Click Picture for Enlargement
Quotes by George W. Bush
(The "W" stands for "Weally Smawt")
"States should have the right to enact reasonable laws and restrictions
particularly to end the inhumane practice of ending a life that otherwise
-Cleveland, June 29, 2000
"Unfairly but truthfully, our party has been tagged as being against
things.. Anti-immigrant, for example. And we're not a party of anti-immigrants.
Quite the opposite. We're a party that welcomes people."
-campaigning in Cleveland, July 1, 2000
"The fundamental question is, 'Will I be a successful president when
it comes to foreign policy?' I will be, but until I'm the president, it's
going to be hard for me to verify that I think I'll be more effective."
-In Wayne, Mich., as quoted in the New York Times, June 28, 2000
"The only things that I can tell you is that every case I have reviewed
I have been comfortable with the innocence or guilt of the person that
I've looked at. I do not believe we've put a guilty... I mean innocent
person to death in the state of Texas."
-All Things Considered, NPR, June 16, 2000
"I'm gonna talk about the ideal world, Chris. I've read- I understand
reality. If you're asking me as the president, would I understand reality,
-On abortion, Hardball, MSNBC; May 31, 2000
"There's not going to be enough people in the system to take advantage
of people like me."
-On the coming Social Security crisis; Wilton, Conn.; June 9, 2000
BUSH: "First of all, Cinco de Mayo is not the independence day. That's
dieciseis de Septiembre, and ..." MATTHEWS: "What's that in
English?" BUSH: "Fifteenth of September." (Dieciseis de
Septiembre = Sept. 16)
-Hardball, MSNBC, May 31, 2000
"Actually, I...this may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like
it. When I'm talking about...when I'm talking about myself, and when he's
talking about myself, all of us are talking about me."
"This is a world that is much more uncertain than the past. In the
past we were certain, we were certain it was us versus the Russians in
the past. We were certain, and therefore we had huge nuclear arsenals
aimed at each other to keep the peace. That's what we were certain of...You
see, even though it's an uncertain world, we're certain of some things.
We're certain that even though the 'evil empire' may have passed, evil
still remains. We're certain there are people that can't stand what America
stands for...We're certain there are madmen in this world, and there's
terror, and there's missiles and I'm certain of this, too: I'm certain
to maintain the peace, we better have a military of high morale, and I'm
certain that under this administration, morale in the military is dangerously
-Albuquerque, N.M., the Washington Post, May 31, 2000
"He has certainly earned a reputation as a fantastic mayor, because
the results speak for themselves. I mean, New York's a safer place for
him to be."
-On Rudy Giuliani, The Edge With Paula Zahn, May 18, 2000
"The fact that he relies on facts...says things that are not factual...are
going to undermine his campaign."
-New York Times, March 4, 2000
"I think we agree, the past is over."
-On his meeting with John McCain, Dallas Morning News, May 10, 2000
"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."
-Reuters, May 5, 2000
GOV. BUSH: "Because the picture on the newspaper. It just seems so
un-American to me, the picture of the guy storming the house with a scared
little boy there. I talked to my little brother, Jeb...I haven't told
this to many people. But he's the governor of...I shouldn't call him my
little brother...my brother, Jeb, the great governor of Texas." JIM
LEHRER: "Florida." GOV. BUSH: "Florida. The state of the
-The NewsHour With Jim Lehrer, April 27, 2000
"I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to
California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California."
-In Los Angeles as quoted by the Los Angeles Times, April 8, 2000
"Other Republican candidates may retort to personal attacks and negative
-Fund-raising letter from George W. Bush, quoted in the Washington Post,
March 24, 2000 (a LETTER!)
"People make suggestions on what to say all the time. I'll give you
an example; I don't read what's handed to me. People say, 'Here, here's
your speech, or here's an idea for a speech.' They're changed. Trust me."
-Interview with the New York Times, March 15, 2000
"It's evolutionary, going from governor to president, and this is
a significant step, to be able to vote for yourself on the ballot, and
I'll be able to do so next fall, I hope."
-Interview with the Associated Press, March 8, 2000
"It is not Reaganesque to support a tax plan that is Clinton in nature."
-Los Angeles, Feb. 23, 2000
"I understand small business growth. I was one."
-New York Daily News, Feb. 19, 2000
"The senator has got to understand if he's going to have...he can't
have it both ways. He can't take the high horse and then claim the low
-To reporters in Florence, S.C., Feb. 17, 2000
"I thought how proud I am to be standing up beside my dad. Never
did it occur to me that he would become the gist for cartoonists."
"If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and
principles, come and join this campaign."
-Hilton Head, S.C., Feb. 16, 2000
"How do you know if you don't measure if you have a system that simply
suckles kids through?"
-Explaining the need for educational accountability in Beaufort, S.C.,
Feb. 16, 2000
"We ought to make the pie higher."
-South Carolina Republican Debate, Feb. 15, 2000
"I've changed my style somewhat, as you know. I'm less...I pontificate
less, although it may be hard to tell it from this show. And I'm more
interacting with people."
"I think we need not only to eliminate the tollbooth to the middle
class, I think we should knock down the tollbooth."
-Nashua, N.H., as quoted in the New York Times, Feb. 1, 2000
"The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my
-Pella, Iowa, as quoted by the San Antonio Express-News, Jan. 30, 2000
"Will the highways on the Internet become more few?"
-Concord, N.H., Jan. 29, 2000
"This is Preservation Month. I appreciate preservation. It's what
you do when you run for president. You gotta preserve."
-Speaking during "PERSEVERENCE Month" at Fairgrounds Elementary
School in Nashua, N.H. As quoted in the Los Angeles Times, Jan. 28, 2000
"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."
-Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000
"What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they
basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas,
I think vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody
else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position."
-The San Francisco Chronicle, Jan. 21, 2000
"When I was coming up, it was a dangerous world, and you knew exactly
who they were. It was us vs. them, and it was clear who them was. Today,
we are not so sure who the they are, but we know they're there."
-Iowa Western Community College, Jan 21, 2000
"The administration I'll bring is a group of men and women who are
focused on what's best for America, honest men and women, decent men and
women, women who will see service to our country as a great privilege
and who will not stain the house."
-Des Moines Register debate, Iowa, Jan. 15, 2000
"This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
and potential mental losses."
-At a South Carolina oyster roast, as quoted in the Financial Times, Jan.
"We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like
you like to be liked yourself."
"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"
-Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000
"Gov. Bush will not stand for the subsidation of failure."
"There needs to be debates, like we're going through. There needs
to be town-hall meetings. There needs to be travel. This is a huge country."
-Larry King Live, Dec. 16, 1999
"I think it's important for those of us in a position of responsibility
to be firm in sharing our experiences, to understand that the babies out
of wedlock is a very difficult chore for mom and baby alike...I believe
we ought to say there is a different alternative than the culture that
is proposed by people like Miss Wolf in society...And, you know, hopefully,
condoms will work, but it hasn't worked."
-Meet the Press, Nov. 21, 1999
"The important question is, How many hands have I shaked?"
-Answering a question about why he hasn't spent more time in New Hampshire,
in the New York Times, Oct. 23, 1999
"I don't remember debates. I don't think we spent a lot of time debating
it.. Maybe we did, but I don't remember."
