Ulf the Butt Reader

BERLIN, Germany - If you want to know your future, don't consult a palm reader, fortune teller, Miss Cleo, or tarot cards. Go straight to blind soothsayer Ulf Buck, 39, who claims to predict a person's future by reading the lines on their buttocks. According to Buck, the lines on one's backside are much more reliable than a palm. He explained, "The bottom is much more intense - it has a much stronger sense of expression than the hand in my experience." By rubbing his fingers along a number of lines on a client's butt, Buck is able to predict their future monetary success, family life, health, happiness and more. He is quick to dismiss any claims that the butt-touching is for any personal gain. "I do not need to feel bottoms for my own pleasure. My wife is quite beautiful enough for me."
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Student Bicycles Over 2000 Miles Home

A college student in Montana bicycled his way over seven states and 32 days to arrive home, 2,473 miles later, at his parents' home in Huntsville, Alabama. 23-year-old Aaron Sosebee endured vicious winds on the plains of Kansas, a cattle drive in Montana and wildfires in Colorado. He cooked rice on his tiny camp stove every night and bathed in rivers when he had the chance. By the time he arrived home he had lost 20 pounds. His motivation? He hates to fly.
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7th Annual Redneck Games in Georgia

EAST DUBLIN, Georgia - All around the country this summer, state and local fairs will provide entertainment for thousands. But not just any gathering sponsors a watermelon-seed spitting contest, hubcap hurling, pigs'-feet bobbing, and the ever popular mudpit belly flop. For those events and more, you would have to travel to Georgia for the 7th Annual Redneck Games. The Redneck Games attract more and more people every year, and last year over 12,000 attended the festivities. International film crews have even captured the redneck spirit for the news. In addition to the mud pits, excruciatingly hot weather, and juicy watermelon, another bonus is the loose dress policy: at the Redneck Games, shirt and shoes AREN'T required.
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How About a Pregnant Porn Movie?

NEW ZEALAND - A porn actress by the name of "Nicky" is four months pregnant and wants to give birth on film. The production has been tentatively titled "Ripe" and will follow the entire process...with plenty of scenes on how she got that way. To date three scenes have been shot since the woman, a former stripper, auditioned a month ago. One scene remains to be shot before she gives birth. The Department of Child, Youth and Family Services wants to separate the mother and child if the film is completed, but the laws are not clear on whether this is child abuse.
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XXL Condoms a Flop in Britain

Britain - The Condomi condom company has officially declared its XXL condom a flop in Britain. They claim sales are low because British men are too shy to purchase the larger-sized condoms. Apparently, though, men in Germany, France and Italy aren't that bashful because the XXLs sell well in those countries. Researchers believe British men are just modest: "Research shows that most men rate their penis as smaller than average, which of course is not true," Dr. Glenn Wilson said. Oddly enough, it's only the British men that have this ailment. Victoria Wells, a Condomi rep, said, "Unfortunately, UK retailers aren't as convinced as we are that British men are well-endowed, but we hope that our research, coupled with Dr. Wilson's research, will help convince them to now start selling the XXL product."
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Cow Dung Sniffing Big in Malaysia

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia - Malaysia has some of the strictest anti-drug laws; thus, some addicts are sinking to new lows to get high. Gone were the days of glue sniffing, gasoline smells and the like, now it's time for sniffing fresh cow dung. An official explained the addiction, "The cow dung emits gases like sulfur, and addicts sniff on these gases to get high." Despite hanging laws for drug traffickers, "new" highs have yet to be addressed. A National Narcotics Agency official said, "The problem is not very serious yet, but we are worried as this method means addicts can get high for free."
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Con Markets 'Get Out of Jail' Kit

QUEBEC Canada - Raymond Turmel believes it's his constitutional right to grow and traffic marijuana for medicinal purposes, but the government didn't exactly agree. The 49-year-old was sentenced to 18 months for growing and possessing cannabis for the purpose of trafficking, but was released from jail until his appeal is heard. In the meantime, Turmel is already beginning his next entrepreneurial effort - selling "get-out-of-jail" kits online, on his Medpot website. The kit comes complete with appeal forms that are partly filled in for people to print off. Hopefully this will help others experiencing the same injustice as Turmel.
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Virginia Woman Booting Parking Violators

She's called "The Boot Lady." Drivers unfortunate enough to park in Cat Crosby's assigned parking spaces in Alexandria, Va., likely will meet her because she watches for violations from her monitor camera in her office and when she spies one, she attaches one of those parking boots on the car -- so it cannot be moved. The Washington Post reports several times a week there is a confrontation -- drivers who don't believe a private citizen can boot a vehicle and Crosby, who won't remove the boot until the offender pays her a $25 fine. Police are called, the paper says, to smooth things over and to tell angry drivers it actually is legal for Crosby to boot their vehicle. Crosby, who runs Kiniko Industrial Corp., works at an office complex where parking is scarce. Businesses are assigned a specific number of spaces. Police say her efforts are turning into a regular pain.
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Alpacas, Australia's Newest Guard Animal

SYDNEY, Australia - Australian farmers have found the ultimate guard animal - the alpaca, a miniature camel from the high Andes. Alpacas are known for being extremely protective and like a good guard animal, they often sacrifice themselves to save their charges. When they see an enemy approach, for instance a fox, they emit an ear-piercing shriek that alerts the sheep and farmer. Generally the fox become intimidated by the noise and simply leave. But alpaca breeder Geoff Fysh said, "Usually a fox is too quick and will get over a fence... but there are a handful of anecdotes of alpacas actually catching up with a fox and they will kill them if they get a chance. That's usually by trampling on them with their front feet which would be a pretty slow death...they don't have a hoof or anything."
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MIDDLESBROUGH, England - Yvonne Stubbs has decided to give up smoking not for health reasons, but to help cure her pet dog's 20-a-day addiction to cigarettes. Her dog Patch, a Jack Russell, immediately attacks the ash tray when she puts out a cigarette. He is addicted to chewing the tobacco and likes to spit out the filters. If Patch goes for too long without a cigarette, he whines and makes begging noises until he gets what he wants. His owner has even considered getting him a nicotine patch. "I don't begrudge anybody a fag, but this is ridiculous. He doesn't like whole cigarettes, just the ends. I would try nicotine patches on him, but I don't know where I'd put them and he'd just scratch them off," said Stuffs. In the meantime, she and her daughter are trying to stop smoking to encourage Patch to give up the habit as well.
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Toddler's 4 AM Search for Parents

