Bad
Hair Cut Yields Aggravated Assault Charge Day
at the Nail Salon Ends in Finger Amputation Sopranos
Star Castrates Her Dog London
Prisoner Allowed to Die Professor
Teaching Parrot to Surf the Web Suicide
Attempt Yields Miraculous Cure Housewife
Holds Repair Man at Gun Point Sex
Handcuffs Create Embarrassing Moment Would
You Like Humiliation With That? Military
Introduces Indestructible Sandwich Gentlemen,
Start Your Irons Stickup
Man Settles for Underwear Japanese
Super Computer Whallops ASCI White Fish
Flinging Stripper in Hot Water Deceased
Attends His Own Memorial Service You
Just Can't Call Someone 'Chicken Butt' Exhibitionist
Nipped in the Bud How
About a Bra Fence? A Lucky Landing on a Truck Trailer CHILOQUIN,
Oregon - Howard Hamer, 63, had just taken off from the airport in the
desert town of Chiloquin when his single-engine plane lost power. He decided
to attempt an emergency landing northbound on U.S. 97 when a flatbed truck
pulled up underneath him. The plane's propeller snagged on the sleeper
of the truck while the tail crashed down onto the empty trailer bed. If
the plane had actually landed in traffic a serious injury would have surely
resulted. As it turned out, no one was hurt, and neither the truck driver
nor Hamer was aware the other was even there until the impact. Haitian
Military Officer Flees to Disney World Driving
Students Attack Examiners 3,000
Cobras Discovered in Residential Area Lab
Clones Cow -- and Gets Ox It's
Time for the Annual Masturbate-A-Thon Preserve
Those Hair Follicles for the Future Is
That a Wasp in Your Pants or... 14-Year-Old's Wife Arrested for Statutory Rape CONYERS,
Georgia - The Department of Family and Children's Services arranged for
the arrest of 21-year-old Summer Jessica Strickland immediately after
the birth of her child. The charge is statutory rape of her husband, Tony
Goss, 14. While Georgia has no age limit on marriage as long as there
is parental consent, Strickland and Goss conceived their child while Goss
was only 13...and as yet unmarried. Prosecutors argue that just because
the two are now married does not make their earlier sexual encounter legal.
In Georgia, having sex with anyone under the age of 16 who is not a spouse
is considered statutory rape. Strickland was arrested Aug. 17 and was
released later that day on $5,000 bond. Robot
Rats in the Works USAF
Takes on Another Brothel Another
Reason Why Drinking Can Be Bad Beat-Up
Pickup Repeatedly Stolen 74-Year-Old Thwarts Bank Robbery VANCOUVER
- A 74-year-old man is being hailed as a hero for thwarting a bank robbery.
According to police, the elderly man was making a transaction at a bank
branch on the city's east side when the alleged robber entered the building
wearing a mask and brandishing a 12-inch knife. The man threw a metal
coin box at the thief's head as he tried to leave with the stolen cash.
Police said the dazed thief removed his mask and ran outside to a waiting
bicycle, only to have the 74-year-old crime-fighter pursue him down the
street. The man attempted to catch the robber on foot, but after realizing
he was not fast enough, flagged down a motorist for help. The pair pursued
the thief in the car and called police with a cell phone to bring them
to the chase. He's Got This Performance 'Nailed' SYDNEY, Australia
- Performance artist Mike Parr is known for bizarre expressions and his
latest gesture is no exception. Art enthusiasts were recently treated
to his antics via a webcam at Sydney's Artspace gallery. Though Parr was
born with only one arm, he had a builder drive a long, silver nail into
his forearm and then hammer it into a wall. The "performance"
is of him sitting in a chair with his arm hammered. The video footage
was then projected on to the gallery wall. Before going through with it,
though, Parr sought the advice of doctors and seems to be doing well.
He is taking Panadol for the pain. Gallery curator Sophie O'Brien said
"his arm seemed to be in good shape. We kept it really clean...The
nail went through skin and fat, not muscle." Well, that makes all
the difference then. Parr's famous stunt last year was when he locked
himself in a room for a week without food. Honduran Woman Finds Out She's a Man HONDURAS
- Imagine living your whole life as a female and at the age of 33, your
world is turned upside down. You find out you are actually a man. At least
that's what happened to Juan Jose Maldonado. He was born with a malformation
of his genitals and always thought he was a woman and thus dressed appropriately.
He found out he is actually a man during a recent trip to the Instituto
Hondureno de Seguridad Social hospital. Not traumatized at all, Maldonado
is thanking God, literally. "This has been a miracle from God. Now
I want to set up my own family." On the contrary, Dr. Gustavo Bueso,
Maldonado's physician, is not sure if he can even generate children. Since
the gender revelation, the Honduran has undergone surgery to reform his
penis. Wine Enemas All the Rage in California Wine enemas
a make splash in medical circles. Experts say there's been a recent increase
in the popularity of the grape for this unconventional purpose. California-based
sex therapist Dr. William Fitzgerald says more and more people are rediscovering
this centuries-old remedy for calming the nerves. Wine enema enthusiasts
must be careful, though, because there's a risk of alcohol poisoning since
alcohol is absorbed through the bowels much faster than through the stomach.
He also warns that champagne enemas can cause cramping due to the bubbles
and cold temperature. Fitzgerald also suggests you limit yourself to two
bottles. Otherwise your large intestine could pop. It seems
that realtors are showing more than just property assets these days. Wendi
Kennedy got a bit of a shock when she went to the home of her late father
and found two real estate agents in the upstairs bathroom. According to
Kennedy, she heard noise coming from the room and knocked on the door.