-On discussions of the Vietnam War when he was an undergraduate at Yale,
Washington Post, July 27, 1999
"It was just inebriating what Midland was all about then."
-From a 1994 interview, as quoted in First Son by Bill Minutaglio
"I think anybody who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle the
job is underestimating."
-U.S. News & World Report, April 3, 2000
administration has been calling upon all the leaders in the--in the Middle
East to do everything they can to stop the violence, to tell the different
parties involved that peace will never happen."
saw the president yesterday. I thought he was very forward-leaning, as they
say in diplomatic nuanced circles."—Referring to his meeting with Russian
President Vladimir Putin, Rome, July 23, 2001
-Crawford, Texas, Aug. 13, 2001
''I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate
what I believe and what I believe—I believe what I believe is right."—Rome,
July 22, 2001
"I can't tell you what it's like to be in
Europe, for example, to be talking about the greatness of America. But the
true greatness of America are the people."—Visiting the Jefferson Memorial,
Washington, D.C., July 2, 2001
"Well, it's an unimaginable honor to be
the president during the Fourth of July of this country. It means what
these words say, for starters. The great inalienable rights of our
country. We're blessed with such values in America. And I—it's—I'm
a proud man to be the nation based upon such wonderful values."—Visiting
the Jefferson Memorial, Washington, D.C., July 2, 2001
"I want to thank you for coming to the White
House to give me an opportunity to urge you to work with these five senators
and three congressmen, to work hard to get this trade promotion authority
moving. The power that be, well most of the power that be, sits right here."—Washington,
D.C., June 18, 2001
"We spent a lot of time talking about Africa,
as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease."—Gothenburg,
Sweden, June 14, 2001
"I haven't had a chance to talk, but I'm
confident we'll get a bill that I can live with if we don't."—Referring
to the McCain-Kennedy patients' bill of rights, Brussels, Belgium, June
"Can't living with the bill means
it won't become law."—Referring to the McCain-Kennedy patients' bill
of rights, Brussels, Belgium, June 13, 2001
"Russia is no longer our enemy and therefore
we shouldn't be locked into a Cold War mentality that says we keep the peace
by blowing each other up. In my attitude, that's old, that's tired, that's
stale."—Des Moines, Iowa, June 8, 2001
"Anyway, I'm so thankful, and so gracious—I'm
gracious that my brother Jeb is concerned about the hemisphere as well."—Miami,
Fla., June 4, 2001
"It's important for young men and women who
look at the Nebraska champs to understand that quality of life is more than
just blocking shots."—Remarks to the University of Nebraska women's
volleyball team, the 2001 national champions, Washington, D.C., May 31,
"Our nation must come together to unite."—Tampa,
Fla., June 4, 2001
"So on behalf of a well-oiled unit of people
who came together to serve something greater than themselves, congratulations."—Remarks
to the University of Nebraska women's volleyball team, the 2001 national
champions, Washington, D.C., May 31, 2001
"If a person doesn't have the capacity that
we all want that person to have, I suspect hope is in the far distant future,
if at all."—Remarks to the Hispanic Scholarship Fund Institute, Washington,
D.C., May 22, 2001
"Thirdly, the explorationists are willing
to only move equipment during the winter, which means they'll be on ice
roads, and remove the equipment as the ice begins to melt, so that the fragile
tundra is protected."—Conestoga, Pa., May 18, 2001
"Presidents, whether things are good or bad, get the blame. I understand
that."—Washington, D.C., May 11, 2001
every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And,
folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're
going to do something about it."—Philadelphia, May 14, 2001
"There's no question that the minute I
got elected, the storm clouds on the horizon were getting nearly directly
overhead."—Washington, D.C., May 11, 2001
"But I also made it clear to [Vladimir
Putin] that it's important to think beyond the old days of when we had
the concept that if we blew each other up, the world would be safe."—Washington,
D.C., May 1, 2001
"Whatever it took to help Taiwan defend
theirself."—On how far we'd be willing to go to defend Taiwan, Good
Morning America, April 25, 2001
"First, we would not accept a treaty that
would not have been ratified, nor a treaty that I thought made sense for
the country."—On the Kyoto accord in an interview with the Washington
Post, April 24, 2001
"It's very important for folks to understand
that when there's more trade, there's more commerce."—Quebec City,
Canada, April 21, 2001
"Neither in French nor in English nor
in Mexican."—Declining to answer reporters' questions at the Summit
of the Americas, Quebec City, Canada, April 21, 2001
"We must have the attitude that every
child in America—regardless of where they're raised or how they're born—can
learn."—New Britain, Conn., April 18, 2001
is time to set aside the old partisan bickering and finger-pointing and
name-calling that comes from freeing parents to make different choices
for their children."—Remarks on "parental empowerment in education,"
Washington, D.C., April 12, 2001
I think we're making progress. We understand
where the power of this country lay. It lays in the hearts and souls of
Americans. It must lay in our pocketbooks. It lays in the willingness
for people to work hard. But as importantly, it lays in the fact that
we've got citizens from all walks of life, all political parties, that
are willing to say, I want to love my neighbor. I want to make somebody's
life just a little bit better."—Concord Middle School, Concord, N.C.,
April 11, 2001
"This administration is doing everything
we can to end the stalemate in an efficient way. We're making the right
decisions to bring the solution to an end."—Washington, D.C., April
"The Senate needs to leave enough money
in the proposed budget to not only reduce all marginal rates, but to eliminate
the death tax, so that people who build up assets are able to transfer
them from one generation to the next, regardless of a person's race."—Washington,
D.C., April 5, 2001
"It would be helpful if we opened up ANWR
(Arctic National Wildlife Refuge). I think it's a mistake not to. And
I would urge you all to travel up there and take a look at it, and you
can make the determination as to how beautiful that country is."—Press
conference, Washington, D.C., March 29, 2001
coined new words, like, misunderstanding and Hispanically."—Radio-Television
Correspondents Association dinner, Washington, D.C., March 29, 2001
"And we need a full affront on an energy
crisis that is real in California and looms for other parts of our country
if we don't move quickly."—Press conference, Washington, D.C., March
"I assured the prime minister, my administration
will work hard to lay the foundation of peace in the Middle—to work with
our nations in the Middle East, give peace a chance. Secondly, I told
him that our nation will not try to force peace, that we'll facilitate
peace and that we will work with those responsible for a peace."—Photo
opportunity with Ariel Sharon, Washington, D.C., March 20, 2001
"There are some monuments where the land
is so widespread, they just encompass as much as possible. And the integral
part of the—the precious part, so to speak—I guess all land is precious,
but the part that the people uniformly would not want to spoil, will not
be despoiled. But there are parts of the monument lands where we can explore
without affecting the overall environment."—Media round table, Washington,
D.C. March 13, 2001
"A lot of times in the rhetoric, people
forget the facts. And the facts are that thousands of small businesses—Hispanically
owned or otherwise—pay taxes at the highest marginal rate."—to the
Hispanic Chamber of Commerce; Washington, D.C., March 19, 2001
"But the true threats to stability and
peace are these nations that are not very transparent, that hide behind
the—that don't let people in to take a look and see what they're up to.