SAN JOSE, California - Little three-year-old Lupita woke up in the middle of the night to a dark, quiet house. Instead of panicking when she couldn't locate her parents, she put on her backpack, and wearing only pajamas, hit the road in search of her loved ones. Tow-truck driver Ken Pinkham was returning home at 4:00 am when he saw the toddler walking on the side of the road all by herself. As he passed her, Pinkham says Lupita shot him dirty looks. Trying not to frighten her, he quietly went back to his truck and called the police, keeping an eye on her all the while. When officers arrived at the scene, Lupita kicked one of them in the genitals, yelling in Spanish. They found her address in the girl's backpack and took her home. That's when the real story unfolded - Lupita's mother was pregnant, and her parents had to suddenly leave for the hospital. But they didn't leave the girl unsupervised. They told a roommate that they were leaving, but the roommate promptly went back to bed.
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Walt Disney World has stopped releasing flights of pigeons at shows because local hawks have been feasting on them. The pigeon releases began 30 years ago and have been a regular part of Cinderella's Surprise Wedding Show which occurs every day. But the regularity became the problem and the hawks living in the area figured out when it was mealtime. "When you release a group of birds like that, it's an invitation to a meal," said Geri Hylander of the Audubon Center for Birds of Prey in nearby Maitland, Fla. Hylander said the hawks, a protected species with more than a 4-foot wing span, thrive in an unspoiled wilderness area around the park. She said they are not particularly aggressive, but "they're opportunistic."
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Frozen Dog Semen Case Goes Before Judge

WEST CHESTER, Pennsylvania - Patricia Lee Santi, a kennel operator, has worked hard to build a reputation for breeding championship dogs. So when she recently had a falling out with her semen storage company, Clone Inc., she filed a property dispute over the frozen assets. For over 15 years,Santi had a positive relationship with Clone Inc. While Clone insists the breeder owes them money, Santi argued that they had an agreement whereby if she brought them clients, they allowed her to store dog semen there. Santi has bred at least 300 championship dogs and says her semen storage is critical to a top dog's legacy, but Clone refused to release her property. Tempers flared over talk of embryos, ovulation tests, and canine progesterone, until the judge helped them reach a settlement. Santi gets her specimens back and will pay Clone $2,800 for transferring the goods to another facility.
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MINNESOTA - Gregory Peter Carr was annoyed by speeding vehicles and heavy traffic in front of his home, by County Roads 29 and 164 in Minnesota. So he took matters into his own hands. Armed with a 12-gauge shotgun and approximately 14 rounds of ammunition, Carr aimed at vehicles passing in front of his house and several were hit by his six shotgun blasts. There were no injuries, but the road rager immediately went into hiding. Police found Carr in a nearby soybean field and he remains in jail until his first court appearance. He told authorities that all he wanted was the drivers to simply slow down and take alternate routes.
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Man Uses Prosthetic Arm in Assault

PORT HURON, Michigan - A television station in Detroit, Michigan, reported that a 29-year-old man is in trouble for a fight Saturday night. The bickering quickly escalated to an all-out fight, and the unidentified man used his prosthetic arm to hit the 40-year-old victim, Richard Brooks. He swung the arm at Brooks's face and left a deep cut. Brooks has been treated at the hospital and is reportedly doing fine.In the meantime, the perpetrator is expected to be arraigned on charges of assault with intent to do great bodily harm.
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Man Bitten by Pet Cobra, Stops for Beer

DULUTH, Minnesota - When David Anderson's (known as "Crazy Dave"), snake bit him twice, he went to the local bar because he didn't have a phone at home. He chugged a beer before even telling anyone what happened to him. He was rushed to the hospital, and the Milwaukee County Zoo had to send over antivenin, to which Dave turned out to be allergic. He was reported in fair condition two days later. Anderson apparently got off lucky because cobra bites often cause loss of muscle control and the ability to breathe. Neighbors knew he kept a snake, but they had no idea it was venomous. It's illegal to possess a venomous snake in Minnesota.
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ARTESIA, New Mexico - The Garcia family encountered a freak shooting accident on their annual fishing trip. Late one night, the family was walking along a trail when some of them decided it would be funny to sneak ahead, hide behind some bushes, and scare the others. Oh, they scared them all right. In fact, one relative was so frightened that he shot and wounded Felix Garcia, 36, three times before realizing who the culprit was. Felix was wounded in the stomach, hip, and thigh, but it wasn't life-threatening. Lt. Britt Snyder of the Sheriff's Department said, "The investigation is still ongoing to determine whether any charges will be filled. There doesn't appear to be any intent."
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Dad Takes Kids to Burgle Home

PENNSYLVANIA - Police in Pennsylvania report that a father of two boys, ages 4 and 6, took them with on a friendly excursion to their neighbor's house. To rob them. The homeowner's returned in the middle of the burglary, and they found the two boys waiting for their dad. The infamous parent, Shawn Popish, has been charged with burglary, criminal trespass and corruption of minors. In his defense, Popish claims he was trying to STOP a burglary in process, but police aren't buying the story and say it's "very unlikely". In the meantime, the children were given to their mother.
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CANADA - In addition to enduring a painful breakup, Canadian teenager Trevor Dame couldn't find a summer job and needed to more resourceful to earn money. For 25 cents, he dispenses "mediocre" advice to passersby. The teenager feared customers would want a refund if he advertised "good" advice, but he felt he could handle giving "mediocre" advice. Thus, he scaled back his operation and wore a sign that said "Mediocre advice - 25 cents" to attract customers. Dame explained his motivation, "I just went through a breakup, I can't find a summer job, and I was feeling lonely and bored. I thought I'd do this and make some money and hopefully make people smile."
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Where's That 8 Inches You Promised Me?

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for two days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any.

