts before an officer
pulled him over. He continually makes road trips, usually for chess tournaments,
but his car broke down in September while he was driving nude. He was
only at 12,300 miles at the time. But, in October, he diligently drove
to reach his goal through a whirlwind trip to Missouri and Ohio. His New
Year's resolution is to drive 20,000 miles naked in 2002. Man's Finger Bitten Off in Road Rage Incident BOLOGNA,
Italy - On the notorious "road rage row" in Italy, a cyclist
accidentally scratched a motorist's car as he biked past him. The two
reportedly began trading insults and continued sparring after stopping
their vehicles. This is when the verbal taunts allegedly turned into physical
abuse. The 61-year-old driver supposedly bit the cyclist's left hand so
severely that his finger came off. Police escorted the two to the hospital
where doctors determined they couldn't reattach the finger because of
the damage. Well, that will teach the cyclist to be more careful. Weird Spider Webs Coat Woman's Property Nancy Talbott
is in search of spiders from Mars. The whole thing started last year on
a cool September night. Nancy woke up to a loud droning noise that completely
surrounded her remote Massachusetts home. The phenomenon lasted about
an hour, and although she went outside to investigate the pitch dark kept
her from seeing anything. The next morning her entire property was covered
in thousands of what she described as little gooey spider webs. They were
everywhere covering the house, lawn, trees and fences. She sent a sample
to a local lab which told her they did not know what the substance was,
but it was not spider webs. Is it the exhaust of an experimental aircraft?
Is it a new type of air pollution? Is it the aftermath of a close encounter?
She is still searching for answers, so if any of this sounds familiar
Nancy would love to hear from you. Shotgun-Wielding Attacker Has the Wrong Man HAGERSTOWN,
Md. - Volunteer firefighter Andrew Ebner was heading home from battling
a late-night blaze when a shotgun blast hit the tailgate of his borrowed
pickup truck. Ebner sped up but so did the truck on his tail. Boom! Boom!
Two more blasts. Glass showered the cab from the shattered rear window.
Finally, Ebner stopped the truck along the country road. That's when the
shooter realized he had the wrong guy. Kenneth Ramsburg apologized, offered
to pay for the damage and gave Ebner his business card. Then, police say,
he drove 10 miles to a liquor store parking lot, where he found his intended
victim and shot him in the leg. Holiday Shopping Turns Vicious SOUTH WALES
- Supermarkets can be vicious hunting grounds during the holidays as two
women learned first hand in South Wales. Two shoppers spotted the perfect
frozen turkey, and not wanting to disappoint their families, they wrestled
over who saw the bird first. One woman allegedly hit the other over the
head with the turkey after the other said, "I hope you burn it on
Christmas Day." Insults were further exchanged in the parking lot.
A store guard said that one woman returned to the store, crying and missing
patches of hair. Inspector Phil Williams said, "An alleged assault
took place. Prison Inmates Help Out Underprivileged Kids TEXAS - For
the last three years, the inmates in the Texas Department of Criminal
Justice and the State Jail Division have worked hard in the Fall to provide
gifts for 2,000 underprivileged children. With donated materials, the
inmates create stick horses, teddy bears, and various other toys to be
distributed by the Salvation Army. Estelle Unit Warden Rick Thaler explained
the many benefits, "The toy-making project gives the offenders something
worthwhile to do while also benefiting society. That's not to mention
all of the smiles that result from these gifts." One inmate said
the project gives him a "feeling of accomplishment" and that
the "gift-giving comes from the heart, with no reward in return." Homework Punishment Causes Insanity HONG KONG,
China - Detention, clapping erasers, and writing on the chalkboard are
all common punishments for not doing one's homework. Not in this case.
When a former student, identified only as Mr. T, neglected to do his homework
and showed up late for class, his teacher demanded he complete his homework
outside his office for nine consecutive days. The punishment reportedly
drove Mr. T crazy. He claims to have begun to hear voices and thought
he was the devil at one point. Now 23, the student is suing the teacher
and college. Judge Muttrie ruled in favor of the student and surmised
that the teacher should have been concerned for Mr. T when he became withdrawn.
