LOS ANGELES,
Calif. - A Montana man is seeking restitution for damage caused by the
members of the gross-out TV show and movie "Jackass." Unlike
other suits of this nature, this man is not asking for money after attempting
and failing a stunt he saw in the movie. Instead, Mr. Jack Ass is suing
media giant Viacom Inc. of being "liable for injury to my reputation
that I have built and defamation of my character which I have worked so
hard to create." Ass is asking for $10 million or more. Ass legally
changed his name from Bob Craft back in 1997 as part of a personal crusade
against drunk driving after his brother and a friend were killed in a
car crash. The plaintiff doesn't feel that the defamation of his character
has anything to do with his last name being Ass. MEMPHIS,
Mich. - A case where credit was not given where it was due has a high
school senior suing his school. In order to bolster his chance at becoming
valedictorian of his class, Brian Delekta is demanding that educators
change the grade for his work-experience class from an A to an A+. The
plaintiff worked as a paralegal in his mother's law office, where she
says her son fulfilled the district's work program requirements and performed
professionally at work. If the grade is not changed, Delekta might not
become valedictorian and will always be remembered as the nerd who sued
his school for an A+. Osama bin Laden Haircut Results in Lawsuit HONG KONG,
China - A woman hoping for Julia Roberts hair entered a salon in Hong
Kong and came out looking like Osama bin Laden. At least that is what
she claimed. In an attempt to sue the salon for compensation, Chu Ieu
said in court that not only did she not end up with hair like Roberts,
but "It was like a broom. It was horrible. I looked like Osama bin
Laden." Adjudicator Yuen Chun-kau dismissed the case. He told the
woman, "You've only shown the court that the hairstyle did not look
good." Exasperated, Ieu claimed the judge's indifference was because
he was bald. She refused to leave the courtroom and had to be taken away
by ambulance after an hour-long standoff. High School Student Sues to Graduate An Arizona high school student walked across the stage to receive her diploma last month, despite the fact that she failed her senior English class. How did this happen, you ask? Her parents threatened to sue the school if she didn't graduate. In the letter prepared by the parents' lawyer, was this friendly reminder to the teacher... "Of course, all information regarding your background, your employment records, all of your class records, past and present, dealings with this and other students becomes relevant, should litigation be necessary." In response to this the school allowed the girl in question to retake her final five hours before graduation, even while other failing students were registering for Summer school. And then... WHITING,
Ind. - Officials at Whiting High School refused to give the senior class
salutatorian her diploma after she deviated from her prepared speech and
gave teachers frivolous awards during the ceremony. Caitlin Mills-Groninger,
18, presented her approved speech asking her classmates to denounce discrimination
and build a civil society. She then took a lighter tone as she called
13 teachers by name and presented them with fanciful awards like "Trapped
in the 80s," and "Pain in the Asymptote." School administrators
didn't appreciate it. They pulled her diploma pending disciplinary action. Quadriplegic Sues for Strip Club Access WEST PALM
BEACH, Fla. - A quadriplegic has filed suit against a strip club - because
he can't get his wheelchair into it's lap-dancing room. The suit said
that while other patrons enjoy lap dances in the privacy of the special
room, his have to take place in public. His lawyer, who brought the suit
under the Americans with Disabilities Act, also charges that the stage
where strippers gyrate for tips is too high for his client to view from
his wheelchair. Lawyer Sued for Spanking Client CONNECTICUT
- A client sued her lawyer in 1999 for emotional distress after he spanked
her bare buttocks, but the claim has been rejected. The woman's lawyer
claimed he put her over his knee to stop her from fidgeting before appearing
in court so her testimony would appear to be more believable. Then he
claimed he didn't have any assets, so the woman proceeded to sue his insurance
company with whom he had a malpractice policy for $250,000. American Home
insurance company refused to pay out, saying that "The perverted
act of intentionally fondling the bare bottoms of female clients cannot
and is not part of the practice of law." The Connecticut Law Tribune
said the whole thing "is certain to make the legal system the butt
of more jokes." Suit
Brought on Behalf of Jesus Christ MUNICH, Germany - Three
theologians filed a lawsuit by proxy for Jesus Christ. They decided that
both Protestant and Roman Catholic churches have brought the Lord's name
into disrepute. The plaintiff's tried to invoke a law that allows people
to defend the reputations of their dead relatives. "In view of their
bloody history, it's a fraud," one member told the court. The judge
threw the case out of court because Christians believe that Christ rose
from the dead, thereby disqualifying him for posthumous representation. Topless Dancer Sued for Neck Injuries CHICAGO, IL - You just
can't beat the legal system in the Windy City. James Retton has filed
suit against a local strip club and one of the dancers. The dancer in
question goes by the name of "Lusty Busty." It seems that while
getting a private dance at the club, Retton was battered between Lusty's
ample 64" chest. He is suing for $100,000 and has been wearing a
neck brace ever since that fateful night. The club owners are prepared
to call more than 50 men who will swear that Lusty is a good hearted soul. Hooters
Sued Over Toy-Yoda Gag and the resolution... PANAMA CITY, Fla.
