Seems that a year
ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft
from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane
and home. When they took it for a float on the river, they were
surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out
that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is activated
when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
ROMANIA - A 25-year-old
Romanian prisoner was rushed to the hospital for an overdose of "jelly
filling." It was reported that Cosmil Deliu wanted to celebrate getting
out of jail with a marathon sex session and injected himself with petroleum
jelly to enlarge his genitals. Deliu was serving a four-year sentence
for theft in the prison in Craiova said he had heard the jelly was good
for sex, but he obviously misunderstood how to use it. He injected himself
six times causing his penis to grow to a length of 20 centimeters and
a width of 9 centimeters. Deliu collapsed in pain and was rushed to a
hospital in Tirgu Jiu.
MOSCOW - As if the
painful realization that his wife was cheating on him wasn't bad enough,
a Russian man was literally "blown away" in his attempt to deal
with the situation. According to police officials, the man was trying
to attach a bomb to the door of the apartment where he believed his wife
and her lover were staying when the bomb exploded. The man visited the
apartment's owner the previous day, looking for his wife. He left with
a threat that he would "deal" with his wife and her friend.
LaPorte, Indiana -
A snapshot quickly turned into a mugshot for a 38-year-old man after a
film developer recognized pictures of the man's indoor garden as marijuana.
The film processor at Martin's Supermarket in South Bend contacted authorities
because the freshly developed pictures showed what appeared to be a marijuana
growing operation. Brian Davis pleaded guilty in LaPorte Circuit Court
to a Class D felony of maintaining a common nuisance. LaPorte Metro officers
confiscated 39 nearly mature marijuana plants.
SOFIA, Bulgaria -
Japanese cuisine may never take off in this country after the most recent
culinary disaster. The Mount Fugi Restaurant is the first Japanese restaurant
in the country and disaster struck as the witless patron, Felix Naygir
had four fingers chopped off. It seems that he became mesmerized by the
flashy knife work of the chef and wanted a closer look. He leaned forward,
placing one hand over the cutting area resulting in four severed digits.
Naygir was rushed to a local hospital where all fingers were reattached.
MADRID, Spain - It
was an embarrassing ordeal as one man's desire for safe sex got him stuck
for four hours. After a long night on the town with his girlfriend, a
23-year old man put some coins into a condom machine outside a pharmacy.
When nothing came out, the man pounded impatiently on the machine, then
stuck his hand in the opening to try to pull the condom package out. Two
of his fingers became caught inside. For the next few hours he was the
brunt of humiliating comments from passers-by while he and his girlfriend
tried unsuccessfully to pry his hand loose.
ROMANIA - Common sense
evidently has no "bearing" when it comes to male barroom competitions.
This was the case when a 43-year-old Romanian man put a wheel bearing
on his penis to compete in a contest with his friends to see who had the
longest appendage. The man reportedly tried to carry on as if nothing
was wrong for three days in hopes that the bearing would come off. However,
the pain became too intense so he had a friend drive him to the hospital.
Dr. Mihail Serbanescu carried out a three hour operation to remove the
bearing. Serbanescu explained that since the bearing was made of toughened
steel, the penis had to be cut open and drained. Doctors say the penis
should function normally again after three months' rest.
BOGATA, Columbia -
A group of drug runners may have been sampling too much of their own product
when they dumped millions of dollars worth of cocaine into the ocean,
stripped off their clothes, doused themselves with gasoline and then rammed
a U.S. Navy vessel with their speedboat. Officials said that American
sailors aboard the USS De Werth had spotted the men and what they suspected
to be their cocaine-laden boat while on routine patrol in international
waters off Colombia's main Pacific coast port of Buena Ventura. The cocaine
was recovered and the unlucky smugglers, one of whom was injured in the
high seas collision, were all taken into custody.