The judge said, "The punishment caused Mr. T, who was previously
normal, to become a schizophrenic." The court officially stated the
teacher and college did not properly care for the student. Man Returns $68,000.00 Found in Library Book HAWAII -
Paul Gebauer was in for a surprise when he opened the book he recently
checked out from Makawao Library. Inside he found $68,000 worth of government
bonds. Though he temporarily considered keeping the bonds for himself,
he ultimately turned them in to the proper owner. Gebauer said, "I
knew it would be the wrong thing to do. I wouldn't be able to sleep at
night." He managed to locate the owner, an elderly woman who didn't
even realize the bonds were missing. Police arranged to have the bonds
delivered, and Gebauer received a $100 reward. Chalk one up for humanity. This Man is Talking Women Out of Their Clothes Police in
Hialeah, Florida are looking for a smooth-talker who, claiming to be a
bra and girdle salesman, convinced three different women to take off all
their clothes so he could fit them with free underwear. Surprise Package Gets Whole Family High NEW ZEALAND
- When a teacher received a package at home over the holidays, he immediately
opened it without checking the address label. As illustrated in an enclosed
note, the box of chocolates was intended for a previous occupant. The
note read, "I thought you'd enjoy these. I know they're your favorites!"
The teacher shared the goodies with his family and friends, and they began
experiencing "weird effects" soon thereafter. Concerned with
possible tampering, they contacted the police. The police discovered that
the chocolates had been laced with the drug Ecstasy. No one was seriously
injured, though, and the family will not be charged with possession. The
police had one warning comment, however. "It does serve as a reminder
to treat packages from strangers with caution." Cat and Dog Fight Results in 911 Call MONTANA
- When police received a call from a disabled person's home on Christmas
Day, they rushed to the site to make sure the owner was in fair condition.
The owners, however, weren't even home. What police was a cat and dog
fighting. They concluded that the pets must have called 911. Police spokesperson
Mike Klem Kalispell explained, "We assume the dog chased the cat,
and somehow the phone got knocked over, and the speed dial called 911.
We had a history from that residence for sending ambulances." Not
one to hold a grudge, Klem jokingly added that they would not be taking
the animals into custody. "It's Christmas, and we don't want the
animal rights activists getting all over us on that one," he said. Illicit Spending Spree Sparked by Euro Release What would
you do if you were told that your current stash of cash was going to be
worthless in two months, but you had gotten the money "under the
table?" You realize that if you turn in big amounts the banks will
alert the feds. That's what many in Europe are facing with the introduction
of the Euro. The New York Times is reporting that rather than admit they
are holding the money -- since banks are required to report large deposits
of currently -- many are going on a spending frenzy, hoping to trade their
"secret" profits for goods of equal value. The paper profiles
a 28-year-old Spanish insurance agent with thousand of dollars he needs
to unload without any noticing. It says he's been on a buying spree, purchasing
expensive watches and neck- laces. He says that the first day of the new
year is his goal to be "completely out of the old cash." Drunk Raccoons Wreaking Havoc in Florida FORT MEYERS,
Florida - Several home owners in Florida have recently been the victims
of drunk raccoons on the loose. Four households complained about raccoons
breaking into their residence and eating bread and drinking beer. Marianne
Kinzer said, "I'd like to teach them to do laundry." The pesky
creatures formerly lived on a 56-acre farm that is currently being developed.
Thus, they have nowhere to go. As Kinzer said, "Ever since these
animals have nowhere to go, of course, they're coming into our homes."