She then heard the sound of pants being pulled up and a belt buckle jingling.
Moments later, a man and woman walked out, muttering apologizes. When
questioned by Kennedy about who they were, they sheepishly admitted they
were real estate agents and obtained the key to the house through the
lockbox. BRAZIL -
Though Mayor Ivaldo Franco dismissed Orgasm Day, Brazilians are coming
out in droves to support this gift of God, as one sign declared. To encourage
communication, an orgasm urn was placed in the town square for people
to post messages about their sex lives. The end-of-the-day keynote speaker
was 63-year-old prostitute Raimunda Alves, who spoke about customers'
preferences. To promote a festive and accepting atmosphere, people hung
signs and placed flowers everywhere. Promoter Arimatea Dantas financed
the celebrations and said, "We want people to feel free to talk about
their orgasms, and we ultimately hope that they'll have better sex lives." Girlfriend Arranges Heist to Thwart Porn Habit FREDERICTON,
Canada - Here's one way to curb your boyfriend's internet porn habit.
A Canadian woman arranged the theft of her computer in a faked home invasion
in an attempt to stop her boyfriend from viewing porn. Erin Stairs, 19,
was charged last May with theft and public mischief after she arranged
to have the couple's house burglarized. The robbery reportedly got out
of hand when the culprits walked away with the $2,000 computer, a television,
60 compact discs, jewelry and other property. Judge Patricia Cumming told
Stairs her actions were misguided. "Taking the computer is not going
to take away his ability to frequent the sites," she said. "It
doesn't remove the heart of the problem." Woman Survives 14 Story Suicide Leap MIAMI, Florida
- If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. After dealing with a
bout of issues and divorcing after a seven-year marriage, a woman tried
to commit suicide by overdosing on pills. Fate intervened, and she survived
after having been rushed to the hospital and having her stomach pumped.
The 32-year-old woman decided to attempt suicide again, only this time
by plunging 14 stories out of a high-rise. She must have nine lives because
she flew out the window, landed on her rear-end, and only suffered a broken
arm. Neighbors and rescuers took this as a clear sign that her life is
simply not mean to end yet. "You're trying to take your life away,
you fall from the 14th floor, and you survive. This is an awakening that
this is not your time," said one Miami police officer. A general
and trauma surgeon at Jackson Memorial Hospital said,, "You see this
in the movies -- people jump from a building, land on a car and walk away...That
doesn't happen in real life." Couple Busted Having Sex in ATM COLOMBIA
- A couple entering a cash machine cubicle had more in mind than withdrawing
money. They happily proceeded to undress and have sex against the very
transparent walls. Though they had broken the cubicle light, passers-by
could see the couple coupling and some stopped to watch the passionate
display. One viewer said, "They were there over an hour without paying
attention to the outside world. People told them to go to a motel."
The oblivious couple refused to budge until police knocked on the door.
Still, though, they were in no rush to put on their clothes and were reportedly
either drunk or under the influence of drugs. Technically,
a space-age substance called "aerogel" isn't alive; but it might
as well be. NASA says it now holds the Guinness record for being the lightest
substance on earth. It seems to float and appears to be breathing ...
but it's a solid. It was designed for the agency to be a kind of "sponge
in space," positioned to attract and catch tiny roaming particles
in the solar system. Although scientists have had the formula for aerogel
since the 1930s, it's only been recently that experts at the Jet Propulsion
Laboratory in Pasadena, Calif., have realized that it would be perfect
as a "solar dust magnet." Aerogel is so light and porous that
only two-tenths of a percent of its mass is actually substance ... the
rest is air. Some scientists jokingly call it "frozen smoke." Mini-Bus Running Nicely on Cooking Oil HOUSTON,
Texas - Did somebody say "McDonald's?" No, but that IS the smell
of a deep fryer coming from Tom Nevers's mini-school bus. He drives around
town in his bus filled not with gas, but vegetable oil. Whenever he's
about to run out of fuel, Nevers pulls over to a fast food restaurant
or any other place with a deep fryer and asks the manager for a tankful
of oil. He said, "I've never been turned down. They have to pay somebody
to haul it." He pumps the oil into two tanks in the bus; it then
goes through another filter and heat exchanger that he added to the original
diesel engine. In his favor, the U.S. Department of Energy says the oil
reduces "nearly all forms of air pollution" and "can be
used in many (diesel) engines built since 1994 with little or no modification."