ZAGREB - As if they
weren't feeling bad enough, a Croatian policeman and his fiancee survived
a suicide attempt that included poisoning by gas, sleeping pills and a
gunshot to the temple. The couple attempted to end their lives together
so they shut themselves in a car, took handfuls of sleeping pills with
alcohol and hooked up a hose to the car's exhaust pipe. When this failed,
the policeman took his gun and fired through his right temple. The shot
did not kill him but at that point his girlfriend gave up and called an
PAVIA, Italy - Playing
"doctor" with fellow co-workers landed an Italian medical orderly
in a heap of trouble. While working in the San Matteo clinic in Pavia,
Italy, the 38-year-old videoed himself acting out his sexual fantasies
with a doctor, a technician and several nurses. He, and his partners,
now face dismissal after a colleague accidentally found the pornographic
pictures which the orderly had stored on a work computer. The orderly
has protested to the charges claming that there is a conspiracy against
him. He even went as far as to find a man who looked like him who, he
insists, is the person in the films.
GREAT BRITAIN - A
49-year-old British courier masturbated himself to death when a complex
procedure he used to heighten his pleasure went terribly wrong. Terrence
Simmonds reportedly suffocated to death with two bottles of the sex drug
amyl nitrate in a plastic device he used while spanking the monkey. The
device consisted of a heavy plastic bag that is connected to a vacuum
cleaner. This apparently wasn't the first time Simmonds tried doing this.
He was found unconscious two years earlier after a similar exploit.
- A 43-year-old drunken Dutchman tried to give an "Eskimo kiss"
to a pit bull terrier, and lost part of his nose when the dog bit him.
The man was staggering through a crowded Amsterdam market when he saw
the dog. He walked toward the animal, bent over and stuck his nose in
the dog's muzzle. The dog reacted immediately and took a bite out of the
man's nose. The victim was taken to a local hospital but it is unreported
if doctors were able to reattach the tip of his nose.
KENT, Washington -
This sounds like a beginning of a good blond joke. A woman was arrested
for the 44th time after willingly climbing into a marked police car and
admitting she was a prostitute. The officer pulled over to talk to the
woman who was dressed in "in a very short dress, stockings and high
heels," and asked her for a price. She allegedly admitted to being
a prostitute and said she'd take $40. The officer suggested the back of
the patrol car and the woman told him she had a lifelong fantasy about
uniformed policemen. When she hopped in, the deputy slammed the door,
locking her in. She has reportedly been released on bail.
INDIANA - An Indiana
"farmer" was the victim of a cruel prank when he believed that
he received a phone call from the authorities busting him for growing
marijuana in his back yard. During the alleged conversation, the man was
told that if he brought the plant, roots and all to the station, charges
would not be pressed. Believing the call to be true, he cut down the eight
foot plant and carried it into the lobby of the Sheriff's office. He was
then placed into custody for suspected felony cultivation by surprised
AMARILLO, Texas -
Amarillo Police really cracked the case when they arrested suspected drug
dealer Carton Meredith. A search of his person revealed $8,000 hidden
in his butt. "That's 80 $100 bills," said Corporal Brent Harlan,
of the Amarillo police department. Meredith claimed he earned the cash
by sponsoring an unheard of St. Louis rap group called Forty Caliber.
He has been charged with marijuana possession.
COLOMBO - A Sri Lankan
man became "cat chow" when he jumped naked into a lion's den.
According to officials, the man had written a letter before jumping into
the enclosure saying he wanted to give "alms" to the lions.
The man was rescued by zoo staff and onlookers who beat garbage cans to
frighten the lions away and took him to a nearby hospital. The three lions
bit off parts of his arms, legs, chest and groin area. Sri Lanka's majority
Buddhist population believes that giving alms can earn merit for future
ST. CHARLES, Missouri
- Lindenwood University wrestler Timothy Michel was shocked when he called
home to check his phone messages and someone else answered. According
to Michel, "I thought it was a joke from one of my friends and went
along with it for awhile. But then I was like, 'who is this?'" The
man eventually told Michel he was just sitting there in the house and
made assurances that he wasn't going to steal anything. Michel called
three of his wrestling teammates who lived nearby who held the man until
NEW YORK - A car thief
was all smiles while he took pictures of himself stealing a car, until
he forgot to take the camera. While driving the car on the Belt Parkway
in Queens, the young crook reportedly picked up a camera that was inside
the car and took two photos while he was at the wheel. The stolen car
was found in Nassau County a month later, with the camera still inside.
The victim didn't notice the two exposures and brought the film in for
development a few months later. She thought she had the wrong film when
the unfamiliar face appeared in her photos.