The neighbors are considering banning together to hire a trapper to catch
the animals. Therapist Driven to Slapping Patient Pretoria,
South Africa - It's like a scene out of 'Airplane'. The psychology profession
was rocked after renowned marriage counselor, Dr. Cedric Wayne crossed
over the edge while treating a bickering couple. The husband, fed up with
his wife's unrelenting verbal assault began slapping her. Dr. Wayne, instead
of intervening to stop the assault leapt out of his chair and charged
across the room and proceeded to beat the stunned wife as well. "She's
the most annoying woman I've ever been around. No husband should be subjected
to nagging like that... that woman's mouth was driving me crazy,"
said Dr. Wayne. "More
than three centuries after they were accused, tried and hanged as unrepentant
witches in Salem, Mass., five women have been officially cleared by the
state," Massachusetts State Legislatures magazine reports. "The
act, approved by the legislature, cleared the names of Bridget Bishop,
Susannah Martin, Alice Parker, Wilmot Redd and Margaret Scott." The
five were among 20 men and women put to death during the witchcraft hysteria
of 1692. The state has tried to make amends before. In 1711, all the accused
were exonerated and their relatives offered retribution. But not all the
families came forward to accept the apology. Witch Accused of Insurance Fraud This witch
is up against it for insurance fraud, not necromancy. Josephine Gray,
55, has worked her way through three husbands in 27 years. All three had
been shot to death and Ms. Gray has collected substantial insurance claims
for each husband. She has been tried in the past for her lovers' violent
deaths, but each time witnesses abruptly refused to co-operate, amid strange
tales of incantations, potions and voodoo spells. "I do not practice
witchcraft," Ms. Gray declared. "Just because I buy lucky charms
and herbs or anoint myself with olive oil." But this time, prosecutors
say they have enough evidence to show that Ms Gray was involved in the
killings, which violates a Maryland law that specifically bans a person
from receiving such benefits if they have caused the death of the insured. CALIFORNIA
- A gay doll sold by BeProud.com has the United Parcel Service in an uproar.
The website's latest product, called the Billy Parcel Service doll, wears
a uniform similar to that of UPS employees. Where's the rub? UPS objects
to Billy being "grotesquely" well-endowed. UPS insists the web-
site stop selling the doll, and they are willing to take the case to court.
Audy Morgan, co-owner of the site, cites an inferiority complex as the
root of the problem. "How in the world can a male having a large
penis hurt anyone's reputation? It's not our fault if some people at UPS
feel insufficient compared to Billy." Morgan insists that people
will not mistake the doll as an official UPS product, and Billy is sold
online next to Tyson and Carlos dolls as adult novelty items. Dr. William
Mallon, director of the emergency residency program at University of Southern
California Hospital, says his doctors see an adverse reaction to piercing
at least once a week. In one case, a 19-year-old man who had had his penis
pierced suffered from his body art when he was in a car accident. The
stud extended through the tip of the penis and crossed over his urethra.
The trauma of the accident dislodged the stud and now the young man occasionally
has to go to the hospital for assistance with a catheter to urinate. John
Marx, chairman of the department of emergency medicine at the Carolinas
Medical Center in Charlotte, N.C., says the most dramatic piercing problem
he has seen is ripped skin from the jewelry either catching on clothing
or from a lover pulling off a nipple ring in a fight. Hospital Informs Six Men They're Pregnant LONDON,
England - A hospital in London recently mailed 30 erroneous letters to
patients, including six elderly men, telling them that they are expecting
a bundle of joy. Instead, the patients were actually to have received
a letter indicating their operations had been postponed. The hospital
blamed it on human error. The letters were automatically generated by
a computer, and an employee had to choose which "reason" it
was to be sent. According to a spokeswoman for the Chesterfield and North
Derbyshire Royal Hospital said, "The girl operating the system has
simply chosen the wrong option." Tell that to six 70-year-old men
who think they are having a baby...In the meantime, the spokeswoman insists
an error like this will not occur again. Prison Guard Demoted - Too Humane SWITZERLAND
- "Who could believe that in 2002 I'm being criticized for being
too humane?" Philippe Ackermann asked after being demoted as a guard
at Delemont Prison. Prison authorities have scaled back his responsibilities
for being too nice to the inmates and allowing seven of them to escape
while he was on duty. Ackermann dismisses the charges, blaming the aging
infrastructure for the getaways. One convict escaped when the prison's
main door was negligently left open while the place was being painted.
