ARKANSAS CITY (EAP) -- A Little Rock woman was killed yesterday after leaping through her moving car's sun roof during an incident best described as a "mistaken rapture" by dozens of eye-witnesses.
Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith, who looks like very much like Jesus, was on his way to a toga costume party, when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose, releasing twelve blow-up sex dolls filled with helium which began floating up into the sky. Jenkins lifted his arms into the air in frustration, and said "Come back," (as luck would have it) just as the Williams' car passed him.
"She started screaming "He's back!, He's back!" and climbed right out of the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everet Williams, husband of 28-year-old Georgann Williams who was pronounced dead at the scene.
other people were injured after a twenty-car pile-up resulted from people
trying to avoid hitting the woman.
ISLAND, Washington - Washington police arrested a stoned man who was found
wandering around naked at the Stanwood Cinemas. However, indecent exposure
was only one of this man's crimes. Apparently, when the officers asked
the 30-year-old man what he did for a living, he told them that he grew
marijuana. He then proceeded to ask the arresting officers for assistance
in harvesting the crop. The officer said he was too lazy to help but offered
to "go look at the man's operation," and the naked man agreed.
In the outbuilding behind the man's mobile home, police found what they
described as a "sophisticated hydroponic grow operation." The
mellow man was very cooperative, even as police confiscated the plants,
and even helped to load the equipment into police vehicles.
Frenchman Stuck on Lady Liberty
- Apparently petitions and protest demonstrations aren't good enough for
this Peruvian man. Laborer Eduardo Velez Alejos, 36, sliced off one of
his testicles to protest his low wages when guards outside the Lima building
refused to let him speak to President Carlos Ferrero Costa. This is not
the only instance that Alejos has taken harm to his genital area for the
sake of proving a point. Just last year he reportedly chopped off his
penis in protest at not having a job. His penis had been successfully
reattached, however, this time doctors failed to reattach the severed
testicle during emergency surgery. Still, doctors say that Velez can maintain
"a normal sex life."
Cuts Off Right Hand
Philippines - According to police in the southern Philippines, four
people were killed and five more wounded when a hand grenade they were
playing with during a drinking session exploded. According to witnesses,
the group was playing with the explosive like it was a toy, pulling out
the pin and putting back its pin while they passed it around.
Indiana - A teenaged gang robbed a vet's office looking for the heroin-like
painkiller OxyContin. Instead they stole Oxytocin, which is used to induce
childbirth. This drug has another quirky affect on men, it causes them
to lactate. The actual drug they were looking for, Oxycontin, has been
linked to several deaths, and is considered a major health problem in
several parts of the country. According to Sergeant Eddie Moore, of the
Hamilton County Sheriff's Department, these brainiacs also took nitrous
oxide, or laughing gas, from another facility. The youths were arrested
and charged with burglary and theft.
Jumps Out Window Over Cell Phone
Pennsylvania - It's difficult to determine who is the dumbest participant
in this story -- you be the judge. Dorothy Marie Livingston, 24, allegedly
used a phony $1 million note to start an account at the First National
Bank of Newport. The teller accepted it, apparently not seeing anything
strange about the transaction. The fake $1 million bill is about 10 times
the value of the largest bill ever printed by the U.S. Bureau of Engraving
and Printing, and 10,000 times the value of the largest bill still being
printed today, according to the Treasury Department. Police say Livingston
later withdrew some of the money and transferred it to her husband's account.
She is now been charged with 16 counts of theft by deception and was being
held on $25,000 bail.
was temptation by Satan, of course," protests David Stein, 44. The
New Mexico state employee fired in December 1998 for accessing credit-card
Web porn from his tax-department work site is now blaming his own horny
error on Lucifer. Stein is appealing his dismissal despite his earlier
confession that he did "look at some pictures and stuff" once
because he was curious about "what kind of smut was available out
there ... you know, so I could stay away from it." He laments that
he became trapped in an "endless loop" of demonic filth as he
frantically pressed the "back" button on his browser. "It
just kept taking me deeper and deeper," he shudders. He eventually
shut off his computer, but in less than an hour he was back at it because,
"Satan told me to check it out some more." Stein testifies that
he might have been targeted by the Lord of Hell because, "The stronger
you are as a Christian, the more Satan works on you because he fears losing
his grip on you.
ZEALAND - A woman who was driving drunk became paranoid about being caught
by the police "booze bus," which is part of the local force's
anti-drunk-driving campaign. She stopped her car near Owaka on the country's
South Island and gestured to a car to stop. She quickly asked the occupants
if the booze bus had already left the area so she could drive again. Little
did she know that the stopped car was an unmarked police vehicle. They
gave her a breath test and charged her with drunk driving. Sergeant Kelvin
Lloyd of Balclutha police said, "If drunk-driving was not such a
serious matter, this would have been very funny."
- The phrase "gross misappropriation of resources" has new meaning
for one Albuquerque policeman and his pilot. The officer and the civilian
pilot were on night patrol over the city in a Kiowa OH-58 helicopter when
they landed in a vacant lot next to a Krispy Kreme doughnut shop. "The
pilot and a police officer landed the copter early in the morning, ran
in and grabbed a dozen, came back out and took off," Albuquerque
Police Department spokesman Brian McCutcheon said. "I don't know
whose brain child it was, but it's an ugly child," he added. A Krispy
Kreme employee didn't see why people were making a big deal of the unusual
doughnut run. "Cops got to eat, too," he said. disciplinary
measures are being considered.
WASHINGTON (UPI)--Doctors warned Friday of a potentially dangerous new method of cocaine abuse-- injecting the drug directly into the urinary tract--a practice that led to complications costing one man his penis, nine of his fingers and parts of his legs.
In a letter to the Journal of the American Medical Association, physicians from New York Hospital-Cornell Medical Center report the case of a 34-year-old man who suffered severe bleeding under the skin after he pumped cocaine into the urethra of his penis.