They're very kind of authoritarian regimes. The true threat is whether
or not one of these people decide, peak of anger, try to hold us hostage,
ourselves; the Israelis, for example, to whom we'll defend, offer our
defenses; the South Koreans."—Media roundtable, Washington, D.C.,
March 13, 2001
"I do think we need for a troop to be
able to house his family. That's an important part of building morale
in the military."—Tyndall Air Force Base, Florida, March 12, 2001
"I suspect that had my dad not been president,
he'd be asking the same questions: How'd your meeting go with so-and-so?
… How did you feel when you stood up in front of the people for the State
of the Union Address—state of the budget address, whatever you call it."—Interview
with the Washington Post, March 9, 2001
"I think there is some methodology in
my travels." —Washington, D.C., March 5, 2001
"I'm also honored to be here with the
speaker of the House—just happens to be from the state of Illinois. I'd
like to describe the speaker as a trustworthy man. He's the kind of fellow
who says when he gives you his word he means it. Sometimes that doesn't
happen all the time in the political process."—Chicago, March 6,
"Ann and I will carry out this equivocal
message to the world: Markets must be open."—Swearing-in ceremony
for Secretary of Agriculture Ann Veneman, Washington, D.C., March 2, 2001
"Of all states that understands local
control of schools, Iowa is such a state."—Council Bluffs, Iowa,
Feb. 28, 2001
pan plays down an unprecedented amount of our national debt."—Budget
address to Congress, Feb. 27, 2001
"The budget caps were busted, mightily
so. And we are reviewing with people like Judd Gregg from New Hampshire
and others some budgetary reform measures that will reinstate—you know,
possibly reinstate budgetary discipline. But the caps no longer—the caps,
I guess they're there. But they didn't mean much."—Washington, D.C.,
Feb. 5, 2001
"I have said that the sanction regime
is like Swiss cheese—that meant that they weren't very effective."—White
House press conference, Washington, D.C., Feb. 22, 2001
"You teach a child to read, and he or
her will be able to pass a literacy test.''—Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21,
"Home is important. It's important to
have a home."—Crawford, Texas, Feb. 18, 2001
"One reason I like to highlight reading
is, reading is the beginnings of the ability to be a good student. And
if you can't read, it's going to be hard to realize dreams; it's going
to be hard to go to college. So when your teachers say, read—you ought
to listen to her."—Nalle Elementary School, Washington, D.C., Feb
"It's good to see so many friends here
in the Rose Garden. This is our first event in this beautiful spot, and
it's appropriate we talk about policy that will affect people's lives
in a positive way in such a beautiful, beautiful part of our national—really,
our national park system, my guess is you would want to call it."—Washington,
D.C., Feb. 8, 2001
"We're concerned about AIDS inside our
White House—make no mistake about it."—Washington, D.C., Feb. 7,
"I appreciate that question because I,
in the state of Texas, had heard a lot of discussion about a faith-based
initiative eroding the important bridge between church and state."—Question
and answer session with the press, Jan. 29, 2001
"I confirmed to the prime minister that
we appreciate our friendship."—After meeting with Prime Minister
Jean Chrétien of Canada, Feb. 5, 2001
"There's no such thing as legacies. At
least, there is a legacy, but I'll never see it."—To Catholic leaders
at the White House, Jan. 31, 2001
"I am mindful not only of preserving executive
powers for myself, but for predecessors as well."—Washington, D.C.,
Jan. 29, 2001
"My pro-life position is I believe there's
life. It's not necessarily based in religion. I think there's a life there,
therefore the notion of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness."—Quoted
in the San Francisco Chronicle, Jan. 23, 2001
"Then I went for a run with the other
dog and just walked. And I started thinking about a lot of things. I was
able to—I can't remember what it was. Oh, the inaugural speech, started
thinking through that."—Pre-inaugural interview with U.S. News
& World Report, Jan. 22, 2001 issue
"Redefining the role of the United States
from enablers to keep the peace to enablers to keep the peace from peacekeepers
is going to be an assignment."—Interview with the New York Times,
Jan. 14, 2001
"The California crunch really is the result
of not enough power-generating plants and then not enough power to power
the power of generating plants."—Interview with the New York
Times, Jan. 14, 2001
"I'm hopeful. I know there is a lot of
ambition in Washington, obviously. But I hope the ambitious realize that
they are more likely to succeed with success as opposed to failure."—Interview
with the Associated Press, Jan. 18, 2001
"If he's—the inference is that somehow
he thinks slavery is a—is a noble institution I would—I would strongly
reject that assumption—that John Ashcroft is a open-minded, inclusive
person."—NBC Nightly News With Tom Brokaw, Jan.
"She's just trying to make sure Anthony
gets a good meal—Antonio."—On Laura Bush inviting Justice Antonin
Scalia to dinner at the White House. NBC Nightly News With
Tom Brokaw, Jan. 14, 2001
"I want it to be said that the Bush administration
was a results-oriented administration, because I believe the results of
focusing our attention and energy on teaching children to read and having
an education system that's responsive to the child and to the parents,
as opposed to mired in a system that refuses to change, will make America
what we want it to be—a literate country and a hopefuller country."—Washington,
D.C., Jan. 11, 2001
"I would have to ask the questioner. I
haven't had a chance to ask the questioners the question they've been
questioning. On the other hand, I firmly believe she'll be a fine secretary
of labor. And I've got confidence in Linda Chavez. She is a—she'll bring
an interesting perspective to the Labor Department."—Austin, Texas,
Jan. 8, 2001
"I do remain confident in Linda. She'll
make a fine labor secretary. From what I've read in the press accounts,
she's perfectly qualified."—Austin, Texas, Jan. 8, 2001
"I mean, these good folks are revolutionizing
how businesses conduct their business. And, like them, I am very optimistic
about our position in the world and about its influence on the United
States. We're concerned about the short-term economic news, but long-term
I'm optimistic. And so, I hope investors, you know—secondly, I hope investors
hold investments for periods of time—that I've always found the best investments
are those that you salt away based on economics."—Austin, Texas,
Jan. 4, 2001
"The person who runs FEMA is someone who
must have the trust of the president. Because the person who runs FEMA
is the first voice, often times, of someone whose life has been turned
upside down hears from."—Austin, Texas, Jan. 4, 2001
"She is a member of a labor union at one
point."—Announcing his nomination of Linda Chavez as secretary of
labor. Austin, Texas, Jan. 2, 2001
"Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to
call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find
in our neighborhoods."—Austin, Texas, Dec. 20, 2000
"I also have picked a secretary for Housing
and Human Development. Mel Martinez from the state of Florida."—Austin,
Texas, Dec. 20, 2000
"Let me put it to you this way, I am not
a revengeful person."— Interview with Time magazine in the
Dec. 25, 2000, issue.
"I am mindful of the difference between
the executive branch and the legislative branch. I assured all four of
these leaders that I know the difference, and that difference is they
pass the laws and I execute them."—Washington, D.C., Dec. 18, 2000
"The great thing about America is everybody
should vote."—Austin, Texas, Dec. 8, 2000
"Dick Cheney and I do not want this nation
to be in a recession. We want anybody who can find work to be able to
find work."—60 Minutes II, Dec. 5, 2000
"I knew it might put him in an awkward
position that we had a discussion before finality has finally happened
in this presidential race."