Nevers has logged long miles with the free fuel: the bus has been running
on vegetable oil for an entire year and has a total of 220,000 miles on
it. DETROIT,
Michigan - Many people yell at their television sets like they have some
bizarre notion that the actors on a show can really hear them. But what
would happen if the television started yelling back? Charlotte and Judge
Smith of Michigan claimed their television started hurling racial abuse
at them and even knew their names. The Smiths told police it began in
August when they came home to find their alarm system was dismantled and
there were no signs of forced entry. They also said that channels changed
without warning or came on in the middle of the night. A spokesman for
the couple's satellite TV company said that he believes someone is playing
an ugly prank and using a radio-frequency remote control from outside
the building. Mental Illness Not Transmitted Across Time NEW DELHI,
India - It has been discovered that mental illness cannot be passed down
from one lifetime to another. This startling disclosure comes after a
New Delhi study of 1600 people who underwent hypnotic regression. Those
participants who suffered from schizophrenia and manic depression showed
no signs of these problems in past lives. Writing About Erections Gets Boy in Hot Water NEW ZEALAND
- When he was assigned to write a story called "How does your body
betray you," teenager Mike Scherger wrote about embarrassing erections
in public. Only he was a bit too realistic for Cambridge High School and
has since been suspended. Scherger's story was about a boy "getting
a boner" and then being called to the front of the class. Teachers
insist the boy seek counseling, and principal Alison Annan called the
essay "sexually offensive." The boy's mother, a nurse, begs
to differ. She said that what her son wrote about was simply "real
life, it happens." The school vehemently disagrees, and the student
has been suspended for three weeks. They say he can return to school if
the last two weeks of the suspension are spent in counseling. Annan explained
the school's position: "There are some things you learn at a very
young age you just don't write about." Faith Healer Beats Six People to Death TOKYO - Let's
see the power of prayer get him out of this one. A Japanese faith healer
was reportedly sentenced to death for beating six people to death with
a drumstick during a 1995 exorcism ritual. Sachiko Eto, and three of his
followers allegedly killed six people and injured one while performing
the rites at Sachiko's home in Sukagawa, 100 miles north of Tokyo. The
group dealt out drumstick beatings from late December 1994 to June 1995,
supposedly to exorcise evil spirits. Eto's 30-year-old daughter, Hiroko
Eto, and Yutaka Nemoto, 27, were given life behind bars while Mitsuo Sekine,
52, was sentenced to 18 years. Human Finger Found in Pregnant Woman's Food SWEDEN -
We all know pregnant women crave some odd food combinations, but as 19-year-old
mom-to-be Caroline Bengtsson protests, fingers and crustaceans aren't
one of them. As the hungry woman scooped up a handful of prawns, she noticed
a severed finger among the food. The finger had been among a kilo of frozen
prawns bought at a supermarket, and food producer Royal Greenland has
agreed to investigate the situation. In the meantime, Bengtsson became
increasingly alarmed and said, "I thought I was going to die of sickness.
It was disgusting to hold it in my hand. I felt sick and thought of a
dead corpse and of other things I might have already eaten." Additionally,
she was concerned the severed digit might have been infected. You Need a ScoreCard to Keep Track of This One Katherine
is an Irish expatriate who used to be a man named Damien. She(?) is married
to a man in Norfolk, VA named Pat who used to be a woman named Patricia.
According to federal prosecutors, Katherine is in the country illegally
and changed her gender to marry Pat who changed his gender to hide from
his former spouse, John Martin, whom he had never divorced. Since Pat
is still legally married to another man, his marriage to Katherine is
not binding, and now both of them are under indictment for defrauding
the Immigration and Naturalization Service. Featherless Chickens Causing Quite a Stir A new breed
of "naked" chicken created by scientists in the search for tastier,
healthier poultry has angered animal rights campaigners. Despite its bizarre
appearance, the red-skinned broiler could become a supermarket success
because it is designed to grow faster and contain less fat than normal
chickens. It will also be cheaper to produce since its lack of feathers
means there is no need to pluck it. Animal rights campaigners condemned
the plan. Adrian Bebb of Friends of the Earth said: "This is scientists
tampering with our food again just to make it even cheaper. I think it
will have a traumatic effect on animals and the public will be horrified."
Spencer Fitzgibbon, of the Green Party, said: "It's a monster of
an animal. We should be working with nature, not against it. The bottom
line is profit, but it should be animal welfare." Hooker's Reduced Rates Land Her in Jail ITALY - It
is against the law in Italy to purposely cut prices with the intention
of forcing another company out of business. Prostitution is no exception.
When Monica Isa, 24, reduced her rate from $32 to $4, police arrested
her for trying to eliminate business for other prostitutes. The hooker
remains in custody and has been officially charged with fraudulently lowering
prices in a public trade market and unfair competition. Bet there were
no customer complaints about the reduced rate. Husband Files for Divorce Over Ferrets LONDON, England
- A husband in London is divorcing his wife of 34 years because she refuses
to kick her two pet ferrets out of bed every night. In fact, he says she
spends more time doting on the ferrets than she does with him. He's mad
as hell, and he's not going to take it anymore! He has officially filed
for divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behavior. Instead of hiring
a lawyer, though, he filed for divorce through the internet site Divorce-Online.
His wife has yet to respond. The 50-ish couple married young. He is a
postal worker, while she is a care worker. AUSTIN, Texas
- There's nothing like the honeymoon period for newlyweds in love. Only
this groom didn't remember anything, including his new wife or the marriage
ceremony. Sean McNulty, 30, and his wife were all set to begin their honeymoon
and went to the Houston airport. He left his wife at the airport terminal
to get his wallet from the car, but he never came back. Three days later,
McNulty was found at a hotel near the airport and unfortunately could
not remember anything. Police showed him pictures from the wedding, but
he didn't recognize his wife. They then deduced that he made it to the
airport parking lot, but after receiving a blow to the head, he suffered
a case of amnesia. McNulty was taken to the hospital, but police still
don't know what caused the injury. His frantic wife is now trying to jog
his memory, hoping he'll remember something of their wedding and family. Alabama Man Arrested for Killing Over 2000 Dogs LILLIAN,
Alabama - For more than 40 years, a man in Alabama has allegedly been
buying dogs for $10 each so he could then take them home for slaughter.