The man was admitted to a New York hospital for a problem with his penis, which had remained erect for three days resulting in a painful inability to urinate. The man told doctors that in the weeks before his hospitalization, he had occasionally injected cocaine into his penis before intercourse in an effort to enhance sexual performance.
On his third day in the hospital, the man's erection suddenly went down, but blood leaked into the tissues and coagulated under the skin of his feet, hands, genitals, back and chest over the next 12 hours. Despite intensive medical treatment, doctors were forced to amputate the man's legs above the knee and all but one of his fingers. The patient's penis fell off by itself, doctors said.
spokesman said the severe problem with blood coagulation may have been
caused by the prolonged erection, which is called priapism. ``But more
likely it was caused by cocaine or impurities in the cocaine,'' he said.
Sweden - A man wanting to stay sober volunteered to serve part of his
friend's one-month drunk-driving sentence. The 51-year-old Swede wanted
to see if he could pose as his friend and fool the justice system, but
he was discovered two weeks into the sentence. The man said, "I wanted
to go to jail to stop myself from drinking for a few weeks. My pal didn't
think it would work. He agreed to let me try. I borrowed his ID card and
identified myself as him at the prison." He has since been charged
with perjury and wrongful use of another person's identity.
- When a somewhat deranged man ran into a Washington Metro Transit car
and began spraying a liquid into the air, the passengers, already keyed
up due to the U.S. bombing in Afghanistan, began to panic. Police subdued
the man with pepper spray and immediately quarantined the car for fear
of a possible chemical or biological threat. Many passengers began to
complain of dry mouth and nausea, but a full decontamination procedure
showed the substance was only a common household cleaner.
- Two suburban Chicago middle-school students thought it would be funny
to put hydrochloric acid in their teacher's coffee. The teacher had just
warned the students about the dangers of the acid and briefly left the
room to monitor the hall. One girl was on the lookout while the other
put the acid in the mug. The teacher spit out the coffee after just a
sip, but he still suffered severe mouth burns. The two students have been
charged as juveniles with felony aggravated battery and are being held
in juvenile detention.
As a joke, Susanne Cole thought it would humorous to give hash-laced brownies
to a group of 11 Elkhart firefighters last December. The dessert incapacitated
all of the rescuers while on duty, even though they still responded to
an emergency call. Judge Terry Shewmaker didn't see the humor in the situation
and sentenced the prankster to four years in prison despite her weeping
plea for leniency. She was officially charged with two felony counts of
battery on firefighters and two misdemeanor counts of criminal recklessness.
Fire Chief Jerry Vaughn testified that a paramedic went on call under
the influence. "It could have been critical to a patient," he
get quite fanatical when it comes to their kids. Take, for example, a
soccer dad who was arrested this week for allegedly attacking a player
on his son's rival soccer team. It started as a harmless soccer game between
two rival teams in Weymouth, Massachusetts. With under a minute to go,
and the score still 0-0, the opposing team's Eric Dannenberg slide-tackled
Weymouth's Matt Walsh and knocked him down. Referees claimed the tackle
was legal, and play resumed. It was then that Kieran Whelan, 45, allegedly
stormed onto the field, tripped Dannenberg, and punched him twice. After
that, "all hell broke loose," according to Framingham athletic
director. Police arrived at the scene and arrested Whelan. League official
Bill Gaine said, "Parents lose it when they go to their kids' games...They
turn from fan to fanatic." Whelan pleaded innocent to the charges.
Can't Remember Who His Wife Is
British Columbia - A thief in British Columbia got more than he bargained
for when he stole a few hundred dollars worth of tools from a weather
station. Police say the thief was exposed to radiation when entering and
leaving the unmanned station at Mount Sicker on southern Vancouver Island
through a Doppler Radar dome near the top of the facility. The Royal Canadian
Mounted Police issued an unusual warning urging the thief to seek medical
treatment immediately, reminding him or her that the visit can remain
secret because of doctor-patient confidentiality rules. "Human exposure
to this type of radiation could result in permanent damage to soft tissue,
i.e. eyes and testicles," police concluded in a statement.
A pilot sparked
a response from emergency crews after pulling off a Canadian airport runway
to urinate. The man had touched down at Calgary International and was
so desperate for the toilet that he drove his Cessna light aircraft onto
the grass. After relieving himself in front of responding fire and ambulance
crews, he taxied to a private terminal where he was met by police. Officers
discovered the pilot had delivered his daughter and fiancÚ to the airport
so they could catch a holiday flight. Constable Jack Leyung told the Calgary
Sun: "Landing with a full bladder and unable to wait until he could
taxi into a terminal, he pulled off onto the grass of the runway, climbed
out of his plane, and relieved himself."
to the Bismarck Tribune, 28-year-old Takako Konishi of Tokyo died while
in search of the money she saw buried in the movie "Fargo."
She flew into Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport with a homemade
map to begin her quest. Police picked her up rummaging around a landfill
in Bismarck, and when they figured out what she was trying to do they
tried to explain to her that "Fargo" was a fictional story,
but faced a language barrier. "She apparently had money, so she wasn't
in need of a place to stay or anything," Police told the Tribune.
Konishi's body was discovered a week later in Detroit Lakes. No signs
of foul play were apparent.
ITALY - A
63-year-old Italian man was vacuuming and decided to watch a porn tape
to keep him entertained. He became so aroused that he put his penis
into the vacuum cleaner and part of it was chopped off by the cleaner's
fan. He hastily put the severed part into the freezer as he called an
ambulance for help. He carried the separate piece to the hospital wrapped
in a newspaper where he told doctors he had cut it off when shaving his
pubic hair. Officials alerted the police anyway. Police later found blood
on the man's vacuum, and he finally admitted how this happened. The severed
piece was reattached during surgery, but doctors don't expect it to function
When a motorist's
Toyota got a flat tire, he saw salvation in a passing police officer.