True story... we had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did he have to leave the set, but half the crew did too--they were laughing so hard.
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Cloning Machine Coming to a Store Near You

To hear a group of South Korean scientists talk, they have developed the break-through invention of the age...a cloning machine. The Discovery cable channel reports a group called the Clonaid Society says it is able to clone humans using its new RMX2010 machine. Not only does the group says the machine works, it's making it available on the Internet for $9,000. The Clonaid Society is an offshoot of a cult called the Raelian sect. Leaders say they are thrilled the United States does not yet have laws against human cloning and feel this country will be a great market for the invention. By the way, the Raelian sect was founded in the early '70s by a former Canadian journalist, Claude Vorihon. He considers himself a prophet and claims to have about 55,000 followers.
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Tasmanian Horses Fail Drug Tests

TASMANIA - Zero-tolerance policies are constantly in the news, as Tasmania recently discovered. Six racehorses have been disqualified in the past year after traces of opium were found in their system. Even though their trainers suspect poppies have been blown or deposited into the horses' feed, the zero-tolerance policy of Racing calls for immediate disqualification. A horse trainers' rep, Chris Crook, said the opium deposits are so rampant that "it's a problem and no Tasmanian feed supplier can guarantee their feed is clean." Additionally, he claims the amounts of opium in the horses' systems are so minute, that it couldn't possibly affect their performance. In the meantime, the suspected doping horses have to sit out of the races.
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INDIA - Hindus purify places of worship by sprinkling them with cow dung and water. What if you live in an urban area and cows are scare? How is one to sanctify an area then? Enter an Indian dairy firm. An Indian company recently created the product "instant cow dung" to help these very people. The new instant product requires the dung to be mixed with camphor, turmeric, and sandalwood paste. Thrilled with the improved smell, one housewife said, "I used to avoid cow dung because of its bad odor. But this Holy Cow Dung does not smell that bad, and I am going to apply it at home." Many urban spiritualists claimed their holy rituals were incomplete without cow dung, so the Agri Gold Company quickly marketed the mixed version.
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SHANGHAI, China - Despite rising temperatures, thirsty bears at the Shanghai Wildlife Park are refusing water. Their drink of choice? Coca Cola. Keepers at the zoo make sure to feed the bears chilled watermelon and apples, but with temperatures practically unbearable, the animals have resorted to begging for drinks. They stand on their hind legs and fold their arms to beg tourists. The onlookers have been giving them bottles of water and Coke, but the bears want nothing to do with the water. A news agency said, "The bears drink up every drop of Coca Cola they get, but kick away a bottle of tasteless mineral water after a few mouthfuls."
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Affair With Juror Yields Prison Time

VANCOUVER, British Columbia - A Canadian man who had an affair with a juror during his murder trial was sentenced to nearly six years in prison for obstruction of justice in what a judge termed "almost unimaginable." The British Columbia Supreme Court imposed a harsher sentence on Peter Gill than it did on the juror, Gillian Guess, who was convicted of the same charge. The court called Gill's actions during the murder trial an attempt to "subvert justice." Gill, 37, was convicted of having an affair with Guess in 1995 while she was serving on the panel that eventually acquitted him and four other defendants of
killing two men in an alleged drug deal.
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25-Foot Penis Turns Up Behind School

The residents in the neighborhood of Joseph A. Foran High School in Milford Connecticut awoke to a curious sight on the hillside located behind the school last June. Weed killer was used in an apparent act of vandalism by unknown persons to burn an outline of a 25-foot phallic symbol in to the grassy hillside. For over a month the graffiti has remained after numerous attempts to erase the image. Workers will have to uproot the grass and reseed the hill in order to clear the image before the start of school later this month. No complaint was ever filed with the police and it has not yet been investigated.
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Circus Performers Turn to Crime

CHILE - A circus troupe from Circus in Concepcion, in Chile, while performing at traffic lights used their skills to make a little extra cash performing for pedestrians and motorists. As a women rolled her car window down to toss them change, a juggler tossed a spear puncturing her tire. An acrobat somersaulted over the hood and snatched the woman's gold necklace. Another smashed her passenger window and snatched her bag while a fire-eater threatened to blow flames in her face. Police captured one of the acrobats but the stolen property was not recovered.
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Poisonous Snakes Freed in Airport

SAUDI ARABIA - Customs officials at King Khaled International Airport in Riyadh encountered a slight problem while doing a routine search last week. About 300 live poisonous cobras escaped and wandered the airport after a man received a request from officials to display the contents of his bag. The reason why the man who had just disembarked a flight from Cairo was carrying the serpents is unknown.
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Sex Doll Rescued in Vienna

VIENNA - Austrian police following up on reports of a corpse floating in Lake Constance found only an abandoned inflatable sex doll, police said Monday. Police rushed to the lake bordering Switzerland and Germany after a boatsman called to say he had spotted a body. A 20-minute search turned up the female sex dummy, they said.
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What - No Parking Validation?

It was in 1989 that a shabbily dressed man went up to a teller at the U.S. Bank of Washington in Spokane, and asked her to validate his 60 cent parking ticket. She refused. The man asked to talk to a bank manager about the matter. The manager also refused. So 59-year-old John Barrier withdrew all the money he had on deposit -- $1 million -- and took it down the street to the Seafirst Bank. "If you have $1 in a bank or $1 million, I think they owe you the courtesy of stamping your parking ticket," he said.
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British Travelers Mistake Canada for Australia

When she stepped off the plane, 19-year-old Emma Nunn from Great Britain thought to herself, 'oh my gosh, we're in Canada!' Her surprise is understandable since she and her boyfriend thought they were going to Sydney, Australia, not Sydney, Nova Scotia. They chalk it up to a mistake while ordering their tickets online, and thought nothing of it when they started the first leg on their journey "down under" aboard an Air Canada flight in London. But they began to get suspicious when the jet touched down in Halifax, Nova Scotia. When they finally realized that was as far as they were going they made the best of their stay soaking up the culture of the small industrial town on the coast of Cape Breton Island.
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Enormous Condom Drapes Statue

In the Dorset hillside of southern England there is a fertility symbol standing 197 feet tall that is most famously known for its erect phallus. This symbol proved to be fertile ground for a publicity stunt pulled by the British Family Planning Association. They draped a 21-foot-long condom over the statue's penis in an effort to raise sexual health awareness. The statue is carved into the chalk rock of the hillside and has been around since the second millennium BC. At least one couple has claimed that after spending a romantic evening in the one-foot trenches of the chalk-man, their fertility problem was resolved.
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Nursing Mothers Attempt World Record

BERKELEY, CALIFORNIA - At least 1,128 mothers with suckling babies flocked to the Berkeley Community Theater to set an unofficial world record for simultaneous breast feeding. The babies fell silent and began to feast fiendishly as the participants set out to beat the record of 767, which was set by mothers in South Australia. Organizers promised the mothers as they left that next year they'd do it again in the much bigger Oakland Coliseum. Numbers will be submitted to Guinness World Records.
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Doctor Interrupts Surgery, Goes to Bank

MA - David Arndt, an orthopedic surgeon, left his patient with an open incision in his back. It seems the doctor had some overdue bills and needed to rush his paycheck to the bank. After his 35-minute trip to the bank, Arndt returned to the operating room and finished the surgery within a few hours. The patient did not suffer any harm from Arndt's absence and was able to recover in the intensive care unit. Arndt's license has been suspended.
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Mom Forced to Drink Own Breast Milk