—Describing a phone call to Sen. John Breaux. Crawford, Texas, Dec. 2,
"As far as the legal hassling and wrangling
and posturing in Florida, I would suggest you talk to our team in Florida
led by Jim Baker."—Crawford, Texas, Nov. 30, 2000
"The legislature's job is to write law.
It's the executive branch's job to interpret law."—Austin, Texas,
Nov. 22, 2000
"They misunderestimated me."—Bentonville,
Ark., Nov. 6, 2000
"Think about that. Two hundred and eighty-five
new or expanded programs, $2 trillion more in new spending, and not one
new bureaucrat to file out the forms or answer the phones?"—Minneapolis, Nov.
"They want the federal government controlling
Social Security like it's some kind of federal program."—St. Charles,
Mo., Nov. 2, 2000
"They said, 'You know, this issue doesn't
seem to resignate with the people.' And I said, you know something? Whether
it resignates or not doesn't matter to me, because I stand for doing what's
the right thing, and what the right thing is hearing the voices of people
who work."—Portland, Ore., Oct. 31, 2000
"Anyway, after we go out and work our
hearts out, after you go out and help us turn out the vote, after we've
convinced the good Americans to vote, and while they're at it, pull that
old George W. lever, if I'm the one, when I put my hand on the Bible,
when I put my hand on the Bible, that day when they swear us in, when
I put my hand on the Bible, I will swear to not—to uphold the laws of
the land."—Toledo, Ohio, Oct. 27, 2000
"It's your money. You paid for it."—LaCrosse,
Wis., Oct. 18, 2000
"That's a chapter, the last chapter of
the 20th, 20th, the 21st century that
most of us would rather forget. The last chapter of the 20th
century. This is the first chapter of the 21st century. "—On
the Lewinsky scandal, Arlington Heights, Ill., Oct. 24, 2000
"It's important for us to explain to our
nation that life is important. It's not only life of babies, but it's
life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet."—Arlington
Heights, Ill., Oct. 24, 2000
"I don't want nations feeling like that
they can bully ourselves and our allies. I want to have a ballistic defense
system so that we can make the world more peaceful, and at the same time
I want to reduce our own nuclear capacities to the level commiserate with
keeping the peace."—Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 23, 2000
"Families is where our nation finds hope,
where wings take dream."—LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000
"If I'm the president, we're going to
have emergency-room care, we're going to have gag orders."
"Drug therapies are replacing a lot of
medicines as we used to know it."
"It's one thing about insurance, that's
a Washington term."
"I think we ought to raise the age at
which juveniles can have a gun."
"Mr. Vice President, in all due respect,
it is—I'm not sure 80 percent of the people get the death tax. I know
this: 100 percent will get it if I'm the president."
"Quotas are bad for America. It's not
the way America is all about."
"If affirmative action means what I just
described, what I'm for, then I'm for it."—St. Louis, Mo., October
"Our priorities is our faith."—Greensboro,
N.C., Oct. 10, 2000
"I mean, there needs to be a wholesale
effort against racial profiling, which is illiterate children."—Second
presidential debate, Oct. 11, 2000
"It's going to require numerous IRA agents."—On
Gore's tax plan, Greensboro, N.C., Oct. 10, 2000
"I think if you know what you believe,
it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can't answer your question."—In
response to a question about whether he wished he could take back any
of his answers in the first debate. Reynoldsburg, Ohio, Oct. 4, 2000
"I would have my secretary of treasury
be in touch with the financial centers, not only here but at home."—Boston, Oct.
"I know the human being and fish can coexist
peacefully."—Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000
"I will have a foreign-handed foreign
policy."—Redwood, Calif., Sept. 27, 2000
"One of the common denominators I have
found is that expectations rise above that which is expected."—Los
Angeles, Sept. 27, 2000
"It is clear our nation is reliant upon
big foreign oil. More and more of our imports come from overseas."—Beaverton,
Ore., Sep. 25, 2000
"Well, that's going to be up to the pundits
and the people to make up their mind. I'll tell you what is a president
for him, for example, talking about my record in the state of Texas. I
mean, he's willing to say anything in order to convince people that I
haven't had a good record in Texas."—MSNBC, Sept. 20, 2000
"I am a person who recognizes the fallacy
of humans."—Oprah, Sept. 19, 2000
"A tax cut is really one of the anecdotes
to coming out of an economic illness."—The Edge With Paula Zahn,
Sept. 18, 2000
"The woman who knew that I had dyslexia—I
never interviewed her."—Orange, Calif., Sept. 15, 2000
"The best way to relieve families from
time is to let them keep some of their own money."—Westminster, Calif.,
Sept. 13, 2000
"They have miscalculated me as a leader."—Ibid.
"I don't think we need to be subliminable
about the differences between our views on prescription drugs."—Orlando,
Fla., Sept. 12, 2000
"This is what I'm good at. I like meeting
people, my fellow citizens, I like interfacing with them."—Outside
Pittsburgh, Sept. 8, 2000
"That's Washington. That's the place where
you find people getting ready to jump out of the foxholes before the first
shot is fired."—Westland, Mich., Sept. 8, 2000
"Listen, Al Gore is a very tough opponent. He
is the incumbent. He represents the incumbency. And a challenger
is somebody who generally comes from the pack and wins, if you're going
to win. And that's where I'm coming from."—Detroit, Sept. 7, 2000
(Thanks to Michael Butler, Houston, Texas.)
"We'll let our friends be the peacekeepers
and the great country called America will be the pacemakers."—Houston,
Texas, Sept. 6, 2000
"We don't believe in planners and deciders
making the decisions on behalf of Americans."—Scranton, Pa., Sept.
"I regret that a private comment I made
to the vice presidential candidate made it through the public airways."—Allentown,
Pa., Sept. 5, 2000.
"The point is, this is a way to help inoculate
me about what has come and is coming."--on his anti-Gore ad, in an
interview with the New York Times, Sept. 2, 2000
"As governor of Texas, I have set high
standards for our public schools, and I have met those standards."--CNN
online chat, Aug. 30, 2000
"Well, I think if you say you're going
to do something and don't do it, that's trustworthiness."--Ibid.
"I don't know whether I'm going to win
or not. I think I am. I do know I'm ready for the job. And, if not, that's
just the way it goes."—Des Moines, Iowa, Aug. 21, 2000
''This campaign not only hears the voices of
the entrepreneurs and the farmers and the entrepreneurs, we hear the voices
of those struggling to get ahead."—Ibid.
"We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations
hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile.''—Ibid.
"I have a different vision of leadership.
A leadership is someone who brings people together."—Bartlett, Tenn.,
Aug. 18, 2000
"I think he needs to stand up and say
if he thought the president were wrong on policy and issues, he ought
to say where."—Interview with the Associated Press, Aug. 11, 2000
"I want you to know that farmers are not
going to be secondary thoughts to a Bush administration. They will be
in the forethought of our thinking."—Salinas, Calif., Aug. 10, 2000
"And if he continues that, I'm going to
tell the nation what I think about him as a human being and a person."—President
George H.W. Bush, on the Today show, Aug. 1, 2000
"You might want to comment on that, Honorable."--To
New Jersey's secretary of state, the Hon. DeForest Soaries Jr., as quoted
by Dana Milbank in the Washington Post, July 15, 2000
"This case has had full analyzation and has been looked at a lot.