According to court records, the man's property contained the remains of
over 2,000 animals, but no motive has been reported. At the same time,
there is a pending investigation involving greyhounds from a racetrack
in Florida. The racing dogs might have been improperly disposed of, and
all have been confirmed to have killed by gunfire. Urine Therapy Gaining in Popularity Alternative
health care continues on a path toward wackiness. Now comes the book,
The Golden Fountain that advocates drinking your own urine to heal what
ails you. The premise of *urine therapy* is that your own urine contains
hormones and enzymes unique to you and that ingesting the yellow cocktail
stimulates the production of antibodies. Directions are careful to warn
that you should not drink anyone else's urine. Holland's Computer System Crashed by Porn Holland's
National Archive and census office in Maastricht was brought to a halt
after a 32-year old civil servant crashed the 20-computer system by downloading
vast amounts of online pornography. National Archive director Philip Maarschalkerweerd
said the incident came to light when "one of our employees said his
computer had frozen and called the help desk. The systems manager saw
porn pictures appearing on the screen. He immediately realized what had
happened. We don't collect information of that kind." The employee,
who was not publicly identified, faces disciplinary action. The new chaplain
at Wisconsin's Waupun Correctional Institution is a Wiccan. The Rev. Jamyi
Witch's hiring was defended by the state Department of Corrections, which
says Witch -- and that is her real name -- met the job requirements, and
barring her based on her faith would be illegal. "I minister to everyone's
needs. I have no interest in converting anyone," she says. Another
full-time chaplain at the facility is Protestant; only about a third of
the inmates are Christian. Outraged State Rep. Mike Huebsch promises to
strip funding for Witch's position, even though he previously argued for
more chaplains in state prisons. Was it the Hippo That Gave Me Away? SAN DIEGO,
California - A real estate agent noticed a homeowner was secretly storing
a hippo on his property and told California fish and game officials. They
quickly began an investigation and were unprepared for what they found.
Arthur Stehly kept over 100 animals in his home and backyard including
the hippopotamus, peacocks, emus, geese, goats, and much more. The 12
to 15-year-old hippo was taken to a center for wild animals and will be
shipped to a refuge in Florida at the end of the week. Stehly's neighbors
reportedly knew about the rare hippo, and even though they never saw it,
they definitely smelled its presence. Bill Ritcher said, "I know
he used the hippo manure on his garden. It can smell pretty dang bad." Cannibalism is Not Illegal in Cambodia Two men accused
of eating human body parts, washed down with a bottle of wine, were freed
by a Cambodian provincial court Saturday, May 4, 2002 because there was
no law against cannibalism. The two men, both crematorium workers, were
arrested last week for eating fingers and toes of a body they were cremating.
"I ordered the military police to release them late Friday because
there is no law to charge them with," Nhou Thol, a public prosecutor,
said. Military police chief Rath Sreang said police in Banteay Meanchey
province, 140 miles northwest of Phnom Penh, were alerted to the case
by villagers, who said the men often ate human parts after relatives of
deceased had left the crematorium. "The villagers told us they were
afraid that when there is nobody to be cremated, the two men will kill
their children to eat," Rath Sreang said. Eating human parts was
common during the 1975-79 Khmer Rouge "killing fields" rule,
when an estimated 1.7 million people died from torture, overwork, disease,
execution and widespread famine. The Surfer's Bible Released in Australia AUSTRALIA
- "And that concludes a reading from the book of John, the surfer."
That's right, a surfer friendly version of the Bible will be on store
shelves next week. At least in Australia, that is. According to the Bible
Society, sports-inspired gospel sells well in the land down under. The
first edition will include surfer testimonials, colorful photos, and surfer
tales. The Society's publisher and director of scripture explained the
phenomenon: "The gospels got a very warm response. So when Christian
Surfers International approached us, it made financial as well as spiritual
sense to design a New Testament specifically for them." Amorous Dolphin a Tourist Attraction LONDON -
Swimmers have been warned to stay away from a sexually frustrated dolphin
off a seaside resort after it tried to lure unwary humans out to sea in
a bid to mate with them. "This dolphin gets very sexually aggressive.
He has already attempted to mate with some divers," U.S. marine expert
Ric O'Barry told a local paper. "When dolphins get sexually excited,
they try to isolate a swimmer, normally female. They do this by circling
around the individual and gradually move them away from the beach."
This is not encouraged, however, since adult dolphins, usually in the
neighborhood of 400 pounds, could easily drown a human during foreplay.
Since his arrival, the dolphin has become a major attraction for tourists.
Gay Rodeo Includes Goat Dressing Utah State
Fairpark was host last week to the third annual Gay Pride Rodeo. This
is an opportunity for homosexuals from a rural background to feel open
and comfortable about their orientation while harassing farm animals.
