Viagra Jokes, Facts, News What
do Disneyland and Viagra have in common?
Top Ten Slogans Currently Being Considered by Viagra: 10. "Viagra. The quicker dicker upper" 9. "One-a-day, like iron" 8. "Get a piece of the rock" 7. "You've come a long way, baby" 6. "We work harder, so you don't have to" 5. "Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman 4. "Tastes great, more filling" 3. "This is your penis. This is your penis on Viagra. Any questions?" 2. "Viagra, when it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight" and the number one slogan being considered by Viagra: 1. "Just do her." With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society.... DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent. PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one. CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over-whelming urge to perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and "little accidents." COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. * * *Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing. BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store's return limit. NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents. NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members. FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides. LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions. London, 19th May. Following the approval of Viagra by the UK's health authorities, the first shipment arrived yesterday at Heathrow airport, but was hijacked on the way to the depot. Scotland Yard have warned the public to be on the lookout for a gang of hardened criminals. Physicians and the Pfizer have been concerned with patients ordering and presumably using large quantities of the drug. The PHYSICIANS DESK REFERENCE and general instructions to pharmacists now are specifying that all prescriptions of ten tablets or more be accompanied by an enclosure containing a picture of Janet Reno........... All Drugs have a generic name. Tylenol is Acetaminophen Advil is Iboprofen And so on... What's the generic name for Viagra? Mycoxafailin And on a similar note: - Submitted by Uri Dub A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner. So, that night at dinner, she does. About a week later she's back at the doctor. She says, "Doc, the pill worked great!! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes and he jumps up, rakes all the food and dishes on the floor, grabs me, rips all my clothes off and ravages me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Naah... ",
she says, "that's okay. We aren't going back to that Restaurant anyway." A lady walked into a pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist. She asked: "Do you have Viagra?" "Yes," he answered. She asked, "Does it work?" "Yes," he answered. "Can you get it over the counter?" she asked. "I can if I take
two," he answered. Q: Did you hear that
Viagra now comes in a nasal spray? The difference between
a gentile wife and a jewish wife. The gentile wife says "Buy Viagra."
The jewish wife says "Buy Pfizer." Have you heard about
the new drug that's a combination of Ginko and Viagra? So you can
remember what the fuck you did. A guy walks into a
pharmacy and asks for a bottle of Viagra. The pharmacist says, "Do
you have a prescription?" There will be a new
soft drink on the market soon that will contain Viagra. A woman asks her husband
if he'd like some breakfast, bacon eggs, perhaps a slice of toast? Grapefruit
with ginger and coffee to follow? "Well, then",
she says, .. "Would you mind getting off of me? I'm starving to death Viagra-Laced Soft Drink Pulled From Tokyo Shelves TOKYO - A soft drink
containing the active ingredient of the impotence drug Viagra has been
banned by Japanese officials. Some 47,000 bottles of the non-prescription
drink were imported from China last year, and all but 4,000 have already
been sold. Each bottle of the drink contained 64.3 milligrams of the chemical
sildenafil, far more than the 25 or 50 mg in one tablet of Viagra sold
in Japan, officials said. The ban was put into effect shortly after advertisements
for the drink, touted as "the solution to your nighttime problems,"
appeared in men's magazines and on the Internet...obviously hoping to
tap into the market of an estimated 9.8 million men in Japan who suffer
from erectile dysfunction. A Russian man is walking
through a bazaar, when a stranger comes up to him and offers to sell him
some illegal Viagra for 100 rubles. "No, not worth it!" A man finally gets his prescription for Viagra. Anxious to try it out, he takes one as soon as he gets home, and waits for his wife to come home from work, but, in his excitement he forgets and leaves the package open on the table and his cockatiel eats all of them. Seeing the results and panicking the man grabs the bird and stuffs him into the freezer to cool off. Unfortunately, his Viagra kicks in just as his wife comes home and it is hours later before he remembers the cockatiel. He runs and looks in the freezer expecting the worst, only to find the bird breathing heavily, drained with sweat and totally exhausted. "What happened?" the man asks, "You were in there for hours and yet you're not only alive but you're sweating like crazy?" The cockatiel
pants: "Man, have you ever tried to pry the legs apart on a frozen
chicken?" Prescribing Viagra for a Sunburn A man fell asleep on the beach. He woke up several hours later and suffered a severe sunburn to his legs and was taken to the closest hospital, which happened to be a U.S. Naval Hospital. His skin
had turned a bright red and was very painful and had started to blister.
Anything that touched his legs caused agony. The lead on the medical staff
at the naval hospital, that night, was a Chief Corpsman, in the emergency
room. The Chief checked him out and then prescribed continued intravenous
feedings of water, electrolytes, a mild sedative, and Viagra. The Chief
replied, "It'll keep the sheet off his legs." New Viagra-Based Power Beverage (not true) Pfizer Corp.
is making the announcement today that Viagra will soon be available in
liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable
for use as a mixer. Pepsi's proposed ad campaign claims: It will now be
possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we
can no longer call this a soft drink. This additive gives new meaning
to descriptions like cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned
stiff drink. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of Mount
And Do. Wrigley Announces Viagra-Based Gum Men may be
able to chew gum and get it up at the same time with a piece of Wrigley's
gum. To make it last a little longer, Wrigley has created a chewing gum
that contains sildenafil citrate, the chemical name for Pfizer Corp.'s
Viagra. The company received the patent for the gum back in March. Researchers
for Wrigley said that the gum would provide an improved dosage form and
method of treating erectile dysfunction. The gum would work faster than
the pill version and the man would have to chew the gum for two minutes
about a half-hour prior to sex. Wrigley requires clearance from the Federal
Food and Drug Administration before marketing the gum, which would probably
need a prescription. If it does get patented, all they would need to think
of is a name. Wife to Husband at 9 a.m.: "Honey, can't I make you a nice breakfast?" "No Sweetie this Viagra reduces my appetite. I'm just not hungry." Wife to Husband at 1 p.m.: "Honey, can't I make you some lunch?" "No Sweetie this Viagra reduce my appetite. I'm just not hungry." Wife to Husband at 6 p.m.: "Honey, can't I make you a very nice hearty supper?" "No Sweetie this Viagra reduce my appetite. I'm just not hungry." "Then
just get off me, because I am starving!"
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