I understand the emotionality of death penalty cases."--Seattle
Post-Intelligencer, June 23, 2000
"States should have the right to enact
reasonable laws and restrictions particularly to end the inhumane practice
of ending a life that otherwise could live."—Cleveland, June 29,
"Unfairly but truthfully, our party has
been tagged as being against things. Anti-immigrant, for example. And
we're not a party of anti-immigrants. Quite the opposite. We're a party
that welcomes people."—Cleveland, July 1, 2000
"The fundamental question is, 'Will I
be a successful president when it comes to foreign policy?' I will be,
but until I'm the president, it's going to be hard for me to verify that
I think I'll be more effective."—In Wayne, Mich., as quoted by Katharine
Q. Seelye in the New York Times, June 28, 2000
"The only things that I can tell you is
that every case I have reviewed I have been comfortable with the innocence
or guilt of the person that I've looked at. I do not believe we've put
a guilty ... I mean innocent person to death in the state of Texas."
All Things Considered, NPR, June 16, 2000
"I'm gonna talk about the ideal world,
Chris. I've read—I understand reality. If you're asking me as the president,
would I understand reality, I do."—On abortion, Hardball,
MSNBC; May 31, 2000
"There's not going to be enough
people in the system to take advantage of people like me."—On the
coming Social Security crisis; Wilton, Conn.; June 9, 2000
"I think anybody who doesn't think I'm
smart enough to handle the job is underestimating."—U.S. News
& World Report, April 3, 2000
Bush: "First of all, Cinco de Mayo is
not the independence day. That's dieciséis de Septiembre, and
Matthews: "What's that in English?"
Bush: "Fifteenth of September." (Dieciséis
de Septiembre = Sept. 16)
—Hardball, MSNBC, May 31, 2000 (Thanks
to numerous readers.)
"Actually, I—this may sound a little West
Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about—when I'm talking about
myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about
"This is a world that is much more uncertain
than the past. In the past we were certain, we were certain it was us
versus the Russians in the past. We were certain, and therefore we had
huge nuclear arsenals aimed at each other to keep the peace. That's what
we were certain of. ... You see, even though it's an uncertain world,
we're certain of some things. We're certain that even though the 'evil
empire' may have passed, evil still remains. We're certain there are people
that can't stand what America stands for. ... We're certain there are
madmen in this world, and there's terror, and there's missiles and I'm
certain of this, too: I'm certain to maintain the peace, we better have
a military of high morale, and I'm certain that under this administration,
morale in the military is dangerously low."—Albuquerque, N.M., the
Washington Post, May 31, 2000
"He has certainly earned a reputation
as a fantastic mayor, because the results speak for themselves. I mean,
New York's a safer place for him to be."—On Rudy Giuliani, The
Edge With Paula Zahn, May 18, 2000
"The fact that he relies on facts—says
things that are not factual—are going to undermine his campaign."—New
York Times, March 4, 2000
"I think we agree, the past is over."—On
his meeting with John McCain, Dallas Morning News, May 10, 2000
"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot
of numbers in it."--Reuters, May 5, 2000
GOV. BUSH: Because the picture on the newspaper.
It just seems so un-American to me, the picture of the guy storming the
house with a scared little boy there. I talked to my little brother, Jeb—I
haven't told this to many people. But he's the governor of—I shouldn't
call him my little brother--my brother, Jeb, the great governor of Texas.
JIM LEHRER: Florida.
GOV. BUSH: Florida. The state of the Florida.—The
NewsHour With Jim Lehrer, April 27, 2000
"I hope we get to the bottom of the answer.
It's what I'm interested to know."—On what happened in negotiations
between the Justice Department and Elián González's Miami relatives, as
quoted by the Associated Press, April 26, 2000
"Laura and I really don't realize how
bright our children is sometimes until we get an objective analysis."—CNBC,
April 15, 2000
"You subscribe politics to it. I subscribe
freedom to it."—Responding to a question about whether he and Al
Gore were making the Elián González case a political issue. In Palm Beach,
Fla., as quoted by the Associated Press, April 6, 2000
"I was raised in the West. The west of
Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington,
D.C., is close to California."—In Los Angeles as quoted by the Los
Angeles Times, April 8, 2000
"Reading is the basics for all learning."—Announcing
his "Reading First" initiative in Reston, Va., March 28, 2000
"We want our teachers to be trained so
they can meet the obligations, their obligations as teachers. We want
them to know how to teach the science of reading. In order to make sure
there's not this kind of federal—federal cufflink."—At Fritsche Middle
School, Milwaukee, March 30, 2000
"Other Republican candidates may retort
to personal attacks and negative ads."—Fund-raising letter from George
W. Bush, quoted in the Washington Post, March 24, 2000
"I've got a reason for running. I talk
about a larger goal, which is to call upon the best of America. It's part
of the renewal. It's reform and renewal. Part of the renewal is a set
of high standards and to remind people that the greatness of America really
does depend on neighbors helping neighbors and children finding mentors.
I worry. I'm very worried about, you know, the kid who just wonders whether
America is meant for him. I really worry about that. And uh, so, I'm running
for a reason. I'm answering this question here and the answer is, you
cannot lead America to a positive tomorrow with revenge on one's mind.
Revenge is so incredibly negative. And so to answer your question, I'm
going to win because people sense my heart, know my sense of optimism
and know where I want to lead the country. And I tease people by saying,
'A leader, you can't say, follow me the world is going to be worse.' I'm
an optimistic person. I'm an inherently content person. I've got a great
sense of where I want to lead and I'm comfortable with why I'm running.
And, you know, the call on that speech was, beware. This is going to be
a tough campaign."—Interview with the Washington Post, March
"People make suggestions on what to say
all the time. I'll give you an example; I don't read what's handed to
me. People say, 'Here, here's your speech, or here's an idea for a speech.'
They're changed. Trust me."—Interview with the New York Times,
March 15, 2000
"It's evolutionary, going from governor
to president, and this is a significant step, to be able to vote for yourself
on the ballot, and I'll be able to do so next fall, I hope."—In an
interview with the Associated Press, March 8, 2000
"It is not Reaganesque to support a tax
plan that is Clinton in nature.''—Los Angeles, Feb. 23, 2000
"I don't have to accept their tenants.
I was trying to convince those college students to accept my tenants.
And I reject any labeling me because I happened to go to the university."—Today,
Feb. 23, 2000
"I understand small business growth. I
was one."—New York Daily News, Feb. 19, 2000
"The senator has got to understand if
he's going to have—he can't have it both ways. He can't take the high
horse and then claim the low road."—To reporters in Florence, S.C.,
Feb. 17, 2000
"Really proud of it. A great campaign.