But the officer was going by too fast, so what else could the motorist
do but shoot his gun at them to attract attention? The policemen were
shaken by the gunshot as they passed the Toyota and immediately called
for backup. They then confronted the 24-year-old driver. He has since
been charged with attempted murder. The motorist maintains he simply wanted
help changing his tire. No news yet on why the driver had a gun to begin
Ind.- A 26-year-old Chicago man doesn't remember how he ended up naked
and beaten, but police think it may have something to do with the LSD-laced
marijuana he smoked. Police say (name removed to protect the STUPID) woke up in a Muncie, Indiana
hospital covered in cuts and bruises, after allegedly taking his clothes
off and trying to break into two homes. "He said he doesn't remember
anything other than he was smoking marijuana and that it was laced with
LSD," said Muncie Deputy Chief Terry Winters. "And the next
thing he remembered he was he was in the hospital."
4, 2002 - Dennis George Roache, 34, was arrested after beheading rival
Gregory Shannon during a fight and placing the severed head on the hood
of a car for neighbors to see. According to police in St. Petersburg,
they were called to the home in South St. Petersburg shortly before 8:30
a.m. by a woman who said she had barricaded herself in a bathroom when
her former boyfriend broke into the home of her current boyfriend. Roache
and Shannon began fighting and Shannon was stabbed several times with
the machete. Roache then used the machete to decapitate Shannon. According
to police, Roache, who has a history of mental illness, was trying to
arrange a mirror in front of the decapitated head "so Shannon could
see himself if he were still alive." Roache is currently being held
without bail on a first-degree murder charge.
Robbed by Faith Healer
Stand Rage Results in Fight
Mass., woman faces up to 10 years in prison if convicted of shopping cart
rage. Actually, the charges against Karen Morgan, according to the syndicated
column The Supermarket Shopper, are assault and battery with a dangerous
weapon (her shoe). It seems Morgan objected to Alice Tooks, the shopper
in line in front of her, trying to sneak 13 items into a checkout lane
that was for 12 items or fewer. The ladies took their dispute outside
-- where insults and profanities reportedly escalated to physical combat.
Tooks said Morgan shoved her to the ground and kicked her in the head.
Morgan claims Tooks was the assailant and that she was only trying to
Ohio - A 44-year-old man in Ohio was forced to serve his sentence with
a sow after calling a police officer a pig. Steven Thompson had used the
word "pig" while shouting obscenities in a January 28 confrontation
with a city police officer. Painesville Municipal Judge Michael Cicconetti
ordered the sentence instead of jail time following Thompson's guilty
plea to disorderly conduct. A lunchtime crowd jeered and joked with Thompson
as he stood on a city sidewalk arm in hoof with the 350-pound pig for
two hours. There was a sign reading "This is not a police officer."
Calls Victim for Pin Numbers
Put a Lit Cigarette in Your Pocket
Screener Sleeping on the Job
New York - Peeking inside a 5-inch mortar tube after an aerial bomb failed
to launch properly proved deadly for a man during a neighborhood party.
Keith Seymour, 34, was killed after a charge went off while he was looking
inside the mortar tube to see why the explosive failed to fire. According
to the Suffolk County police, the intensity of the blast partially decapitated
Seymour. The accident remains under investigation.
Scare Students: It's the End of the World
Chief Commits Arson to Impress Ex
ZEPHYRHILLS, Florida - Korey Bradd Henderson, a 25-year-old of Lakeland, Florida decided to wear a bright orange jail uniform to a hard rock concert when he was supposed to be under house arrest. When Pasco County sheriff's detective Mark Morrison approached Henderson in his jailhouse garb, he took off running and ran straight into two other deputies. Henderson at first told them the getup was a Halloween costume. But when the deputies checked with the officials at Polk County jail, they confirmed that one uniform was indeed missing. A warrants check told deputies that Henderson was supposed to be on house arrest in Lakeland as part of his probation on a charge of illegal possession of narcotics. Henderson is still wearing a jail uniform as he awaits his next trial. Back to the Top
- A sick practical joke ended with a Pennsylvania man laughing himself
all the way back to prison. Jeffrey Barber apparently thought it would
be a regular laugh riot to scare his wife by pretending he had been shot.
After firing his .22-caliber rifle in the house, the 44-year-old proceeded
to smear himself with tomato sauce and lay on the floor. When the missus
called 911 to come to her husband's aid, the police found he was very
much alive, and violating the terms of his parole by owning several guns.
Barber pled guilty to illegal ownership of the firearms, and had to face
the mandatory sentence of 15-years to life.
It is probably not a bright idea to drive yourself to jail in a stolen
pickup truck. Maybe someone should have clued Robert Shaida of Vermont
of this little fact. Apparently, Shaida was supposed to turn himself in
to serve a brief sentence for driving with a suspended license. According
to officers, Shaida tried to report to the Woodstock jail, but was told
he would have to go to the prison in Rutland, about 35 miles away. So,
Shaida allegedly climbed into an unlocked pickup, found the keys and drove
himself to the Marble Valley Correctional Facility. Even though Shaida
confessed to taking the pickup, he still faces charges of driving a vehicle
without the owner's consent, and driving with a suspended license.
- When 18-year-old Andrew Ronald Potter couldn't pay his bills, he stole
his former flatmate's credit card. In addition to charging his electric
bill and hotel accommodations, he also bought a penis enlarger. Potter
ordered the device through a mail order company, and his ex-friend discovered
the charges on his credit card statement. The embarrassed Potter plead
guilty to eight fraud charges. Magistrate Trevor Allingham showed no mercy
and said, "Why you did it, I have no idea. It was incredibly stupid
and was almost inevitable you had to be found out. I hope this one incredibly
stupid event is not going to affect the rest of your life."
Delaware - It was double trouble for a Delaware couple when a woman was
arrested for drunk driving after she drove to the police station so pick
up her husband who had just been charged with the same thing. Dianna Garwood,
36, was reportedly in her husband's 2001 Ford Mustang when he was arrested
around 10 p.m. Police told the woman specifically not to drive to pick
up her husband when they drove her home for she had been drinking as well.