- You may remember this story from last year. A Hooters waitress took
part in a beer sales contest. The person who sold the most beer was promised
a brand new Toyota. Well, Jodee Berry, 27, won the contest, and was led
out to the parking lot where she expected to collect her new car, only
to be presented with a toy "Yoda" doll from the popular Star
Wars movie franchise. Naturally, she quit and took her case to court.
The system finally worked for Berry, and while her attorney said he could
not disclose the details of the settlement, he did say that Berry can
now go to a local car dealership and "pick out whatever type of Toyota
she wants." Wife
Sues Husband's Gay Lover Hypnotist Sued Over Broken Hand TACOMA, WA - According
to a report in the Tacoma Tribune, Joshua Harris is suing hypnotist Travis
Fox who, he said, caused him to break his hand while under hypnosis. Fox
was entertaining audiences at the Puyallup Fair and asked Harris if he
wanted to volunteer. Fox then hypnotized him, and by allegedly manipulating
his subconscious, caused Harris to believe he was being attacked by aliens.
While flailing his arms about Harris managed to break his hand. He has
now filed a personal injury lawsuit alleging negligence by Fox, Fox's
manager, the Western Washington Fair Association and the company that
booked Fox's act. Harris is seeking unspecified damages for pain and suffering. Sea World Sued Over Insufficient Warnings WEST PALM BEACH,
Florida - Remember back when a man was found dead and naked in the pool
with a killer whale at Sea World? Now, months after he decided to "swim"
in the perilous buff, his parents are filing a suit against Sea World
because they failed to adequately post that swimming in the pool with
killer whales was dangerous. Amusing Lawsuits and Legal Cases A University of Idaho
freshman suffered fractured vertebrae, abrasions and severely bruised
buttocks when the dormitory window that he was mooning a group of friends
through shattered. The young man and his parents sued the school for $470,000
per cheek. MEXICO CITY - A burglar in Mexico City was in for a big surprise when he broke into the home of 350-pound Maria Teresina-Lorca. Miguel Pintado, 42, has filed a lawsuit against Teresina-Lorca for using "excessive force" when she apparently assaulted him and proceeded to sit upon him for a half-hour while waiting for the police to arrive. Pintado said he suffered a fractured rib as well as severe emotional trauma from "being smothered under the flabby buttocks of that big woman for so long." In order to compensate for the incident, he is asking for the equivalent of $300,000 in damages. A
Philadelphia man sued U.S. Airways claiming that he thought the plane
he was on crashed and he was dead after the crew accidentally left him
sleeping on the aircraft. A judge in
Germany sued Coca-Cola, claiming that his habit of consuming two Cokes
a day over several years caused him to develop diabetes. The pet guardians
of a golden retriever asked an Ohio court to expand the legal status of
dogs to allow the canines to sue in court after their dog was injured
by an invisible electrical fence.