And I'm really pleased with the organization and the thousands of South
Carolinians that worked on my behalf. And I'm very gracious and humbled."—To
Cokie Roberts, This Week, Feb. 20, 2000
"I don't want to win? If that were the
case why the heck am I on the bus 16 hours a day, shaking thousands of
hands, giving hundreds of speeches, getting pillared in the press and
cartoons and still staying on message to win?"—Newsweek,
Feb. 28, 2000
"I thought how proud I am to be standing
up beside my dad. Never did it occur to me that he would become the gist
"If you're sick and tired of the politics
of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign."—Hilton
Head, S.C., Feb. 16, 2000
"How do you know if you don't measure
if you have a system that simply suckles kids through?"—Explaining
the need for educational accountability in Beaufort, S.C., Feb. 16, 2000
"We ought to make the pie higher."—South
Carolina Republican Debate, Feb. 15, 2000
"I do not agree with this notion that
somehow if I go to try to attract votes and to lead people toward a better
tomorrow somehow I get subscribed to some—some doctrine gets subscribed
to me."—Meet The Press, Feb. 13, 2000
"I've changed my style somewhat, as you
know. I'm less—I pontificate less, although it may be hard to tell it
from this show. And I'm more interacting with people."—ibid
"I think we need not only to eliminate
the tollbooth to the middle class, I think we should knock down the tollbooth."—Nashua,
N.H., as quoted by Gail Collins in the New York Times, Feb. 1,
"The most important job is not to be governor,
or first lady in my case."—Pella, Iowa, as quoted by the San
Antonio Express-News, Jan. 30, 2000
"Will the highways on the Internet become
more few?"—Concord, N.H., Jan. 29, 2000
"This is Preservation Month. I appreciate
preservation. It's what you do when you run for president. You gotta preserve."—Speaking
during "Perseverance Month" at Fairgrounds Elementary School
in Nashua, N.H. As quoted in the Los Angeles Times, Jan. 28,
"I know how hard it is for you to put
food on your family."—Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce,
Jan. 27, 2000
"What I am against is quotas. I am against
hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However
they delineate, quotas, I think vulcanize society. So I don't know how
that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions,
but that's my position.''—Quoted by Molly Ivins, the San Francisco
Chronicle, Jan. 21, 2000
"When I was coming up, it was a dangerous
world, and you knew exactly who they were," he said. "It was
us vs. them, and it was clear who them was. Today, we are not so sure
who the they are, but we know they're there."—Iowa Western Community
College, Jan 21, 2000
"The administration I'll bring is a group
of men and women who are focused on what's best for America, honest men
and women, decent men and women, women who will see service to our country
as a great privilege and who will not stain the house."—Des Moines
Register debate, Iowa, Jan. 15, 2000
"This is still a dangerous world. It's
a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mential losses."—At
a South Carolina oyster roast, as quoted in the Financial Times,
Jan. 14, 2000
"We must all hear the universal call to
like your neighbor just like you like to be liked yourself."—ibid.
"Rarely is the question asked: Is our
children learning?"—Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000
"Gov. Bush will not stand for the subsidation
"There needs to be debates, like we're
going through. There needs to be town-hall meetings. There needs to be
travel. This is a huge country."—Larry King Live, Dec. 16,
"I read the newspaper."—In answer
to a question about his reading habits, New Hampshire Republican Debate,
Dec. 2, 1999
"I think it's important for those of us
in a position of responsibility to be firm in sharing our experiences,
to understand that the babies out of wedlock is a very difficult chore
for mom and baby alike. ... I believe we ought to say there is a different
alternative than the culture that is proposed by people like Miss Wolf
in society. ... And, you know, hopefully, condoms will work, but it hasn't
worked."—Meet the Press, Nov. 21, 1999
"The students at Yale came from all different
backgrounds and all parts of the country. Within months, I knew many of
them."—From A Charge To Keep, by George W. Bush, published
"It is incredibly presumptive for somebody
who has not yet earned his party's nomination to start speculating about
vice presidents."—Keene, N.H., Oct. 22, 1999, quoted in the New
Republic, Nov. 15, 1999
"The important question is, How many hands
have I shaked?"—Answering a question about why he hasn't spent more
time in New Hampshire, in the New York Times, Oct. 23, 1999
"I don't remember debates. I don't think
we spent a lot of time debating it. Maybe we did, but I don't remember."—On
discussions of the Vietnam War when he was an undergraduate at Yale, Washington
Post, July 27, 1999
"The only thing I know about Slovakia
is what I learned first-hand from your foreign minister, who came to Texas."—To
a Slovak journalist as quoted by Knight Ridder News Service, June 22,
1999. Bush's meeting was with Janez Drnovsek, the prime minister of Slovenia.
"If the East Timorians decide to revolt,
I'm sure I'll have a statement."—Quoted by Maureen Dowd in the New
York Times, June 16, 1999
"Keep good relations with the Grecians."—Quoted
in the Economist, June 12, 1999
"Kosovians can move back in."—CNN
Inside Politics, April 9, 1999
"It was just inebriating what Midland
was all about then."—From a 1994 interview, as quoted in First
Son, by Bill Minutaglio
of the interesting initiatives we've taken in Washington, D.C., is we've
got these vampire-busting devices. A vampire is a—a cell deal you can
plug in the wall to charge your cell phone."—Denver, Aug. 14, 2001
"There's a lot of people in the Middle
East who are desirous to get into the Mitchell process. And—but first
things first. The—these terrorist acts and, you know, the responses have
got to end in order for us to get the framework—the groundwork—not framework,
the groundwork to discuss a framework for peace, to lay the—all right."—Referring
to former Sen. George Mitchell's report on Middle East peace, Crawford,
Texas, Aug. 13, 2001
is a very stupid man. The American people are not so stupid, they are
very clever. I can't understand how such clever people came to elect such
a stupid president." --Iraqi Information Minister, Mohammed Saeed
al-Sahhaf, on George W. Bush
stories about my intellectual capacity do get under my skin. You know
for a while I even thought my staff believed it. There on my schedule
first thing every morning it said, 'Intelligence briefing.'" --President
Bush, on himself
Back to the Top
W. Bush's Inaugural Address Song
(to the tune of "What a Wonderful World" by Sam
Don't know much about history
Don't know much foreign policy
Don't remember how I got through school
I'm sure I didn't break the rules
But what's it matter 'cause my granny says
"Boy, if you want to you can be the prez
And what a wonderful world this will be"
much about the women's vote
Don't know much about the bill I wrote
Don't know much about the foreign vets
I've never voted for 'em yet
But I do know if your dad tries hard
He can get you in the National Guard
And what a wonderful place that can be
Now I never
claimed to be an A student
But what's wrong with C's?
And maybe by knowing the names of my cabinet
I can win their love for me
much about air pollution
Don't know much about the constitution
Don't know much about th'economy
It never much affected me
But there's one thing that I know for sure
If the rich stay rich and the poor stay poor
What a wonderful world this will be
know much about the national debt
I've never had to pay one yet
If we need to we can sell the States
To the Japanese at discount rates
But I do know if things get bad
Dick and I can always call my dad
And what a wonderful world this will be
Back to the Top
Ten Bush misconceptions about the world
1. The Earth is flat.
2. Pyramids are unique to Las Vegas
3. Midland, Texas is the "Paris of the Plains"
4. The "ozone" is somewhere on a woman's body.
5. Africa is the "darkie" continent.
6. Japanese food makes you puke.
7. They speak Latin in Latin America.
8. He wants to call an embargo on California.
9. The Queen's English is only spoken in Greenwich Village.
10. Foreigners have tails.
Top ten reasons to like Bush
1. You have a soft spot for rich dumb white party boys with influential
2. You, too, have spent most of your adult life messed up on booze and
3. You have positive proof that the Jews killed Christ.
4. Two words: Invade Mexico!
5. You're hoping Bush will bring public drooling back in style.
6. You actually believe he earned his college degrees.
7. You're hoping the Supreme Court can vote you a brain.
8. You think Bill Gates is a socialist.
9. You're tired of your social security taxes going to old people.
10. You think Texas is the height of civilization.
Top ten reasons why Bush wasn't a hippie in the
1. He was too wired on coke to smoke pot
2. He's against free love, he always pays for it.
3. Instead of saying "Hell no, we won't go," he said, "Oh
hell, I don't know."