According to Patrolman Trinidad Navarro, Dianna Garwood was sitting behind
the wheel of a pickup truck when an officer walked Eric Garwood, 39, outside
to meet his ride. She was immediately arrested. Navarro would not release
the blood-alcohol levels of the Garwoods, but said both were above the
legal limit of 0.10.
Pennsylvania - Ahh, high school memories. Graduation. Prom. Robbery charges.
At least for 18-year-old Brian Njau. When it came time to take his girlfriend
to the prom, Njau panicked. He didn't have a car and renting one proved
to be unfeasible. So, as teacher Stacy Stoudt left the building last Friday,
Njau used an unloaded BB gun to force her into giving up her sport utility
vehicle. Police found the SUV in a hotel parking lot the next day, and
Njau is being held on $100,000 bail for robbery, aggravated assault and
other charges at Berks Country Prison. The student explains that he wasn't
thinking clearly when he held up the teacher: "I don't have credit,
so I couldn't [rent] a car. I wasn't thinking straight."
Florida - Melissa Balkcom was arrested last week on two charges of lewd
and lascivious exhibition after she held a sexually oriented birthday
party for her daughter and friends. During the course of the gathering,
the 200-pound Balkcom performed nude jumping jacks and encouraged the
9-13-year-old girls to do so as well. Additionally, she dared a 13-year
old child to demonstrate oral sex on a bottle. The 27-year-old mother
dared other kids to "French kiss" the television, perform lap
dances in a chair, and "lap wiggle" one another. Detective Portia
Guinn said "Most of the girls at the party didn't even know what
a lot of these things were." Balkcom quickly educated the youngsters
and now faces a maximum penalty of 15 years in prison and a $10,000 fine.
Balkcom admits she made a mistake.
England - A group of students at a leading independent school in Wiltshire
were diligently taking a mock exam when a few of them looked up and saw
naked breasts. Apparently the teacher overseeing the exam, Richard Jowett,
was busy looking up porn sites on his computer; only, he forgot that it
was linked up to the monitor, and several students caught an eyeful on
the large screen. After the test, one student reported the images to another
staff member, and an investigation is underway. Head teacher Edward Gould
said, "Three weeks ago, while invigilating a practice examination
for 17 pupils, Richard Jowett used the computer and entered a website
for 13 minutes containing still photographs of naked adult women."
Gould continued, saying that "Mr. Jowett is currently on sick leave."
the new technology available today it's not that tough to make rip-off
copies of things. A really good graphics-capable computer can crank out
fairly good currency. And there are ways of producing credit cards. But
even the best machinery can't correct spelling errors. And an error in
spelling is what tripped up a man who tried to make fake credit cards.
According to news reports in Vancouver, Wash., the man was sentenced to
prison on nearly two-dozen counts of identify theft. What tipped off merchants
and the police is that in making fake Platinum Mastercards, he spelled
the word "Plotinum."
Honest Honey - I Was Kidnapped
Instead of facing the music, some Brazilian men are claiming they were
kidnapped after actually staying out all night with their secret lovers.
Police have received 30 "flash-kidnapping" complaints thus far
this year, and four of them have been from unfaithful husbands who lied.
Those four have been charged with wasting police time and face a maximum
of six months in jail. And they haven't even dealt with their wives yet.
13-Year-Old Spends $2 Million on Ebay
- A 13-year-old boy spent about $2 million from a school computer buying
a helicopter, a jet and other items over the Internet using a password
belonging to a friend's mother, authorities said. The woman discovered
the purchases the day the helicopter's owner called and asked how she
intended to pay for the aircraft. She is having the purchases canceled.
The $1.1 million helicopter is a used military model. The boy has not
made it clear what he intended to do with his purchases.
Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Mr. Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism.
Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside.
To add insult
to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased
from the pro shop, that he was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed
to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to
leave the course.
- A group of drug runners may have been sampling too much of their own
product when they dumped millions of dollars worth of cocaine into the
ocean, stripped off their clothes, doused themselves with gasoline and
then rammed a U.S. Navy vessel with their speedboat. Officials said that
American sailors aboard the USS De Werth had spotted the men and what
they suspected to be their cocaine-laden boat while on routine patrol
in international waters off Colombia's main Pacific coast port of Buena
Ventura.the cocaine was recovered and the unlucky smugglers, one of whom
was injured in the high seas collision, were all taken into custody.
were stopped at a scene, they thought they had come across a routine couple
arguing. Only this time it was a customer and a prostitute haggling over
prices. The Spanish customer refused to pay the prostitute because of
what he called "a very unsatisfactory performance." After arguing
with her for some time, he stopped a police car patrolling the area so
he wouldn't have to pay her. The police told the man if he didn't pay,
he had the option of suing the hooker and explaining all the details in
court. The man opted to pay and quickly left.
Sicily - Grandparents often share their sage advice with youngsters to
teach them the values of life. A five-year-old Sicilian boy took his grandfather's
wisdom a bit too literally when he told him, "money is just worthless
trash." The very next day the grandson helped his 33-year-old father
get rid of his "trash." The boy found a wad of cash in his dad's
wallet and tore it up into little pieces until it was unusable. Just in
case, he threw the remains out of the window. It turns out the wad of
money was actually his father's entire monthly salary. Now it's just worthless
Portugal are investigating a complaint by four women who stripped naked
to their waist and stood at their windows so they could have a mammogram
by satellite. The women, aged between 19 and 45 years, say a woman identifying
herself as a doctor rang them on the phone, proposing a revolutionary
method to examine their breasts. They were told to expose their chest
and stand either at their window or on a balcony in the direction of the
supposed satellite. However, when the woman rang back with the mammogram
results, she instead vividly described her sexual desires.
- What should have been a celebratory event turned into a drug bust. When
a 23-year-old man's wife went into labor at their apartment, he immediately
called 911 and told the operator they needed an ambulance. He was in such
a frenzied state that he neglected to tell them it was for a pregnancy.