And just to make things interesting the rodeo featured, along with the
usual lassoing and bull-riding, the note-worthy "goat-dressing"
event. This requires two-person teams to dash 50 yards to a tethered goat,
flip up its hind legs and strap on a pair of bikini briefs. Results were
not published. SANTA CRUZ,
Calif. - "Pretty callous" is how the Santa Cruz police chief
describes it. Convenience store surveillance tapes show a man being shot
in the back of the head in what police believe was a gang dispute. But
before police arrived on the scene business continued as usual. The tapes
showed customers continuing their shopping while the victim was on the
floor, even stepping over the dying man to get to the counter. The man
later died at a hospital. Pig Vibrators Assist in Insemination BELGIUM -
Inspired by human sex toys, a Belgian company has invented the first vibrator
for pigs. The creators of the MS Reflexator thought the pleasant vibrations
would make the artificial insemination process more enjoyable for the
animals. The vibrator is connected with a tube to a syringe with the boar's
sperm. As the pig becomes sexually stimulated, the sperm is able to glide
more easily into her. A spokesperson said, "Normally the pigs act
as if they don't care about what is going on. But by using the Reflexator
the pigs show they really enjoy it." THAILAND
- A Thai man admits to being sexually aroused by the sound of sirens from
police cars, fire trucks, and ambulances. Inspired by the sexy sirens,
he set several cars on fire. After nonchalantly buying a beer, he called
the police on himself, hoping to hear the sirens. The man had an orgasm
as the flashing lights and sirens came closer and closer to the scene.
After reaching climax, he casually got in a car and attempted to flee
the area. A nearby witness saw him enter the car and reported him to the
police. After being arrested, the arsonist confessed to setting fire to
two trucks and another car the same day. It doesn't end there. Police
reported that the man had already served a two-year jail sentence for
similar charges in the past. When he was released from jail the first
time, he became a volunteer firefighter. Man Found With Testicles Missing OAK PARK,
Michigan - Police found a man wearing blood-stained jeans sitting on a
curb in Michigan and immediately investigated. The man had been visiting
a male friend he met over the Internet and supposedly volunteered to have
his testicles cut off. The 48-year-old victim from Birmingham went to
his "friend's" house in Michigan where they hung out like it
was any other day. The victim sat on the kitchen table, and the Michigan
man proceeded to cut off his testicles with a scalpel. The suspect stitched
up the wound and they ate pie together. Until the victim started bleeding
uncontrollably. He had to undergo three hours of surgery at the hospital,
and police released the 29-year-old suspect while they tried to figure
out if an actual crime was committed. NEW JERSEY
- No one expected the biggest selling CD in New Jersey to be the 38 greatest
hits "The Croak and Call Genre" of 16 native species of frogs.
The indigenous Pine Barrens Treefrog, the chirping Northern Spring Peeper,
and the Carpenter Frog all perform on the hot disc. Initially, the CD
was created to help 350 volunteers that catalog statistics on frogs throughout
the state. According to Linda Tesauro, executive director of the Conserve
Wildlife Foundation, the original printing of 1,000 copies sold out, and
people are clamoring to buy the accompanying Field Guide to Amphibians
and Reptiles of New Jersey. So what's next for the croaking frogs? A second
run of their hot-selling CD will hit store shelves, but don't expect a
Leno appearance any time soon. Barking Father Arrested in Norway NORWAY -
A 57-year-old father of seven is threatening to sue police after they
arrested him for barking in public. It all started when his children were
arguing as they walked home from a party. Wanting to distract them, he
began barking and acting like a dog. He has since been arrested and charged
with drunkenness, breaching the peace and child neglect. He has been cleared
of all charges but admits to initially resisting arrest. "What father
wouldn't in such a situation?" the dumbfounded man asked. The court
discarded the arrest, ruling that the man wasn't loud enough to be considered
"disturbing the peace." Starvation Key to Failed Escape CHILE - Prison
inmates routinely commit odd acts in attempts to break out of jail, but
one Chilean inmate had his own unique plan. The 20-year-old man refused
meals for several Knife Fight at Junior Hockey League Game ATHENS, Ala.
- You think folks would learn some self-control after Thomas Junta was
convicted of involuntary manslaughter last year when he beat a coach to
death over a junior hockey league game. But apparently that's a little
too much to hope for when an 11-year-old's sports career is on the line.
During a youth baseball game in Athens one of the fathers in the stands
began heckling the players. After the game the father of one of the players
being heckled approached the man and started a fight. The heckler wasted
no time in producing a knife and giving his opponents slashes resulting
in over 100 stitches. The Athens Mud Hens now lead the league in felony
assaults. School Custodians Sue Over Volunteer Labor Picture this...
you've got a school who decides to plant a tree to honor the memory of
Matthew Barrick, a 2nd-grader who tragically died of a brain aneurysm.
The whole town is moved by this gesture and the community decides to landscape
more of the school grounds in honor of Matthew. A few days later two union
custodians filed a grievance against the school system. They claim the
work done to beautify the schools cheated them out of time-and-a-half
pay of $37 per hour for the two weekends the volunteers had worked. Chimpanzee Running Amok in London LONDON -
If you're living in the East End of London you may want to make sure you
stock a few bananas in the house. Why? One victimized resident recounts
it all... "I saw this hairy black chimpanzee coming through the window.
It was broad and muscular and I was frightened of being bitten."
So what was the pilfering primate after? Just some parts of a stereo system
and nobody was hurt. Not content with just one heist, he broke into another
house just a few doors away before being apprehended. Grandma Held in Bondage Dungeon Probe MILWAUKEE
- A grandmother was sentenced to 30 days in jail and five years probation
for running a bondage den in the basement of the home she shared with
her husband and two of her grandchildren. Jacquess Dyer Patton-Ugan, 49,
apologized in court for operating Madame Venus Du Plaisir's Paradise,
where she charged men a fee to visit her domination dungeon. She was convicted
of keeping a place of prostitution. A session with Patton-Ugan usually
cost around $175. Neighbors became suspicious when her 60-year-old husband,
Richard Ugan, began mowing the lawn in a G-string. Hookers and Clients Arrested on Golf Course NORCO, Calif.