OHIO - 17-year-old
professional wrestling fan Andrew Teausch and several of his friends decided
to hold a mock wrestling match in the front yard. Teausch was planning
to debut a new stunt where he leaped from the roof of his house onto a
folding table which he had doused in gasoline and set on fire. While his
friends videotaped him, the boy jumped from the roof, crashing into the
flames below, setting most of his clothes on fire. Amazingly enough, Teausch's
father, also a wrestling fan, was witness to the whole event, encouraging
his son's daredevil plans. The younger Teausch received severe burns,
as did the elder Teausch when he tried to extinguish his son. The authorities
have demanded the tape as evidence of child endangerment.
- The nation recently mourned the death of one of its brightest shining
intellectual stars. Johan Unterwald was described by college professors
as "the next Albert Einstein" and a brilliant mathematician.
It seems Johan made at least one fatal math error. He took a 250 ft. bungee
jump with a 300 foot bungee cord. He died immediately on impact.
A hermit living outside
Caracas, Venezuela, bet his neighbors that he could prove his supernatural
abilities by hypnotizing a jaguar. The man lost the bet and his left arm
when the jaguar failed to notice his hypnotic powers....
Tolltaker Delays Firefighters
Manchester - Things were almost cat-strophic when two-year-old Laura Jones
threw Simba in the wash machine to clean off its muddy paws. Young Jones
reportedly threw the cat in on a 'pre-wash' with the family clothes and
even remembered to add fabric softener. Simba was rescued when Laura's
brother Ben walked in the room and saw what was happening. Their mother
Wendy ran down stairs to see what the commotion was about. "Laura
had used up nearly a whole box of soap powder for the washing, so there
were suds everywhere. When I told the vet what had happened he said it
was a miracle that Simba had survived." Wendy explained.
in Kawasaki, Japan, freed a 5-month-old girl from a coin-operated, 13-by-13-by-24-inch
locker in April after her parents had deposited her there while they had
dinner at a nearby restaurant. The parents were reprimanded, but not arrested.
Malaysia Something strange is happening to the country's executioners
manning the gallows. Three people in the last two years have accidentally
hanged themselves while clowning around. The most recent mishap occurred
when the executioner prepared for an upcoming sentence and slipped the
noose around his neck. Apparently he wanted pictures taken of himself
standing on the gallows when the trap door gave way, breaking his neck
Illinois - A 15-year-old girl apologized in court for beating up her 18-year-old
boyfriend for not kissing her. The drunken girl gave the young man quite
a walloping that left him with two black eyes and to make matters worse,
she later told police he tried to rape her. He was cleared of the charges
when an examination revealed no evidence of sexual assault. The young
man told police he never fought back because he was taught not to hit
a woman. The girl confessed to the judge that she needs to learn to control
Germany - A couple's heated discussion about sex turned explosive after
the man accidentally set fire to a can of petrol. The 31-year-old man
had taken his 17-year-old girlfriend to a hotel in Hamburg for a romantic
rendezvous when an argument erupted. The man attempted to coerce his lover
by threatening to ignite a can of gasoline. His bravado obviously got
the better of him. Both were reported to have sustained serious injuries
in the explosion and the hotel room was completely trashed.
CUTUD, Philippines - Some people will do anything to move closer to God.
Bus driver Chito Sangalang had a unique idea. On Good Friday, he dressed
up like Jesus and performed a special penance ritual. He had people nail
him to a cross. After several minutes, Sangalang was rushed to a local
hospital to attend to his newly created stigmata.
Canada - Only in Canada would someone ask their friend to shoot him, not
once but twice, to test a bullet proof vest. The man from Swan River,
Manitoba put on the vest and asked his friend to shoot him in the chest
with a .22-caliber rifle while a third man videoed the experiment. Then,
he asked him to shoot him again, this time with a 12-gauge shotgun in
the back. He put a telephone book under the vest due to the gun's greater
firepower, but still suffered cracked ribs and bruises. The men face a
firearm prohibition hearing in January to consider whether they should
be allowed to handle guns.