4. He LIKES killing women and children.
5. Kicked out of the commune because of smelly socks.
6. His mom told him he looked stupid with "Sonny Bono" bangs.
7. Mixup: thought Vietnam was bombing the U.S.
8. Dad told him NOT to give peace a chance.
9. Indians wanting the land back? I don't think so.
10. Hippie girls thought he was a creep.
Top ten reasons Bush is being nice to Blacks
1. He thinks thery're Cubans.
2. So few Republican Blacks, you have to recycle them.
3. What dad actually said was: "Put some 'hacks' in the cabinet".
4. He thinks Clarence Thomas is his Uncle Tom.
5. His coke dealer is Black.
6. The hyphenated names fooled him.
7. Sec. of State? OK. Country club membership? No way!
8. Love them pancakes!
9. Two words: LA riots.
10. They just might get to vote in 2004.
Bush's top ten darkest secrets
1. Dad thinks he's a jerk.
2, Mom could (and did) drink him under the table.
3. He looks really REALLY dumb in a cowboy hat.
4. He was a male cheerleader in college.
5. His MBA from Harvard stands for: Millions (from the) Bush Alumni.
6. He only gets aroused during wet towel fights.
7. He can't ride a horse.
8. He pays no taxes.
9. His childhood nanny was Clarence Thomas' mother.
10. He quit tobacco, drugs and booze, now he's hooked on moon pies.
Top Ten Bush new year's resolutions
1. Big, BIG bonus to a certain five supreme court judges.
2. A war to replace Saddam with a guy with an easier name to pronounce
3. Executive pardon for Jeb in case the voter fraud thing sticks.
4. Special tax cut for dumb rich white boys of America.
5. No more Mr Nice Guy! Ten executions a week, guilty or not!
6. New "starve the children" in Iraq policy initiative.
7. Learn daughters' names by heart.
8. Note to self: New-Klee-Ur. Sub-Le-Mun-Ul.
9. Ask Dick what a "recession" is.
10. Find Texas on the map.
Bush's 12 days of Xmas Song
One the 12th day of Xmas my daddy got for me
12 senators stealing
11 lobbyists dealing
10 missiles flying
9 spin docs lying
8 losers winning
7 drunkards sinning
6 8-year grudges
5 supreme court judges
4 Kathleen Harris
3 hate and malice
2 the Florida Fix and a tax break for the idle rich!
Bush's top ten dyslexic problems
1. Thinks he got the most votes.
2. Thinks "DUI" is a birth control device
3. Thinks girls are snails with puppy dog tails
4. Thinks July is the capital of Israel
5. Thinks "Global Warming" is a video game
6. Thinks "the Devil is in the details" means details are bad,
7. Dubya rearranged spells "Buday" (shake your buday).
8. Thinks Canadians speak Canadian.
9. Thinks Jesus said "Love thy neighbor as you love a death row convict"
10. Thinks "African-American" is a long, complicated word meaning
Bush's top ten greatest fears
1. They'll count the votes.
2. Dick Cheney dies.
3. He'll be forced to say "Netanyahu" in public.
4. Daddy will want the money back.
5. His eyebrows will grow together.
6. Someone will ask him to spell potato.
7. Laura gets fed up, tells all on "the View".
8. Two words: Coke Buddies.
9. Alfred E. Newman T-shirts
10. Nightly visitations by the ghosts of the 130 plus people he put to
Top Ten Stupid Supporters of Bush
1. Jeb Bush, who killed his political career fixing Florida.
2. Kathleen Harris, new poster child for Makup Abusers Anonymous.
3. Clarence Thomas, now undisputed #1 Uncle Tom in the USA.
4. Antonin Scalia, and the rest of the party hacks who destroyed the credibility
of the Supreme Court for the next thrity years.
5. Dick Cheney, heart attack number five!
6. Any union member, school teacher, doctor, Federal government employee,
artist or student.
7. Anyone who isn't a millionaire.
8. Anyone who had, would or ever will have an abortion, (a) social security
check, joint, foreign policy, stock portfolio, public education.
9. Anyone whose background is African, Hispanic, Jewish, Asian, Female,
Gay, working class, poor.
10. Anyone living in another country.
Bush's top ten psychological problems
1. Abandonment issues (absent father)
2. Low self esteem (failure at everything)
3. Sexual dysfunction (impotence)
4. Independence issues (domineering mother)
5. Compulsive addictive (drugs and alcohol)
6. Denial (refuses accountability)
7. Unresolved grief (sister's death)
8. Rage (enjoys capital punishment)
9. Learning disabilities (dyslexic)
10. Borderline (bipolar personality)
Top ten bad things about a Bush presidency.
1) The obvious reason: Bush is a total idiot.
2) More oil wars.
3) Dumb people think they're all that now.
4) Laura Bush was a teenage unindicted murderer.
5) The only other country he's been to is Mexico.
6) Two words: Jeb, Neil.
7) Texas, one, rest of country, zero.
8) The Smirk.
9) Rich people will get richer, and richer, and richer and richer.
10) Four years is a long time.
Back to the Top
Honor Bush With New Dish
is an old Chinese custom that whenever we get a new President, They have
to create and name a new dish for him. With pleasure they announce the
new creation on behalf of our future President Bush.
SUM DUM GOY.
Back to the Top
George W. Bush was asked if he knew what Roe vs Wade was, he replied it
was the decision that George Washington needed to make when he planned
for his army to cross the Delaware.
Back to the Top
(sung to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies)
Come and listen to my story 'bout a boy name Bush.
His IQ was zero and his head was up his tush.
He drank like a fish while he drove all about.
But that didn't matter 'cuz his daddy bailed him out.
DUI, that is, Criminal record. Cover-up.
Well, the first thing you know little Georgie goes to Yale
He can't spell his name but they never let him fail.
He spends all his time hangin' out with student folk.
And that's when he learns how to snort a line of coke.
Blow, that is. White gold. Nose Candy
The next thing you know there's a war in Vietnam.
Kin folks say, "George, stay at home with Mom."
Let the common people get maimed and scarred.
We'll buy you a spot in the Texas Air Guard.
Cushy, that is. Country clubs. Nose candy.
Twenty years later George gets a little bored.
He trades in the booze, says that Jesus is his Lord.
He said, "Now the White House is the place I wanna be."
So he called his daddy's friends and they called the GOP.
Gun owners, that is. Falwell. Jesse Helms.
Come November 7, the election ran late.
Kin folks said "Jeb, give the boy your state!"
"Don't let those colored folks get into the pools."
So they put up barricades so they couldn't punch their holes.
Chads, that is. Duval County. Miami-Dade.
Before the votes were counted five Supremes stepped in.
Told all the voters "Hey, we want George to win."
"Stop counting votes!" was their solemn invocation.
And that's how George finally got his coronation.
Rigged, that is. Illegitimate. No moral authority.
Y'all come vote now. Ya hear?