- A private golf tournament in California added a new hazard to the game
-- getting arrested for prostitution. Police said they arrested six people
at the Hidden Valley Golf Club on Friday after receiving a tip-off. "As
part of the golf tournament, sex acts were offered to participants for
a fee," said Lisa McConnell at the Sheriff's Department. "There
were tents set up around the course, where people could pay for sex."
Police detained 100 people for questioning and arrested three for pimping
and pandering, two for prostitution and one for possession of a controlled
substance. Foot Licking Gets Man Arrested WOONSOCKET,
Rhode Island - A random foot-licking man circled a couple of women at
Shaw's Supermarket in Rhode Island. According to one 32-year-old woman,
the man followed her around the store and complimented her on her appealing
feet. Additionally, he told her the toenail polish she was wearing was
"pretty." That's when he allegedly stepped over the line and
bent down, grabbed her foot, and licked it. She immediately marched off,
and he went on to a new prospect. The next woman said she thought the
foot licker was actually a store employee. To distract her, the man bent
down to arrange items on a lower shelf and then placed his face on her
foot. He tried fleeing the scene, but the woman's husband wrote down the
plate number of his car. The foot licker is due in court next week. Amputee Uses Toes to Replace Fingers IASI, Romania
- Stefan Matei, 23, experienced a horrific accident at work last year
and lost four fingers as a result. In a bizarre solution, doctors suggested
he consider transplanting two toes to his hand to make up for some of
the loss. Matei agreed to the surgery, and doctors say the operation took
over eight hours. Dr. Teodor Stamate said, "The operation was difficult
and laborious, but if everything goes fine, the patient will be able to
start the hand's re-education therapy in less than six weeks." Matei
reportedly already wants to transplant two more toes to balance out the
initial loss, but doctors are unsure if they should completely rebuild
the hand in that fashion. LIVERPOOL,
England - Merseyside Laboratory was expecting a package containing a horse's
leg from the Dunstall Park racecourse, but it contained something completely
different: porn. It seems that some of the Park's staff members enjoyed
the tapes and meant to return them to the racecourse hotel's pay-per-view
supplier, but the package was given the wrong label. Hence, the big surprise.
In the meantime, laboratory officials kept the pornography while a small
investigation was held to determine if its staff were having pornography
sent to the premises. Racecourse manager Geoff Adcock explained the goof
up to the lab, and everyone was understanding. Oh, and the leg was never
sent anywhere. Puerto Rico Prison Escapes a Mystery PUERTO RICO
- According to Puerto Rican prison authorities, a count is taken of inmates
at least four times a day. So, then, how would they explain how four inmates
escaped and they didn't even realize until one of them turned himself
in, three days later? Serrano Morales 28, had successfully escaped his
46-year sentence for kidnapping an other crimes, but felt the need to
turn himself in. In the meantime, the remaining three inmates are still
on the run. As for prison accountability, department spokeswoman Iraida
Cintron said, "There's a count taken of the inmates four times daily,
and so we're investigating how the inmates could have escaped." ENGLAND -
As World Cup hysteria sweeps through the country, an England fan is setting
out to inspire his team. During England's game against Brazil, York street
performer Michael Mime will meditate and lay on a six-foot bed of 1,000
nails. He will paint a St. George's flag all over his body and will watch
the match on a portable television while he meditates. He admits, though,
that he's a bit apprehensive. "I'm very nervous about it and will
have to really concentrate. My friends think I need my head checking.
It's quite painful but the meditation helps. I'm sending a positive, strong
vibe to the players in the Far East," he said. All the while, he
is aware of the possible consequences: "There is nothing to stop
a nail going through my boxer shorts if England scores. But bums are very
resilient," he said. Stand in That Painted Square and Don't Move QUEENSLAND,
Australia - "You are hereby sentenced to serve eight months in the
painted square!" That's what they say in some parts of Australia
anyway. The Mareeba police station in the far north of the Queensland
state is so under-funded that they don't even have a holding cell for
prisoners. When convicts are brought to the jail, officers tell them to
stay inside a painted square area on the floor and to not move. According
to Gary Wilkinson, the president of the union, their budget is in dire
need, but will be overlooked for another year. He insists the police department
strives to serve the community in a professional manner, but the facilities
undermine their intentions. "They don't have a holding cell...the
holding cell at the Mareeba police station is a square painted on the
floor...put your prisoner in that square and say, 'don't move'...that's
how ridiculous it is," he said. INDIA - Seasonal
monsoons have started late in parts of India this year, causing severe
droughts for the last couple of months in Tamil Nadu state. To beckon
the Hindu god of rain, villagers held a ceremonial wedding for two donkeys.
They dressed the donkeys up like a bride and groom and escorted them into
the village where they were to be married. The procession ended with a
large feast for the animals and villagers of Sakkayanayakanur. It was
the second ceremony of its kind in the Indian village. In addition to
the severe droughts, soaring temperatures have compounded the problems
for the villagers. A heat wave that led to a 118.4F temp caused hundreds
of people to perish. Female Urinals on the Way HOLLAND -
Coming soon to a festival near you: mobile urinals for women. The new
WC3 mobile urinal was inspired by the P-mate which allowed women to urinate
while standing. Moon Zijp, the original inventor, thought of the innovation
while traveling in Indonesia in 1988 and found the area short of toilets.