So, police were called to the scene first.When they reached the apartment,
the door was ajar so they entered the premises. By this point, the place
was empty, On their way out, the police noticed a brick of pressed powder
on the kitchen table, sitting next to scales. Investigators determined
the "powder" to be almost $12,000 worth of cocaine. They found
$3,500 more in cocaine in the kitchen. In the meantime, husband and wife
gave birth in the hospital. Later that night, the husband returned home
with relatives, where police were waiting to slap the bracelets on him
and book him in the country jail. They will still need to speak with the
- Michelle Youngblood casually flipped through the morning paper when
she came across the listing of marriage licenses. One name in particular
caught her attention: her husband's. While being married to her, 26-year-old
Leo Youngblood also married Rebecca Copley in April. Stunned at her husband's
wedding announcement, she immediately contacted police and reported the
second marriage. Leo Youngblood has been charged with bigamy, which is
a felony with a 1 1/2-year prison term.
Illinois - Police are investigating a stunt from last week that involved
tear gas. A group of men, which may have included two emergency workers,
held hands in a circle, ignited a gas canister, and waited to see who
could tough it out the longest. They failed to take into account the block
party that was occurring nearby. Police responded to an emergency call.
Police chief James Hovious said, "The gas was causing respiratory
problems for the victims, irritating their eyes." Hovious estimated
that 5-10 people at the party were affected by the gas, but no one needed
to be transported to the hospital. Police have one suspect who set off
the gas, but no arrests have been made.
Florida - A happy young couple was driving through Jacksonville with their
three-year-old daughter when a naked man tried to get in their car. Startled,
they immediately locked the doors and attempted to drive away. The nudist
clung to the hood and banged on the windscreen. His bizarre behavior didn't
end there - he then jumped on the roof in a surfing motion. After that,
he jumped to the ground, where he was found not moving. Frazzled, he was
unable to answer questions and was taken to jail on indecent exposure
and criminal damage charges. Police report the nude surfer was under drug
- Two New York DJs, Gregg "Opie" Hughes and Anthony Cumia of
WNEW-FM, decided they would hold a contest in which listeners would be
challenged to have sex in high-risk places. Their contest came to an abrupt
end after a Virginia couple was busted going at it in the famous St. Patrick's
Cathedral in New York during a live broadcast. Apparently, the couple
was having sex in a vestibule a few feet away from worshipers observing
the Feast of Assumption. The "Opie and Anthony Show" has been
Dominican Republic - When flying into the United States it's better not
to make comments to your fellow passengers to the effect of, "It's
much easier to smuggle weapons onto planes in the Dominican Republic."
The unidentified man made the comment to two North American passengers
just moments after takeoff. They wasted no time in informing the flight
crew that a potential maniac was on board and the pilots landed the plane
immediately. Police arrested the passenger on the ground, but discovered
he was not armed with any weapons, or common sense.
- Tyrone Jermaine Hogan picked the wrong car to mess with when he attempted
to carjack the Florida International University judo team. After having
completed one carjacking that evening, Hogan drove six blocks to a service
station where he encountered a member of the team and attempted to reach
in the van and steal the keys. The men proceeded to wrestle him to the
floor until the police got there. "We had this guy like a pretzel
on the ground," said instructor Nestor Bustillo.
Fla. -- Marcus Isom claimed a spiritual advisor from Miss Cleo's psychic
hotline led him to kill the wrong man. Apparently Isom believed the man
he killed, Lemuel James Larkin, had stolen $15,000 in drug money from
him and ordered his death to retaliate. Isom has been sentenced to life
in prison. Miss Cleo declined to comment.
CITY - Doctors reattached three fingers to the hand of a 16-year-old pop
singer, after they were severed by a helicopter rotor as he waved to fans.
Ricardo Abarca was getting off the aircraft at a Guatemala City airport.
In raising his hand to greet fans, he put it into the still-whirling rotor.
"The index finger and middle finger are completely recovered,"
the surgeon said. "We only have some problems with blood circulation
in the little finger." Abarca, who recently joined the popular teen
group Mageneto, was hospitalized in Guatemala.
flock of doves soar past lower Manhattan, where the World Trade Center
towers once stood, was to be a dignified Sept. 11 tribute on behalf of
Jersey City, N.J. The New York Times reports there was a small problem.
The birds were pigeons, not doves, and many couldn't fly. The Times says
many of the birds plunged into the Hudson River, some ran head-first into
plate-glass windows on office buildings and others flew into the crowd,
one resting on the hard hat of a construction worker whose company had
helped clear debris after the terrorist attacks. Organizers say they tried
to hire a professional bird release company and found all were booked,
so instead they bought 80 birds from a Newark poultry market.
drunken buffoons, a father and his son, charged onto the field Thursday
night during the Sox vs. Kansas City Royals game at Comiskey Park and
attacked Royal's first-base coach, Tom Gamboa. They caught 54-year-old
Gamboa from behind and hit him a number of times over the head. At the
time he was hit, Gamboa's attention was focused on the play at hand. His
visible injuries were minor, including a small cut above the eye and a
few bruises. As soon as Gamboa hit the ground his players rushed to his
aid, piling on top of the two attackers and going at them until security
could get the situation under control. William Ligue Jr. and his son are
being charged with aggravated battery. Their reason for attacking? Ligue's
15-year-old son said Gamboa had flicked them off and got what was coming
- In an extreme protest against prison condi-tions, 43 inmates at the
Kazakhstan's Aktubinsk penal colony threatened officials with a mass suicide.
However, the attempt failed as prisoners endeavored to complete the difficult
task of self-disembowelment by shoe horn. Although commonly perceived
as deadly, the shoe horn stabbing limited the inmates to minor injuries.
After their bizarre stunt, prisoners ended up with further criminal charges
against them. The added penalties will give inmates more time to think
of tools that may inflict a little more bodily harm next time.
man was detained by two off-duty Michigan Department of Corrections employees
and an off-duty Lake County reserve officer when he walked into a gas
station dressed in what they thought was a prison uniform. The man was
wearing a blue shirt and blue pants with orange stripes down the sides.