Another inmate was left alone with his wife and they were able to pry
open the door with a screwdriver, but Ackermann contends that none of
them were violent people anyway. "We are not a high security prison
and we don't have dangerous criminals." The guard has a history of
being "too nice", though. He was fined nine years ago for giving
knitting needles to a convict who supposedly wanted to make a sweater. Greek Students Forced to Cut Their Hair NICOSIA,
Cyprus - No one knows why a teacher made his students chop off their hair
in the middle of class recently. In the midst of year-end exams, the headmaster
at a Cyprus school gave all his male students scissors and told them to
cut off their Mohican spikes and shaggy hair-dos. The students didn't
know how to react, and the teacher threatened them with having to re-take
all the exams. Most of the boys complied, but according to parents, the
headmaster actually performed the act for two students. Human rights groups
are angry at this violation and humiliation. Ombudsman Iliana Nicolaou
said, "It was a slight on their dignity and particularly humiliating." Yabba Dabba Doo Gets a New Meaning in 2001 FAIRFAX
COUNTY, Va. - According to intelligence expert Navy Lt. Cmdr. Al Martin,
Afghani locals call the U.S. soldiers "Yabba dabba doo." But
it has nothing to do with Fred Flintstone's popular catch phrase.
Afghanistan sources say "Yabba Dabba Doo" means "falling
crates that knock down huts" in Afghani slang and is now a reference
to the humanitarian food drops that have destroyed dozens of homes in
the last weeks. The food is also leaving a bad taste in the villagers'
mouths. Martin says one tribal chieftain thought the meatballs in a can
of spaghetti were horse droppings. Congressman Stripped at Airport Security WASHINGTON
- U.S. Representative John Dingell was forced to strip to his underwear
Saturday at National Airport to prove he wasn't smuggling a weapon aboard
a Northwest flight to Detroit. It seems the good Congressman has a metal
hip, which he explained, but security wasn't having any of it. The guards
made him take off his overcoat, then his suit coat, then his shoes and
socks. When he still triggered alarms, the guards took him to a back room
and asked him to remove his pants. He did. They were convinced. "They
felt me up and down like a prize steer," said Dingell, 75. "I
was very nice, but I probably showed I was displeased." 17-Year-Old Held in Million Dollar Swindle A 17-year-old
high school student has agreed to turn over approximately $900,000 he
allegedly swindled from investors in a sports beating scheme he ran on
the Internet. Securities and Exchange Commission alleged that Cole A.
Bartiromo, who lives with his parents in Calif., raised more than $1 million
by selling so-called "guaranteed" and "risk-free"
investments in which he pooled investors' funds to bet on sporting events.
Stephen Cutler, enforcement director of the SEC said, "This case
demonstrates that just about anyone -- even a 17-year-old high school
student -- can mastermind a securities fraud over the Internet." Japanese Prostitute Predicting the Future NAGOYA,
Japan - The brothel industry must be in need of a new marketing campaign.
A woman only known as Kaho claims to predict men's future by having sex
with them. Stationed in a brothel in Nagoya, she has predicted events
for over 1,000 men last year by performing oral sex on them. She has supposedly
helped one man win at a racecourse and encouraged a doubting man to continue
with wedding plans. Japan is no stranger to odd soothsayers, though. One
person claims to tell the future by breast-reading and another based on
mobile phones. Hungarian Porn Star Running for Office HUNGARY
- Where else but America can an "actor" become a political figure?
Apparently in Hungary. Porn star Ilona Staller, otherwise known as Cicciolina,
is a prospective candidate in the country's April general elections. Her
trademark? Baring her left breast to reflect her left-wing political opinions.