Back at home, she worked on perfecting what would become the P-mate: a
cone-shaped receptacle from a firm, leak-proof material. The pouch can
be folded and put in a woman's purse until needed and then discarded after
use. The new model will allow 16 women to urinate at the same time while
standing and is being tested at several events around the world. VIENNA, Austria
- In Vienna this week, it was raining cats and...cows? In a particular
farming region, drivers know to be aware of straying animals that might
trot onto the road. But a 36-year-old woman would have never thought a
roaming cow would fall from the sky. A cow had strayed from a pasture
in the area and walked to the top of a tunnel entrance. It fell over the
top and landed on the woman's car. The driver and her husband were immediately
rushed to the hospital, and she suffered minor chest and foot injuries.
Her husband, who had been sitting in the passenger seat, remained unharmed.
But the cow wasn't as lucky. It died after the taking the 15-feet plunge. Firefighters Hot-Foot it to Fire The five-man
crew of Engine 8 in Washington, D.C. received a report of a fire about
a block from the firehouse. Their regular engine was in for repairs so
they hot-footed it over to the house in nothing but boots and T-shirts
and began to battle the blaze with a garden hose. Two of them crawled
into the smoky basement to look for a woman reported trapped in the house.
By the time an engine did arrive the five firefighters had rescued the
woman but lost the house. The garden hose just didn't put out enough pressure.
12-Year-Old in Court for Book Fine COLORADO
- It's not uncommon for children to return library books late. When 12-year-old
Marisa Gohr returned her dolphin book after the due date, she paid the
$9 fine and considered the issue resolved. And then she received a summons
to appear in the Littleton Municipal Court on July 9th. Her mother tried
appealing to the court to have the summons dismissed, but the judge upheld
the decision and said Marisa herself would have to appear. The library
says they try to do every- thing they can before resorting to the court
system, but the child's mother doesn't understand the decision, especially
given that her daughter already paid the fine and returned the book. According
to the judge, Marisa will have to provide her fine receipt and pay a $15
court fee to have the issue dismissed. Marisa admits that she is worried
about her court appearance because she is so young. ATLANTA,
Georgia - Tom Keating has taken it upon himself to clean up America's
school toilets. When Keating's daughter started complaining about her
school's bathroom standards of hygiene, he sprang into action. The 61-year-old
former teacher spends his own money to campaign for better bathroom standards
and has become known as "Bathroom Man." In the meantime, he
and his wife rely solely on her income to maintain household expenses.
After the Bathroom Man's lobbying, the Georgia legislature is considering
a bill that would make schools keep adequate supplies of toilet paper
and towels in the their bathrooms. As the Bathroom Man put it, "This
is a national disaster and I think that we ought to do something about
it."
ST. PETERSBURG,
Florida - Cabbies see bizarre behavior ALL the time, so perhaps that's
why a driver in St. Petersburg thought nothing of a customer entering
his cab with four snakes, a sword, two cells phones, and a purse. The
cabbie only became alarmed when Daniel Beckley, 24, paid for the ride
with money from the purse. He then alerted police to the odd situation.
"Never mind that he had an aquarium with snakes and a 4-foot sword,"
said police spokesman George Kajtsa. It turns out that Beckley had stolen
the items from his roommates, in addition to $200. All items, minus the
cab fare, were returned to the rightful owners, and Beckley has been charged
with armed residential burglary. As for the nonpoisonous red, white, and
black snakes, the owner is thrilled to have them back home. The snakes
are "slithering in joy," he said. Haunted Apartments Available Cheap HONG KONG
- To help needy families find affordable housing, the Hong Kong Housing
Authority is making 77 apartments available at reduced prices. But, of
course, there is a catch. The 77 apartments, among 3,000 units with "unfavorable
conditions", are believed to be haunted. Cruel and gruesome murders
and suicides have taken place in some of the units, and the ones considered
"unfavorable" are close to rubbish dumps and share bathrooms
and kitchens with other tenants. Nonetheless, the Housing Authority expects
to receive over 10,000 applicants and stand to make $384,600 from the
rent. Crossing the Atlantic by Jet-Ski A man with
way too much time and money on his hands has become the first to cross
the Atlantic Ocean on a jet-ski. Spanish count Alvaro de Marichalar ended
his long journey at a Miami marina on Saturday, four months after setting
out from Rome. He made the crossing on a 2.7 metre (nine foot) jet-ski
capable of carrying two people. His route took him to many countries -
including Morocco, Gibraltar, the Canary Islands and eventually Cuba.
Marichalar rode his jet-ski for an average of 12 hours a day. He spent
most of the voyage standing up, to prevent spinal injury. A support ship
with six crew members carried fuel and food. BANGKOK,
Thailand - Locusts and other crop eating insects have always been a problem
in Thailand. But these people have found a new way to deal with them.