The officers duct-taped his hands together and searched him for weapons
before asking gas station employees to contact the authorities. Within
30 minutes, authorities found the man was not an escaped convict.
judge wouldn't let him change his name to "God", so Charles
Haffey searched the Bible for a passage that would inspire him. The 55-year-old
Haffey suffers from panic and anxiety since his days in Vietnam and sought
a symbolic death to end his suffering so he could begin anew. He even
bought a tombstone marking his death. Finally, Judge Vernon Douglas laid
Charles Haffey to rest, the report says. He granted a petition to change
the man's name to "I am who I am," a Bible reference to what
God told Moses. "Well Hallelujah judge," I am who I am said
the moment he was "born" again, the Lake City Reporter reports.
He walked through the swinging door leading out of the courtroom murmuring,
"My heart's beating again."
Canada - A motorist was pulled over by police after they spotted his nine-year-old
son jumping around in the back seat. When police approached the car, they
discovered that the man felt it only necessary to buckle up what was most
dear to him: a case of beer. Traffic sergeant Cam Woolley noticed the
bottles of brew strapped tightly in the passenger seat while the child
remained unprotected. Woolley commented, "It was like this guy cared
more for his precious beer bottles getting smashed than he did for his
son going through the windshield." Fortunately, the man's prized
possession avoided any possible danger. The kid was okay too.
Ind. - An Indiana man came up with a good scare tactic for his next Halloween
party. While Nick Yinger was roaming the waste ground behind a petrol
station, he stumbled upon a coffin filled with human bones. Yinger then
placed it in the front seat of his car and drove it to his house. Not
realizing the bones actually belonged to a former human being, (he thought
they were fake) he said that, "It looked pretty cool." Upon
a friend's advice, Yinger finally called the police. Authorities are trying
to dig up some clues as to where the remains came from and who they belong
A 27-year-old Helena man surrendered to police after he allegedly convinced
two other men to break into his house and bind him and his estranged wife
with duct tape. Chad Porter hoped the staged assault would mend the couple's
relationship by showing the woman she needed her husband's protection.
Apparently Porter was moving out of his estranged wife's house when two
men wearing white masks burst in carrying a revolver and a bat. They ordered
the couple on the floor, ripped the telephone cord from the wall and duct-taped
the couple together before leaving. Unfortunately, Porter's wife recognized
the voice of one of the attackers as being Porter's younger brother, 17-year-old
Blake Noy, consequentially ruining his whole plan.
Pop star Michael Jackson admits he made an error in judgment when he dangled his infant son off of a fourth-floor hotel balcony in Germany Tuesday. Jackson, who was in Berlin to accept an award, says he was just showing the child off to his adoring fans below and never meant to hurt or scare his baby boy. "I made a terrible mistake," Jackson said in a statement. "I got caught up in the excitement of the moment. I would never intentionally endanger the lives of my children." photos and video of Jackson laughing and dangling the wriggling toddler off of the terrace shot around the world quickly after the incident occurred. Widely published, the grotesque images of the singer's helpless baby, his tiny head covered with a towel and little bare feet kicking the metal railing made the covers of New York's two competing tabloids, one with the headline "Over the Edge," the other proclaiming Jackson "Wacko." According to the New York Post, German authorities have launched an investigation into the act, while Jacko's friend, the spoon-bending psychic Uri Geller, said he'll confront the entertainer to ask: "Michael, what have you done?" "I expected him to be eccentric, but not to be crazy," onlooker Jutta Schmidt told the New York Daily News. "Just one false move and that child would have been killed." "If I was a cop in Berlin, I'd arrest him for endangering a child," said WLIB radio talk show host Mark Riley, who watched on television. "The child could have very well been killed."
JACKSON BABY FLAP NOT OVER YET
in Germany might not see anything criminal in dangling an infant off a
hotel balcony, but child protection officers in the United States think
otherwise. The World Entertainment News Network reports disgraced pop
star Michael Jackson could lose his 9-month-old son as Los Angeles authorities
investigate whether he is fit to be a father. Jackson's competence was
called into question last week when he was photographed holding Prince
Michael II over the railing of a fourth-story hotel terrace in Berlin.
German police decided not to investigate Jackson, insisting there was
no evidence he committed a crime. Child protection officers in Jackson's
native California, however, want to find out who the mother of his baby
is so they can ask her if she thinks the rock star is fit to raise the
child. A source told WENN: "Jackson will not be able to say no to
their request. They are concerned and watch him like a hawk." Jackson
has two older children by former wife Debbie Rowe. The singer has refused
to offer details about his youngest child, however, only announcing his
existence this summer.
A love struck
teenager breached airport security by jumping a fence and taking off down
the runway in an attempt to catch the plane his girlfriend was on. Apparently
he wanted to say goodbye to her and wasn't able to due to the presence
of her parents who didn't approve of the relationship. The plane was a
B737 that carries 12 business and 142 economy class passengers. Authorities
maintained the 19-year-old boy was love struck and posed no threat. An
eyewitness said, "I thought he would get sucked into the engines
but security and police officers stopped him from reaching the plane."
Have Sex With Me or Die
While some love-seekers will take the traditional route of dining or dancing
before heading into the sack, one Croatian woman decided to cut right
to the chase. Listeners of a Croatian radio show were shocked as they
heard the 35-year-old woman, named Vesna G., threaten to shoot her favorite
radio presenter if he did not agree to have sex with her. The public was
speechless as they heard the woman shout, "Have sex with me or die!"
What many thought was a joke was only too real as the woman held the helpless
Josip Portada at gunpoint. Bravely, Portada managed to talk the woman
out of her demands and called the police.
Texas - A jury on Thursday handed a life prison sentence to a Texas man
who shot and killed a longtime friend he accused of drinking the last
beer in his refrigerator. Jurors deliberated for less than two hours before
passing the sentence on Steven Brasher, 42, for the murder of Willie Lawson,
39, on Nov. 5 last year. "There was only two beers left, so I took
one, and I told Willie not to take my last beer," Brasher said in
a taped statement that was played during the trial. Testimony showed Brasher
shot Lawson in the head with a pistol after the two began arguing over
the missing beer. Brasher maintained the shooting was an accident.