Chester, PA - In an old issue of Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality (1990)
it was reported by a urologist that a man had checked himself into an
emergency room with pain resulting from a swollen and apparently lacerated
scrotum. Days after the doctor repaired the patient's condition, the man
confided that he had been masturbating by holding his penis against the
canvas drive-belt of a piece of machinery at work during his lunch hour
when he leaned too close as he approached orgasm and suffered an industrial
accident. He then used a heavy-duty stapling gun to close his wound.
- A jilted German man had second thoughts over a suicide attempt, however,
he nearly died in an explosion in his apartment only minutes later. The
35-year-old man decided to end his life after being left by his girlfriend.
He had turned on all the gas taps in the cellar of the building but changed
his mind about killing himself and turned them off again. Unaware the
block was still full of gas, he lit a cigarette, causing an explosion
that destroyed the building's roof and several walls. No one was seriously
injured in the blast, however, the man was still taken into custody for
ST JOHN, Florida - A Florida man was in for quite a shock after climbing
a power plant transformers to avoid being caught by police. The 35-year-old
man was being pursued by police officers in Port St John, Florida, after
a domestic dispute with his estranged wife. He slashed all four tires
on their car, ripped off the windshield wipers and fled before the police
arrived. To avoid being caught, the man climbed over a barbed wire fence
surrounding a Florida Power and Light power plant. According to Deputy
Bruce Dowdy, "There was a loud boom and a puff of smoke," said
Deputy Bruce Dowdy. "We observed him coming out of the power structure
on fire." About two-third of homeowners in the outlying area lost
power for about 30 minutes following the incident. The man, who remained
conscious, burned most of his upper body and head.
Romania - While engaged in the heat of passion, a 41-year-old man suffocated
to death from car exhaust fumes in his own garage. Vasile Cotovanu started
the engine of his car to keep warm while having sex to 35-year-old neighbor
Viorica Muresan. Obviously engrossed in what they were doing, neither
noticed that they were suffocating. The pair was found by the man's son
who called an ambulance. Muresan remains in a coma in a nearby hospital.
Illinois - A 22-year-old man died Christmas Eve when a friend tried to
shoot a plastic cup off of his head William Tell style. Police are searching
for Adrian Lorenzo Quintana-Galindo, 22, who put a plastic cup on his
friend Manuel Dominguez-Quintero and then fired a shot from a .25-caliber
semi-automatic pistol at it. However, the bullet hit Dominguez-Quintero
in the head and he was dead by the time police arrived. Meanwhile, Quintana-Galindo
apparently dropped the gun and ran away. Investigators are still trying
to calculate how far apart the two men were when the shooting occurred.
- A Missouri man was arrested for displaying his "assets" in
the crowded lobby of a courthouse. Daniel Everett reportedly dropped his
trousers and took a picture of his buttocks on a photocopier inside the
federal law building. Everett told officers that he wanted to make copies
of his backside as a practical joke for his girlfriend. The joke was on
him when he was arrested while in the process of making further copies
of his initial 'work of art'. According to Police Chief Richard Morris,
the photocopy was described as a "big, black blob."
Texas - A 19-year-old Houston boy gambled and lost big time when he decided
to play Russian roulette with a .45-caliber semiautomatic pistol. The
young man, was visiting friends when he announced his intention to play
the deadly game. He apparently did not realize that a semiautomatic, unlike
a revolver, automatically inserts a cartridge into the firing chamber
when the gun is cocked. He apparently lost the game, and his life, all
in one shot.
Florida - A drunken man in Orlando must have had his beer goggles on too
tight when he stumbled out of the Eight Seconds bar on Livingston Street
and attacked a five-foot lizard statue. The amorous embrace snapped the
statue from its base which in turn sent both the drinker and the lizard
crashing to the ground. The city reportedly has 60 of these huge lizard
statues on its streets as part of an arts project and are said to cost
approximately $3,800 a piece. Sergeant Scott Boos described the man as
being "a little drunk" and was perhaps looking for "a little
lizard love." No charges have been made against the man, however,
city authorities may seek money to repair the statue.
Pennsylvania - And now for Excedrin Headache #272: Just ask 25-year-old
William Bartron. Last week Bartron severed his hand clean off while working
with a miter saw in a friend's basement. Apparently the pain was so terrible
that he tried to end his torment with a pneumatic nail gun. When he was
finally found Bartron had at least a dozen 1-inch nails protruding from
his head. Miraculously he survived. He underwent emergency surgery to
reattach the hand and was last reported in stable condition.