New York - A nursing mother boarding an airplane with her infant daughter at Kennedy Airport was forced to drink her own breast milk from three bottles she was bringing on board with her. Security wanted to make sure the milk did not pose any threat to other passengers. This procedure was within federal guidelines at the time. The policy has since been changed.
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Wife Re-Arrested for Punching Husband

LONGVIEW, TX - A woman was jailed after punching out her husband. The woman who was arrested for punching and scratching her husband was about to be released after her husband posted her bail, but she couldn't wait to get out of the courthouse before taking another swing at him. Which promptly landed her in jail again.
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Aquarium Visitors Get Too Close to Sharks

NEW ORLEANS - The pride of the Aquarium of the Americas in New Orleans is their shark tank. 400,000 gallons of water teaming with tooth-infested, flesh-eating death attracts hundreds of thousands of visitors every year. Earlier this week a party of people was standing on a cat-walk used by keepers to feed the sharks when the platform gave way, precipitating ten people into the water. It took nearly 15 minutes for workers to rescue the unwilling bathers while the sharks swam around their frantically kicking feet. "I was just praying none of the sharks got agitated from all of the splashing." said one man, "I mean, they got sharks in there bigger than me!" No one was seriously injured.
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Tangy Thai Birth Control

Bangkok - Thailand's Population Development Association chief Mechai Viravaidya's methods of contraception are being questioned. Viravaidya had recenlty made a statement urging rural residents of the country to start placing lemon slices or cotton soaked with lemon juice into the vagina to prevent pregnancy. Some studies have shown that the high level of citric acid can kill sperm. Thai Health Minister Sudarat Keyuraphan claims the studies of this method are incomplete and recommends using a condom.
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Two-Story Mobile Homes Available

Tired of living in that one story trailer home? Turn your double-wide into a double-Tall as well! Manufactured Housing firm Fleetwood homes has developed a manufactured home that comes with a second story. Assembled much like a one-story, the second-story is lifted on top by a crane and runs approximately $45 per square foot Currently the two-story houses can be found in California and Texas and have now made their way to Mississippi where 15.2% of residents live in manufactured homes.
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ATM Machine Giving Extra Cash

OMAHA, Neb. - A local bank decided to fix its ATM machine to spit out extra cash on occasion in efforts to better the moods of its customers. Apparently the road construction was so bad that the people of the community were complaining constantly. The bank is calling it a "road warrior" promotion. No date has
been set for the end of the promotion.
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CAIRO - Egyptian police have arrested a man who performed brain surgery on a number of people even though he had only a primary school education, court sources said Wednesday. The 40-year-old saw around 200 patients a week in the town of Fayoum near Cairo. You'd think his pricing would've scared patients away... his charge a mere 22 Egyptian pounds ($4.74) per patient. The fate of his victims was not immediately known.
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Fake Paraplegic Exposed

SYDNEY - Steven Craig Seach, 32, faces fraud charges after claiming to be a paraplegic who was robbed and left hanging upside down from a fence post. He made his claim at a news conference packed with police and media people. Due to his claims, Seach received an abundant amount of donations from across the city. After being caught, he apologized and asked the public to leave him alone, he's had a hard life. His mother assured the public she would be keeping him on a dog chain from now on.
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Finally - TV Programming for Your Cat

Cats are people too. At least, that's the thinking of cat-food maker Meow Mix Co., which this fall launches Meow TV, a half-hour cable show aimed at giving America's 85 million felines a break from the endless humdrum of The West Wing, Touched by an Angel and Dog Eat Dog. CEO Richard Thompson foresees "a Discovery Channel for cats," though the firm will produce only a few episodes at first. "There will be squirrels, bouncing balls, little fish swimming by, and all the things that cats love to watch," says Thompson.
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Unusual Fitness Regimen for This Competitor

Olympic athletes beware... Ed "Cookie" Jarvis, 36, says his competition preparation is very time-consuming. He rides 29 miles on an exercise bike and walks a mile on an indoor track daily. You'd think good old Ed would be thin, but alas the 420-pound Jarvis' competition doesn't allow for this. He is the world's pizza, ice cream and french-fry eating champ. His records include consuming a 17-inch pizza in three minutes and devouring six pounds, 14 ounces of ice cream in 12 minutes.
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Prison Officers Busted in Credit Card Scam

MIAMI - Two Miami-Dade County prison officers are facing 15-year prison terms and a fine up to $250,000 after using children's Social Security numbers to obtain credit cards to pay for plastic surgery. In addition to tummy tucks and liposuction, cars and home mortgages were on the women's agenda. They did not repay the credit they obtained.
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Extreme Homework Excuse

TOKYO - A 13-year-old boy told his father someone broke into his home and started a fire in the living room. The father reported the crime to police. After police investigated and found no evidence of a burglary, the boy admitted to making up the story to cover up the fact he didn't do his homework. He even put fire to a stack of newspapers and a computer.
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MADRAS, India - Residents of a southern Indian village allowed their children to by buried alive as part of a ritual "thanksgiving" service to two Hindu goddesses. In preparation for the ritual the children endured intensive prayer sessions and a 30-day fast. Before being buried the children were rendered unconscious from the preparations. A good thing, too! If the children were not unconscious by the time they were to be buried, the families would be charged a 35 dollar blasphemy fee each. They were only underground for a brief time and suffered no ill-effects.
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Chef Killed by Poisonous Snake

HANOI - A gourmet chef in Vietnam died after being bitten by a venomous sea snake that he was trying to cook as the nightly special. Le Hung Cuong, 22, picked up the half-metre sea snake from the glass aquarium it was kept in to prepare the restaurant's specialty, porridge with snake's blood. The snake lashed around and bit his left hand. He died en route to the hospital. "It was bad luck for him and for us," the restaurant owner said. Fortunately, the snake was retrieved by another chef within a few minutes and served to the waiting customer.
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CHICAGO - An expectant mom gave birth in a restroom at a suburban Chicago Starbucks. Mother and 7-pound-10-ounce son are reported recuperating at Evanston Hospital. Starbucks workers called paramedics, who arrived four minutes later to find the big event already had taken place. The woman, identified as Lisabeth Rohlck of Chicago, waved to a crowd of cheering customers as she was wheeled to the ambulance while she talked on her cell phone to her doctor. She had been on her way to pick up her 2-year-old son when she went into labor and pulled into the Edens Plaza parking lot.
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Politician Cleaning Up Brothel