- Some people will come up with any excuse when they are late for work.
Common alibis include fake illnesses, deaths in the family and car trouble.
However, one Japanese businessman landed himself in a big mess when he
told police he was abducted by armed robbers when he was late for an important
business meeting. The 29-year-old man overslept in his hotel and, instead
of rushing to the hotel where the meeting was, he hopped a one-hour cab
ride and made up a story of his abduction by two armed men. His cry for
help sent 90 officers on a massive organized manhunt. Police plan to press
charges against the man for wasting their time with the hoax.
WALES - A
"lucky chair" at a Wales bingo club has gotten two members removed
for life. Both were kicked out after one of them needed hospital treatment
for a broken nose and two black eyes. Bingo regular Sandra Fry, 55, decided
to break the face of 58-year-old Lynn Want when she saw that Want had
beaten her to the "best seat" in the house in Bridgend's Castle
Bingo Hall. Want later required an operation and hospital care to bring
her face back to normal. Fry claims that she was just as shocked as Want
was about the punch she threw, although it didn't seem like she was as
broken up about the incident as Want.
world tour, teen British singing sensation Charlotte Church told a sold-out
audience, "I love being in AMERICA. You have all the shopping and
stuff." The only problem was that the concert was in Toronto, Canada.
She was a little confused by the icy silence that greeted the comment,
but continued to belt out 'Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire' anyway.
It wasn't until she made it backstage that she was told of her mistake.
To her credit she did go back on stage and say, "I'm sorry. I DO
love Canada. Toronto's one of my favorite cities. I know you think I'm
lying now - but I'm not." The Canadian audience didn't buy it.
Tenn. - Ozzy Osbourne developed a stigma by biting the head off a bat.
A horrific incident, even for Ozzy, no one found the spectacle to be humorous.
Needless to say, when a Tennessee teenager thought it would be pretty
funny if she served one of her fast food customers a dead bat burger the
joke didn't go over very well. The 21-year-old customer went to a local
hospital's emergency room after biting into the bat sandwich. He tested
negative for rabies. What she thought was a practical joke could turn
into up to six years behind bars and a possible $3,000 fine. Even though
the victim sunk his teeth into the winged-creature like Ozzy, he won't
be getting his own reality television series.
Calif. - A Montana man is seeking restitution for damage caused by the
members of the gross-out TV show and movie "Jackass." Unlike
other suits of this nature, this man is not asking for money after attempting
and failing a stunt he saw in the movie. Instead, Mr. Jack Ass is suing
media giant Viacom Inc. of being "liable for injury to my reputation
that I have built and defamation of my character which I have worked so
hard to create." Ass is asking for $10 million or more. Ass legally
changed his name from Bob Craft back in 1997 as part of a personal crusade
against drunk driving after his brother and a friend were killed in a
car crash. The plaintiff doesn't feel that the defamation of his character
has anything to do with his last name being Ass.
N.C. - A teenage boy who received a transplanted kidney from his science
teacher has been jailed for allegedly trying to steal a forklift. Michael
Carter, 17, was arrested Sunday, police said. His mother, Deborah Evans,
said she won't post his $50,000 bail. Evans said her son got into trouble
when he skipped church Sunday. In April 2000, Jane Smith, then a teacher
at R. Max Abbott Middle School, donated a kidney to Carter, who was born
with renal disease. Carter was a student in Smith's science class.
- For safety, many people purchase guard dogs to protect their homes and
belongings. One Ohio drug-dealer ditched the traditional dog idea and
went with two boa constrictors and a four-foot alligator to guard his
combination safe. Police carefully removed the animals to gain access
to Arlander Ables' heavily guarded safe. What did Ables keep hidden in
his reptile-protected metal box? About 50 pornographic photos. Apparently
the nudie pics were more valuable to the owner than the 5 grams of crack
and 7 grams of marijuana police found not guarded by slithering cold-bloods.
- The smart thing to do if you've had a little too much to drink is find
yourself a designated driver to make sure you get home safely. The not-so-smart
thing to do is to make that designated driver your five-year-old son.
A 37-year-old drunken mother had her youngest son man the wheel while
she operated the pedals. The result was a devastating crash that injured
the mother and her two sons when the car hit a tree, hurtled down an embankment
and threw all three passengers from the car. The mother's condition was
the most severe with back and neck injuries and facial lacerations. Her
youngest son suffered a broken hand and the other sustained only minor
A tactless rugby fan managed to get himself banned from any rugby activity
for five years by the Rugby Football Union. Vince Dunne was reprimanded
for pissing off a 16-year-old linesman by pissing on him. An RFU disciplinary
panel found Dunne guilty of "conduct which is prejudicial to the
interests of the game." While Gatorade is traditionally dumped on
the head-coach of the victors, sports enthusiasts are hoping that urine
dousing does not become a common trend.
Hit And Run Stupidity
A Lithuanian teenager thought he had gotten away with his hit-and-run
crime. But when he got home he discovered the pedestrian he had knocked
down was still under the car. The unlicensed 18-year-old was shocked to
see a man's feet sticking out from under his father's Audi. Police were
able to identify the remains of the 64-year-old victim, who they said
had been drunk and was probably lying in the middle of the street when
the car struck him. The local police chief said, "But it goes to
show why this kid has failed the driver's test four times."
Manitoba - A 34-year-old Canadian man has pinned his name into the Guinness
Book of World Records. With speed-metal music on his headphones and a
picture of his deceased mother beside him, Brent Moffatt pushed 702 needles
into his body in a little less than eight hours. When trying to decide
where to put the hundreds of needles, Moffatt decided that a good place
with a lot of room would be his legs and feet. His goal was to reach 1,000
piercings but had to stop when the pain became unbearable. Wearing gloves
and using sterilized forceps, Moffatt slid lubricated 18-gauge needles
in neat lines into his skin. His reason for doing this? "To be different."
and Sally Ann Gombocz of Bethlehem, Pa., were so desperate for money they
forced their 7-year-old son to dress as a Cub Scout and go door-to-door
soliciting donations for a bogus camping trip. The Allentown Morning Call
says the couple told District Justice James Stocklas their landscaping
business was a failure and they stooped to a stupid act of desperation.