CITY - The alleged unlawful dismissal of two Mexico City policemen had
one of the disgruntled officers in stitches. Jose Gonzalez, who claims
he and nine of his colleagues were fired by a corrupt superior officer,
marched through Mexico City streets bearing a wooden cross before reaching
the capital's main square for his planned ritual crucifixion. In front
of a group of curios onlookers, officer Humberto Vazquez uses a nylon
thread to sew his own mouth shut, then attempted to nail Gonzalez to the
makeshift cross. Authorities arrived in time to prevent the crucifixion.
Arkansas - "Opps" followed by a few other choice words were
probably the expressions used by a demolition crew after realizing they
accidentally knocked down the wrong house. Johnny Mack Richardson, of
Richardson Environmental and Excavating Services in Texarkana, Arkansas,
told reporters that they had been sitting on the street when they made
a call to City Hall asking if they had the right house. "They asked
us if there were trees covering it up, and we said yes. They said: Then
you're at the right place." Richard concluded by saying, "Evidently
there were two houses that were covered by trees."
- A hungry party-goer in Austria got in trouble with the Heat when he
decided to defrost a frozen doughnut with a candle. The 19-year-old fire
starter evidentially was not satisfied with the snacks provided at the
party he was attending at the Ferstl Palace in Vienna, so he began rummaging
through the kitchen. Upon finding a doughnut in the freezer and apparently
with no microwave in sight, he brought the pastry into the living room
to defrost it with a candle. However, in the process he ignited a sofa
and the blaze quickly spread to wood paneling. Some 600 guests were evacuated
from the building without incident, however, the young man was injured
as he tried unsuccessfully to extinguish the blaze before it could spread
COUNTY, Indiana - A 19-year-old Indiana man entered a "Face-Off"
with a loaded firearm and lost. After having apparent trouble firing the
gun, Gregory David Pryor decided to look down the barrel to find the source
of the problem. Apparently it was just a user error, because the gun fired
and shot him in the face.
a forty-two year old construction worker was driving down a crowded street
when he crashed into a parked car along the side of the street. There
were two people inside getting ready to drive off. Jake had his pants
unbuckled and was semi-conscious when the police arrived on the scene.
- A Taiwanese woman learned the hard way of how not to reach out to touch
someone. Doctors at the Taipei Medical University hospital had to surgically
remove a Nokia cell phone from the 20-year-old's rectum after it became
stuck there during a bizarre sex game with her boyfriend. Hospital staffers
speculated that the phone was used as a stimulatory device because of
its vibrating feature.
New Jersey - A New Jersey man became the "butt" of a bad practical
joke after being shot to death during a party at his home. Anthony Saduk
Jr., 29, and his roommate, Wesley Geisinger, 31, were reportedly hosting
a party at their home on Freemont Avenue when Saduk loaded a muzzleloader
rifle with cigarette butts and paper towel wadding. Saduk aimed and fired
the rifle at Geisinger, who was standing nearby, and he was hit in the
chest. Geisinger collapsed and was later pronounced dead at the scene.
Autopsy reports show that three cigarette butts had penetrated his rib
cage directly above his heart, causing his death. Saduk has been charged
with aggravated manslaughter, in addition to two counts of aggravated
assault in connection with another incident at the party where he shot
at Geisinger and Joseph Johnson, 32, with a .44-caliber muzzleloader pistol
loaded with gunpowder.
JUNE 5, 2000
- An unfortunate 23-year-old Australian man proved the hard way that all
things that go up must come down. The young man was preparing to enter
the elevator when he inadvertently dropped his keys under the elevator.
Being on the first floor, he had his two friends hold the elevator so
he could climb out via the escape door in the ceiling and shimmy down
to retrieve his keys. However, the trio forgot to tell the people in the
other elevator to hold theirs, and it began to move, crushing the young
man to death. It took rescuers several hours to extract the broken body,
and two minutes to get his keys.