The 50-year-old prospect is an advocate for the working-class and insists
her tawdry background will not be a problem for her constituents. She
told a local paper, "The Hungarians' problems are not my breast or
that they are too prudish, but that because of the intervention of the
current government they have fallen back instead of advancing." She
will work on such social issues as public health, homelessness, and pensioners'
problems. Hair Bandit Nabbed in Southern California LONG BEACH,
California - Police Officer Jana Blair said, "Women with long hair
can rest easier," because the Hair Bandit has been arrested. Michael
Lynn Howard, 47, acted in a series of strange assaults during the holiday
season, snipping off locks of long hair from women ranging in age from
12 to 45. The victims were shocked, but uninjured. Police arrested the
Bandit this week after receiving an anonymous tip. Howard first had to
receive medical attention for a wound from his last haircutting spree
and was then taken into police custody. Babies Delivered in Stuck Elevator BOURGES,
France - 16 people were on their way to a downtown childbirth class, 12
women and 4 husbands. While taking an elevator to the class, a power failure
led to a three hour trapped engagement. Two of the women became so panicked
that labor began and two babies were born right there on the elevator
floor. Both babies were healthy and happy. On Christmas
Day, someone stole actor Nicolas Cage's car. Cage was visiting his parents
in a suburb of St. Louis when he discovered his 1989 Porsche Sportster
convertible was missing. Now, according to published reports, the car
has been found in 12 feet of water in the Lake of the Ozarks. A 19-year-old
has been charged with first-degree auto tampering. The car's expensive
stereo system had been removed before the auto was dumped in the lake.
Police say the thief or thieves decided to scuttle the car when they found
papers in it indicating that the famous actor was its owner. Ironically,
Cage starred in the car-heist thriller "Gone in 60 Seconds"
in 2000.
Pregnant Woman Impaled in Car Accident Boy Well-Rewarded for Giving up TV PHILADELPHIA,
PA - On average, children watch about four hours of television a day,
so when a ten-year-old boy dismissed the programs as "boring,"
his parents wanted to reward him. With $5,000. When Cory Rundle's father
returned from a business trip, he found it curious that his son was not
watching television. At that point, Cory hadn't watched the tube for three
weeks straight. To encourage the behavior, his father promised him $5,000
if he could abstain from watching television for an entire year. Except
for family video nights and news coverage of the September 11 attacks,
the boy hasn't watched any TV. During the year, he learned how to play
harmonica and read many books. He plans to buy a guitar with his new savings.
His proud parents wrote the following in his congratulations card: "You
never let those who said it couldn't be done stand in your way while you
did it." Diamond
Thief Begs for Surgery
He's Been Mostly Dead All Day
Bank Robbing Granny at Large Woman Hires Kids to Give Her a Beating Virginia
Chadwick wanted revenge on her estranged husband. So she hired a 12-year-old
girl and a 14-year-old boy for 2 pounds each (about $5) to beat someone
up so she could blame it on her husband. So who was to be beaten up? Her!
And beat up she was. The plot almost worked, too. Her husband Paul, 31,
was convicted of assault, fined and faced losing his job. But the kids
admitted the whole story about how Ms. Chadwick paid them to hit her in
the face with (of all things) a can of beans. She is charged with perjury. Surgeon Drills Wrong Side of Man's Head PROVIDENCE,
R.I. - A surgeon at Rhode Island Hospital operated on the wrong side of
a man's head after a CT scan was placed backward on an X-ray viewing box,
the hospital told the state Department of Health. The patient had bleeding
on the right side of his brain, but the reversed scan made it look as
if the bleeding was on the left. After the surgeon drilled two holes in
the left side of the patient's skull and found no bleeding, the procedure
had to be repeated on the right side. The patient has suffered no ill
effects from the error, hospital spokeswoman Jane Bruno told The Providence
Journal [other than having two extra holes in his head]. The irony is
that the surgeon was not following the hospital's own safety procedures
which include marking the patient's incision site with a pen. Thai Doggie Massage Parlor Opens BANGKOK,
THAILAND - For about $11.50, Thai residents can take their pooches for
aromatherapy and massages at the new "Doggie Bag" massage parlor.