SYDNEY - Australian national politician, Barry Haase, has been purchased by a madam and will spend a day cleaning her brothel. Madam Mary-Anne Kenworthy outbid all other participants in a Rotary Club raffle, in which the prize was a day of work from Liberal Party member of Parliament, Haase. The final bid was $540. Haase has said its for charity and he's big enough to play this game. Kenworthy has said she looks forward to seeing him decked out in a frilly apron.
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Officials Put Kibash on Inmates' Barbeque

SASKATOON, Saskatchewan - Potentially violent inmates at a Saskatoon psychiatric facility were busted having a little too much fun at a barbeque held in the unit. Apparently seven inmates were photographed grilling filet mignon and climbing trees, while one inmate was caught about to go skinny-dipping. Inmates in this unit have a history of violence, and many were transferred there from Canada's regular prisons. Officials at the center agree the inmates should have been better supervised.
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Priest Slaps Child During Baptism

ALCOY, Spain - Father Enrique Abad of Santa Rosa parish asked the mother of a 3-year-old girl he was baptizing to quiet her down. The child did not stop crying. Abad then took it upon himself to slap the child in the face as he anointed its' forehead with oil. No comment was made on the priest's behalf.
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Inmate Petitions for Sex-Change

BOSTON - An inmate who was convicted of strangling his wife was denied his request for the state to pay for a sex change operation and hormone therapy that would make him a woman. The judge did, however, order a medical evaluation and appropriate treatment for Michelle Kosilek, who legally changed his name from Robert. Koselik brought his case against the Department of Correction saying they were in violation of the eighth amendment, which prohibits cruel and unusual punishment. The Department of Correction was not charged on this account. After determining Kosilek does in fact suffer from gender identity disorder, the judge ordered he recieve at a minimum psychotherapy--and maybe some hormone treatments.
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We Need a Giant Airbag

LONDON - Oklahoma State University scientist Hermann Burchard told New Scientist magazine to forget about using nuclear warheads to save the world from disaster -- just use a giant airbag. Burchard believes giant airbags could one day save the world from being struck by a comet the size of that which sent the dinosaurs into extinction. He believes the idea is, "safe, simple and realistic." He does admit there are still a few details to iron out though.
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Very Considerate Carjackers

JOHANNESBURG - A woman and her two children were carjacked in their driveway by three men who took the woman's keys, and then forced her into the back of her white Volvo. The men drove them to a township where they spoke with another man, presumably their client. The man did not seem happy with the color of the car, so after stealing the woman's cellphone and jewelry, the men politely let her out of the back of her car and gave her exact directions home.
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The Black Book to end all Black Books

For years the phrase "little black book" has been used to describe lists of women and their phone numbers kept by swinging bachelors. But in the case of Riley Toney Jr., his little black book was actually three books. And the contents weren't full of possible hot dates, they were packed with dates of another kind ... information on birthdays, anniversaries and other facts relating to Toney's family -- all 307 of them. It seems that when the 94-year-old World War Two veteran died in Huntsville, Ala., this week, the Huntsville Times discovered that Toney had, over the years, carefully chronicled the amazing growth of his family tree in the three volumes. Statistics include nine living children, 47 grandchildren, 110 great-grandchildren, 106 great-great-grandchildren and some 35 great-great-great-grandchildren. His wife of 75 years survives and will likely have the kind of amazing familial support in her grief that many others don't have.
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Get Those Cows Out of the Apartment

ISTANBUL - A Turkish woman has been ordered to remove the cows she was storing in an apartment building in the city of Trabzon. She has begun to sell the "large number" of cows reported being stored there. Neighbors are relieved the cows are moving out. Apparently, as a local alderman reported, "Noise, smell and manure everywhere make a very ugly scene."
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Credit App Denied - Due to Death

Jackie Turcotte applied for a credit card and was denied on account that she is dead. That is, according to the Social Security Administration. Turcotte has been perceived dead since 1986 in which time she has gotten married, filed tax returns and paid off her student loans. So why hasn't the IRA inquired about why a dead person was listed on an annual joint tax return? Who knows. But local Social Security officials did promise Turcotte they would fix the mistake.
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Bulldozer Interrupts Dinner

HOLLYWOOD, Florida - Carlos Suarez and Yesenia Reyers were having dinner when a bulldozer came roaring through the back of their house. Part of their roof was torn down. The bulldozer hit a second time before screaming neighbors and the couple got the driver to stop. Apparently homes in a nearby neighborhood were scheduled to be torn down, but this was not one of them. Police spokesman Tony Rhodes said, "What can you say? They screwed up. They hit the wrong house." The contractor did promise to repair the roof immediately though.
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8-Year-Old Steals Car

AKRON, Ohio - Debbie Turner thought what she was seeing was either a midget or a little boy. The latter turned out to be the case. Apparently an 8-year-old foster child stole a pickup truck from a lot at the Chrysler Corp. plant and drove over 20 miles to see his family before being stopped. Turner said she saw the truck and could not see the boy over the dashboard. The keys were in the truck when the child found it.
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Swedish Democrat Stumping for Porn

Teres Kirpikli, a Christian Democrat running for a seat in Sweden's Parliament, is calling for porn to be broadcast on television all day every Saturday in Sweden to help boost the population and the economy. Kirpikli believes the best way for couples to have more sex and procreate is to watch pornography. "I want erotica and porn on television every Saturday, all day. Then people would feel like having more sex. I think most people like porn, even though they don't want to admit it," the Mercury News reported she said in a statement. "There is nothing wrong with a man and his wife or partner watching porn together." Kirpikli's proposal did not have the full backing of her party.
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Emma Richards, 18, has never wanted to do anything but be a flight attendant. So when she found out she did not meet the height requirement of 5ft 2in, being that she was only 4ft 9in, she took matters into her own hands. Richards had her legs lengthened, which involved having both femurs broken in two places and screwing six five-inch pins to each bone which was attached to a fixator (a metal frame). Four times a day Richards had to turn a screw on the fixator to lengthen her legs. Talk about dedication. Despite her efforts, Richards still misses the height requirement by one inch. Oooooh, so close!
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Allan Todd has died--again and again, and again. The cause of death? Alarm clocks, doorbells, delivery vans and the window cleaner. Apparently 63-year-old Todd has suffered heart stoppages and temporary brain death for the past 38 years every time one of these devices startle him. He would go into a dead faint for more than half-a-minute and then would be unable to move or speak for up to four hours following. His disease remained a mystery until recently. Currently Todd has an emergency pacemaker which won't allow his heart to stop for longer than one-and-a-half seconds. Todd says, "We've even got an alarm clock - one with a buzzer and a bell."
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Molasses Kills 21