China - A group of Bengal tigers were not happy when their keeper tried
to use their "litter box." Xu Xiaodong, 19, appears to have
climbed the railings of the Bengal tiger cage and pulled his trousers
down. Evidence at the scene of the death at the Jinan animal park included
toilet paper, excrement and a trouser belt. Zoo officials found the young
man's blood soaked body lying on the ground surrounded by tigers. Police
believe Xu climbed the wall of a partially constructed building used to
raise the tigers to relieve himself. They said the smell probably caused
the tigers to pounce.
Australia - Common sense tells us that gasoline is a volatile substance
and should be kept away from an open flame. To prove that common sense
is in incredibly short supply, a 40-year-old drunken Australian blew himself
in the air after lighting a cigarette while filling a gas can. The petrol
exploded, his car burst into flames and the man was blown 15 feet through
the air. To add insult to injury the he came crashing to earth on a nest
of angry ants. According to the police, the man only suffered minor burns
and did not require hospital treatment. He was later charged with drunk-driving,
driving without a license and driving an unregistered vehicle.
Texas - Where is the best place to sleep outdoors in Texas? One would
think it would not be actually "on" a set of train tracks, but
apparently several illegal aliens and homeless people had that exact idea.
The belief is that poisonous snakes will not cross over the tracks. Six
alleged illegal aliens were hiding from the reptiles one night when a
freight train passed through the area. Spokeswoman for the Border Control
Letty Garza said, "The train crew saw some debris on the tracks.
The next split-second they saw heads raise up, and then six people were
killed instantly." On the plus side, no snake bites were discovered
on the bodies.
is One Thing - Stupidity is Another
North Carolina - Walter Andrew Everhart, 36, conveniently claims he does
not recall urinating in an aisle during an airline flight. Everhart simultaneously
took pain killers and drank alcohol, which supposedly caused him to black
out. A federal judge sentenced him to 19 months jail time for urinating
and starting fights with other passengers. Apparently Everhart also kicked
the seat of a pregnant woman. The act was so violent that it threw her
from the seat. The defendant does not remember this either. According
to witnesses, it took half a dozen police officers to restrain him.
27, 2000 - A "tough guy" in Cambodia reportedly tried to prove
his strength by standing underneath a hornets' nest while his friends
pelted it with rocks. However, his strength proved to be no match when
dozens of big, angry hornets descended upon the tough guy and proceeded
to sting him, repeatedly. He eventually died of a toxic reaction to the
thousands of stings.
- Here's how not to kill a flesh eating fish. Tsang Kin-keung reportedly
imported live piranha from a market, and left them to die on the floor
of his home in Hong Kong before eating them. Neglecting to make sure
that the carnivorous fish was actually dead, Kin-keung picked one up and
was bitten on the finger. The 45-year-old gourmet had to be taken to the
hospital for treatment.
- They say that the power of prayer is important and can be done anywhere,
but the middle of a busy highway may not be the best place. An offshoot
group of Jehovah's Witnesses decided to test their faith by standing in
traffic and lost one of their members when she was struck by a vehicle
on Interstate 55 in Illinois while professing her beliefs to the passing
motorists. It was not her first attempt to win converts in the middle
of the busy freeway, but it was certainly her last.
- This sounds like it should have happened in Alabama. During the reception,
a guest at a New Zealand wedding bit the bridegroom's scrotum during an
argument between the man and the bride's sister. The brawl escalated even
further when the groom's brother was kicked in the head, an injury which
left him concussed, suffering memory loss and needing five stitches to
his jaw. The unruly guest was later charged with two counts of assault
and possession of a knife.
- An L.A. woman got zapped during an attempt to exterminate bugs in her
home. The woman, whose identity was not immediately released, activated
30 fogger-style "bug bombs" in her home, including one in the
kitchen area. Some sort of ignition source triggered an explosion that
authorities say burned the woman, shattered the windows and lifted the
roof three inches. According to fire spokesman Jim Wells, no more than
three or four foggers should have been used and the blast caused about
$30,000 damage to the 800-square-foot home.
KONG - To protest his Social Security allotment, 52-year-old Lam Leung-wai
set himself on fire at the Social Welfare Department headquarters. Later,
while recovering at the hospital, Police charged him with arson. Welfare
advocates call the charge inhumane and unreasonable. Police explained
that the protestor started a fire on the 24th floor of the building and
then purposely leapt into it, thus constituting at least a holding arson
charge. A spokesman for the Department of Justice says the charge is not
final, though. He explained, "A holding charge means that the police
preliminarily find that the man should be charged. But it can only be
finalized after consulting us."