Frustrated by the
routine release of women convicted of misdemeanor prostitution, one judge
in San Francisco set a hooker's bail at $5 billion. The Stella Awards: The Stella's are named
after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully
sued McDonalds. That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous
successful lawsuits in the United States. 7. This year's favorite could easily be Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the R.V. left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that he couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation vehicles. Idiotic Lawsuits of 2003 Allstate dragged food maker Kraft into court during an argument over a house fire. Allstate claimed that Kraft's "Toastette" pastries are flammable and caused the fire that burned the house that Allstate insured, and now doesn't want to pay out on. Wal-Mart sued K-Mart in federal court over the "Lazy Susan" rotating carousels that hold plastic bags at the checkout lane. Wal-Mart claims a patent on the holders and is intent on making sure that K-Mart stores are left without rotating plastic bags. Heavy equipment maker Caterpillar, Inc sued Disney to stop the release of the children's tale, George of the Jungle 2. Caterpillar claims that the Disney film about wild animals attempting to protect their jungle homes might hurt the reputation of bulldozers and other Caterpillar equipment. Nike tried to fight for their right to lie to the public. The California Supreme Court ruled that Nike violated a consumer protection law by publicizing "false and misleading information" about its use of abusive sweatshop labor in poor countries. Nike claimed that if it had to follow the law and be honest that would hurt their business and their public relations activities. Kellogg sued a local golf course, Toucan Golf, Inc., because the name and picture of an actual toucan on its logo was too similar to the company's imaginary Froot Loops bird Toucan Sam. The U.S. Federal Courts informed the corporation that real toucans existed first and golf courses have little to do with selling children's cereal. The U.S. Supreme Court rejected an appeal from Mattel over allegations that a 1997 pop song by the group Aqua referred to the well-endowed plastic Barbie as a "bimbo." The Barbie the Bimbo lawsuit spent five years in the court system before finally being dropped. Hasbro sued over allegations that a cereal box game featuring Tony the Tiger (Kellogg's Frosted Flakes cereal icon) looked too much like some long forgotten game that Hasbro made in the 1960s. Soap making
rivals Amway and Proctor & Gamble have spent seven years fighting
in court over strange allegations that Proctor & Gamble is Satanic,
and/or that Amway is spreading rumors that P&G is Satanic. In April 1996, inmate Kirk Livingood attempted to sue his cell mate, Phillip Negrete, for routinely beating him. Convicted rapist, robber and kidnapper Melvin Leroy Tyler, serving time in Missouri, filed a lawsuit for $129 million to have prisoners supplied with a salad bar and brunches on weekends and holidays. A New York City inmate sued for $8.5 million in damages because he smuggled a gun into the prison and accidentally shot himself. Richard Loritz filed a $2000 lawsuit against the South Bay Detention Center in San Diego, California, for refusing to allow him to use dental floss. Roy Clendimen, a prisoner at the Mohawk Correctional Facility near Syracuse, New York, sued for $1 million because a guard wouldn't put his ice cream in the freezer and it melted. A Utah prisoner filed a $1 million lawsuit against the state for suspending a program which provided hair transplants for prisoners. He claimed "emotional suffering." A lawsuit filed by Missouri
inmates claimed that a limit on Kool-Aid refills constitutes "cruel
and unusual punishment. BROOKSVILLE, Florida
- Laren Sims, 36, was in Florida awaiting extradition to California for
killing her husband Larry McNabney and burying him in a vineyard. Before
she could be moved, however, officials discovered Sims had hung herself
in her jail cell, and she died a day later. Officials found her suicide
note in a sandwich wrapper, in which she asked her lawyer to sue the penitentiary
for not preventing her from killing herself. Additionally, she instructed
that her children were to receive any funds raised from the lawsuit. "This
is all I can give to my children... My actions now will allow them to
move into the future without this heavy burden. They won't have to watch
my trial on Court TV. It should all die with me," she wrote in the
note. She also claims that she was not checked regularly in her cell,
but an investigation has since disputed the charge. Monica Lewinsky Sues NYSU Professor A former student
of the State University of New York at New Paltz has just won a sexual
harassment suit against a professor who called her Monica Lewinsky. The
student, Inbal Hayut, claimed the teacher created a "sexually hostile
environment" by repeatedly making comments which associated [her]
with some of Lewinsky's more notorious conduct. Professor Alex Young was
accused of saying, "How was your weekend with Bill, Monica,"
and "I'll give you a cigar later." All these comments were made
in front of the entire class. "She's a sweet girl and this was very
difficult for her," said her lawyer. "Some of the students didn't
know her by any other name but Monica." Young's lawyer called the
harassment charge ridiculous. "This is political correctness taken
to the extreme," he said. However the most ridiculous comment was
made by Lewinsky's spokeswoman who said, "Monica is dismayed this
incident ever occurred...when people hear her name now, they think Monica
Lewinsky handbag designer, and entrepreneur." Nudists Sue Over Fire-Walk Injuries SAN DIEGO - A total of
seven nudists in San Diego suffered severe burns and nerve damage during
the August 2000 fire-walk at a convention of the American Association
for Nude Recreation in Jacumba. Eli Tyler of El Cajon is now filing a
lawsuit against the association, claiming organizer Fred Gilbert told
participants the fire-walk would be "a safe and spiritual experience."