BOSTON, 1919 - Twenty-one people were killed by a wave of molasses after a tank filled with the melted sugar ruptured in the harbor. Over two million gallons of molasses, weighing 13,500 tons filled the tank. The 15 foot wave of molasses swallowed eight buildings. A reason for the rupture was never fully determined.
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Popup Urinals Coming to Britain

You're walking home from the bars late at night and suddenly you HAVE to go. Is it a dangerous alley or an unfortunate bush? How about a private toilet that springs right out of the ground at your feet? For guys in Great Britain, this soon could be a reality. It's the UriLift -- an innocent looking manhole by day -- a pop-up potty at night. The Dutch stainless steel invention is installed 4 feet under a city street but it rises from the ground in 2 minutes and returns just as quickly. It is to be under British streets within the month. Three men can use the UriLift at once, it is lighted, has automatic flushing and is connected to the sewer system.
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Fried Spiders the Latest Rage

SKUON, Cambodia - What may seem to most to be a challenge on Fear Factor is a delicacy among the people of Skuon. People here support themselves and their families by selling fried, palm-sized tarantulas in what is otherwise an impoverished farmland community. Described as crispy on the outside and gooey on the inside, these spiders are black, hairy with venomous fangs before they are fried. One local said, "They taste a bit like crickets, only much better." I think I'll take his word on it.
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Furor Over Striped Roadkill

LONDON - Road workers in south-western England infuriated local officials after they painted a white line on the side of a local highway right over some road kill. A passerby took a photo of the furry creature, which is noticeably a badger, and sent it into a local paper who printed it. A government spokesman said the instance was completely un-acceptable and they will be in search of an explanation.
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Try Out the Unsicht Bar

BERLIN - A restaurant in Berlin makes you eat in the dark and hired blind waiters to guide you around. It is called "Unsicht-Bar," which means invisible in German. Of the 30 employees 22 are blind. The whole restaurant is pitch black and customers have to be guided to their tables and to the restroom. While you can choose whether you would like a fish, meat or vegetarian dish, you won't be told what it is. The point? "To have an extraordinary experience of tasting, feeling and smelling," said the owner. The average meal lasts three hours, and at the end they will tell you what you were eating.
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Florida meteorologist Mike Lyons tells WPBFChannel.com in West Palm Beach a man has reported seeing what only about 1 percent of the population will ever see -- the rarest form of lightning called ball lightning. "It was a bright, glowing orange ball about the size of a basketball," the man said in the report. "It entered my house through the glass in the front door. It went right past me or possibly even through me into the living room. Then, it left the house through a large window where it hit a tree in the backyard." Lyons says ball lightning has "scared the pants off folks" as the bright spheres seem to appear out of nowhere. They've been seen in buildings, coming through solid walls and in airplanes. Lyons says science may never be able to explain ball lightning -- all researchers know is that it's real.
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Test Tube Penises Being Produced

Scientists at Harvard Medical School have succeeded in growing major parts of penises in their laboratory. Currently they have only been able to produce erectile tissue of rabbit penises. After having their new parts implanted, the rabbits started to do what rabbits do best. They were able to copulate, penetrate and produce sperm. The researchers are now trying to grow entire penises in the test tube and eventually want to use human tissue.
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Hong Kong Collectors' Brutal Tactics

Albert Ho received 687 phone calls in three days at his law firm from an anonymous debt collector. They would scream obscenities, play porn tapes or just stay silently on the line. Ho wasn't even the correct target. Apparently debt collectors in Hong Kong are known for their criminal-like way of collecting money owed to them. They often will throw snakes or a swarm of grasshoppers into an apartment inhabited by a person who owes them money. They have also been known to hang dead dogs and cats on doorways.
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9-1-1 Lottery Just Plain Werid

Officials report that it was just a coincidence when the winning New York lottery numbers turned out to be 9-1-1 on the anniversary of the 9/11 tragedy. 5,631 people selected the number and each of them won $500. "The numbers were picked in the standard random fashion using all the same protocols," said lottery spokeswoman Carolyn Hapeman. "It's just the way the numbers came up." There is a 1-in-1,000 chance of the numbers 9-1-1 coming up in the lottery.
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Therapy-Centric Dating Service

A US psychoanalyst plans to create a dating service in which people are matched by their therapists. Clients of TheraDate will be assessed on factors such as obsessiveness, defense mechanisms and nervous tics. TheraDate's creator, Frederick Levenson, is convinced such data, obtained from confidential questionnaires completed by a client's therapist, can lead to happy relationships. He also believes that people in therapy are attracted to others with similar experiences. "The smartest people are the ones in therapy," he said. "They're wonderful people, very bright, very funny."
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Football Player's Big Head Problem

EDINBURGH, Ind. - A high school freshman football player could not find a helmet to fit the 66-centimeter circumference of his head. Tyler Money was sidelined for a month because his head was too big to fit even the largest helmet made for an NFL player. His search came to end when a sporting good distributor in Virginia provided a $146 helmet big enough to fit him. Helmets can be used safely for up to six years. The six-foot-one, 285-pound Money should be able to use the helmet the rest of his high school career -- providing his head doesn't grow.
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Religious Ritual Ends in Agony

DIX HILLS, N.Y. - A religious ritual ended up costly for a New York church and painfully for one loyal worshipper. After the evil spirits were cast out of Sophia Reitan by the Pentecostal Upper Room Tabernacle minister as he pushed her backwards into salvation, an absent-minded church assistant forgot to catch her. Reitan ended up with a broken arm, $80,000 of the church's money in restitution and a clean soul.
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Show Tunes Thwart Hoodlums

BOSTON - In attempts to drive young ruffians out of a Boston subway station, the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority Police has come up with a brand new idea. The cheerful show tunes and marches of the late American composers George Gershwin and John Philip Sousa are being played over the brand new speakers installed at the station. Police claim that, in this case, brass and strings are a positive alternative to handcuffs and pepper spray.
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Anti-Radiation Pants by Levis

BRUSSELS - Popular clothing outfitter Levi Strauss & Co. is denying rumors that its new "anti-radiation" trousers are designed to scare consumers into buying them. The Icon S-fit pants are fitted with lining shields in the pockets to protect consumers from the electromagnetic radiation caused by mobile phones. Although Levi's denies implying that mobile phones are dangerous, they feel there is no reason to be cavalier about it.
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Frog Guarding Holy Thai Puddle

Thousands of people in Thailand are flocking to the top of the Had Sai waterfall in the Pungna province to view a puddle which they say is in the shape of Buddha's footprint. They believe the water in the puddle will relieve pain and bring good fortune. They also believe the buddle is being guarded by a frog. While the national parks commission does not want the area to be damaged by the thousands of visitors, they believe the situation is now out of there hands seeing that the people think it is a holy place and will not stop coming.
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Designer's Irreverent Show Offends All