Maryland man called 911 and reported, "You gotta put out the fire,
man. My marijuana plants are burning." When the fire-fighters
team arrived they found the man sitting in his kitchen, in the dark, strumming
- It could be considered the ultimate "congealed" weapon - 320
pounds of raw, body fat. Andrew Baldry, who is of the aforementioned weight,
performed a belly-flop on 140 pound co-worker Christopher Purvis at the
meat packing plant in Beccles, eastern England. Purvis said the 6-foot-2
Baldry, nicknamed "Honey Monster," belly-flopped on top of him
as three other workers pinned him down. He suffered cracked ribs and has
not returned to work since the incident last June. Judge John Holt of
Bury St. Edmunds Crown Court ordered Baldry to perform 180 hours community
service and to pay Purvis $1,000 in a ruling this past Wednesday.
twenty-year-old inmate of the Stevens Point Jail, had a clever scheme
to escape from prison. He would pretend to be crazy in order to be transferred
to the minimum-security mental health facility, from which it would be
easier to engineer an escape. What would a crazy person do if he were
trapped in jail? Joseph pondered the question, then decided to hang himself
with a bed sheet until he was unconscious, while his bunkmate alerted
officials, who would cut him down and hopefully send him to the nuthouse.
His scheme had one major flaw in that it worked faster then he anticipated.
He hanged himself and was taken to the freedom of a grave the very next
Chokes To Death While Swallowing Perch
Students at Oak Grove Middle School in Florida got more than they bargained
for when they borrowed a videotape from their teacher. The instructor,
Bernard G. Tschiderer, gave them a tape so they could film scenes for
a school project, but apparently "forgot" the tape showed him
masturbating. When the students went to view their work, they allegedly
saw the teacher in action. According to Michael Bessette, an administrator
in the district's office of professional standards, the tape also shows
the teacher on his bed wearing only boxers with a cat on his lap. Tschiderer
has decided to retire, and police are looking into the situation to determine
if a crime was committed.
COUNTY, Florida - An identified man has become the sixth person to have
survived a suicide attempt off of the Skyway Bridge over Tampa Bay. After
a 200 foot decline into the bay, the man reportedly hit the water with
such an impact that his clothing was ripped off. Witnesses say that after
his jump he was able to swim about 40 yards to nearby rocks. He told rescuers:
"I'm hurt bad!" A member of a St. Petersburg fire department
told reporters that it's a miracle he survived the jump. Statistics show
that the structure is the third-deadliest bridge for suicides in the country,
following The Golden Gate Bridge and San Diego's Coronado Bridge respectively.
Texas - Last week two Dallas disc jockeys, Keith Kramer and Tony Longo
(aka Kramer & Twitch from the "Extreme Night Time Radio"
show), fabricated a story about pop princess Britney Spears and her NSync
boyfriend Justin Timberlake being in an accident. They reported Spears
died, while Timberlake remained in a coma. Shortly after, the Los Angeles
police and fire department were swamped with calls from fans and news
reporters trying to confirm the story. The disc jockeys were fired this
week for the hoax even though they claim to have had clearance to run
the story from the program director. Meanwhile, a spokesman for Jive Records
have said representatives of Spears and Timberlake are considering legal
action against the DJs.
15, 2001 - A drunken Egyptian man apparently drowned after he and a friend
tried to avoid paying their $180 bar tab by jumping in the Nile. The 27-year-old
taxi driver reportedly misjudged his ability to stay afloat while his
Canada - A 28-year-old man from Alberta wanted to have his testicles removed
immediately because he felt "the testosterone was poisoning his body."
He found a website on the internet about human castration that was hosted
by former chef Gary Gillingwater, who claims he learned all about the
procedure by practicing on farm animals as a child. The two men met in a
hotel room in Fort Qu'Appelle, Saskatchewan, where Gillingwater carried
out the procedure without the use of anesthetics. Gillingwater plead guilty
to causing bodily harm before a provincial count and received an 18-month
suspended sentence and was ordered to perform community service.