44-year-old Thanit Kittikanokun, the owner and dog lover, wanted to bless
dogs with the traditional healing powers of the Thai massage. He said,
"I found out from many years of having dogs, they also love being
massaged. Apart from physical massage I'm giving them voice massage also,
talking to them with a soothing voice. The main thing is don't use a high-pitched
voice but a normal one, so the dogs can relax." He claims that the
Thai streets are so chaotic and stressful that dogs need a special spa
resort to attend and relax. These pampered pooches can receive baths,
grooming and massage, aromatherapy and more. Insulting Scale Removed from Shopping Center CANBERRA,
Australia - When Bruce Hamilton stepped on a scale at a local shopping
center, he expected a normal reading of his weight. Instead, his printout
said at 176 pounds, he was "a little overweight. Fat xxxx."
His wife was appalled, and they and several others complained about the
abusive scale. The machine told one woman "get off fat pig"
and told another that he gained weight over the holidays. Management wasted
no time removing the scale and are investigating the manufacturer. Spokeswoman
Melanie Shelton said, "The comments that the machine spat out were
offensive and it was removed immediately and is being examined by the
supplier." The scale is supposed to print out everyday sayings and
phrases, including "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year." Brothel For Women Goes Bankrupt WALDSHUT,
Germany - Europe's first-ever brothel for women has officially declared
bankruptcy because customers refused to pay after receiving the services.
Police spokesman Peter-Georg Biewald explained that the brothel
owner didn't request payment before the transaction, and therefore, women
probably only paid what they thought the performance was worth. According
to Biewald, "If they'd operated like a normal brothel and made sure
they got the money before sex, they would have been all right." Clemens
K., the 31-year-old brothel owner, was so discouraged and upset that he
mugged an elderly couple with a toy gun and was arrested shortly thereafter.
Clemens opened the brothel, called "Angels", with five other
male prostitutes in December in Switzerland close to the German border. Woman
Stuck to SAS Airplane Toilet OSLO,
Norway - An American woman has filed a complaint with Scandinavian Airlines
System (SAS) after being stuck on the toilet during an international flight.
When the woman went to the restroom during a flight from Scandinavia to
the United States, she had no idea she would be spending the remainder
of the flight in the tiny space. She pressed the flush button while still
sitting on the seat, which activated a system to clean the toilet by vacuum.
Thus, the high-pressure vacuum sealed her bottom to the seat. A SAS spokeswoman
said, "She could not get up by herself and had to sit on the toilet
until the flight had landed so that ground technicians could help her
get loose. She was stuck there for quite a long time." Punxsutawney
Phil Under Heavy Guard PUNXSUTAWNEY,
Pa. - National Guard troops will be deployed in this small Pennsylvania
town to protect a groundhog named Phil, and co-incidentally, the thousands
of people who gather to see him every February 2. You may recognize these
names from the Bill Murray movie entitled "Groundhog Day," well,
the state police think Phil's celebrity status has earned him the protection
of armed troops, bomb-sniffing dogs and a platoon of state police. "We
just never know what may pop up in these times," said state police
spokesman Jamie Levier. Some local residents had thought about canceling
the event because of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks on New York and Washington,
but city leaders felt the event would show the world the nation's "resiliency." Shakespeare
Behind Bars A Radical Way To Prove His Manhood RAMPUR,
India - Most people would just flex their muscles or pick a fight to demonstrate
they're strength. But evidently that was not enough for 18-year-old Rajender
Singh. The Northern India teenager apparently was upset after being teased
by friends over his ambition to join up in the event of war with Pakistan.
So he decided to drive a box of one-inch nails into his hands and feet
to show he was tough enough. According to Manohar Kejriwal, a bank employee,
who took Rajender to hospital, "The boys had gone but he kept saying
that if he could drink beer like them there was no reason why he couldn't
become an army man." A police spokesman said Rajender would not be
charged with attempted suicide "in view of his noble desire to serve
the country." Man Masturbates Into Co-Workers' Coffee SYRACUSE,
New York - A male employee at a social services office in New York must
have been tired of fetching coffee for his co-workers. He allegedly masturbated
into his colleagues' coffee cups and is subsequently facing public lewdness
charges. The alleged victims are experiencing a range of emotions and
have been offered counseling and medical tests. According to Sergeant
John D'Eredita, investigations will continue, but the man has been charged
with three counts of second-degree harassment, three counts of criminal
nuisance and three counts of public lewdness. Aromas
to Make You Thinner from Shiseido JAPAN
- The famous Shiseido cosmetic company remains the leader of aromachology,
the study of the effects of aromas on the human mind and body, and they
have recently discovered that certain smells can help people lose weight.