Models clad in crucifixes, execution-style hoods and body-covering bandages paraded down the runway of a fashion show in Madrid, Spain to the sounds of a man's voice praying the "Our Father" and a woman panting erotically while iron bars screeched open and closed. The scene caused those attending the show to walk out in protest. Designer David Delfin said he did not mean to make a mockery of what is typically Madrid's most prestigious fashion show. He insists he in no way meant to trivialize repression against women and defends his collection saying it is the most feminine one he has created.
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Sturgeon on the Offensive

MIAMI, Florida - Several cases have been reported in southern Florida of unusual sturgeon behavior. According to local fishermen, these large river-dwellers, reaching up to five feet in length, are leaping out of the water and landing on unsuspecting fishermen. Injuries sustained from these flukes range from minor lacerations and busted teeth to broken sternums and collapsed lungs. It is not clearly understood why the sturgeon leap out of the water so dramatically. Most experts simply conclude that they do it, "because they can."
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Tacky Coffin Ads Cause a Stir

In the latest ad campaign from Roman funeral home and coffin maker CISA, women in skimpy costumes are used to sell death-related products. The ad campaign also includes a sexy calendar featuring an assortment of handmade wooden caskets along with scantily dressed women and it is causing a stir among women's groups and an unexpected wave of attention for the small company. "We just wanted to make people laugh a little during what is a stressful situation," Giuseppe Tenara, one of CISA's owners, told United Press International. "We never expected so much attention." In one ad a platinum blond model leans over the "Imperial" casket to reveal her black G-string. Another features a model in a see-through outfit leaning on the coffin with a glass of red wine.
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NIGERIA - A Nigerian school vice-principal was charged with grievous bodily harm after her attack on a local journalist at a police station. Claiming her act was in "self-defense," Rose Eze stands accused of biting off the eyebrow of the victim. The presiding Magistrate described the act as "barbaric" asking: "Why should a woman bite off the flesh of a fellow human being? Is she an animal?" Fortunately, there were several witnesses to the event because Eze swallowed the evidence. The bizarre attack certainly raised an eyebrow among law enforcement officials.
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Air Guitar Contest Draws Thousands

OULU, FINLAND - An audience of more than 2,500 gathered in Finland to witness the sixth annual air guitar world champ-ionship in the summer of 2002. Twelve finalists from eight different countries swallowed their pride and wailed away on invisible six-strings, hoping to win the title and the grand prize of a real guitar. While the act may seem shameful, jury head Juha Torvinen claims, "One should not be ashamed of playing air guitar. It's like masturbation. Everyone did it at some point." Although the competitors' props may have been invisible, their talent shone as bright as a rock star.
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PENZA, Russia - As competition between rival stores in Penza escalates, Russian shop owners have found a new way to advertise. With the use of sausages and cutlets, workers are luring stray dogs into their shops and spray-painting them with their store's logo. In order to turn a profit, homeless canines are being turned into walking billboards promoting store icons and the items they sell. The marketing battle has become so intense that layers of paint are accumulating on dogs as shop owners paint over other logos and replace them with theirs.
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Two cemeteries in Perth are offering to "web-cast" funeral services for family and friends who can't make it to the real thing. Relatives ordering the web-casts are given a password to access live footage of the funeral. A simple web-cast costs $110, another $110 buys either a delayed broadcast of the service, held on the Internet for 30 days, or a DVD or video recording of the service. Customers who want all three options pay $275. Michael Duff of the Metropolitan Cemeteries Board said the MCB is making no profit from the service.
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HOLLYWOOD - It's about time somebody updated the classic Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs with a little high-powered martial arts action. Disney is negotiating with the Chinese choreographer of ground-breaking action films "The Matrix" and "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon," to direct a live-action take on the popular fairy tale. The "Snow" update is set in the 1890s and follows a woman who returns home to Hong Kong to attend her father's funeral after 20 years abroad. She discovers that her stepmother is plotting against her and escapes to mainland China, where she seeks solace with seven Shao Lin monks who protect her.
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Czech Prisoner Talking Out of His Ass

A Czech prisoner could end up serving a longer sentence after guards heard voices coming from his backside. Prison wardens in Brno say they discovered the 48-year-old had hidden a tiny walky-talky up his butt. He was allegedly using it to communicate with his wife to arrange bribes for investigators and lawyers involved in the case against him. She would park her car a few hundred meters from the prison, every day. "I have worked here since 1996 but I can't recollect ever finding anything stuck in such parts," said Sona Haluzova, spokeswoman for the Brno prison.
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New Screaming Torture Toys

AUSTRALIA - Children five and older are putting down their sweet and innocent Barbie dolls and picking up the terrifying and disturbing Stretch Screamers. The new toys are designed to let out screams of pain when pulled by the arms and legs. Not only can they be tortured by tugging at the limbs, strangulation causes their brains and eyes to pop out of their heads. Children's desensitization to violence is a cause for concern among parents and officials promoting child safety. The current predicament has heightened parental awareness for future toy purchases that may have the potential to psychologically damage their children.
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Bums Enlisted for Violent Film

SAN DIEGO, California - Four filmmakers from San Diego face jail time after their involvement in a conspiracy to solicit an assault with deadly force. The men were charged with paying homeless men in food, shelter, alcohol and money to inflict pain on each other for the project entitled "Bumfights: A Cause For Concern." Some disturbing images displayed in the film include one homeless man ripping out his front tooth with pliers and others running head-first into steel doors or beating each other bloody. This kind of thing has the potential to breed even worse projects.
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Dwarf Case Tossed Out Of Court

GENEVA - A miniature Frenchman lost his battle in court with U.N. officials, keeping him from practicing his preferred occupation. Manuel Wackenheim argued the 1995 ban enforced by the highest administrative court in France that abolished "dwarf throwing" and kept him out of a job. The ruling of the court has deprived Wackenheim of "being hurled around discotheques by burly men." The U.N. Human Rights Committee claimed that the ban was necessary to protect public order.
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Governator Beer