Hidden in Oven Blow up Kitchen
CAROLINA - A South Carolina man tried to take a picture of his "pet"
snake, a deadly Asiatic spitting cobra, but was bitten on the thumb in
the process. Teddy Terrants, 21, was paralyzed and on a ventilator before
being flown to Kendall Regional Medical Center Thursday and administered
the anti-venom. He did not regain consciousness until after receiving
10 vials of the anti-venom. He said at first the bite felt like a bee
sting. "I didn't feel nothing. I sat down. I was under the air condition(er).
I just started sweating. Pouring sweat." he said. The man refuses
to blame his pet snake. "Not the snake's fault. My fault. I shouldn't
have been messing around his pen," he said. Terrants' wife is nine
months pregnant and wants to get rid of the snake. He refuses.
Germany - The city has been abuzz about a neighboring town's pig incident.
It seems that two animal rights protesters broke into a slaughterhouse
to free thousands of pigs before they met their fate. Armed with bolt
cutters, they managed to clear the way for the soon to be liberated pigs.
As the doors opened, a stampede of pork rushed through the opening, trampling
the crusading protesters and crushing them to death.
- Eliza Grose, 84, and her daughter Marcina Collins, 55, ended up in court
to settle a family dispute. It seems that the two got in a brawl over
who was to prepare supper. Grose reportedly struck the first blow with
a rock-hard frozen chicken and a rolling pin, which Collins retaliated
by hitting her mother repeatedly in the head with a meat tenderizer. Collins
hit her mother so hard that she spent 11 days in intensive care and almost
four months in hospital. Collins admitted causing grievous bodily harm
and was given a 12-month jail sentence, suspended for two years.
Know, I Think I'll Light Up a Joint...
Pennsylvania - Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to be shot?
Well Phil Horner did and wanted to do something about it, so he took a
gun and shot himself in the shoulder. While this may sound bizarre, it
gets even more weird. Recently a 911 call came in to dispatch and an ambulance
was once again sent to the Horner residence. It seems that he shot himself
one more time. The reason? In his own words, "I wanted to see if
it hurt as much as it did the first time."
- "Is it worth risking your life and the lives of rescue personnel
for a 10-dollar baseball cap?" This question was on the minds of
rescue workers after a 26-year-old man fell 85 feet into the summit crater
of a volcano while trying to retrieve his baseball cap. Hawaii's Kilauea
Volcano has reportedly been erupting since January 3, 1983. Luckily, a
tree broke Scott Larson's fall, or park rangers say he would have fallen
another 100 feet. A paramedic and park ranger were lowered by rope and
harness to reach Larson and all three were raised to safety. Larson walked
to a waiting ambulance and was taken to a nearby hospital for treatment
of a broken toe, cuts and bruises. The team of the cap was not disclosed.
- The shortest distance between two points is not always the best way
to travel. Just ask this 35-year-old man from Norway. The thirsty gent
apparently thought a one-mile swim along the Skagerrak coast would be
faster than walking through the center of town to purchase beer. He reportedly
tied his shoes round his neck and gripped his credit card between his
teeth while swimming. He still hadn't reached his destination after two
hours and was being pulled off course by strong currents. Witnesses called
the police and he was taken to safety.
YORK - A 32-year-old man reportedly stripped down to his boxer shorts
and climbed into the gorilla enclosure at the Bronx Zoo, saying he wanted
to be "at one with the monkeys." A worker at the zoo herded
the gorillas into their feeding cages before the man could get near them.
He was arrested after about 15 minutes and was taken to an area hospital
for a psychiatric evaluation.
8, 2001 - Apparently, a 60-year-old man's alleged suicide didn't work
out as he had planned but was effective nonetheless. According to Sgt.
Randy Lascuraim of the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department, it seemed
like the man intended to impale himself by fastening a 3-foot pole to
the dashboard of his car and ramming the vehicle into a pillar of the
Orange (57) Freeway at about 40 mph. However, the metal bar, pointing
at the man's neck, somehow missed as he was thrust into the steering wheel,
which in itself caused enough injury to kill him. The man carried no identification
and sheriff's homicide detectives are investigating his identity and a
possible motive for the crash.