According to Tyler, Gilbert allegedly used the wrong type of wood, and
started the walk before ash formed and failed to have medical personnel
present. "Participants were warned of the dangers and each agreed
not to sue if they were injured," refuted the owner of the
DeAnza Springs Resort where the event took place. Canadian Stripper Sued for Patron Injuries VANCOUVER, British Columbia
- A Canadian man recently filed suit against the Barnet Motor Inn strip
club claiming he was injured by a "reckless" dancer who kicked
him in the head. Greg Bonnett leaned in a little too closely during a
performance, and the dancer in question swung around a pole and allegedly
broke his nose with her high heel. Bonnett is suing the club for not posting
signs warning patrons not to sit too closely. He is also seeking unspecified
damages from the dancer, known only as "Jane Doe". Transvestite Sues Beauty School LOS ANGELES
- A transvestite sued a Los Angeles beauty school, claiming his application
was rejected when school officials realized he was not a woman. The plaintiff,
known only as "Sandy," passed a test, paid a $100 fee, was accepted
to the school and was told to report for classes in August. Apparently
when school owners found out Sandy was a man, they were concerned with
which bathroom facilities he would use. School officials had no comment
on the lawsuit. PANAMA CITY
BEACH, Fla. - John and Cecelia O'Hare are suing McDonald's for unspecified
damage worth more than $15,000, claiming an improperly prepared bagel
damaged the husband's teeth and their marriage. The suit alleges the wife
"lost the care, comfort, consortium and society of her husband"
after he bit into a bagel and broke teeth and bridgework. A representative
of the franchise said she never before had a bagel complaint and had no
idea how it could have been prepared in a way that would damage teeth.
"It's a bagel," she said. KANSAS CITY, KS -- A judge has set a trial date in a discrimination lawsuit filed against Southwest Airlines by two black passengers who were upset when a flight attendant recited a version of a rhyme with a racist history. Grace Fuller, 48, and her sister Louis Sawyer, 46, were returning from Las Vegas two years ago when flight attendant Jennifer Cundiff, trying to get passengers to sit down, said over the intercom, "Eenie, meenie, minie, moe; pick a seat, we gotta go." The sisters say the rhyme was directed at them and was a reference to its racist version that dates to before the civil rights era: "Eenie, meenie, minie, moe; catch a n----- by his toe." "It was like I was too dumb to find a seat," Fuller said. Sawyer said fellow passengers snickered at the rhyme, which made her feel alienated. The sisters are seeking unspecified compensatory and punitive damages. U.S. District Judge Kathryn Vratil last week dismissed the sisters' claims of physical and emotional distress but set trial for March 4. "The court agrees with plaintiffs that because of its history, the phrase `eenie, meenie, minie, moe' could reasonably be viewed as objectively racist and offensive," Vratil wrote. The second line of a modern version of the rhyme usually goes, "Catch a tiger by the toe." Airline attorney John Cowden said there was no intent to discriminate against any passenger. Cundiff, who is white and was 22 at the time of the incident, said she had never heard the offensive version of the rhyme. She said she learned the Southwest version from co-workers and used it as a funny way of getting passengers -- who are not assigned seats on Southwest -- to sit down. Plaintiffs'
attorney Scott Wissel said the sisters also want Southwest to stop using
the rhyme and provide employee training to prevent such incidents. And now to review the winners of the 2002 "Stella Awards". The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds. That case inspired the "Stella" awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States. Unfortunately, the most recent lawsuit implicating McDonald's, the man who alleges that eating at McDonald's has made him fat, was filed after the 2002 award voting was closed. This suit will top the 2003 list. The following are the 2002 winners: 5th Place(tie): Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son. 5th Place(tie): A 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps. 5th Place(tie): Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr.Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed, to the tune of $500,000. 4th Place: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun. 3rd Place: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. 2nd Place: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses. 1st Place:
This year's run away winner was Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On his
first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven onto the freeway,
he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat
to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly,
the R.V. left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued
Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that he couldn't
actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new motorhome.
The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit,
just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation
vehicles. STAMFORD,
Conn. - A 2-year-old boy who is a model and actor is seeking unspecified
lost wages and other compensation from the city after he cut his head
at a playground. Konrad Mader was running toward a playhouse when he rammed
into a railing, according to a claim filed by his mother. The toddler
received numerous stitches. Deena Mader, the boy's mother, did not specify
how much she is seeking on behalf of her son. She wrote a letter to officials
demanding compensation for medical bills, pain and suffering. She said
that the green railing her son hit his head on blends in with the landscaping
and should be painted a brighter color. "This accident was preventable
had the railings and safety measures been correct at this park,"
Mader wrote in her claim. TV Addiction Grounds for Lawsuit A West Bend
man is suing the cable company that he feels made him addicted to TV,
caused his wife to be overweight and his kids to be lazy. Timothy Dumouchel
is asking for $5,000 or three computers, and a lifetime supply of free
Internet service from Charter Communications to settle a small claims
suit. Dumouchel told Charter that he plans to sue because his cable connection
remained intact four years after he tried to get it canceled. "I
believe that the reason I smoke and drink every day and my wife is overweight
is because we watched TV every day for the last four years," Dumouchel
stated in a written complaint against the company. He stated that he called
Charter several times to get the service disconnected for good because
he felt it was addictive, but they reportedly never did.
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