PORTLAND, Oregon - Portland Brewing Co. has created a new brew called "Governator" beer that CEO Jerome Chicvara is surprised California brewers didn't think of first. The brewers designed 3,200 cases bearing the Pumping Iron label that are meant to be an amusing tribute to the governor of California. Chicvara thought of the idea while joking around with his kids and their friends, who had combined the words "governor" and "terminator" into "governator." "And I thought that's good, that could be a beer," Chicvara said. "Sometimes we get carried away, but we did this for fun." The bitter ale is only being sold in California and comes in a 22-ounce bottle with a label featuring a muscular figure posing like a body builder.
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ANDERSON, Ind. - A 6-year-old boy found a new toy while riding in the back seat of his mother's sport utility vehicle - a .38 caliber revolver. He picked up the gun and accidentally fired it, shooting and injuring his mother as she drove. According to Indiana State Police Trooper Robert May, Tomekia R. Wilson was driving on Interstate 69 with her son and her sister when the boy discovered a duffel bag under the seat and pulled out the gun. The gun discharged while he was playing around and sent a bullet through the back of the driver's seat. Wilson was struck above the waist, said May. "I reached in and grabbed the gun from him," May said. "I ended up making him a balloon toy." Wilson was taken to the hospital and listed in stable condition after surgery. The boy could not be held responsible in the shooting and the accident remained under investigation.
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Bill Martin, a Quaker in Hudson, Fla., has a dream of a family friendly, Christian-themed nudist community in a Tampa suburb. He wants a place not unlike the paradise described in the book of Genesis, before Adam and Eve ate illegal fruits, acquired shame and fashioned fig leaf clothes, the Orlando Sentinel reports. "The Bible very clearly states that when Adam and Eve were in right with God, they were naked. When people are in right with God, they do not have to fear nudity," says David Blood, executive director of the project. Martin wants to call the "naturist" park Natura, where there would be an open church, a giant water park and nude volleyball.
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Did You Want Insults With That?

TROY, Mich. - Detroit-area police are looking for a man who's broadcasting rude remarks to Burger King customers at the drive-through window. Police in Troy told the Detroit News Thursday the man has interrupted business transactions three times, most recently Tuesday, with obscene comments to startled customers. When the 41-year-old manager went outside to apologize to customers and look for the source of the salty talk, a voice boomed out of the outdoor speaker: "There's nothing you or the police can do about this, so get your fat ass back inside and take your goons with you," according to Troy Police Lt. Gerry Scherlinck. Police suspect the calls are being made by a radio transmitter or walkie-talkie somewhere near the restaurant.
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MIAMI - A man who made his home on a golf course for the past 40 years has been told to leave because some golfers said that he frightened them. Other golfers feel that Kenny Bethel is harmless and should not be forced to leave Palmetto Golf Course. Bethel, 55, came to the course after he ran away from home in 1963. He collected and resold stray golf balls, used the club's showers and toilets at night and slept in a sheltered area by the showers. His wife Francis joined him nine years ago and they have since been residing in a space under a nearby bridge. Staff now chases Bethel away when he tries to gather balls and the restrooms are locked at night. Golfers who were used to seeing him on the course were surprised that he was banished. "It seems a shame that someone who is an institution on the course can't be grandfathered in," golfer Jim Adamson said.
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Cheese Slicing Goes Hi-Tech

MADISON, Wis. - A researcher from the University of Wisconsin at Madison has created a new method to slice cheese - by using a laser. "At any other university, people would have just laughed. But this is Wisconsin. It's cheese. And this is no laughing matter," said Xiaochun Li, a mechanical engineering professor and laser expert. Li, along with engineering graduate student Hongseok Choi, has discovered that the same kind of laser used for eye surgery can be used to slice Wisconsin's famous food product. Li first tried to use a traditional commercial laser that uses heat to cut by melting or evaporating, but that fried the cheese. Trying again, he used a new class of laser, known as a cold laser, that cuts by blasting apart the molecular bonds that hold materials together.
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German Frog Tunnel Constructed

BERLIN - Germany's government knows how to take care of its frogs. It is spending $285,200 to construct a tunnel for frogs to use to avoid the dangers of busy streets. Ruediger Zech, a local council spokesman, said the tunnel would allow native varieties of toads, frogs, and other amphibians to safely reach a nearby lake. The creatures had previously been carried across the road in buckets by volunteers from nature protection groups. Construction for the tunnel is being funded by the foreign ministry and is a part of a package of environmental measures agreed to when the ministry took over the Villa Borsig. The tunnel will be located near a training center for diplomats on the outskirts of Berlin.
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EVANSTON, Ill. - A veteran social studies teacher in Evanston, Ill. is fighting a transfer for hanging a skeleton in the teachers' lounge to protest standardized testing. The skeleton was dressed in a Michael Jordan basketball jersey and dangled from a rope. Vicki Proctor told the Chicago Tribune the hanging skeleton was a political statement against federal testing requirements -- not a racial statement because African-American students on average lag behind whites in standardized testing. Proctor was transferred from the majority white Martin Luther King Laboratory School to the district's alternative elementary school for students with disciplinary cases. She is appealing the transfer.
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Winston Churchill's Parrot on the QT

LONDON - British war leader Winston Churchill's 104-year old parrot is still alive and kicking and refusing to speak to the media. A British newspaper tracked down the bird and found out it was still living. "They've been trying to get him to talk all day, but he's not saying much," said Sylvia Martin, who manages Heathfield Nurseries where Charlie has lived for the last 12 years. Charlie, who stayed with Churchill during World War II, was known for squawking obscenities about Hitler. Martin said that the bird has mellowed in his old age. "He doesn't say very much anymore -- usually just hello and goodbye. But he does get so excited about music and dances to it. He's very fit." Charlie - who is actually a female - is now owned by Peter Oram, the owner of the garden center.
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Cabbie Wins Record Jackpot

Las Vegas cab driver Robert Baker won $3.2 million at a Las Vegas video slot machine at the Golden Nugget Hotel and Casino. Baker hit the jackpot on an Elvira, Mistress of the Dark Video Slots machine -- the largest hit ever on a nickel slot machine -- setting a new world record. Baker says he will continue to drive his cab. "I need to take some time to figure out what I'm going to do from this point and going about my life as usual seems like the best way to keep my feet on the ground," Baker says in a statement. He says the only thing he knows for sure is that he'll fulfill a lifelong dream to buy a Lincoln Town Car.
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Diamonds and Cow Dung

NEW DELHI - An Indian diamond merchant is stuck with the crappy job of digging through cow dung after his prize cow swallowed over 1,700 small diamonds. Dilubhai Rajput had stored the bag of diamonds, worth almost $900, in a stack of hay at his home in Gujurat state. He hadn't considered that his hungry cow would find the jewels and make them his meal. The cow is now feasting on a diet of grass, grain, fruit and laxatives and Rajput has recovered 300 diamonds in three days. "I am sure within a week I will retrieve all my diamonds," Rajput was quoted as saying. It was not known why he had chosen to hide the diamonds in the hay.

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