Back to the Top
the Oil Shortage
one of his first news conferences as President, George W. begins to explain
his view on the how the United States came to have an oil shortage dating
back to last summer.
"Well, damn, the United States had an oil shortage because nobody
bothered to check the oil!" retorted the chief executive. He
continued, "The damn Democrats just didn't know we were getting low."
Asked by a reporter to explain his reasoning, George W. replied, "The
reason for that is purely geographical. All the oil is in my home
state of Texas, and other goods states like Oklahoma, New Mexico, Alaska
and Wyoming. But the damn dipsticks are all in Washington, D.C.,"
declared the Harvard and Yale scholar.
Back to the Top
White House Family Photo
being sworn in as President, George W. and his extended family head into
the White House and seize the opportunity to have a family photo taken
by their new White House photographer.
The photographer waits for George W. and family, as well as George R.
and Barbara, and Jeb and his family to take their places for the picture.
Once everyone is organized, the photographer turns to his lighting man
and says, "This picture has more Bush than a Penthouse magazine!"
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a Joke on the Prez
W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning a speech he is to give to
a group of businessmen, when a little man walks up to him.
"Excuse me, Mr. Bush, but my name is Steve Case, and I'm here with
an extremely important client tonight. We're going to see your speech
tonight, and it would be a great help to me if, when we walk by, you could
impress him by saying, 'Hello, Steve'."
Bush readily agrees, and fifteen minutes later, the little man walks by,
deep in conversation with his client. Bush came up and said, "Hello,
The little man says, "Fuck off, Bush! I'm in a meeting," and
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Explains 'Tragedy' to the 4th Grade
Bush is visiting an elementary school and visits with one of the 4th
grade class. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and
their meanings. The teacher asks the president if he would like to lead
the class in the discussion of the word, "tragedy."
So he asks the class for an example of a "tragedy."
One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives
next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him
over, that would be a tragedy."
"No," says Bush, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children
drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains Bush. "That's what we would
call a GREAT LOSS."
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer.
Bush searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me
an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, way in the back of the room, Lil' Johnny raises his hand. In
a quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying President &
Mrs. Bush, was struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, that would
be a tragedy.
Fantastic," exclaims Bush, "that's right. And can you tell me
WHY that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," Lil' Johnny said, "because it wouldn't be an accident,
and it damn sure wouldn't be a GREAT LOSS."
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Girls Busted in Fake ID Incident
Texas - A scant two weeks after President Bush's 19-year-old daughter
Jenna Bush was cited for underage drinking, she and her twin sister Barbara
were caught trying to buy alcohol at Chuy's, a popular Austin restaurant
famous for its Margaritas. When asked for identification, the daughter
of the leader of the free world produced someone else's driver's license.
Restaurant employees confiscated the ID and the restaurant manager called
the police. This will be a second offense for Jenna and a first for Barbara
Bush. The restaurant apologized to the first family for having to blow
the whistle on the twins.
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Being Computer Savvy
When explaining his lack of skills on a computer, this
public official said the only thing he has learned to do is forward Monica
Lewinsky jokes to other people. Can you guess who it is? That's right
- none other than G.W. himself.
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Kids Rescue Dubbya From a Creek
Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell
over the bridge railing, and landed in the creek below. Before the
Secret Service agents could get to him, three kids who were fishing pulled
him out of the water. George was so grateful he offered the kids whatever
The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland." George said,
"No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One."
The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordans."
George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them."
The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in
television and stereo headset."
George was a bit perplexed by this and said, "But you don't look
like you're handicapped."
kid responded, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass
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President Waving to Stevie Wonder
WASHINGTON - Apparently President Bush was so excited to see legendary
R & B singer Stevie Wonder at the Ford's Theatre Presidential
Gala, that he began waving to him. It took our fearless leader a minute
to realize why the blind man did not respond to his gesture, and slowly
dropped his hand back to his lap.
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is the New Leader of China
is a recent conversation between our president G.W. Bush and his national
security advisor Condoleezza Rice.
Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condoleezza R.: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George B.: Great. Lay it on me.
Condoleezza R.: Hu is the new leader of China.
George B.: That's what I want to know.
Condoleezza R.: That's what I'm telling you.
George B.: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condoleezza R.: Yes.
George B.: I mean the fellow's name.
Condoleezza R.: Hu.
George B.: The guy in China.
Condoleezza R.: Hu.
George B.: The new leader of China.
Condoleezza R.: Hu.
George B.: The Chinaman!
Condoleezza R.: Hu is leading China.
George B.: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condoleezza R.: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George B.: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condoleezza R.: That's the man's name.
George B.: That's who's name?
Condoleezza R.: Yes.
George B.: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader
Condoleezza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the
Condoleezza R.: That's correct.
George B.: Then who is in China?
Condoleezza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Yassir is in China?
Condoleezza R.: No, sir.
George B.: Then who is?
Condoleezza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Yassir?
Condoleezza R.: No, sir.
George B.: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condoleezza R.: Kofi?
George B.: No, thanks.
Condoleezza R.: You want Kofi?
George B.: No.
Condoleezza R.: You don't want Kofi.
George B.: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.
Condoleezza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condoleezza R.: Kofi?
George B.: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condoleezza R.: And call who?
George B.: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condoleezza R.: Hu is the guy in China.
George B.: Will you stay out of China?!
Condoleezza R.: Yes, sir.
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is Like a Post Turtle
a laceration on the hand of a 90-year-old Texas rancher (whose hand got
caught in a gate while working cattle), a doctor asked the old man what
he thought about George W. Bush being in the White House. The old Texan
said, 'Well, ya know, Bush is a 'post turtle.''
what the old man meant, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was.
The old man
said, 'When you're riding the range and checking fences, and you come
across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top of it, that's a post
still had a puzzled look on his face, so the old man continued to explain,
'You know he didn't get up there by himself, you know he doesn't belong
there, he sure as heck can't get anything done while he's up there,...
and you just want to help the poor dumb thing get down.
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1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20520
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the
influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's
license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost"
and is not available.
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take
a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the
Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.
* I ran for
U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland,
Texas, in 1975.
* I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company
went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers
baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.
* With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including
Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.
AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
* I changed
Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the
most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los
Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.
* I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions
in borrowed money.
* I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American
* With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's
appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by
over 500,000 votes.
* I am the
first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
* I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one
billion dollars per week.
* I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
* I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
* I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any
* I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
* I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the
U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans
lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.
* I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration
in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice,
has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
* I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.
* I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most
corporate campaign donations.
* My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends,
Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S.
* My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to
assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.
* I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation
or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica
Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate
rip- offs in history.
* I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused
to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
* I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
* I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President
in U.S. history.
* I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy
in the history of the United States government.
* I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
* I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations
remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
* I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
* I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. "prisoners of war"
detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
* I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election
inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
* I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President
since the advent of television.
* I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year
period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the
worst security failure in U.S. history.
* I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center
attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country
in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
* I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously
protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record
for protests against any person in the history of mankind.
* I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive
attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against
the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the
* I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in
duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in wartime.
* In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking
Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.
* I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans
(71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
* I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster,"
* I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden [sic]
* All records
of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed
and unavailable for public view.
* All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt
companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
* All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended
regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for
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