They eat them. The demand for crop-eating pests and other insects has
soared to such an extent in the past decade that a pound of locusts commands
a better price than a pound of corn. But it is not only locusts and crickets
that appeal to the Thais. Silkworms, water bugs, grasshoppers, ants, ant
eggs, bamboo worms and scorpions are also becoming a big part of the Thai
kitchen. The most popular method of preparation is to fry them until they
crackle. Then spray them with soy sauce and hot pepper, occasionally adding
monosodium glutamate to taste. Rodent Meat Stolen and Sold in Norway BERGEN, Norway
- A thief in Bergen decided to make his money for the day by stealing
meat from a delivery van and then selling it to customers. Only the stolen
goods turned out to be rat and mouse meat originally intended to feed
snakes at the Bergen Aquarium. The thief was unaware of the actual contents
as he began to sell it to customers outside the Oasis shopping mall. Mall
guards warned police about the heist, and the illegal meat sales were
immediately halted. In the meantime, some of the rat and mouse meat was
already sold, but no customers have come forth to file a complaint. There
were about 100 rats and 30 mice before the theft, and police indicate
there were some missing afterwards. 20-Year-Old Survives Spear Through Skull CRETE, Greece
- In a truly bizarre accident a 20-year-old student accidentally shot
himself through the head with a spear gun while fishing by himself at
a beach in Crete. When the young man's friends realized he was missing
they contacted lifeguards in the area. That is when lifeguard Stelios
Xenakis found him in the water. Xenakis said, "He was floating upright
with water up to his waist, and I reckon he was in this position for about
six hours. He was conscious and aware of his environment. He couldn't
speak and was having trouble breathing." The 40-inch long spear was
embedded in the boy's head, entering at his jaw and protruding from the
top of his skull. It took neurosurgeons over three hours to remove the
spear. The boy's life was spared by millimeters - the spear had passed
through one of the spaces in the brain that are non-functional. The lucky
boy reportedly has no health problems and is back at home. Polar Bears on the loose in Norway NORWAY -
Thieving polar bears are on the loose in Norway and have already broken
into 20 cabins. After they break into the person's home, they smash doors,
destroy furniture, and empty drawers, but they have not physically harmed
any civilians. At first, authorities tried to scare off the animals with
loud noises, but they've had to resort to stronger means. Chief of police,
Olav Tombre, said, "When warnings don't help we have to use language
polar bears understand." The police plan to use rubber bullets to
scare them and paintballs to easily identify them. Officials at the Polar
Institute say that global warming will make it harder and harder for polar
bears to find food. The Institute predicts more conflicts between homeowners
and polar bears. Art Thief Mugged by Homeless People HUNGARY -
An art thief had successfully stolen several high-priced paintings from
a museum and made it out of the building when he slipped on some wet grass.
He cried out in pain and accidentally woke up sleeping homeless people
nearby. The vagrants seized the opportunity and took the thief's stolen
goods, in addition to his tools and most of his clothes. The thief had
been lying on the ground for 30 hours before anyone noticed and called
police. The thief described the vagrants as "smelly" and said
they had been sleeping "rough". Kiscelli Museum representatives
fear the valuable paintings are no longer in existence and that the second
set of thieves likely used them to start a fire. Canadian Man Has Buttocks Amputated From the Edmonton Journal: A Manitoba, Canada, farmer filed a lawsuit in January against four doctors and the Brandon Regional Health Authority after he contracted the flesh-eating-bacteria disease while undergoing colon surgery.The man had to have his buttocks amputated.Back to the Top Percy the Border Collie on the Ballot FLORIDA -
In a satirical protest against the political establishment, Percy the
dog is running for congress in Florida against Secretary of State Katherine
Harris. Percy's owner, Wayne Genthner, is acting as the dog's campaign
manager. Percy, a border collie mix, will be a write-in candidate in the
Republican primary, has his own website, and has even been out to meet
voters. Genthner acknowledges that no one actually expects the dog to
be elected, "but plenty of people will be willing to vote for a dog
to represent their discontent with the political system," he said.
His website states, "Percy, District 13's only black white candidate,
fluent in Spanish, is a strong believer in cross culture, cross species
interface, and has vowed, if elected, to support programs that foment
these ideals." In addition, Percy promises to literally chase down
any criminals he sees. "Comfort for Dogs" Video to Ease Guilt ORLANDO,
Florida - Two marketing professionals in Florida were filled with anxiety
every time they left for work in the morning. Their anxiety was caused
by extreme guilt over leaving their two beloved dogs, Max and Brie, home
alone all day. To help the daily transition, the two produced a video
called "Comfort for Dogs" available for sale on the Internet.
The video is supposed to help relax and calm the dogs as their owners
leave the house and features soothing music. The video footage is designed
to distract the dogs so they don't miss their owners as much. According
to veterinarian Jane Leon, the video will help reinforce the relationship
between dog and owner. Swedish Retailer Selling Paper Panties STOCKHOLM
- Europe's biggest fashion retailer, Sweden's H&M, has launched wear-once
paper panties for the summer. They are on sale now. They are good to have
in your handbag if something unexpected happens, if you lose your luggage,
or you exercise and forget to take a change of underwear with you... Parents Inseminate 16-Year-Old Daughter JEFFERSONVILLE. Ind. June 11, 2002 Melissa and James Swartz were unable to conceive a child, as she was unable to conceive, so they came up with a brainstorm: they would artificially impregnate their 16-year-old daughter. Melissa Swartz told Louisville, Ky., station WLKY-TV with their daughter's permission, Melissa and her husband used a cup and a turkey-baster-type product to attempt the insemination. When this proved unsuccessful, the girl and her stepfather began a sexual relationship claiming they were trying to conceive in the conventional manner. "I said I didn't want this no more and that's when I thought it had ended, but evidently it didn't -- they just went on without me," Melissa Swartz said. The Mother and Stepfather have been charged with neglect of a dependant and James Swartz has been charged with child seduction. Both were arraigned in court Monday and bail has been set at $15,000 each. |
