Y2K Humor

Automated Payroll Processing
A Rare Archaeological Find
Y to K Compliance
A Cute Y2K Cartoon
Y2K Toilet Paper
The Best Ways to Prepare for Y2K

Automated Payroll Processing

January 1, 2000

Dear Valued Employee:
Re: Vacation Pay

Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over
the past 100 year(s). As I'm sure you are aware, employees are
granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off.
One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service. Please
either take 9,400 days off work or notify our office and your next pay
cheque will reflect payment of $8,277,432.22 which will include all
pay and interest for the past 1,200 months. Sincerely,

Automated Payroll Processing

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A Rare Archaeological Find

While browsing through some dust-covered archival material in the recesses of the Roman Section of the British Museum a researcher recently came across a tattered bit of parchment. After some effort he translated it and found it was a letter from a man called Plutonius with the title of "magister factorium", or keeper of the calendar, to one Cassius. It was dated, strangely enough, 1 BC, January 6, or 2,000 years ago today. The text of the message follows:

Dear Cassius,

Are you still working on the Y zero K problem? The change from BC to AD is giving us a lot of headaches and we haven't much time left.

I don't know how people will cope with working the wrong way around. Having been working happily downwards forever, now we have to start thinking upwards. You would think that someone would have thought of it earlier and not left it to us to sort it all out at the last minute.

I spoke to Caesar the other evening. He was livid that Julius hadn't done something about it when he was sorting out the calendar. He said he could see why Brutus had turned nasty. We called in the consulting astrologers, but they simply said that continuing downwards using minus BC won't work. As usual the consultants charged a fortune for doing nothing

As for myself, I just can't see the sand in an hour glass flowing upwards. We have heard that there are three wise men in the East who have been working on the problem, but unfortunately they won't arrive until it's all over. Some say the world will cease to exist at the moment of transition.

We're continuing to work on the Y zero K problem and I'll send you a
parchment if anything develops.

Best regards,

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Y to K Compliance

I hope I haven't misunderstood the instructions.

Because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem makes any sense to me.

At any rate I am now Y to K compliant and have finished converting all the months on all my calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following new months:



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Y2K Toilet Paper


Please take time out of your busy lives to check your toilet paper supply. Make sure it is Y2K compliant! Word has it that, if it isn't, come Jan 1, 2000 it will roll back to 1900 and turn into a Sears Catalog.
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The Best Ways to Prepare for Y2K:

1. Fatten up your closest friends. You may need them later. (Just think "mmm, filet of Steve")

2. Run to the bank and withdraw as much cash as you can carry. Be sure to yell, "I'm going to the bank to withdraw as much cash as I can carry!"

3. Have a ski mask and baseball bat handy. You won't want to miss out on all the looting fun.

4. Dig an underground bomb shelter. If there is no nuclear disaster, at least you'll have an underground bomb shelter. How cool is that?

5. Protect your water supply. Put a drop of yellow food coloring in every container.

6. Get some carrier pigeons. They'll be your best form of communication. They also taste like chicken.

7. Get one of those Indiglo Watches. When we have the big power failure, who's gonna know what time it is? You are, that's who.

8. Buy lots of Spam. It will be the world's new currency.

9. Punch a computer programmer. Why? Why not?

10. Stock up on cat food. No, it's not for feeding cats. It's for catching them (if you know what I mean).

11. Collect all the spoons you can. Why? Because right now spoons are everywhere, But after January 1st, who knows?

12. Move to Canada. Nothing bad ever happens to those guys.

13. Visit a fertility clinic. It may be up to you alone to replenish the earth.

14. Make friends with the Amish. Because after December 31st, we're all Amish.

15. Hunker down. Then hunker down some more. We just like to say "Hunker Down." Try it, it's fun!

16. Break it to your kids that the world may end. Start by telling them there is no Santa Claus. That way, the news won't seem so bad.

17. Crawl into the fetal position and practice screaming: We're all gonna die! We're all gonna die!

18. Stock up on earplugs. If you hear "Party Like it's 1999" one more time.....

19. Pray. This does no good if you're in advertising, they're all going to hell regardless.
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200 canned hams
100lbs. dried beans
2000 gal. fresh water(including underground tank)
5000 watt propane generator
75 MRE'S
800 assorted canned vegetables
8 cases sterno (24 per case)
18 boxes matches
2000 rounds of 45 caliber bullets
10 cases 12 ga. shotgun shells
50 "D" cell batts.
75 "AA" batts.
47 "AAA" batts.
1 solar powered radio
4 cases powdered protein
1 milk cow
1 bull
7 laying hens
1 rooster
40x60 underground shelter (with separate livestock quarters)
1 wood burning stove
8 cords wood
43 assorted magazines (12 adult related)
12 flashlights
8 kerosene lamps
16 military blankets
many other misl. survival items.

All items sold together or separately. Bids will be accepted starting 1/2/00. Serious inquiries only.

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