Smells like grapefruit, pepper, fennel and tarragon are especially helpful
in stimulating the sympathetic nerve system which leads to weight loss.
Thus, Shiseido has developed lotions with these smells to encourage loss.
The "sniff yourself thinner" lotion might be on the market in
Japan in as early as March. In the research period, women wearing the
lotion reported losing weight and becoming slimmer in the hip and waist
area. German
Man Punches Pet Parrot to Death BERLIN
- A German man who killed his parrot for screeching by punching it in
the head has been reportedly fined $925. The 41-year-old told the court
that he had just had a fight with his girlfriend, and became agitated
when Charlie, his fine feathered friend, started screeching. Police had
been called to his home when neighbors mistook the parrot's screeching
for human screams. The man had owned the African gray parrot with red
tailfeathers for 11 years. Perhaps
the Stupidest Hijack Attempt Yet DETROIT,
MI - One of the weirdest airplane hijack attempts recently occurred on
a flight from New York to Detroit. A man jumped out of his seat, brandished
a gun and declared, "This is a hijack, take me to Detroit."
When the flight attendant informed him that the plane was already heading
to Detroit, the man sat down without another word. He was arrested immediately
after the plane landed. Indian
Doctors Pissed Over Urine Cocktail Husband
Arrested After Locking Wife's Genitals MORRISTOWN,
TN - A man who thought his wife was cheating on him decided to take drastic
measures and placed what he called a "chastity lock" through
his wife's genitals. Floyd Weseman is being charged with aggravated assault
after his wife fled away in terror and filed charges against her demented
husband. He allegedly cut holes on both sides of her vagina and inserted
a 3/4 inch lock through the holes. When arrested, police found the key
on his person. Teenager
Takes Playmate to School Dance Tables
Turned on Malaysian Peeping Toms Keep
'Em Covered if You Don''t Want 'Em on TV A
Very Close Call for Washington Man Bald
Cocaine Dealer Busted with Shampoo Stiff
Competition in World Gangbang Championship Panty
Bandit Utilizing Open Houses Cops Demoted for Nude Calendar VIENNA,
Austria - No one knows what they were thinking. A group of Austrian police
officers who posed for a calendar packing their pistols and not much else
have been demoted to routine patrol duty. The men appeared nude with guns,
handcuffs, nightsticks and were superimposed over photos of barely-clothed
women. The almost dozen officers wanted to join Cobra, the elite unit
protecting VIPs like the Pope, but they have been refused because of the
calendar. While female listeners have expressed their appreciation for
the pictures, fellow police officers are only shaking their heads. One
officer said, "To call them naive would be flattering them. It was
simply stupid. They've made the job difficult for their colleagues, who've
lost credibility on the street. Fire-Breathing Transvestite Stops Traffic SEATTLE
- A fire-breathing transvestite danced topless on an electrical tower
beside a freeway bridge for more than an hour, snarling rush-hour traffic
and causing a power outage to 5,000 homes and businesses. The 37-year-old
donned a halter top and descended at the urging of police shortly before
9 a.m. She was arrested for criminal trespass and indecent exposure. The
‘woman’ was first reported at 7:26 a.m. on a tower that carries electrical
lines next to an interstate bridge over the Lake Washington Ship Canal.
Wearing only shorts, she was gyrating, drinking vodka, spitting the liquor
out of her mouth and lighting it on fire. Seattle City Light cut power
to protect the woman, leaving 5,000 customers without electricity. |