The child ultimately knocked on 150 doors -- in January -- and collected
$667. The parents, who admitted spending the money, face theft and corruption
of a minor charges but still have custody of the child.
- If you ever needed a reminder to eat your fruits and vegetables, this
story does the trick. A young college student has been living on a diet
of cheese, crackers, soda, cookies, chocolate and water. The result of
such poor eating habits? Scurvy. That's right, scurvy. Due to a lack of
vitamin C, he contracted the disease characterized by bleeding gums, loose
teeth, muscle degeneration and weakness. Such a result is to be expected
when a normal vitamin C intake per day is 90 milligrams and only .1 milligram
is actually taken. After only a few days of multivitamin and a vitamin
C supplement, his condition cleared up.
Penn. - A Pennsylvanian man had his car towed after he was arrested for
drunk driving. The man wanted his car back, so he had a friend drive him
to the towing service where he could retrieve it. When he got there the
car was still hooked on to the back of the tow truck. Noticing that the
keys were still in the truck, the man decided to steal the rig and drive
it home. He was caught and has pleaded guilty to a number of charges.
He will be sentenced at the end of this month.
- Before you have any plastic surgery done, it might be a good idea to
check out your surgeon's background. A man was convicted of disfiguring
five women with plastic surgery he wasn't qualified to perform. Vincente
Galarza, 50, performed liposuction, a tummy tuck, nose surgery and breast
implantation on seven women between the ages of 30 and 58 without a medical
license. He was arrested back in April 2001 after police visited the El
Centro de Estetica clinic in Queens and found an unconscious woman bleeding
from the head on an operating table. Galarza was found hiding in a nearby
closet. He faces up to seven years in prison where he's sure to have some
work done on him in return.
Ky. -- Some sports fans take their team spirit a bit too far. A surgeon
who graduated from the University of Kentucky is being sued by Stephanie
Means and her husband after he apparently used a cauterizing instrument
to intentionally brand the letters "UK" on her uterus. Incriminating
himself further, the doctor videotaped the operation and gave a copy to
Means and her husband. The lawsuit says the tape clearly shows the doctor
carving the letters into the woman's uterus.
Va. - In a fatal twist of irony, a man who was attempting to beat his
dog to death ended up killing himself in the process. As 43-year-old Raymond
Poore Jr. pummeled his 30-pound shar-pei with a combination rifle and
shotgun, the firearm went off and fatally wounded the man. His wife came
home and found her husband unconscious, with a number of dog bites and
scratches. Police Captain David Sobonya said that the stock of the weapon
was broken and appeared to have blood and dog hair on it. There are no
details on the further condition of the shar-pei.
Stupid Contest Results in Ass-Burns
Some severely burned backsides have landed a British radio station in
a load of trouble. BRMB, based in Birmingham, central England, was fined
by the courts for holding a competition that left three contestants with
severe ice burns and permanent scars. The "Coolest Seats In Town"
contest challenged participants to sit on blocks of dry ice to win tickets
for a music festival. The frozen blocks sat at a butt-chapping minus 78
degrees Celsius (-108.4 Fahrenheit). As a result, two women and a man
spent around 10 weeks in the hospital recovering from extensive skin grafts
that they were forced to undergo.
- A common occurrence among teenagers is to sneak out of the house late
at night to go somewhere or do something that their parents wouldn't want
them to do. However, a girl in Wisconsin used a method of tricking her
parents that could have killed them. After stealing her stepfather's antidepressant
drug trazadone, the 15-year-old drugged her parents by crushing it and
putting it in their coffee, drinks and even on their pizza. A medical
expert claimed that the additional dosage to the amount already taken
by the stepfather could have led to an overdose and proved fatal. Possible
side effects put the mother in danger as well. The young woman is being
charged with a felony count of reckless endangerment and faces a $10,000
fine and a stay in the local juvenile facility until she's 21.
- When an establishment puts up a sign warning of possible dangers, there's
a reason for it. A 54-year-old woman learned this the hard way when she
visited a Spanish zoo while on a tourist venture. Avoiding signs that
warned the public not to reach into the animal pens, the woman climbed
up a three-meter high barrier, stuck her fingers inside a lion cage and,
consequently, had her arm ripped off. Local media said the England native,
who had been at the park with a group of other British visitors, was airlifted
to a hospital nearby.
Courtney Love was arrested in London Tuesday after allegedly causing a
ruckus on a trans-Atlantic flight. The 38-year-old singer-actress was
arrested for disruptive behavior and endangering an aircraft, British
police confirm. They say they arrested Kurt Cobain's widow at Heathrow
Airport after Virgin Atlantic cabin crew members complained Love had verbally
abused them and become disruptive during a flight from Los Angeles to
London. The captain radioed authorities and police were waiting for the
singer-actress when the plane landed. Says a spokesman for Virgin: "We
will not tolerate disruptive behavior by passengers on board any of our
aircraft and always report it to the authorities. The matter is now in
the hands of the police." None of the 200 people on board the plane
was injured during the incident.
Last winter some nimrod posted an on-line petition suggesting that the name "The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers" was intentionally offensive to the memory of 9/11...
There were about 3600 signatures, of which about 2000 are sarcastic... below is the original petition, and just a small sampling of some of the replies:
Jackson and New Line Cinema
However, Peter Jackson has decided to tastelessly name the sequel "The Two Towers". The title is clearly meant to refer to the attacks on the World Trade Center. In this post-September 11 world, it is unforgiveable that this should be allowed to happen. The idea is both offensive and morally repugnant. Hopefully, when Peter Jackson and New Line Cinema see the number of signatures on this petition, the title will be changed to something a little more sensitive.
Sincerely, The Undersigned
818. C. Hart